Potential end of a 7 year relationship...
Discussion
It may be something that annoys her, but if she is not happy with herself and the current situation, nothing you do will make her happy, and may feel it's you without realising it's actually her. I went through a rough patch of not being happy with myself and current situation and nothing my wife done could make me happy, I guess it we almost like a mild depression without actually realising.
Timmy40 said:
So far no one has suggested kicking in her back doors, buying an MX-5, or asked for pictures of her. Strange.
From the sounds of it, I think the OP has purchased new doors for her, sold his MX-5 to help fund it and then paid for some professional photos of her.And she's wondering why he doesn't have any money!?
OP, you are 27. You still have plenty of time to get your life in order.
First thing's first, get your finance sorted ASAP - there is a government website that can offer advice on ways to tackle it.
It appears that your (ex)girlfriend is never going to be happy and is calling the shots. Get rid, count your lucky stars there are no kids involved. You have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and move on.
Sorry to be brutal but moving on may be the best thing.
First thing's first, get your finance sorted ASAP - there is a government website that can offer advice on ways to tackle it.
It appears that your (ex)girlfriend is never going to be happy and is calling the shots. Get rid, count your lucky stars there are no kids involved. You have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and move on.
Sorry to be brutal but moving on may be the best thing.
OP, if you have said to her repeatedly you will get yourself together (financially) and haven't then you have cooked your own goose.
Its not the issue of the cash, but what you haven't done that you said you would. She now see's you as either non committal, or cheated by your 'as and when it suits me attitude' neither of which is attractive to her any longer.
All of that said, I suggest you talk to her, upon which you have a chance, if you don't talk you have no chance.
Its not the issue of the cash, but what you haven't done that you said you would. She now see's you as either non committal, or cheated by your 'as and when it suits me attitude' neither of which is attractive to her any longer.
All of that said, I suggest you talk to her, upon which you have a chance, if you don't talk you have no chance.
DSLiverpool said:
This is dragging on a bit OP - please ask her if its about supporting her £ when she starts a family and once she says yes we can tell you to man up, get used to Centre Parks and kiss your social life goodbye for a bit whilst working like a Trojan.
This. She's worried about our future and not bothered by shiny things any more. We've spoken at length and I know what I need to do. It's just doing it now whilst remaining happy. If I'm not then it's obviously not right and I'll make that decision. But I think it's the right thing to do either way so I'm doing it. I have a gym at my office so it costs nothing. I'm bringing food in to eat rather than buying food elsewhere.
This is all about her trusting me to be a man and support her / potential family. Roof over our heads not shiny possessions.
Thank you all for your advice.
best financial advice yet!amare32 said:
It appears that your (ex)girlfriend is never going to be happy and is calling the shots. Get rid, count your lucky stars there are no kids involved. You have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and move on....
.....to another controlling female who will also never be happy. SteveS Cup said:
DSLiverpool said:
This is dragging on a bit OP - please ask her if its about supporting her £ when she starts a family and once she says yes we can tell you to man up, get used to Centre Parks and kiss your social life goodbye for a bit whilst working like a Trojan.
This. She's worried about our future and not bothered by shiny things any more. We've spoken at length and I know what I need to do. It's just doing it now whilst remaining happy. If I'm not then it's obviously not right and I'll make that decision. But I think it's the right thing to do either way so I'm doing it. I have a gym at my office so it costs nothing. I'm bringing food in to eat rather than buying food elsewhere.
This is all about her trusting me to be a man and support her / potential family. Roof over our heads not shiny possessions.
Thank you all for your advice.
SteveS Cup said:
This. She's worried about our future and not bothered by shiny things any more. We've spoken at length and I know what I need to do. It's just doing it now whilst remaining happy. If I'm not then it's obviously not right and I'll make that decision. But I think it's the right thing to do either way so I'm doing it.
I have a gym at my office so it costs nothing. I'm bringing food in to eat rather than buying food elsewhere.
