Sexlife as parents..frequency. what's 'normal'?

Sexlife as parents..frequency. what's 'normal'?

Author
Discussion

croyde

22,701 posts

229 months

Sunday 11th January 2015
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Never thought about when the kids are in their teens and they are all knowing. Didn't get the chance as once No3 was conceived it all stopped. It was 4 years before we split up.

Mind you before all that it was a once in every couple to three months.

Funny thing is that I was stoically loyal so never strayed even when temptation was put in my path whilst two mates of mine had very public affairs when the sex at home dried up and now they are both back with their wives and it's all happy families and holidays whilst I sit in a tiny flat on my jack paying the mortgage on the home my ex and kids live in.

Life sucks.

Scantily

394 posts

170 months

Sunday 11th January 2015
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Jebus, glad I'm not having any kids. Less than 2-3 times per week and I get seriously grouchy, ideally it's 2-3 times per day.

Assuming you have a healthy libido, seriously how do you put up with weeks/months of abstinence?
I'd be going insane and would have some serious friction burns on my palms.

theshrew

6,008 posts

183 months

Sunday 11th January 2015
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croyde said:
I sit in a tiny flat on my jack paying the mortgage on the home my ex and kids live in.

Life sucks.
Why the hell would you be paying for your ex to live in a house. The kids 100% but feck her.

theshrew

6,008 posts

183 months

Sunday 11th January 2015
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J4CKO said:
Wait until you have teenagers mounting a 24 hour rota to thwart any parental ruttings.
Good point well made byebye

Im sure my Mrs son has a six sense of when I get my acorn wet. If hes out he will come home or if hes in his room he will walk about the house for ages getting a drink etc.

Fecking cock blocker mad

HTP99

22,443 posts

139 months

Sunday 11th January 2015
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J4CKO said:
Wait until you have teenagers mounting a 24 hour rota to thwart any parental ruttings.

Seriously, we have three and it is rare they are all out, or all asleep, they generally have zero consideration for privacy so you have to lock the door.
This.

It is far harder when they are teenagers, particularly when you live in a small house too. The eldest has moved out however the 15 yo daughter is still around, she is up and down and in an out of the bedroom; hers and ours, all the bloody time and when you do finally get the opportunity, either the wife won't relax, as she's still awake (daughter, not wife, well the wife is awake but you know what I mean!) or you get shouted at through the walls "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

All of our friends who have teenage kids say exactly the same thing.

normbates

7 posts

115 months

Monday 12th January 2015
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Three kids - age 5, 3 and 1, I'm 35 she's 38. Last year about once every four months (so 3 times), even less the year before (when the youngest was conceived), similar since 2011. Can't remember what it was like before we had kids, probably a couple of times a month or so.

I've given up initiating anything, and she is only in the mood when she's blind drunk, which somewhat of a turn off when I'm sober. Luckily, she usually falls asleep before we get going, so I can avoid it (I'd rather have none at all than with a drunkard), otherwise she has a right strop. Plus, she hasn't gone back on the pill since the youngest arrived, and I'm not risking a fourth child (at least for while)!

Our middle child only sleeps for 2 hours at a time, and usually ends up in our bed before I go to bed myself. So I normally sleep in his bed instead.

All kind of frustrating because I'd be happy with it every couple of days or so, something which I thought was overly optimistic, until I read what some of you lot manage! Spent a small fortune on sex toys last year, which have been used exactly once. Generally, I'd settle for a wk instead, but one time she woke up whilst I was relieving myself, and that went down like a lead balloon! Think she might have started a thread on mumsnet about it, lol...

anonymous-user

53 months

Monday 12th January 2015
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normbates said:
Three kids - age 5, 3 and 1, I'm 35 she's 38. Last year about once every four months (so 3 times), even less the year before (when the youngest was conceived), similar since 2011. Can't remember what it was like before we had kids, probably a couple of times a month or so.

