Daughter ostracised at school
Discussion
Mobile Chicane said:
My experiences at school were very similar to Ali's only thank Heavens in those days it stopped at the school gate and didn't continue via Faceache, Twitter etc.
This is a good point.OP have you talked to your daughter about this? If these girls are sending threats online to your daughter they are definitely breaking the law.
OP, i haven't read all the replies but my daughter went through exactly the same at the same age and asked us not to get involved, we advised her to go to the library at break times (that wasn't much help).
We approached my daughters form tutor and explained the situation and asked if she could help. The form tutor got all the girls together along with my daughter for a chat and said she had noticed that they were being mean, they talked it out and the problem was solved. I was surprised but it worked. Maybe your school could use a similar approach, it is a horrible situation.
We approached my daughters form tutor and explained the situation and asked if she could help. The form tutor got all the girls together along with my daughter for a chat and said she had noticed that they were being mean, they talked it out and the problem was solved. I was surprised but it worked. Maybe your school could use a similar approach, it is a horrible situation.
AndrewEH1 said:
Mobile Chicane said:
My experiences at school were very similar to Ali's only thank Heavens in those days it stopped at the school gate and didn't continue via Faceache, Twitter etc.
This is a good point.OP have you talked to your daughter about this? If these girls are sending threats online to your daughter they are definitely breaking the law.
macp said:
Firstly I want to say how amazed I am by the responses received it really humbled me so thankyou to one and all.
Going back to the comments regarding striking back one of the girls told my daughter she wanted to strangle her which horrified us but no proof so we told our daughter that if it is ever said again look them in the eye and tell them to go ahead.It did happen again and she did exactly as we advised and you wont be surprised to learn the girl did nothing in response.
So we have spoken with the school and they seem to be taking positive action by moving her classes and helping to introduce her to other groups of children they know to be friendly.We were told that at least two of the "mean girls" are well known and on the hotlist.They are going to speak with the girls but I have asked how they will do that,what is the process and how will they try to prevent further issues with these pupils.So the positive is there is a plan.
What makes me sad as another poster said this should be some of the best years.All she wants is a kind word and somebody she can swap makeup and clothing ideas with and all that other teenage girly stuff.
Girls never fail to shock me with their nastiness, as someone mentioned, boys will sort it out and carry on, the girls are simply horrible.Going back to the comments regarding striking back one of the girls told my daughter she wanted to strangle her which horrified us but no proof so we told our daughter that if it is ever said again look them in the eye and tell them to go ahead.It did happen again and she did exactly as we advised and you wont be surprised to learn the girl did nothing in response.
So we have spoken with the school and they seem to be taking positive action by moving her classes and helping to introduce her to other groups of children they know to be friendly.We were told that at least two of the "mean girls" are well known and on the hotlist.They are going to speak with the girls but I have asked how they will do that,what is the process and how will they try to prevent further issues with these pupils.So the positive is there is a plan.
What makes me sad as another poster said this should be some of the best years.All she wants is a kind word and somebody she can swap makeup and clothing ideas with and all that other teenage girly stuff.
I know of many girls that have been through this,including my daughter up to a point. The first thing your daughter needs is loads of reassurance that it's not her that's the problem its the weakness and the shortcomings of the others,and that she's not alone, there's many girls of similar age going through it. More of the same to make here realise that it is possible to try too hard to be friends with everyone(my daughters problem),and that she must stay true to herself and not change to fit in, and although extremely difficult sometimes, to try really hard to let them see they're not hurting her. In my daughters case, she's eventually found her niche,and left the others to their own devices, and now has a nice small but growing group of proper friends, some of whom have changed when they've seen what b
hes they were or had been. The ringleader now 14,has very few mates at the school,( all girls grammar, one of the top ten in the country) and certainly less than my daughter. They've realised what a lying conniving bh she was........her mum is a teacher believe it or not.I feel for you as a parent and for your girl, you're obviously a great parent by trying to sort it out, and I'm sure your daughter will thrive.
Edited by sjc on Wednesday 4th March 12:44
PomBstard said:
Just reading this lot makes me glad I was never a teenage girl. However, I do have two close to being so, so with what we all know, in particular those who have written of their tormented times, how can I prepare for what's about to happen? Is preparation possible??? For one of my daughters there will be greater trials than being, as one poster above noted, 'plain, overweight or spotty...'
