Why can't women give a simple answer to a simple question?
Discussion
HTP99 said:
MC Bodge said:
The almost random, seamless change of subject mid-conversation/mid-sentence is also a trap often set to catch out the unwary, logical man.
My wife goes off on a tangent halfway through telling me something; usually juicy gossip and then completely forgets what she was originally telling me; drives me absolutely f
king nuts. MC Bodge said:
I have found myself nodding to almost all of the posts in this thread....
Something else that I've noticed is that "factual correctness" does not necessarily appear to be important in a "female talking session". Gossip, hearsay, endless speculation and ambiguous, incomplete sentences are the main drivers of the non-communication of information, with many/all parties speaking, but few/none of the parties listening. The result being that some/all parties leaving the "talking session" with a very distorted version of "truth"/events and a belief that all other parties agreed with their own view, apart from one party to whom all other parties had taken (apparently telepathically) a dislike to, and who will be talked about in subsequent "fringe-talking sessions" during which the disliked party may change to another party and allegiances switch.
The intervention of a male trying to offer points of information (in a vain attempt to prevent future misunderstandings) or solutions (to remove the "problem") will not be welcomed and said male will instantly become the disliked party.
As a male with technical and questioning tendencies, with a wife, daughter, mother, mother-in-law, sister, aunties and female friends, I am often baffled by the above, and will probably always be so.
The revered anthropologist, Les Dawson, also observed these phenomena in his great works of TV.
At the risk of becoming the 'disliked party', that pretty accurately sums up many many threads on here... Something else that I've noticed is that "factual correctness" does not necessarily appear to be important in a "female talking session". Gossip, hearsay, endless speculation and ambiguous, incomplete sentences are the main drivers of the non-communication of information, with many/all parties speaking, but few/none of the parties listening. The result being that some/all parties leaving the "talking session" with a very distorted version of "truth"/events and a belief that all other parties agreed with their own view, apart from one party to whom all other parties had taken (apparently telepathically) a dislike to, and who will be talked about in subsequent "fringe-talking sessions" during which the disliked party may change to another party and allegiances switch.
The intervention of a male trying to offer points of information (in a vain attempt to prevent future misunderstandings) or solutions (to remove the "problem") will not be welcomed and said male will instantly become the disliked party.
As a male with technical and questioning tendencies, with a wife, daughter, mother, mother-in-law, sister, aunties and female friends, I am often baffled by the above, and will probably always be so.
The revered anthropologist, Les Dawson, also observed these phenomena in his great works of TV.
Edited by MC Bodge on Saturday 28th February 10:28
PositronicRay said:
HTP99 said:
MC Bodge said:
The almost random, seamless change of subject mid-conversation/mid-sentence is also a trap often set to catch out the unwary, logical man.
My wife goes off on a tangent halfway through telling me something; usually juicy gossip and then completely forgets what she was originally telling me; drives me absolutely fking nuts. If you do the nod and don't listen thing, you later find out that you inadvertently agreed to something.
MC Bodge said:
Something else that I've noticed is that "factual correctness" does not necessarily appear to be important in a "female talking session". Gossip, hearsay, endless speculation and ambiguous, incomplete sentences are the main drivers of the non-communication of information, with many/all parties speaking, but few/none of the parties listening. The result being that some/all parties leaving the "talking session" with a very distorted version of "truth"/events and a belief that all other parties agreed with their own view, apart from one party to whom all other parties had taken (apparently telepathically) a dislike to, and who will be talked about in subsequent "fringe-talking sessions" during which the disliked party may change to another party and allegiances switch.
Female 'conversation' is not about conveying facts. I believe that they are giving the impression, or provoking the response, that they want. The words are pretty much irrelevant.Edited by grumbledoak on Saturday 28th February 22:14
mine drives me mental by never answering a question when I need a straightforward answer.
eg kids parents evening is next tuesday. If I say something like "what time is our appointment?" do you think I'll get a simple answer? Will I fk.
her:
"I told you this the other day why don't you ever listen?"
long-suffering husband:
"I don't think we did decide - I wanted 5pm but you didn't want that time for <whatever reason>. So what time is it?"
her:
"Well you know what time I have to collect her from the child-minder"
me: (who has no idea what time she collects her from child minder)
"err yeah...so what time?"
her:
"This is why its so frustrating talking to you. You never remember what we agreed"
etc
no fking answer. All I need is 4.30 or what the fking ever. The reason I never remember is cos the conversation has gone round 3 thousand fking circles instead of deciding one simple decision.
mental, basically.
eg kids parents evening is next tuesday. If I say something like "what time is our appointment?" do you think I'll get a simple answer? Will I f
k.her:
"I told you this the other day why don't you ever listen?"
long-suffering husband:
"I don't think we did decide - I wanted 5pm but you didn't want that time for <whatever reason>. So what time is it?"
her:
"Well you know what time I have to collect her from the child-minder"
me: (who has no idea what time she collects her from child minder)
"err yeah...so what time?"
her:
"This is why its so frustrating talking to you. You never remember what we agreed"
etc
no f
king answer. All I need is 4.30 or what the fking ever. The reason I never remember is cos the conversation has gone round 3 thousand fking circles instead of deciding one simple decision.mental, basically.
bearman68 said:
hornetrider said:
I'm an engineer. I find problems with stuff and fix things. It's how I'm wired.