This is all about her trusting me to be a man and support her / potential family. Roof over our heads not shiny possessions.
Thank you all for your advice.
It might be for a different thread/forum, but plenty of PHers have got advice on reducing outgoings. Do you want/need help on that front?I have a gym at my office so it costs nothing. I'm bringing food in to eat rather than buying food elsewhere.
This is all about her trusting me to be a man and support her / potential family. Roof over our heads not shiny possessions.
Thank you all for your advice.
simoid said:
SteveS Cup said:
This. She's worried about our future and not bothered by shiny things any more. We've spoken at length and I know what I need to do. It's just doing it now whilst remaining happy. If I'm not then it's obviously not right and I'll make that decision. But I think it's the right thing to do either way so I'm doing it.
I have a gym at my office so it costs nothing. I'm bringing food in to eat rather than buying food elsewhere.
This is all about her trusting me to be a man and support her / potential family. Roof over our heads not shiny possessions.
Thank you all for your advice.
It might be for a different thread/forum, but plenty of PHers have got advice on reducing outgoings. Do you want/need help on that front?I have a gym at my office so it costs nothing. I'm bringing food in to eat rather than buying food elsewhere.
This is all about her trusting me to be a man and support her / potential family. Roof over our heads not shiny possessions.
Thank you all for your advice.
Monkeylegend said:
Just playing devil's advocate OP, it seems like she is fixated on money. I would wager that nothing you do will be good enough and this relationship is doomed to failure.
I think this. You came with the baggage, you've almost sorted yourself out apart from the ridiculous amounts you spend on lunch.SteveS Cup said:
She's not. She's fixated on having a future life and it going somewhere. She's not fussed by the car I have, brands of clothes I wear or the watch on my wrist. That's all the things in my head that were important.
Unfortunately, I didn't stop to think when I was younger that most people have a house / family before getting those things.
Reason why is my ex. She wasn't the sort to have all kinds of fashionable clothing, watches etc but by fUnfortunately, I didn't stop to think when I was younger that most people have a house / family before getting those things.
king god was she fixated with money. Used to get right on my tits.Does your OH mention how much things cost? or how much she has saved up?
Like this sort of thing for example. "I bought a set of shoes today they were one hundred and twenty-one pounds" or "There is a new cream out in the shop now, really good, it's fifty-four pounds"
amare32 said:
OP, you are 27. You still have plenty of time to get your life in order.
First thing's first, get your finance sorted ASAP - there is a government website that can offer advice on ways to tackle it.
It appears that your (ex)girlfriend is never going to be happy and is calling the shots. Get rid, count your lucky stars there are no kids involved. You have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and move on.
Sorry to be brutal but moving on may be the best thing.
This. It seems quite an immature relationship so just end it now, don't let the family ties complicate thingsFirst thing's first, get your finance sorted ASAP - there is a government website that can offer advice on ways to tackle it.
It appears that your (ex)girlfriend is never going to be happy and is calling the shots. Get rid, count your lucky stars there are no kids involved. You have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and move on.
Sorry to be brutal but moving on may be the best thing.
I have had money / debt issues in the past and this did put my relationship at risk. In order to save things I agreed to a joint bank account with both of us getting a monthly allowance to spend on what we want. I appreciate this is a completley non PH thing to do, but its worked quite well. We always have money in the bank, can afford to replace things when they break, go on a couple of holidays and year, never buy anything on credit and pay our joint credit card off in full every month.Considering how much i used to worry about money its a very small price to pay.
I do get a lot of stick from my colleagues about it, but many of the piss takers then secretly admit to having thousands of debt they dont tell their other half about.
I think you have to be honset with yourself about it. Personally I am crap with money and need someone to keep me in line. If you are the same then it maybe worth considering.
rob
I do get a lot of stick from my colleagues about it, but many of the piss takers then secretly admit to having thousands of debt they dont tell their other half about.
I think you have to be honset with yourself about it. Personally I am crap with money and need someone to keep me in line. If you are the same then it maybe worth considering.
rob
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