1) Try and teach her to talk to you about it - whatever it is. I bottled it up for months and months until it all came to a very unpleasant head.2) Try and teach her that she has your unequivocal support, no matter what. She needs to know that she can turn to you for help.
3) Try and teach her that it's all about jealousy, popularity, and mostly about 'fitting in'. I'm 99% sure that most of my bullies were only doing it to fit in with the rest of the "gang" and that in reality they had no reason to be jealous of me, I was extremely average at school in looks, money, intelligence.
4) Ignoring it will NOT make it go away. See point 1.
If there is anything I am glad about, it's that I'm too old to have been bullied online. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Good luck!
My wife was a target from a very young age, commonly due to her hearing impairment which meant the other children perceived her as receiving help from her support teacher(s) (when, in actual fact, the support teacher was just there to be her ears).
Unfortunately the anxieties etc have stuck with her for life, and even now she finds difficulty in making friends because she is not sure on how to trust that people want to spend their time with her.
I would suggest encouraging your daughter to attend clubs and activities outside of school, away from her school peers. My wife, in her teens, was part of an athletics club, and she also did judo (she stopped running because of a dodgy knee, and doctors advised against judo since a significant blow to the head could rid her of what little hearing she has). She enjoyed these activities as she made good friends (although now long drifted apart).
Very gently support her, show her she is someone to be cared about. If her distress worsens, it is worth thinking about NHS psychology services, but the first thing is to salvage her confidence, and build it up.
As humans, we base our perception of the world we live in through the experiences we have.
I remember when i was about that age that at school I hung around with a group of guys who wernt really friends in the proper sense, more people to latch on to so I wasnt accused of being a loner. I had nothing to do with them outside school, instead I hung out with my older cousins and their freinds, who despite being the troublesome sort in school were much nicer outside (they taught me to ride motorbikes!).
Unfortunately the anxieties etc have stuck with her for life, and even now she finds difficulty in making friends because she is not sure on how to trust that people want to spend their time with her.
I would suggest encouraging your daughter to attend clubs and activities outside of school, away from her school peers. My wife, in her teens, was part of an athletics club, and she also did judo (she stopped running because of a dodgy knee, and doctors advised against judo since a significant blow to the head could rid her of what little hearing she has). She enjoyed these activities as she made good friends (although now long drifted apart).
Very gently support her, show her she is someone to be cared about. If her distress worsens, it is worth thinking about NHS psychology services, but the first thing is to salvage her confidence, and build it up.
As humans, we base our perception of the world we live in through the experiences we have.
I remember when i was about that age that at school I hung around with a group of guys who wernt really friends in the proper sense, more people to latch on to so I wasnt accused of being a loner. I had nothing to do with them outside school, instead I hung out with my older cousins and their freinds, who despite being the troublesome sort in school were much nicer outside (they taught me to ride motorbikes!).
I used to get some stick as I wasn't that big aged 13/14, I wore glasses and carried a Cornet (the musical instrument) in a case so in short I looked like a bit of a spod, which I was, but was actually quite aggressive and violence came easily, kind of a "Sleeper".
I have my dad to thank for that, he took no st like me coming home whining I was being bullied, he just told me to wade in, one day he even watched me fight an older kid called "Addy", amazing what having your dad watching can do for your fighting skills, did not want to lose in front of him, he also didnt help as he was apt to give the local scrotes some stick, we lived opposite some school fields and they would congregate and he dispensed a few slaps for infingements like littering and shouting stuff at him
I ended up with a minor "reputation" at school after a few fights, the most memorable was one where it went round the kid had been taken away in an ambwilans as I had done such a number on him, he was seen being escorted absolutely covered in blood and the news went round I had done it, technically I had but what happened was a minor skirmish, I went to punch, missed and smashed into brick, causing profuse bleeding to my hand, we had our scrap and the other lad got plastered in my blood so looked like he had been battered but apart from a few bruises we were both ok, he only went home as was covered in blood, was the last day of term so the truth never really came out.
I took a couple of pastings but found that even notorious knobheads were generally not as hard as their reputation and did not want to risk it again, I think lads sometimes need to fight to establish a pecking order, once decided who is hardest, they can then get on quite easily.