She tells me her problems. I offer practical solutions and alternatives. She never listens.
I think it is how they're wired.
Oh. And don't get me started on randomly talking about the shopping while I'm engrossed in a TV programme.
Did smile quite a lot at this. So So trueShe tells me her problems. I offer practical solutions and alternatives. She never listens.
I think it is how they're wired.
Oh. And don't get me started on randomly talking about the shopping while I'm engrossed in a TV programme.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
My wife and I seem to have a pretty good system - she likes to download her thoughts but over the years seems OK with the fact that I won't always maintain eye contact.
So in effect she talks to the side of my head and I listen out for the key information whilst filtering out the rest:
Me: Did you hear from the architect today?
Her: Yup, but I tell you it was all such a rush today... traffic... parking at work... Sandra who I haven't seen for about 2 years... daughter at Uni... haha, the most ridiculous tie... wrong shoes... she's sweet... Paul called to say he'd have the final draft by Thursday, but we need to decide on the roof options...
Me: Cheers, let's look at them after dinner tonight then
Her: Karen's new house is... parents from Dorset?... knew from school... dark oak colour... looks cool as nothing really matches... and kids set the table for dinner
Me: Will do <head for dining room>
Her: <follows>... but the thing that never made sense... why would she even say it?... <heads back towards kitchen> sweetcorn... sink...
Weirdly though, it seems to work for us
I've learnt that only in an emergency will I demand a direct answer and in these few situations she has responded well will bullet point answers.
So in effect she talks to the side of my head and I listen out for the key information whilst filtering out the rest:
Me: Did you hear from the architect today?
Her: Yup, but I tell you it was all such a rush today... traffic... parking at work... Sandra who I haven't seen for about 2 years... daughter at Uni... haha, the most ridiculous tie... wrong shoes... she's sweet... Paul called to say he'd have the final draft by Thursday, but we need to decide on the roof options...
Me: Cheers, let's look at them after dinner tonight then
Her: Karen's new house is... parents from Dorset?... knew from school... dark oak colour... looks cool as nothing really matches... and kids set the table for dinner
Me: Will do <head for dining room>
Her: <follows>... but the thing that never made sense... why would she even say it?... <heads back towards kitchen> sweetcorn... sink...
Weirdly though, it seems to work for us
I've learnt that only in an emergency will I demand a direct answer and in these few situations she has responded well will bullet point answers.
Edited by Matt UK on Sunday 1st March 09:29
MC Bodge said:
I have found myself nodding to almost all of the posts in this thread....
Something else that I've noticed is that "factual correctness" does not necessarily appear to be important in a "female talking session". Gossip, hearsay, endless speculation and ambiguous, incomplete sentences are the main drivers of the non-communication of information, with many/all parties speaking, but few/none of the parties listening.....
Excellent. Something else that I've noticed is that "factual correctness" does not necessarily appear to be important in a "female talking session". Gossip, hearsay, endless speculation and ambiguous, incomplete sentences are the main drivers of the non-communication of information, with many/all parties speaking, but few/none of the parties listening.....
Something I find with my wife is she'll say something, but I won't hear it exactly, so I'll ask her to repeat it. I usually say "What was that?"
And she'll say something different.
I'll ask "Huh?"
She'll say something different again, as if she assumes I did actually hear the first thing.
More often than not I'll eventually end up telling her I haven't got a clue what she is talking about, that "What did you say" means I didn't HEAR the first thing, and at that point I usually get. "Oh, never mind, it doesn't matter" and there is peace and quiet for a few blissful hours.
This evening I asked SWMBO to do a drive by on a property as weare in the process of relocating to another part of the country and she is already working down there.
Me: Did you do the driveb by?
Her: Yes..........
Me: How far out of the way was it?
Her: It wasn't
Me: Ah Okay. So it was on your route home? (didn't look like it on the details)
Her: No
Me: ????????
Her: Well, it was about 10 miles out of my way
Me: So It was out of your way?
He: Yes, but <insert long winded explanation about completely irrelevant stuff>
Me: So 10 miles then
Her: Yes
Me: OK
Me: Did you do the driveb by?
Her: Yes..........
Me: How far out of the way was it?
Her: It wasn't
Me: Ah Okay. So it was on your route home? (didn't look like it on the details)
Her: No
Me: ????????
Her: Well, it was about 10 miles out of my way
Me: So It was out of your way?
He: Yes, but <insert long winded explanation about completely irrelevant stuff>
Me: So 10 miles then
Her: Yes
Me: OK
Cotty said:
Oakey said:
Here you go guys, open the 'what colour is this dress' thread and ask your OH what colour it is, here's how it went for me:
Me: does this dress look white and gold or black and blue to you?
Her: why?
