Ladies of the night using my car park - deterrents?

[RobinBanks]

Install a gate? Better if you allow them to start shagging in the car and then lock them in the car park.

[ooo000ooo]

elanfan said:

Put up a board and start recording the car registrations on there. Put up a header stating these vehicles are being reported to the Police. Make it where it can be clearly seen and I doubt any punters would want that.

Set up one of those facebook group things with photo's etc. should go viral when someone's wife spots their husbands car on it?

[944fan]

Most sensible option is to probably phone the old bill.

Then start pestering the ste of the local councillor/mayor/MP about the problem.

Tell the local paper.

Failing all that just walk round photographing the cars when they are in flagrante. I don't much about visiting this type of entertainment but I can imagine if I was one of those types of gentleman I would not want to be photographed doing it.

[Chunkychucky]

List:

Potatoes - VX220
Chunkychucky - Punto (only a 3 door though...)

[LucreLout]

OP: What you need to do is mince into the car park waiving around a claw hammer, and throw piss at them until they see the error of their ways. It's the PH way, apparently.

[ADEuk]

[mybrainhurts]

Get some starting pistol blank cartridges, glue them into the ends of bits of rope, light the other ends until smouldering, flick them under the cars, retire to a vantage point and watch the fun...

We used to do this after the pub...

Endless mirth...

[Leptons]

Plant some claymore mines.

[cptsideways]

Firecrackers

[andygo]

bangers.

[TheInternet]

cptsideways said:

Firecrackers

These look about right to me. Would feel a bit embarrassed if it caused Mrs Miggins at no. 52 to suffer heart failure though.

[TheInternet]

944fan said:

Most sensible option is to probably phone the old bill.

They've quoted a 60 minute response time, can't imagine the procedure would take that long even for the most grotesque of budget harlet.

[blindswelledrat]

This is one of the most painful threads I have ever read on PH.
Having just read through the first 2 pages of 'hilarious' responses I could not even find a single one which was anything other than a variation on 'company director', 'smash back doors in' or any other PH cliché excitedly bashed out in the forlorn hope of some kind of peer acceptance.
And what kind of person calls a prostitute 'cash for gash'?

[TroubledSoul]

vx220 said:

From a Health and Safety Risk Assessment point of view, will a Bee Keepers suit work with wasps?

Moving on, my solution is...

...hire a PA system, and play recordings of machine gun fire

Eta: or play recordings of them?

Better still, place a pan next to/beneath the car with a whole load of firecrackers in and set them off while watching from a safe distance!

[NRS]

blindswelledrat said:

This is one of the most painful threads I have ever read on PH.
Having just read through the first 2 pages of 'hilarious' responses I could not even find a single one which was anything other than a variation on 'company director', 'smash back doors in' or any other PH cliché excitedly bashed out in the forlorn hope of some kind of peer acceptance.
And what kind of person calls a prostitute 'cash for gash'?

You missed the "call the police" ones?

[soad]

Dress up as a ghost?

[funkyrobot]

Antiseptic wipes and a home cooked meal?

[MrBarry123]

Leptons said:

Plant some claymore mines.

This.

[northwest monkey]

blindswelledrat said:

This is one of the most painful threads I have ever read on PH.
Having just read through the first 2 pages of 'hilarious' responses I could not even find a single one which was anything other than a variation on 'company director', 'smash back doors in' or any other PH cliché excitedly bashed out in the forlorn hope of some kind of peer acceptance.
And what kind of person calls a prostitute 'cash for gash'?

Blimey.

Still, you'll be off your period next week.

[soad]

Balaclava, hoody, gloves, a baseball bat... Rob the punters, OP. That'll teach them.

(I'm joking).