Different today though, Facebook and phones dont help, girls are plain evil, too many knives and plastic gangsters, I wouldnt advocate my approach in an inner city school, kids there can be properly dangerous.
I have my dad to thank for that, he took no s
t like me coming home whining I was being bullied, he just told me to wade in, one day he even watched me fight an older kid called "Addy", amazing what having your dad watching can do for your fighting skills, did not want to lose in front of him, he also didnt help as he was apt to give the local scrotes some stick, we lived opposite some school fields and they would congregate and he dispensed a few slaps for infingements like littering and shouting stuff at himI ended up with a minor "reputation" at school after a few fights, the most memorable was one where it went round the kid had been taken away in an ambwilans as I had done such a number on him, he was seen being escorted absolutely covered in blood and the news went round I had done it, technically I had but what happened was a minor skirmish, I went to punch, missed and smashed into brick, causing profuse bleeding to my hand, we had our scrap and the other lad got plastered in my blood so looked like he had been battered but apart from a few bruises we were both ok, he only went home as was covered in blood, was the last day of term so the truth never really came out.
I took a couple of pastings but found that even notorious knobheads were generally not as hard as their reputation and did not want to risk it again, I think lads sometimes need to fight to establish a pecking order, once decided who is hardest, they can then get on quite easily.
Different today though, Facebook and phones dont help, girls are plain evil, too many knives and plastic gangsters, I wouldnt advocate my approach in an inner city school, kids there can be properly dangerous.
J4CKO said:
Different today though, Facebook and phones dont help, girls are plain evil, too many knives and plastic gangsters, I wouldnt advocate my approach in an inner city school, kids there can be properly dangerous.
Glad you added that bit.Having not been one to walk away as a lad I'd advise my own not to escalate these days.
I was bullied badly throughout the first 3 years of secondary school, culminating in being friendless and suicidal at 13. Moving to a vastly smaller school with drastically better pastoral care pretty much gets the credit for my being here now.
A friend made a fantastic point recently: if any other activity or location in his life had been making her little boy as unhappy as school was, there would immediately have been no question of his attending there ever again.
Why do we tolerate grinding misery in school when we'd never allow it anywhere else? Move her, if you can. Consider home-based or part-time schooling if finding another suitable 'proper' school place is impossible just now, or if she's now in a state where she simply can't face being at school at all.
Like other commenters who've been bullied it's left lasting marks - please don't ever suggest a child who's being bullied should 'just ignore it' or anything of the sort - the degree to which it was possible for bullies to abuse me in a full classroom, teacher present, or in crowded corridors included 'low-level' sexual assault, unending harassment, one assault that had the potential for life-threatening injury (kicked my crutch away at the top of two flights of concrete steps) and assorted general vileness that just never really stopped. You can't ignore that stuff and once you realise the teachers aren't going to do anything about it, you'll start looking for other ways out fairly quickly, typically via truancy. Not good for education nor mental health. If the school aren't sorting it, get her out of there.
A friend made a fantastic point recently: if any other activity or location in his life had been making her little boy as unhappy as school was, there would immediately have been no question of his attending there ever again.
Why do we tolerate grinding misery in school when we'd never allow it anywhere else? Move her, if you can. Consider home-based or part-time schooling if finding another suitable 'proper' school place is impossible just now, or if she's now in a state where she simply can't face being at school at all.
Like other commenters who've been bullied it's left lasting marks - please don't ever suggest a child who's being bullied should 'just ignore it' or anything of the sort - the degree to which it was possible for bullies to abuse me in a full classroom, teacher present, or in crowded corridors included 'low-level' sexual assault, unending harassment, one assault that had the potential for life-threatening injury (kicked my crutch away at the top of two flights of concrete steps) and assorted general vileness that just never really stopped. You can't ignore that stuff and once you realise the teachers aren't going to do anything about it, you'll start looking for other ways out fairly quickly, typically via truancy. Not good for education nor mental health. If the school aren't sorting it, get her out of there.
This thread has brought back so many bad memories I can feel the cold sweat on my forehead as I type.
At high school I was a tall thin gangly kid who could not play football for toffee and was to thin to be any good at rugby. And I admit I did not make things easy for my self to quick to mouth off and drop myself right in it ,normally while attempting to fit in or appeal to the popular kids.
