"Educating" the other half about business practices
Discussion
beanbag said:
6:15am - wake up and walk dogs
6:45am - shower, sort and feed dogs and breakfast
7:45am - leave for work
9:00am - arrive at work
6:30pm - leave work (sometimes I leave at 6pm)
8:00pm - arrive home
8:00pm - help cook, clean sort out things
9:00pm - watch movie/tv together
10:30pm - short dog walk together
11:00pm - get ready for bed
12:00am - hopefully asleep, ready to start again at 6:15!
That is far from normal and your working hours aren't 9-6, they're 7.45-8pm, that's nearly 12 hour shifts. Yes you can argue you're not working, but you are.6:45am - shower, sort and feed dogs and breakfast
7:45am - leave for work
9:00am - arrive at work
6:30pm - leave work (sometimes I leave at 6pm)
8:00pm - arrive home
8:00pm - help cook, clean sort out things
9:00pm - watch movie/tv together
10:30pm - short dog walk together
11:00pm - get ready for bed
12:00am - hopefully asleep, ready to start again at 6:15!
OP it is a right royal PITA.
I am lucky in that I don't have your commute but I do work more hours than I should and from March to November that can often be 3 or 4 weeks without a single full day off.
When I first met my Mrs I didn't pull any punches, the ex having said me not being about was one of the reasons things didn't work out. It was almost along the lines of "This is me, this is what I do. We have been seeing each other for a good few months now and I think we have something here. You've followed me about and know the score. If you think you can handle this lifestyle I would love to enjoy the ride with you, if you don't I will understand. This will not get easier, it will not let up, it will be relentless and sometimes utterly ball breaking, but together we will go to, see and do things that most only dream of getting the chance to do once in lifetime. Your call."
Okay so perhaps some will see it as me being unfair. I didn't and still don't. I make compromises - I would often leave the office at 5:15-5:30 and come home and work for at least a couple of hours every week night. Now I tend to leave the office at about 7 most nights and only bring work home in extremis or if I have taken the afternoon off work to work from home. Tomorrow we are at home. Saturday up at 4:30am to get to Oulton Park for 9am, Worcestershire Saturday night, Oulton again Monday and then home about midnight on Monday before starting the week of normal work again. Last weekend was Silverstone, the weekend before Goodwood.
I know that there will be gasps from the second row but I have to say, on balance, I fricking love my life. This was my life for 10 years before I met her and still is 10 years later. I am willing to bend a little here and a little there to fit in with the requirements of life. I even offered to turn down a trip to Russia on the basis that it was one she couldn't come on but was given the green light.
I have repeated been offered the opportunity to go and work elsewhere doing something else that I know I would love, perhaps even more than what I do now, but I do know that that would be the end of my relationship, even if I would likely be a richer man and see even more of the good side of that life than I do now.
All I am trying to say is that I love my Mrs and really don't want to ever have to contemplate any possibility of spending the rest of my life without her. I also love what I do and don't ever want to contemplate living the rest of my life any other way (short of that lottery win). I will always try to make sure that it all gels together and hope beyond all hope that I am never forced to have to make a call between one or the other.
I am lucky in that I don't have your commute but I do work more hours than I should and from March to November that can often be 3 or 4 weeks without a single full day off.
When I first met my Mrs I didn't pull any punches, the ex having said me not being about was one of the reasons things didn't work out. It was almost along the lines of "This is me, this is what I do. We have been seeing each other for a good few months now and I think we have something here. You've followed me about and know the score. If you think you can handle this lifestyle I would love to enjoy the ride with you, if you don't I will understand. This will not get easier, it will not let up, it will be relentless and sometimes utterly ball breaking, but together we will go to, see and do things that most only dream of getting the chance to do once in lifetime. Your call."
Okay so perhaps some will see it as me being unfair. I didn't and still don't. I make compromises - I would often leave the office at 5:15-5:30 and come home and work for at least a couple of hours every week night. Now I tend to leave the office at about 7 most nights and only bring work home in extremis or if I have taken the afternoon off work to work from home. Tomorrow we are at home. Saturday up at 4:30am to get to Oulton Park for 9am, Worcestershire Saturday night, Oulton again Monday and then home about midnight on Monday before starting the week of normal work again. Last weekend was Silverstone, the weekend before Goodwood.
I know that there will be gasps from the second row but I have to say, on balance, I fricking love my life. This was my life for 10 years before I met her and still is 10 years later. I am willing to bend a little here and a little there to fit in with the requirements of life. I even offered to turn down a trip to Russia on the basis that it was one she couldn't come on but was given the green light.
I have repeated been offered the opportunity to go and work elsewhere doing something else that I know I would love, perhaps even more than what I do now, but I do know that that would be the end of my relationship, even if I would likely be a richer man and see even more of the good side of that life than I do now.
All I am trying to say is that I love my Mrs and really don't want to ever have to contemplate any possibility of spending the rest of my life without her. I also love what I do and don't ever want to contemplate living the rest of my life any other way (short of that lottery win). I will always try to make sure that it all gels together and hope beyond all hope that I am never forced to have to make a call between one or the other.
Rude-boy said:
Sump said:
That is not normal.
Normal is up at 7:30, leave house at 8 15am, work for 9am, home by 6pm.
The only people I know who work those sort of hours fit window blinds for a living or similar...Normal is up at 7:30, leave house at 8 15am, work for 9am, home by 6pm.
Fair enough then, perhaps I and most of my friends are abnormal as well 
The people who work for the bank next door seem to be in at 8:45 and gone at 4:45.
On the other hand I stupidly trained for a professional career where my working hours are considered normal, and where people like Zod will have had to pull even more stupid hours for many years before they reached the rarefied air he now breaths.
The people who work for the bank next door seem to be in at 8:45 and gone at 4:45.
On the other hand I stupidly trained for a professional career where my working hours are considered normal, and where people like Zod will have had to pull even more stupid hours for many years before they reached the rarefied air he now breaths.
:shrug:
Work / life balance int'it. Wearing your working day as a badge of honour does no-one any facours, least of all you
http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/facebook-shery...
|http://thumbsnap.com/EJzcsdMR[/url]
Work / life balance int'it. Wearing your working day as a badge of honour does no-one any facours, least of all you
http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/facebook-shery...
|http://thumbsnap.com/EJzcsdMR[/url]I'm no stranger to working long days and travelling large distances.
On my case I agreed with my wife that when planning my working week I would arrange to stay away rather than struggle to get home for 7/8/9PM.
Might not work for all but, assuming you have some control over these decisions, it can work very well.
On my case I agreed with my wife that when planning my working week I would arrange to stay away rather than struggle to get home for 7/8/9PM.
Might not work for all but, assuming you have some control over these decisions, it can work very well.
Long post deleted.
Bottom line some people don't live to work, their work is an extension of them and a way of life. I am just stupid in that I do two jobs, and both of them only really work if they are a way of life.
On the other hand I could jack in one or the other with little financial impact but would miss what I would be giving away.
One day I will have to stop doing my second job. I dread that day.
Bottom line some people don't live to work, their work is an extension of them and a way of life. I am just stupid in that I do two jobs, and both of them only really work if they are a way of life.
On the other hand I could jack in one or the other with little financial impact but would miss what I would be giving away.
One day I will have to stop doing my second job. I dread that day.
beanbag said:
I see what you're all saying but I hardly work insane hours....at least not comparing to those around me.
My job is effectively 9am-6:30pm which is pretty standard, but it's the 3 hours of commuting that chew up my day. My current day goes like this:
I see this as normal aside from my commute and like I said, it's nothing out of the ordinary from comparing those around me. Of course there are times when I travel for work and probably once or twice a month, I stay longer for a drink after work with friends and colleagues.
The 3 hours I spend in my car are effectively useless hours leaving me unable to do sweet FA. This is why in I think if I could move closer to reduce this commute by half, that would result in an extra hour of time in the evenings together and make us both a lot happier.
