Daughter ostracised at school
Discussion
I'm sorry CatfishGuys this really does affect your whole life, every relationship you have with a member of the female of this species. You don't really trust women again ever. No matter in what capacity you meet them
Shop assistants in clothes shops
Beauty therapists
Make-up consultants
Hair dresser
They say you look good, that it suits you, but you're never quite sure until your partner says so
He can't understand why you dislike shopping in your own or with the girls...
We had this with our daughter,
her shyness didnt help because it sort of came across as big headed to the others,
plus as a person she takes things to heart,
i was the same and its taken me years not to give a damn about anything
eventually she got new mates and left them to it.
strange though they are all friends now in college
girls are horrible to each other,
lads dont seem to fight they just want to mess about
her shyness didnt help because it sort of came across as big headed to the others,
plus as a person she takes things to heart,
i was the same and its taken me years not to give a damn about anything
eventually she got new mates and left them to it.
strange though they are all friends now in college
girls are horrible to each other,
lads dont seem to fight they just want to mess about
Duke Thrust said:
ali_kat said:
All of them have apologised to me for their behaviour, now that they have kids they understand how nasty they were. I haven't forgiven.
That was big of them, but not you.Children can be awful, sadly that isn't going to change any time soon. If they've taken time to apologise and even empathise now that they have children, not to forgive is churlish and every bit as childish as their behaviour was back then.
Someone's actions have had a massively detrimental effect on another person throughout their life and yet they are the better person as they have apologised?
Like f
k they are.You're also victim blaming, which is pathetic.
Edited by PorkInsider on Tuesday 3rd March 12:55
God I hate bullying, have been so lucky myself and with my lads, only ever minor agro that they dealt with.
Any stick I got at school was met with a fight, usually did well as did a few years of wrestling and that helped.
Girls that age can be utterly evil, then when caught they start blubbing, all "whoa is me", I would say, gather evidence by whatever means you can then take it to the school or the kids parents, be even more evil, littles need a lesson in not being one.
Any stick I got at school was met with a fight, usually did well as did a few years of wrestling and that helped.
Girls that age can be utterly evil, then when caught they start blubbing, all "whoa is me", I would say, gather evidence by whatever means you can then take it to the school or the kids parents, be even more evil, little
s need a lesson in not being one.CatfishCKY said:
Ali_Kat, Zelda Pinwheel - sorry to read of both your stories too, It's a relief for me to see that i was not alone - though it's not a happy relief, considering all the torment we went through.
I know what you mean.I knew I'm not the only female PH'er with this in their childhood when I responded, I also know that they don't post that often anymore. I didn't realise how 'frequent' it was & wonder if it's why we're all drawn here? I know I feel safe & welcome here, although the nasty female element used to be here, they don't post very often anymore either
I was bullied a bit in high school by a combination of pupils and teachers...Private all boys school in Edinburgh.
'Luckily' it all kicked off when I was 15 so only had to struggle on until I was 16 at the end of the year so I could go to college and avoid it all. Was a lonely couple of years though, even though I was in the Air Cadets so had people outside school/college. But I had a hard time making friends.
I'm only 25 this year so there are still some issues but I'm much better, social interactions with strangers are very difficult though, sometimes easier with alcohol! haha
Still have trouble making friends though, feelings like 'Why would anyone want to be friends with me?' kinda thing.
Girls have it much, much worse though, as posted.
OP, get this nipped in the bud before it causes lasting damage (if it hasn't already). Try to get her involved with something outside school helps massively.
The School should have anti-bullying policys. Make sure they are up to scratch and they are followed!
'Luckily' it all kicked off when I was 15 so only had to struggle on until I was 16 at the end of the year so I could go to college and avoid it all. Was a lonely couple of years though, even though I was in the Air Cadets so had people outside school/college. But I had a hard time making friends.
I'm only 25 this year so there are still some issues but I'm much better, social interactions with strangers are very difficult though, sometimes easier with alcohol! haha
Still have trouble making friends though, feelings like 'Why would anyone want to be friends with me?' kinda thing.
Girls have it much, much worse though, as posted.