I endured regular beatings ( it was not the case with me that boys fight then ignore)I tried various tactics from taking the beating and not fighting back to going postal and ending up with the school psychologist asking why I had suddenly turned violent.
I spent the majority of my last year playing truant just so I did not have to face it
When I think about my high school years I have a physical reaction I sweat, my stomach feels cold and empty ,I can feel my shoulders tensing and my heart rate has risen and it was 33 years ago!
Then it all changed I left school joined up and found myself, filled out and matured. But even to this day I do not forgive and I never will and quite frankly its a good job I do not live in my childhood town as I dread to think of what my reaction would be if I bumped into any of my old school chums.
I to this day have a pathological hatred of bullies and over the years have faced down several both in the work place and social events and even if I think someone is trying to bully or get one over on me I flip its like a light switch instant rage I hate it and I hate the fact my wife hates it when I go off on one
believe me childhood bullying really dose have a life long effect
At high school I was a tall thin gangly kid who could not play football for toffee and was to thin to be any good at rugby. And I admit I did not make things easy for my self to quick to mouth off and drop myself right in it ,normally while attempting to fit in or appeal to the popular kids.
I endured regular beatings ( it was not the case with me that boys fight then ignore)I tried various tactics from taking the beating and not fighting back to going postal and ending up with the school psychologist asking why I had suddenly turned violent.
I spent the majority of my last year playing truant just so I did not have to face it
When I think about my high school years I have a physical reaction I sweat, my stomach feels cold and empty ,I can feel my shoulders tensing and my heart rate has risen and it was 33 years ago!
Then it all changed I left school joined up and found myself, filled out and matured. But even to this day I do not forgive and I never will and quite frankly its a good job I do not live in my childhood town as I dread to think of what my reaction would be if I bumped into any of my old school chums.
I to this day have a pathological hatred of bullies and over the years have faced down several both in the work place and social events and even if I think someone is trying to bully or get one over on me I flip its like a light switch instant rage I hate it and I hate the fact my wife hates it when I go off on one
believe me childhood bullying really dose have a life long effect
Sad stories
You've had some good advice
But I would say that increasing her own self esteem is key
Increasing it to such a level that these morons can do what they like because she doesn't care, doesn't react, continues to report bullying instances, and move on.
But not forgive them, pity them for being so emotionally devoid.
You've had some good advice
But I would say that increasing her own self esteem is key
Increasing it to such a level that these morons can do what they like because she doesn't care, doesn't react, continues to report bullying instances, and move on.
But not forgive them, pity them for being so emotionally devoid.
Amazed at how this thread has encouraged people to write down their own personal and painful experiences.Thankyou all for that.
We are trying to build her self esteem and we are pleased to see the school are doing the same.She came home today and said her artwork had been placed on display in the foyer which is quite something when you consider how many kids there are in her school.She was clearly very pleased as she told us about it.Now she spent a lot of time on this artwork and it genuinely really is very good, I think she is quite talented but I also think the school have done this in a subtle bid to help raise her self esteem and if im right im impressed.
We are trying to build her self esteem and we are pleased to see the school are doing the same.She came home today and said her artwork had been placed on display in the foyer which is quite something when you consider how many kids there are in her school.She was clearly very pleased as she told us about it.Now she spent a lot of time on this artwork and it genuinely really is very good, I think she is quite talented but I also think the school have done this in a subtle bid to help raise her self esteem and if im right im impressed.
I have read all 8 pages, and like a lot of others, it has brought back some painful memories.
I spent my 4 years at secondary school bullied every day. For 4 years I rarely ventured out at break and lunch times, and even ended up staying in a class room with my group of tormentors standing outside. Mine was more psychological than actual physical - I took a chair to the head, a few punches while in class, and a few more outside of school, but the psychological aspect was horrendous. They would get on my bus home and follow me (despite living in another town in the totally opposite direction) towards home while making threats about hurting my family, they would follow me around town at a weekend if they saw me. I spent 4 years living in abject fear. Unfortunately (or fortunately - depends how you look at it) I never retaliated as they had safety in numbers and I was petrified that they knew where I lived etc. Towards the end of my school days I encountered the 'leader' and his mate in a park and they decided now was the time to give me a pasting. It was at this point that it dawned on me that I had spent 4 years being scared of nothing - as they stood there punching me I actually remember laughing and asking if that was what I'd been afraid of. While that moment was quite cathartic, it didn't undo any of the damage caused. I flunked my GCSE's as I had lost any interest in school, I didn't have many fiends and found it difficult to trust anyone, even at 16. 18 years later I still find it hard to trust people, and will occasionally lie in bed drifting off to sleep thinking about what I'd liked to have done to them at the time which may have stopped it (the thoughts routinely turn to violence which is unlike me - I think I've only ever thrown 1 punch in my entire life!). My morsel of consolation is that they are all doing st in life and some have even spent time in HMP. They occasionally try the whole 'lets be friends on FB' thing, but, like others, there is no way I will let them in to my life. I will also never forgive them.