That seems to be a recurring theme. When asked a question the person/lady will ask why, im wondering if its a conditioned reflex. I know a guy who will answer every question with "ehh" so you have to repeat the question. I have stopped repeating the question and he will answer after a few seconds, so he has heard the question but just says "ehh" to everything.Me: does this dress look white and gold or black and blue to you?
Her: why?
Perhaps just give it a few seconds, if you don't get an answer, repeat the question. Otherwise it sounds like one of those never ending conversations people have with children, where every answer is answered by "why".
But us males can be just as bad by requiring brevity.
The Senior Partner at work has a habit of asking questions where he wants brief answers - but the answer is never brief.
For example:
SP: "Can we do this?
Me: "Yes b.."
SP: "...That's all I need to know. Let's get on with it. When will it be done?"
Me: "But it carries some risk."
SP: "Risk? What risk? Why didn't you tell me there was a risk?"
He hates people wibbling on but often won't listen long enough to get the complete picture.
The Senior Partner at work has a habit of asking questions where he wants brief answers - but the answer is never brief.
For example:
SP: "Can we do this?
Me: "Yes b.."
SP: "...That's all I need to know. Let's get on with it. When will it be done?"
Me: "But it carries some risk."
SP: "Risk? What risk? Why didn't you tell me there was a risk?"
He hates people wibbling on but often won't listen long enough to get the complete picture.
AstonZagato said:
But us males can be just as bad by requiring brevity.
The Senior Partner at work has a habit of asking questions where he wants brief answers - but the answer is never brief.
For example:
SP: "Can we do this?
Me: "Yes b.."
SP: "...That's all I need to know. Let's get on with it. When will it be done?"
Me: "But it carries some risk."
SP: "Risk? What risk? Why didn't you tell me there was a risk?"
He hates people wibbling on but often won't listen long enough to get the complete picture.
Tricky one that you can manage.The Senior Partner at work has a habit of asking questions where he wants brief answers - but the answer is never brief.
For example:
SP: "Can we do this?
Me: "Yes b.."
SP: "...That's all I need to know. Let's get on with it. When will it be done?"
Me: "But it carries some risk."
SP: "Risk? What risk? Why didn't you tell me there was a risk?"
He hates people wibbling on but often won't listen long enough to get the complete picture.
SP: "Can we do this"
You: "With risk"
SP: "What risk"
AstonZagato said:
That would get an irate "can we do this, yes or no?"
One of the contracts i worked at this summer had a boss that needed yes/no and a client that needed everything in minute detail. A briefing with both of them was beyond frustrating to hold but if you were lucky enough to just witness it then it was great entertainment.
Me - The answer is 42.
Boss - 42?
me - Yes.
Client - can you break that 42 down by time and location?
me - 22 in location A at 09:00, 20 in location B at 10:30.
Boss - Right, you said 42, then 22 then 20. So do we need 42, 22 or 20?
me -
Client - That's 84, how are we breaking that figure down?
me -
Amazingly the system worked for them.
Cotty said:
That seems to be a recurring theme. When asked a question the person/lady will ask why, im wondering if its a conditioned reflex. I know a guy who will answer every question with "ehh" so you have to repeat the question. I have stopped repeating the question and he will answer after a few seconds, so he has heard the question but just says "ehh" to everything.
Perhaps just give it a few seconds, if you don't get an answer, repeat the question. Otherwise it sounds like one of those never ending conversations people have with children, where every answer is answered by "why".
Now I think if it, my dad was an instructor in the RAF for most of his life, and ran several 'assertiveness' classes. He told me one little 'trick' that people use to establish a sort of dominance order in certain situations, is to always ask the person to repeat a question, for the sole reason that it gives you time to think more carefully of the answer and you can give a quick and concise response, and sound more learned....Perhaps just give it a few seconds, if you don't get an answer, repeat the question. Otherwise it sounds like one of those never ending conversations people have with children, where every answer is answered by "why".
I can't actually think very well when someone is speaking to me.
robinessex said:
Cotty said:
Oakey said:
Here you go guys, open the 'what colour is this dress' thread and ask your OH what colour it is, here's how it went for me:
Me: does this dress look white and gold or black and blue to you?
Her: why?
That seems to be a recurring theme. When asked a question the person/lady will ask why, im wondering if its a conditioned reflex. I know a guy who will answer every question with "ehh" so you have to repeat the question. I have stopped repeating the question and he will answer after a few seconds, so he has heard the question but just says "ehh" to everything.Me: does this dress look white and gold or black and blue to you?
Her: why?
Perhaps just give it a few seconds, if you don't get an answer, repeat the question. Otherwise it sounds like one of those never ending conversations people have with children, where every answer is answered by "why".
No, it turns out after mentioning it to her, that she just seems to respond to a question with "Huh?", pausing a moment then answering. So now I just ask the question and wait for an answer, only repeating myself if she specifically states she misheard or doesn't understand.
PositronicRay said:
AstonZagato said:
That would get an irate "can we do this, yes or no?"
Sounds like one for "The Peter principle" (everyone one gets promoted to their level of incompetence) Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff