Athiest and Catholic wedding ceremony
Discussion
She believes in god so it's important for her to have a religious ceremony
You don't believe in god so why should it matter to you?
My wife's family are pretty religious but she's drifted away from it so was happy to have a civil ceremony (where I was surprised to find religion isn't allowed to be mentioned at all), but if she'd wanted a church wedding I'd have been ok with it, you still end up with the same result and as others have pointed out the buildings generally look nice.
You don't believe in god so why should it matter to you?
My wife's family are pretty religious but she's drifted away from it so was happy to have a civil ceremony (where I was surprised to find religion isn't allowed to be mentioned at all), but if she'd wanted a church wedding I'd have been ok with it, you still end up with the same result and as others have pointed out the buildings generally look nice.
I love the way 'religious' people pick and choose from their own particular book of rules. It's so often the case that one part of the rule book suits them (church wedding etc), and another part doesn't (such as not having sex before/outside of marriage). So they strive to follow the rules they are ok with, and quietly ignore the ones they are not 
I was raised Catholic, went to church til I was around 11, schooled in a Catholic secondary school til 16. My wife isnt in any way religious, and neither am I now.
The done thing in my family, given we have a bishop as an uncle is for him to marry the couple in the city cathedral. When the wife and I talked about it, neither of us really wanted to go through with a load of lies infront of our friends and family that we'd do this, that and the other for God in the Catholic way (and the cathedral was too intimidating) so we went to the local CoE church instead. There was little fuss, no blame and shame, and a smaller, more social church. So social that I took up a volunteering spot at the night shelter next door that the church supports.
I didnt really feel that I needed to have a Catholic wedding, as really, I dont go to church and am not that interested in it having made my own decisions on religion in my mid teens.
The done thing in my family, given we have a bishop as an uncle is for him to marry the couple in the city cathedral. When the wife and I talked about it, neither of us really wanted to go through with a load of lies infront of our friends and family that we'd do this, that and the other for God in the Catholic way (and the cathedral was too intimidating) so we went to the local CoE church instead. There was little fuss, no blame and shame, and a smaller, more social church. So social that I took up a volunteering spot at the night shelter next door that the church supports.
I didnt really feel that I needed to have a Catholic wedding, as really, I dont go to church and am not that interested in it having made my own decisions on religion in my mid teens.
Obviously we're all different but this was my experience, hopefully it will help you -
I'm an atheist (and FWIW so are all my family) and have only ever been to church for someone else's reason - ie weddings funerals christenings etc.
My wife is a Catholic and therefore goes to church every week. Knows the name of the priest, and many of the congregation.
So, I decided that it was far more her day than mine, and we had a nice churchey wedding in the usual style. It was a catholic service, obviously, so that means it's "by the book". It was a very nice day out for all concerned. I said the words, out loud, and didn't get struck down! I'd discussed it with the priest in the weeks beforehand and he'd explained it like this...
It's not about your beliefs, because you don't have any. It's about hers. She believes that you have to do it this way, and you don't believe any different, so there's no problem. If you want to get married to her, this is how she has to do it.
And that's how we've done it ever since (22 years). She believes she is a Catholic and therefore goes to church. She drops me off at the pub on the way. Win win. We don't have theological discussions, because we know and respect each other's beliefs. It's pretty easy really.
I wonder why many couples bother at all with a church wedding; I see many where both of them are like me and I don't understand why they want a church wedding. I mean, what's the point when neither go to church on the other 51 weeks of the year.
I'm an atheist (and FWIW so are all my family) and have only ever been to church for someone else's reason - ie weddings funerals christenings etc.
My wife is a Catholic and therefore goes to church every week. Knows the name of the priest, and many of the congregation.
So, I decided that it was far more her day than mine, and we had a nice churchey wedding in the usual style. It was a catholic service, obviously, so that means it's "by the book". It was a very nice day out for all concerned. I said the words, out loud, and didn't get struck down! I'd discussed it with the priest in the weeks beforehand and he'd explained it like this...
It's not about your beliefs, because you don't have any. It's about hers. She believes that you have to do it this way, and you don't believe any different, so there's no problem. If you want to get married to her, this is how she has to do it.
And that's how we've done it ever since (22 years). She believes she is a Catholic and therefore goes to church. She drops me off at the pub on the way. Win win. We don't have theological discussions, because we know and respect each other's beliefs. It's pretty easy really.
I wonder why many couples bother at all with a church wedding; I see many where both of them are like me and I don't understand why they want a church wedding. I mean, what's the point when neither go to church on the other 51 weeks of the year.
From the various weddings I've attended, religious and secular, the church weddings have always seemed to be the more forced, formal affairs; any creativity the bride and groom may wish to put into the ceremony seems to be crushed by the overbearing and constant messages about God, Jesus and all the rest of it. The hymns are almost universally - musically speaking - terrible, and you can guarantee most of your guests do not want to sing them.
My view on church weddings is that the religious repetition considerably cheapens the day and detracts from the reason that the bride and groom are there in the first place. OP, if you have a church wedding you'll have to accept that your wife's imaginary friend will be the star guest at your party, when you didn't really want him there in the first place.
Marriage is a secular ceremony which every culture and faith puts their own spin on, but should its main purpose not be a celebration of love between two human beings? Your wife may have her faith but it would be cruel of her to expect you to falsely declare yours. If you don't force your atheism on her, why should she force her faith upon you? I could not get married in the name of something I don't believe in, maybe you can.
My view on church weddings is that the religious repetition considerably cheapens the day and detracts from the reason that the bride and groom are there in the first place. OP, if you have a church wedding you'll have to accept that your wife's imaginary friend will be the star guest at your party, when you didn't really want him there in the first place.
Marriage is a secular ceremony which every culture and faith puts their own spin on, but should its main purpose not be a celebration of love between two human beings? Your wife may have her faith but it would be cruel of her to expect you to falsely declare yours. If you don't force your atheism on her, why should she force her faith upon you? I could not get married in the name of something I don't believe in, maybe you can.
As someone who was dragged up a Catholic, but am pretty much an atheist now but married to a very devout Buddhist just go with the flow. (mind you to be fair, i didn't have a clue what was going on half the time so just had to go with the flow 
As a "non believer" its just the act of going through the motions - supposedly to the religions you are making a contract in God's / Buddha / whatever deity may relevant's eyes ... therefore to her, its valid, to you it's not - your contract is the civil registrar that is done later (and lets face it, if things go tits up, that's the one she will believe in too, no matter how strong her belief's are!!!).
Generally my opinions on religion are, as long as it doesn't affect me too much, fill your boots. A wedding (at least the service) is the big day for Her and your soon to be Mother Outlaw, treat the reception and party afterwards as your day!
As a "non believer" its just the act of going through the motions - supposedly to the religions you are making a contract in God's / Buddha / whatever deity may relevant's eyes ... therefore to her, its valid, to you it's not - your contract is the civil registrar that is done later (and lets face it, if things go tits up, that's the one she will believe in too, no matter how strong her belief's are!!!).
Generally my opinions on religion are, as long as it doesn't affect me too much, fill your boots. A wedding (at least the service) is the big day for Her and your soon to be Mother Outlaw, treat the reception and party afterwards as your day!
I genuinely could not do it. I simply could not be involved with a religious person. It's too far away from my thoughts on things. I think relationships work best when you are like minded and enjoy the same things.
I don't mind folk being religious, I don't mind talking about it with them. I just choose not to spend time leisure with them.
There is no way on earth you would get me to a church wedding. My conscience would simply not allow it.
I don't mind folk being religious, I don't mind talking about it with them. I just choose not to spend time leisure with them.
There is no way on earth you would get me to a church wedding. My conscience would simply not allow it.
Rick101 said:
I genuinely could not do it. I simply could not be involved with a religious person. It's too far away from my thoughts on things. I think relationships work best when you are like minded and enjoy the same things.
I don't mind folk being religious, I don't mind talking about it with them. I just choose not to spend time leisure with them.
There is no way on earth you would get me to a church wedding. My conscience would simply not allow it.
Your conscience wouldn't allow you to sit through a ceremony ? How does sitting listening to something you don't believe in affect your conscience ?I don't mind folk being religious, I don't mind talking about it with them. I just choose not to spend time leisure with them.
There is no way on earth you would get me to a church wedding. My conscience would simply not allow it.
Do you never watch fiction movies ?
Corpulent Tosser said:
Your conscience wouldn't allow you to sit through a ceremony ? How does sitting listening to something you don't believe in affect your conscience ?
Do you never watch fiction movies ?
I read that as taking part and I would agree. An atheist as opposed to an agnostic making a promise to a god (of any flavour) strike as rather insulting to those who do hold belief. Do you never watch fiction movies ?
Personally, I will not take any part in any religious rite. I would lerk at the back but none of the singing or bobbing up and down. That would make problems if I were the groom.
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