I've given up initiating anything, and she is only in the mood when she's blind drunk, which somewhat of a turn off when I'm sober. Luckily, she usually falls asleep before we get going, so I can avoid it (I'd rather have none at all than with a drunkard), otherwise she has a right strop. Plus, she hasn't gone back on the pill since the youngest arrived, and I'm not risking a fourth child (at least for while)!

Our middle child only sleeps for 2 hours at a time, and usually ends up in our bed before I go to bed myself. So I normally sleep in his bed instead.

All kind of frustrating because I'd be happy with it every couple of days or so, something which I thought was overly optimistic, until I read what some of you lot manage! Spent a small fortune on sex toys last year, which have been used exactly once. Generally, I'd settle for a wk instead, but one time she woke up whilst I was relieving myself, and that went down like a lead balloon! Think she might have started a thread on mumsnet about it, lol...
Sounds like a very happy marriage you have there.... I know I know nothing about your situation or your relationship but my advice would to be watch out. If she starts taking more interest in her appearance, goes to the gym, starts going out with the girls then I would guess she is looking for male validation. Unfortunately, when a woman says she is not interested in sex, what she really means is she is not interested in sex with you. If this is going to happen, it will happen when your youngest starts going to school and she starts to think about getting her life back.

Isn't it funny that when you are going out with someone, sex is a given but once you are married it is seen as a treat (especially when kids come along)!

I have previously been married and have two children so I have been on both sides of the fence! Currently been seeing a girl for 6 months and at the weekend we went along to a friends child's first birthday party. As pretty much the only couple there without kids I could not believe the reaction of the baby pushers, trying to convince us that getting married and having children is the done thing. Luckily my girlfriend has no desire for kids either and she asked me why all these people are trying to pursuade us to follow their example. My reply was simply that misery loves company....

No way on gods earth would I ever dream of getting myself into that position again.



AndStilliRise

2,295 posts

115 months

Monday 12th January 2015
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2 boys.

I'd say 2/3 times per week. 3 weeks a month.

Can get a bit tiring with the running and gym work but needs must!

smile


Kermit power

28,634 posts

212 months

Monday 12th January 2015
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hora said:
On your first comment- seen that on here and another forum a few times. On your last comment- we had that. Subtle pressure from friends. Now all our friends have two they are telling us all about the benefits of having a second, a sibling, someone there for them when both parents (us) are gone, they play together/look after each other etc etc.

This time we said no, we are enjoying part of our lives back biggrin

Also- don't know if this helps (seen some instances on google of it dropping sexdrive- switching from some forms of the pill to coil may help.
I've got 3, aged 12, 9 & 6.

Whilst I was never really bothered about having kids or not, I've seen far too many single children looking bored out of their minds stuck with just their parents on holidays and desperate for other kids to play with even if they don't share a common language to feel that it would've been anything other than unkind to have a single child. I resisted for a while, hence the age gaps between them, but ultimately it had to be done.

Having said that, whilst I wouldn't give any of them up now we've got them, as the father of three, I can definitely confirm that the ideal number of children is two!!

HTP99

22,443 posts

139 months

Monday 12th January 2015
quotequote all
Kermit power said:
hora said:
On your first comment- seen that on here and another forum a few times. On your last comment- we had that. Subtle pressure from friends. Now all our friends have two they are telling us all about the benefits of having a second, a sibling, someone there for them when both parents (us) are gone, they play together/look after each other etc etc.

This time we said no, we are enjoying part of our lives back biggrin

Also- don't know if this helps (seen some instances on google of it dropping sexdrive- switching from some forms of the pill to coil may help.
I've got 3, aged 12, 9 & 6.

Whilst I was never really bothered about having kids or not, I've seen far too many single children looking bored out of their minds stuck with just their parents on holidays and desperate for other kids to play with even if they don't share a common language to feel that it would've been anything other than unkind to have a single child. I resisted for a while, hence the age gaps between them, but ultimately it had to be done.