I just don't see what I'm doing is much different to the majority of us so to say drop it, and try something else would result in the same unless I work from home or I work incredibly close to home.
It's a tough situation to be in.
The reduced commute could help, but listen to quite a few of the others posting here. Fair enough if you want to pick your job, but don't be surprised if she leaves because she never gets any time with you. Some people may be ok with a partner like that, but from what you have said it sounds like she isn't. You generally seem to be trying to argue it's normal and so she's "in the wrong". My job is effectively 9am-6:30pm which is pretty standard, but it's the 3 hours of commuting that chew up my day. My current day goes like this:
I see this as normal aside from my commute and like I said, it's nothing out of the ordinary from comparing those around me. Of course there are times when I travel for work and probably once or twice a month, I stay longer for a drink after work with friends and colleagues.
The 3 hours I spend in my car are effectively useless hours leaving me unable to do sweet FA. This is why in I think if I could move closer to reduce this commute by half, that would result in an extra hour of time in the evenings together and make us both a lot happier.
I just don't see what I'm doing is much different to the majority of us so to say drop it, and try something else would result in the same unless I work from home or I work incredibly close to home.
It's a tough situation to be in.
Neither person is, but if you don't listen to each other and rather justify why it's ok then it's not a good thing. I picked a job specifically where I could do something I enjoy, but also have time to do my own stuff. More money elsewhere, but that's not so important, I have enough where I am.
IvanSTi said:
Really there's 11 of us in this office who do that and we work for a company who design and build reeler systems which carry umbilicals for deep sea oil exploration/retrieval.
The oil industry isn't exactly known for the longevity of family life (particularly those offshore). For people working for SLB etc. it tends to be work crazy hours for perhaps 10 years and then have to move onto something else. Or not have a family.beanbag said:
Her view on things is sometimes very naive and unrealistic and while she's a very smart girl and very competent in what she does for her work and managing everything, she simply lacks sometimes what I think is a real world view and the reality of a job with high wages to pay for the lifestyle we currently live.
She's more than once said she doesn't need all the nice things we have, but I don't believe that song will ring true once we remove her convertible, 3 bedroom home in the middle of an exclusive golf resort, meals out 1-2 times a week, buying of good food, nice clothes and regular holidays all stop.....
My wife is pretty tolerant of my ridiculous hours but I do worry how long that will last.She's more than once said she doesn't need all the nice things we have, but I don't believe that song will ring true once we remove her convertible, 3 bedroom home in the middle of an exclusive golf resort, meals out 1-2 times a week, buying of good food, nice clothes and regular holidays all stop.....
However, before you make any big decisions why not go on a 3 month trial of living on a wage that you could get with better hours.
I guarantee that will change her tune.
And you will save lots - which is always a nice benefit.
Obviously you don't need to move or buy her a banger but just no meals out, regular food - no booze in the week - absolutely zero clothes shopping and obviously no weekend trips or holidays.
It will have the added benefit of giving you a sense of what life is like with kids.
MYOB said:
What I don't understand is she wants you at home more, but yet it has been suggested you live near your work in the week and go home at weekends.
How would that placate your good lady?
Getting someone round to bore and hone her during the week. Either he does it or stop interrupting her plans. How would that placate your good lady?
Rude-boy said:
Fair enough then, perhaps I and most of my friends are abnormal as well
The people who work for the bank next door seem to be in at 8:45 and gone at 4:45.
On the other hand I stupidly trained for a professional career where my working hours are considered normal, and where people like Zod will have had to pull even more stupid hours for many years before they reached the rarefied air he now breaths.
Just saying there are well paid/well sought after jobs out there where you don't have to work/be out the house silly hours. Not everyone who works 9-5 is a knuckle dragger The people who work for the bank next door seem to be in at 8:45 and gone at 4:45.
On the other hand I stupidly trained for a professional career where my working hours are considered normal, and where people like Zod will have had to pull even more stupid hours for many years before they reached the rarefied air he now breaths.