As a side note - the positive to my experience - if it can be called that -(like someone else said earlier) is that I will not tolerate anyone being bullied, and will always step in if I see it happening.
To the OP - being there for your daughter is one of the best things you can do. Do not underestimate how knowing that she isn't facing this alone will be a massive help to her. It sounds like things may also be taking a turn for the better, with the art work etc too. I really hope this gets sorted in her favour ASAP.
I spent my 4 years at secondary school bullied every day. For 4 years I rarely ventured out at break and lunch times, and even ended up staying in a class room with my group of tormentors standing outside. Mine was more psychological than actual physical - I took a chair to the head, a few punches while in class, and a few more outside of school, but the psychological aspect was horrendous. They would get on my bus home and follow me (despite living in another town in the totally opposite direction) towards home while making threats about hurting my family, they would follow me around town at a weekend if they saw me. I spent 4 years living in abject fear. Unfortunately (or fortunately - depends how you look at it) I never retaliated as they had safety in numbers and I was petrified that they knew where I lived etc. Towards the end of my school days I encountered the 'leader' and his mate in a park and they decided now was the time to give me a pasting. It was at this point that it dawned on me that I had spent 4 years being scared of nothing - as they stood there punching me I actually remember laughing and asking if that was what I'd been afraid of. While that moment was quite cathartic, it didn't undo any of the damage caused. I flunked my GCSE's as I had lost any interest in school, I didn't have many fiends and found it difficult to trust anyone, even at 16. 18 years later I still find it hard to trust people, and will occasionally lie in bed drifting off to sleep thinking about what I'd liked to have done to them at the time which may have stopped it (the thoughts routinely turn to violence which is unlike me - I think I've only ever thrown 1 punch in my entire life!). My morsel of consolation is that they are all doing s
t in life and some have even spent time in HMP. They occasionally try the whole 'lets be friends on FB' thing, but, like others, there is no way I will let them in to my life. I will also never forgive them. As a side note - the positive to my experience - if it can be called that -(like someone else said earlier) is that I will not tolerate anyone being bullied, and will always step in if I see it happening.
To the OP - being there for your daughter is one of the best things you can do. Do not underestimate how knowing that she isn't facing this alone will be a massive help to her. It sounds like things may also be taking a turn for the better, with the art work etc too. I really hope this gets sorted in her favour ASAP.
I am another all-girls school graduate. Too geeky and uncool even for the geek clique, I was ostracized and bullied, particularly between age 10 and 14, although I was the subject of some fabricated gossip aged 17 which nearly saw me expelled in my a-level year. At its height age 13-14 I was getting anonymous hate mail at school, stuff regularly stolen and broken, plus lots of bhy comments. I was unfortunately also bullied by a younger taller sibling and her friend who lived on our street. This included being kicked, punched and spat on.
Most of this eased off when I took up hobbies that allowed me to socialize with older kids and adults. So I got more confident and so the bullies didn't find me as rewarding a target any more.
I have a little bit of revenge in that the source of the gossip (who was also my primary suspect for the notes saying "I hope you die" etc) is a lib dem local councillor.
hy comments. I was unfortunately also bullied by a younger taller sibling and her friend who lived on our street. This included being kicked, punched and spat on. Most of this eased off when I took up hobbies that allowed me to socialize with older kids and adults. So I got more confident and so the bullies didn't find me as rewarding a target any more.
I have a little bit of revenge in that the source of the gossip (who was also my primary suspect for the notes saying "I hope you die" etc) is a lib dem local councillor.
Bullied myself.