OP, get this nipped in the bud before it causes lasting damage (if it hasn't already
). Try to get her involved with something outside school helps massively.The School should have anti-bullying policys. Make sure they are up to scratch and they are followed!
ali_kat said:
Duke Thrust said:
ali_kat said:
All of them have apologised to me for their behaviour, now that they have kids they understand how nasty they were. I haven't forgiven.
That was big of them, but not you.Children can be awful, sadly that isn't going to change any time soon. If they've taken time to apologise and even empathise now that they have children, not to forgive is churlish and every bit as childish as their behaviour was back then.
What they did to me has affected my whole life. It took them 20 years to apologise & you think that they should be forgiven?!!
Duke Thrust said:
No I read your post, I think you need to be the bigger person and forgive - it might just help you to move along with your life.
You're an fking* idiot...Although if I was Ali I probably would have told them to f
k right off and try to avoid them as much as possible.Edited by AndrewEH1 on Tuesday 3rd March 13:04
WestyCarl said:
School's usually have many different strategies they can try. They are much more subtle and clever at dealing with this stuff compared to when I went to school.
Exactly as above. It's a girls school, they will have seen this time and time again. They can subtly intervene and change the dynamic without even the girls realising what is happening or why.PorkInsider said:
Duke Thrust said:
ali_kat said:
All of them have apologised to me for their behaviour, now that they have kids they understand how nasty they were. I haven't forgiven.
That was big of them, but not you.Children can be awful, sadly that isn't going to change any time soon. If they've taken time to apologise and even empathise now that they have children, not to forgive is churlish and every bit as childish as their behaviour was back then.
Someone's actions have had a massively detrimental effect on another person throughout their life and yet they are the better person as they have apologised?
Like f
k they are.You're also victim blaming, which is pathetic.
Edited by PorkInsider on Tuesday 3rd March 12:55
But please, do share your wisdom further, why should she continue to bear a grudge?
AndrewEH1 said:
Duke Thrust said:
No I read your post, I think you need to be the bigger person and forgive - it might just help you to move along with your life.
You're an idiot...Oh, but you forgot 'f
king', in your reply.CatfishCKY said:
Ali_Kat, Zelda Pinwheel - sorry to read of both your stories too, It's a relief for me to see that i was not alone - though it's not a happy relief, considering all the torment we went through.
Sorry to see more stories coming out, but as you say, there must be some kind of reassurance in seeing you're not the only one. Horrible that it happened to others, but all the same, just this short thread has shown me we're not the only ones dealing with the effects of this kind of thing. I might ask my OH to have a read of this thread, partly for that reason, but also because she may be able to give some advice for MACP's daughter's situation.ali_kat, you can of course tell me to shut up and stop probing if you don't want to talk about it further, but your distrust of females is interesting. It's completely understandable, but a different outcome to what I've seen. For my OH, the effects are entirely centred around her body image and a kind of self-hatred which goes with that, but despite the abuse being entirely perpetrated by girls I don't think she has any ill feeling against girls in general. It takes her a while to get properly close to anyone, but most of her friends are girls and I certainly wouldn't say she's less comfortable with them. She often struggles to accept compliments from anyone, not girls in particular.
Zelda mentions she has much the same feelings as you, though perhaps not as pronounced. I wonder how common it is. Perhaps it's brought by being at an all-girls school, associating a female environment with that terrible experience...
AndrewEH1 said:
You're an idiot...
Although if I was Ali I probably would have told them to fk right off and try to avoid them as much as possible.
Same question, really, what good would that do?Although if I was Ali I probably would have told them to f
k right off and try to avoid them as much as possible.Doing what you suggest would show the same lack of emotional maturity as the children that caused her all the pain in the first place.
Thanks for the name calling though, ironic really.
ali_kat said:
I'm sorry CatfishGuys this really does affect your whole life, every relationship you have with a member of the female of this species. You don't really trust women again ever. No matter in what capacity you meet them
Shop assistants in clothes shops
Beauty therapists
Make-up consultants
Hair dresser
They say you look good, that it suits you, but you're never quite sure until your partner says so
He can't understand why you dislike shopping in your own or with the girls...
k. are you me?Managed to screw up the courage to get my first manicure last month, at the age of 43. As I left, was wondering how much mileage they were all going to get out of the fat dollop with sausage fingers.