NRS said:
The oil industry isn't exactly known for the longevity of family life (particularly those offshore). For people working for SLB etc. it tends to be work crazy hours for perhaps 10 years and then have to move onto something else. Or not have a family.
Those that work offshore don't work 9-5, neither are they or able to be at home every night. Edited by IvanSTi on Thursday 2nd April 19:40
IvanSTi said:
Those that work offshore don't work 9-5, neither are they or able to be at home every night.
I know, I have done a few shifts offshore, 12 hours on or sometimes "flexi" hours when you work as needed if you're the only person qualified on board. But it's part of the point I was making - long periods where you are not home does not make a happy and long lasting family (as a generalisation).Edited by IvanSTi on Thursday 2nd April 19:40
beanbag said:
We barely spend time together
There's your problem. Spend more time together and she might not be so reactionary about the odd business trip. If you're not willing to take a less demanding job and don't want to put a dent in the monthly income then you'll have to reduce the commute. Working from home can help but doesn't really achieve much if you start when your commute would otherwise begin and keep going until the same time you'd get home if you'd gone to the office. It got me thinking about my wife and our jobs. I have a hazy idea about what she does for a living, she has no idea what I do. We simply don't talk about it beyond throwaway comments about being particularly busy, etc. Neither of us particularly enjoy our careers - they serve to fund a lifestyle we're content with and to provide a secure future for our children, nothing more. When away from work, neither of us really give our jobs a second thought. Both of us work late occasionally but generally we try to avoid work intruding into family life too much.
I guess it depends what stage you're at in life. In my 20s I was happy to work away for extended periods and travel at the drop of a hat but there's no point having a family if you never see them so I semi-consciously took roles that were less demanding and less intrusive but which perhaps don't offer the same potential for promotion. It suits my current situation. Ultimately you need to work out what your priorities are and cut your cloth accordingly.
Edited by Risotto on Thursday 2nd April 21:45
IvanSTi said:
Rude-boy said:
Fair enough then, perhaps I and most of my friends are abnormal as well
The people who work for the bank next door seem to be in at 8:45 and gone at 4:45.
On the other hand I stupidly trained for a professional career where my working hours are considered normal, and where people like Zod will have had to pull even more stupid hours for many years before they reached the rarefied air he now breaths.
Just saying there are well paid/well sought after jobs out there where you don't have to work/be out the house silly hours. Not everyone who works 9-5 is a knuckle dragger The people who work for the bank next door seem to be in at 8:45 and gone at 4:45.
On the other hand I stupidly trained for a professional career where my working hours are considered normal, and where people like Zod will have had to pull even more stupid hours for many years before they reached the rarefied air he now breaths.
I think on PH saying you do 80 hour weeks makes you look cool and anyone doing a normal 9-5ish working day (which millions of people in the UK still do in perfectly respectable jobs) basically means you're a pauper with no skills who probably dropped out of school.
Edited by Japveesix on Thursday 2nd April 23:04
Japveesix said:
My closet friend works very standard hours, 9-5.30ish, and gets paid a very healthy amount a few times the UK average salary (I realise this is still pocket money for most PHers but in the real world he's very comfotrably off). I assume most of his colleagues also do similar hours for similar good salaries and they're all educated and skilled.
I think on PH saying you do 80 hour weeks makes you look cool and anyone doing a normal 9-5ish working day (which millions of people in the UK still do in perfectly respectable jobs) basically means you're a pauper with no skills who probably dropped out of school.
The quotes seem to have got messed up, but yes, I agree that a lot of the number of hours you work is just a way of showing off. It reminds me a bit of university, during exams some people would be "studying" 12+ hours a day, and yet when the results came out it was obvious they'd been there in person, but they just hadn't been efficient with their time. If they'd relaxed a bit more and had a bit more fun between their revision times they'd have been more productive.I think on PH saying you do 80 hour weeks makes you look cool and anyone doing a normal 9-5ish working day (which millions of people in the UK still do in perfectly respectable jobs) basically means you're a pauper with no skills who probably dropped out of school.
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