Always been the fat kid, still get the jibes now but banter is banter. When you hit the world of work the bull you get from people is because they like you, on the most part.
I agree with the poster who said why do we endure such a place, or force kids too.
My captain hindsight moment to any poster with a male kid in secondary is to listen to their woe's and never let them feel different, every kid goes through this non-sense if they're not the violent type and sometimes "fighting your way out" just doesn't cut it.
The years roll by in school and it's soon over but that doesn't help, i still go back to the bitter memories of such scum and pathetic swine.
Wish i had some magical advice for the OP but i can't, just fills me with bile this thread. (not the lovely posts mind you)
Always been the fat kid, still get the jibes now but banter is banter. When you hit the world of work the bull you get from people is because they like you, on the most part.
I agree with the poster who said why do we endure such a place, or force kids too.
My captain hindsight moment to any poster with a male kid in secondary is to listen to their woe's and never let them feel different, every kid goes through this non-sense if they're not the violent type and sometimes "fighting your way out" just doesn't cut it.
The years roll by in school and it's soon over but that doesn't help, i still go back to the bitter memories of such scum and pathetic swine.
Wish i had some magical advice for the OP but i can't, just fills me with bile this thread. (not the lovely posts mind you)
I was bullied at school - nothing physical, all psychological.
I went to an all-boys grammar school, a group of so-called friends decided to pick on me when I came back from Mauritius one year. I'd love to say that it was because I was in an ethnic minority but actually, that would be completely untrue as those bullying me were also from ethnic minorities - I was also racially abused by other kids but I was pretty used to this and immune from the morons who thought it was OK to take the piss out of me for not being white.
The worst thing was that these people actually managed to turn nearly the whole year against me - with rap songs, petitions and all kinds of inventive ways to further ostracise me. My only respite from this abuse was when I was at home and geography lessons (when the main culprits who got everybody going weren't in my class). The worst thing was that I was totally alone, my mum thought I should just deal with it and my dad had some classic advice (I was being called gay, which although now I would have no issue with, as a 14 year old teenager in the 80's carried a massive stigma and really had me questioning my own sexuality - I wasn't gay and I knew it as I'd always fancied girls but it did make me stop and think "have they seen something in me that I can't see for myself"). Dad's advice was to fk the sister of one of the culprits, funny even in hindsight but massively impractical and an altogether useless piece of advice!
Anyway, it was awful, I'd get a terrible sinking feeling when going into school but I've never been a shy or retiring type, so thought about how I could resolve this and even though I hated telling tales, I decided that because there were simply too many people to fight, I should go to the headmaster and tell him that I was being verbally abused at school. He asked me to name everybody who was involved, I refused but said if you stop these 5, the rest of the sheep will quit too. And although it didn't quite work the first time, it did the second, I think the headmaster threatened to expel the idiots and guess what? Well-to-do middle class families don't want their kids expelled from a top50 grammar school, so they stopped. I know it was the headmaster's intervention that worked because shortly afterwards I heard one of the sheep asking the ringleader why he wasn't abusing me and I heard his response - "I can't he'll tell the headmaster and I'll get into trouble."
It did give me a massive insight into the way people are though. Some people are just thoroughly decent - although it felt at the time that I had no friends and that the entire year was against me, there were some people who just didn't participate despite what must have been enormous peer pressure and even though they were not my friends at the time I came to respect them and they became my best friends eventually and I'm still in touch with them now. Most people are just sheep. Some people are just too afraid to get caught out and even if they don't agree with something, can't bring themselves to do the right thing. I had a conversation with one of my tormentors who was in this camp and I asked him "you know what the ringleader is like, he was always taking the mickey out of you - how could you get so involved? His response " I'm sorry but I was just so relieved that it wasn't me". I completely forgave him as soon as he said that, I understood his motivation and accepted his apology - I don't think he ever really forgave himself though because although I was happy to be friends, I think his own actions embarrassed him somewhat or perhaps he just didn't like me that much anyway - who knows or cares, certainly not me!
Finally some people are just aholes - you should avoid them like the plague. Eventually, these people will get their comeuppance. The ringleader in my case had already fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch, stick and twig on the way down, so he had that to contend with for the whole of his life - being a total c*nt must be a bit of a burden too, I'd imagine.
