Broaching the subject of her weight gain

[james_tigerwoods]

Spare tyre said:

Write a letter from the council describing how to apply for new postcodes for her arse extension that looks like it's underway

When she walks backwards say "beep beep beep"

[DannyScene]

If she asks if her bum looks big in this 100% do not answer 'hang on love let me get back far enough to get it all in view'

She won't like that

[Zod]

Buy some planks, push back the sofa and nail them to the floor under her seat. Trim to size and use the offcuts to screw to the seat, back and legs of her dining chair.

[LotusMartin]

When she asks - "Does this skirt make my bum look big?"

The response better not be - "Big, or Bigger?"

.
.
.
Yes - it stung..

[Silverbullet767]

Take a leaf from Al Bundy in Married with Children, when he was arguing with a fat woman in the shoe shop he called her fat when she had her back to her. She turned around and said 'why don't you say that to my face' He replies 'I would have, but my car only had half a tank of gas'

It could work.

[Spare tyre]

LotusMartin said:

When she asks - "Does this skirt make my bum look big?"

The response better not be - "Big, or Bigger?"

.
.
.
Yes - it stung..

Or just say your bum is big, nothing to do with the skirt

[james_tigerwoods]

My ex wife tried a dress on in River Island - My opinion? "It makes your hips look big". The words just slipped out of my mouth before my brain could stop me.

There was stunned silence from the (many) women there and some snickering from the men.

She bought the dress anyway.

[dudleybloke]

Start calling sex "harpooning" or "slapping the belly and riding the waves".

[james_tigerwoods]

If she asks "does this make my bum look big" - Answer "no, it's the pies and buns that do"

[Matt_N]

Next time she's in the mood and suggests you both head upstairs for an 'early' night, answer "be there in a minute dear, I just need to grab a bag of flour".

[boxst]

Matt_N said:

Next time she's in the mood and suggests you both head upstairs for an 'early' night, answer "be there in a minute dear, I just need to grab a bag of flour".

Ewwww... that took me a while to work out!

[Hoofy]

Du1point8 said:

swim several Km along with weights.

Christ, you can hold your breath a long time!

[Axionknight]

Feed her up to be a right porker, crushing her self esteem and self worth.

Then leave, take everything.

[Hoofy]

Axionknight said:

Feed her up to be a right porker, crushing her self esteem and self worth.

Then leave, take everything.

Apart from the reinforced bed and toilet.

[mcelliott]

Ask her if she's ever considered moving to a hot country to sell shade.

[General Price]

Tell her you just watched The Goonies and say,last time we watched that you couldn't do the truffle shuffle.

I bet you can now.

[RobinBanks]

I've trotted this one out before:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_uHg7qx95I

[Hard-Drive]

Go and get her favourite jeans and a stitch unpicker and strategically weaken the stitching around the arse seam. Wait until she next has them on, and ask for a hand unloading the dishwasher.

[Axionknight]

Hoofy said:

Apart from the reinforced bed and toilet.

What about the fridge?

[CountZero23]

RobinBanks said:

I've trotted this one out before:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_uHg7qx95I