Edited by Zelda Pinwheel on Tuesday 3rd March 13:09
I went to an all girls school and it sounds as though nothing has changed. I managed to befriend some girls by joining the same after-school clubs, tennis, hockey, netball etc. Your daughter could try inviting the problem girls home for supper and getting to know them better, perhaps start off with one or two and build friendships that way. Softly, softly, catchee monkey.
Duke Thrust said:
PorkInsider said:
Duke Thrust said:
ali_kat said:
All of them have apologised to me for their behaviour, now that they have kids they understand how nasty they were. I haven't forgiven.
That was big of them, but not you.Children can be awful, sadly that isn't going to change any time soon. If they've taken time to apologise and even empathise now that they have children, not to forgive is churlish and every bit as childish as their behaviour was back then.
Someone's actions have had a massively detrimental effect on another person throughout their life and yet they are the better person as they have apologised?
Like f
k they are.You're also victim blaming, which is pathetic.
Edited by PorkInsider on Tuesday 3rd March 12:55
But please, do share your wisdom further, why should she continue to bear a grudge?
Ali doesn't need to forgive them to be able to move on - I'm not suggesting running some sort of vendetta is a good idea, but continuing to think they're a
holes is quite acceptable...We have similar issues with our 14yr old daughter, it has got so bad at times that the school have called their local PCSO's in to have a chat.
Sadly, the main offender is a girl from a less than privelidged family who has counselling at school to try & help her. In the past she has threatened people who have socialised with whatever girls she doesn't like at the time.
We are fortunate that the school take it seriously & do their best to sort it out, there is a limit to what they can do though, if they exclude the girl it will only nake things worse, at least in the short term.
Sadly, the main offender is a girl from a less than privelidged family who has counselling at school to try & help her. In the past she has threatened people who have socialised with whatever girls she doesn't like at the time.
We are fortunate that the school take it seriously & do their best to sort it out, there is a limit to what they can do though, if they exclude the girl it will only nake things worse, at least in the short term.
Duke Thrust said:
AndrewEH1 said:
You're an idiot...
Although if I was Ali I probably would have told them to fk right off and try to avoid them as much as possible.
Same question, really, what good would that do?Although if I was Ali I probably would have told them to f
k right off and try to avoid them as much as possible.Doing what you suggest would show the same lack of emotional maturity as the children that caused her all the pain in the first place.
Thanks for the name calling though, ironic really.
The decades of trust, depression, body and other issues caused by this abuse is equally unforgivable.
As for name calling, you are being completely insolent. Therefore being an idiot.
(Sorry if this all comes across as white-knighting)
J4CKO said:
Girls that age can be utterly evil, then when caught they start blubbing, all "whoa is me".
Thank you for reminding me! I used to cry to get them to leave me alone. It could be turned on almost instantly, once they saw tears, they stopped. I got called cry-baby but it was self defence, kinda.
In the last term, I flipped, once. I punched one of the main 'characters'. She went out like a light & I ran for it, off the school grounds & hid in the park that surrounded the school. I was scared of the repercussions from her, the others & the School!
I was found, by the boys & the 'official school bully' the one everyone was scared of, but had never picked on me (Funnily enough the twin of the one that went ice skating with me), I'd been asked to go the Headmaster & they took me up the grand flight of stairs to his office (my school was an old House, painted by Constable). On the way she told me she knew that I'd do that one day & didn't want to be on the receiving end! The HM explained that he'd had to call me in as I'd hit her, and he had to keep me in there for a while to make it look 'right'. We sat & had a cup of tea.
I wasn't picked on again, but as I left the school a month or so later...
Duke Thrust said:
No I read your post, I think you need to be the bigger person and forgive - it might just help you to move along with your life.
Duke old chum, when in a hole...The problem is that apologies don't make things better when the misdemeanour they are apologising for is serious and prolonged, and to suggest that it should is incredibly glib.
Ask yourself this - if you had been subjected to a campaign of sustained harressment which had made your formative years a misery, would "sorry" make it all better, or would you feel that it was intended to make the perpetrator feel better?
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