To the OP, the best thing you can do is support your daughter, let her know that you love her and are there for her - ask her if there's anything you'd like her to do to intervene and help her to understand that this abuse doesn't reflect on her, that she's a wonderful and delightful person - she just happens to be in a place where there are a few bhes and a lot of sheep - and tell her you're proud that she isn't a sheep or a bh.
I went to an all-boys grammar school, a group of so-called friends decided to pick on me when I came back from Mauritius one year. I'd love to say that it was because I was in an ethnic minority but actually, that would be completely untrue as those bullying me were also from ethnic minorities - I was also racially abused by other kids but I was pretty used to this and immune from the morons who thought it was OK to take the piss out of me for not being white.
The worst thing was that these people actually managed to turn nearly the whole year against me - with rap songs, petitions and all kinds of inventive ways to further ostracise me. My only respite from this abuse was when I was at home and geography lessons (when the main culprits who got everybody going weren't in my class). The worst thing was that I was totally alone, my mum thought I should just deal with it and my dad had some classic advice (I was being called gay, which although now I would have no issue with, as a 14 year old teenager in the 80's carried a massive stigma and really had me questioning my own sexuality - I wasn't gay and I knew it as I'd always fancied girls but it did make me stop and think "have they seen something in me that I can't see for myself"). Dad's advice was to f
k the sister of one of the culprits, funny even in hindsight but massively impractical and an altogether useless piece of advice!Anyway, it was awful, I'd get a terrible sinking feeling when going into school but I've never been a shy or retiring type, so thought about how I could resolve this and even though I hated telling tales, I decided that because there were simply too many people to fight, I should go to the headmaster and tell him that I was being verbally abused at school. He asked me to name everybody who was involved, I refused but said if you stop these 5, the rest of the sheep will quit too. And although it didn't quite work the first time, it did the second, I think the headmaster threatened to expel the idiots and guess what? Well-to-do middle class families don't want their kids expelled from a top50 grammar school, so they stopped. I know it was the headmaster's intervention that worked because shortly afterwards I heard one of the sheep asking the ringleader why he wasn't abusing me and I heard his response - "I can't he'll tell the headmaster and I'll get into trouble."
It did give me a massive insight into the way people are though. Some people are just thoroughly decent - although it felt at the time that I had no friends and that the entire year was against me, there were some people who just didn't participate despite what must have been enormous peer pressure and even though they were not my friends at the time I came to respect them and they became my best friends eventually and I'm still in touch with them now. Most people are just sheep. Some people are just too afraid to get caught out and even if they don't agree with something, can't bring themselves to do the right thing. I had a conversation with one of my tormentors who was in this camp and I asked him "you know what the ringleader is like, he was always taking the mickey out of you - how could you get so involved? His response " I'm sorry but I was just so relieved that it wasn't me". I completely forgave him as soon as he said that, I understood his motivation and accepted his apology - I don't think he ever really forgave himself though because although I was happy to be friends, I think his own actions embarrassed him somewhat or perhaps he just didn't like me that much anyway - who knows or cares, certainly not me!
Finally some people are just a
holes - you should avoid them like the plague. Eventually, these people will get their comeuppance. The ringleader in my case had already fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch, stick and twig on the way down, so he had that to contend with for the whole of his life - being a total c*nt must be a bit of a burden too, I'd imagine. To the OP, the best thing you can do is support your daughter, let her know that you love her and are there for her - ask her if there's anything you'd like her to do to intervene and help her to understand that this abuse doesn't reflect on her, that she's a wonderful and delightful person - she just happens to be in a place where there are a few b
hes and a lot of sheep - and tell her you're proud that she isn't a sheep or a bh.Edited by J-P on Friday 6th March 17:06
MrBrightSi said:
Bullied myself.
Always been the fat kid, still get the jibes now but banter is banter. When you hit the world of work the bull you get from people is because they like you, on the most part.
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/tomchiversscience/100141906/if-you-like-banter-you-are-an-idiot/Always been the fat kid, still get the jibes now but banter is banter. When you hit the world of work the bull you get from people is because they like you, on the most part.
Funny how nobody ever says how they were the bully ?