Having said that, whilst I wouldn't give any of them up now we've got them, as the father of three, I can definitely confirm that the ideal number of children is two!!
There is 7 years between our two, they are now 22 and 15, given the large age gap they never really got on until a few years ago; the eldest just thought the the youngest was a pain in the arse and never really interacted with her as she was an irritant, so they both really were like single children, hasn't harmed then and as far as I can tell their childhood didn't suffer.

Edited by HTP99 on Monday 12th January 09:18

smifffymoto

4,527 posts

204 months

Monday 12th January 2015
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We have teenagers,they never want to sleep.Read into that what you will.
It was so much easier when they were primary school age!

Rude-boy

22,227 posts

232 months

Monday 12th January 2015
quotequote all
Not a parent - But one question that I wonder when reading these threads (but not tooo hard...) is what are people classing as 'sex' here.

We could be talking about 5 minutes or a couple of hours or more (unlikely for those with kids but...)



soad

32,829 posts

175 months

Monday 12th January 2015
quotequote all
Why not 2/3 times a day?! Sometimes, have a day off if both are feeling tired...by tired, I actually meant being drunk. wink

croyde

22,701 posts

229 months

Monday 12th January 2015
quotequote all
normbates said:
Three kids - age 5, 3 and 1, I'm 35 she's 38. Last year about once every four months (so 3 times), even less the year before (when the youngest was conceived), similar since 2011. Can't remember what it was like before we had kids, probably a couple of times a month or so.

I've given up initiating anything, and she is only in the mood when she's blind drunk, which somewhat of a turn off when I'm sober. Luckily, she usually falls asleep before we get going, so I can avoid it (I'd rather have none at all than with a drunkard), otherwise she has a right strop. Plus, she hasn't gone back on the pill since the youngest arrived, and I'm not risking a fourth child (at least for while)!

Our middle child only sleeps for 2 hours at a time, and usually ends up in our bed before I go to bed myself. So I normally sleep in his bed instead.

All kind of frustrating because I'd be happy with it every couple of days or so, something which I thought was overly optimistic, until I read what some of you lot manage! Spent a small fortune on sex toys last year, which have been used exactly once. Generally, I'd settle for a wk instead, but one time she woke up whilst I was relieving myself, and that went down like a lead balloon! Think she might have started a thread on mumsnet about it, lol...
That sounds like my situation before we split.

Never mind as the ex and her boyfriend share our house with our now teenagers. I'm sure they never get a chance biggrin

Rude-boy

22,227 posts

232 months

Monday 12th January 2015
quotequote all
normbates said:
..... Generally, I'd settle for a wk instead, but one time she woke up whilst I was relieving myself, and that went down like a lead balloon! Think she might have started a thread on mumsnet about it, lol...
This is the kicker for me.

I am a bloke. Sometimes, just sometimes, I want a little 'me time'. You know 5 minutes of selfishness quietly thinking about that night X years ago on the way back from a party down some quite country roads where we happened up on a layby, etc. That sort of thing. Don't want to need to consider others, only myself.

Why is it that blokes aren't more open about this day one? I know a few ladies who are also the same. Love sex, good sex lives, but every so often a little private me only time is called for.

Sorry but I just couldn't cope with living with someone who didn't accept that every so often you need to take matters into your own hands biggrin

PS - perhaps bad form to do it next to them whilst they are sleeping though hehe

Dakkon

7,826 posts

252 months

Monday 12th January 2015
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Three little ones under three, probably average every other day.

daddy cool

3,996 posts

228 months

Monday 12th January 2015
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I dont have kids, but my mate has 2 and has managed to keep up a pretty busy sex life.

His trick was not limiting it to his missus...

okgo

37,857 posts

197 months

Monday 12th January 2015
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The real question - how many times a week do you shun the effort of sex in favour of a five finger shuffle...


Pkh72

1,517 posts

185 months

Monday 12th January 2015
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4 1/2 year old twins here, managing 2/3 times a week at the moment.

okgo

37,857 posts

197 months

Monday 12th January 2015
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Pkh72 said:
4 1/2 year old twins here, managing 2/3 times a week at the moment.
Is 2/3 where you pull out right near the end?