I was a bit nasty to a kid in a year below me as he was a complete tt to me for ages, he assumed because he was rougher and hung round with "hard kids" he was one as well despite being smaller, fat and stumpy, also, one day we were all taking turns being pulled up a tree by a rope (we didn't have xboxes you see) and he was there as part of the grou despite the friction, kind of an uneasy truce had developed, when I went up he let go of the rope and made the other lads drop it as well as they couldn't hold on, I fell ten feet onto my arse, it hurt, I was properly winded and thought I was really badly injured. He also told my parent he had seen me smoking so I got cross questioned at length despite never having touched one, unlike him, seems trivial now but at the time it was a big deal.
Anyway he laughed, thinks it is hilarious, thinks he has the upper hand and keeps on at me for another couple of weeks until one day I flip and we end up scrapping, I got the upper hand but it got broken up.
I made a point of making his life a misery from that point, only time I have felt bit guilty but I would have never been anything other than pleasant had he not tried to paralyse me, the best moment was the little fat turd was seen by me walking from the ice cream van, he was focusing on his 99 he had just bought, he was licking the sauce off the rim of the cornet so it didnt drip, so didnt notice me so I shoved it right in his face, he was not pleased, I was.
My cousin got bullied for ages by and older lad by a lad so we shot his Peugeot racer with a GAT gun, well not the pellet, but the end of those flew out on a big spring with some force, we didnt anticipate how much damage it would do to a nice 531 frame, still, don't go picking on other kids, that can come back to haunt you.
Other than that, and to be fair it was a bit half hearted, I hope I have never bullied anyone, do bullies know they are ?
just remembered another one, forgot all about this, me and a mate were playing on the fields near home and we got accosted by a group of lads, one of which was my next door neighbour, I didn't have much to do with him they went to a private school and were older, we were perhaps 12 and they were 15/16, anyway they were a bit weird, almost pervy and a bit violent, they then tied us together in a compromising position the fking weirdos, I would say that was bullying, he threatened me not to say anything, I think I may break my silence after 32 years, his mum still lives next door, fking weirdo.
I was a bit nasty to a kid in a year below me as he was a complete t
t to me for ages, he assumed because he was rougher and hung round with "hard kids" he was one as well despite being smaller, fat and stumpy, also, one day we were all taking turns being pulled up a tree by a rope (we didn't have xboxes you see) and he was there as part of the grou despite the friction, kind of an uneasy truce had developed, when I went up he let go of the rope and made the other lads drop it as well as they couldn't hold on, I fell ten feet onto my arse, it hurt, I was properly winded and thought I was really badly injured. He also told my parent he had seen me smoking so I got cross questioned at length despite never having touched one, unlike him, seems trivial now but at the time it was a big deal.Anyway he laughed, thinks it is hilarious, thinks he has the upper hand and keeps on at me for another couple of weeks until one day I flip and we end up scrapping, I got the upper hand but it got broken up.
I made a point of making his life a misery from that point, only time I have felt bit guilty but I would have never been anything other than pleasant had he not tried to paralyse me, the best moment was the little fat turd was seen by me walking from the ice cream van, he was focusing on his 99 he had just bought, he was licking the sauce off the rim of the cornet so it didnt drip, so didnt notice me so I shoved it right in his face, he was not pleased, I was.
My cousin got bullied for ages by and older lad by a lad so we shot his Peugeot racer with a GAT gun, well not the pellet, but the end of those flew out on a big spring with some force, we didnt anticipate how much damage it would do to a nice 531 frame, still, don't go picking on other kids, that can come back to haunt you.
Other than that, and to be fair it was a bit half hearted, I hope I have never bullied anyone, do bullies know they are ?
just remembered another one, forgot all about this, me and a mate were playing on the fields near home and we got accosted by a group of lads, one of which was my next door neighbour, I didn't have much to do with him they went to a private school and were older, we were perhaps 12 and they were 15/16, anyway they were a bit weird, almost pervy and a bit violent, they then tied us together in a compromising position the f
king weirdos, I would say that was bullying, he threatened me not to say anything, I think I may break my silence after 32 years, his mum still lives next door, fking weirdo.J4CKO said:
Funny how nobody ever says how they were the bully ?
1. they still are and don't realise it - it's entirely typical and normal behaviour by the powerfully built be-goatteed borderline sociopathic standards of PH - their advice would be 'man the eff up ' or 'hit them back'2. they've realised what a t
t they were and are embarassed about it .Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff