Aged 33, no friends, living a lie with other half, just lost

Aged 33, no friends, living a lie with other half, just lost

Author
Discussion

MichaelKnight

Original Poster:

8 posts

110 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
I don't know why I'm starting this thread really- I guess I literally have no one to talk to. Funny the things you can openly admit on the net, anonymously. How can I ever admit this to anyone in 'real life'?

I moved from abroad aged 18- I have dual nationality, British/ Belgium. I had always wanted to move to the UK- my mum is from Manchester , dad from brussels, I was born in manchester but we moved abroad when I was 2.
I never really got on with my dad and aged 18 moved to the UK. Everything was great at first, I went to college, made friends, life was great. I also met my girlfriend aged 18 and we've been together ever since.

I fell 'ill' aged 21, at university. I was told panic attack. Me being me- I didn't believe in mental illness and continued with my life but struggled. For the first time in my life, I felt ill. Left university and to cut a long story short lost all my confidence and did nothing until aged 30. Why 30? Well I guess that life was so horrid that the big 30 pushed me into doing something- which I did. I started my own business. Which failed.

I have since had 2 jobs. One in motoring, which I lasted 6 months in. You imagine having done NOTHING for 10 years of life does to you- and that you have to hide it from everyone. What have you got to say to people? Nothing. Which doesn't help with your confidence. I am the sort of person that has an opinion on everything, loves to travel and meet people but I feel that because I was robbed of those 10 years I have nothing to say. I blush constantly which I never used to do and now I have been doing this current job for 3 months I'd like to quit.

Why? Just because I don't 'fit' in. I've ever been told that I was boring, which by now is probably a fair point.

The other half is another issue. We've been together so long that I feel nether of us have had time to have a laugh in our 20s and perhaps have different partners. I feel we love each other the way you love a comfy pair of slippers- it just fits now and you can't see yourself without but is it love? I know I guess only I can answer that.

So you see- it's not rosy. I just feel like leaving and starting afresh somewhere nice, in a nicer climate, eventually finding some mates. Having no mates is such an isolating experience, I cannot even tell you, it hurts every single day- when people ask me what I've done I even had to make up going out with friends. What other choice would I have? Can't tell them that I never see anyone else than my gf in my spare time can I?

I guess my question is- what are your thoughts so far? What goes through your mind when you read the above? And please be brutal if you must- it's only the internet!

zarjaz1991

3,471 posts

122 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
Well. My first thoughts are - you have been, and are still being, far too hard on yourself.
Everyone has things to say. If people call you "boring" then don't bother talking to them. they are rude, ignorant and mannerless.
If on the other hand it's just yourself that thinks you're boring, then ditch that thought, because it's nonsense.

Blushing,nervousness etc - I can tell you that almost nobody notices this sort of thing, and if they do, they don't care.

Unless you actually cannot stand your partner, then don't dump her - it would probably devastate her, and may well devastate you. the grass is not always greener on the other side anyway.

Mates? Look up local clubs, societies etc. There's usually a lot of information at the library. Get out and get into situations where you meet people, eventually it will just happen.

Talk to your partner. Does she know about this, and how you're feeling? She may be horrified and want to help. Involve her in stuff, go out for meals, cinema, anything that takes both of your fancies. Doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Do things together.

Go for walks...ideally with partner but on your own is fine. Mild exercise does wonders for the state of mind.

But most of all - stop beating yourself up. It makes it worse. And don't worry too much what other people think of you. I gave up on that years ago, mugs game.

Crusoe

4,068 posts

230 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
Take up a sport or join a club that forces you to be more sociable and you will quickly add new friends.

Relationship is probably better than you think, try to put more effort into it and you will get more out. What do you do together outside of watching tv etc. at home, could you both share a new activity.

All jobs have highs and lows, if you want to move on find another one first before you drop everything with nothing to go on to.

Dusty964

6,919 posts

189 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
To be fair, you always were a lone crusader.

Golaboots

369 posts

147 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
I hope this thread goes the way you want it to.

What stands out is that you really need someone to talk to about this. How much does your girlfriend know?
There must be some kind of counselling available. I'd want to be sure before making any drastic changes.
You could go travelling, turn a hobby into a job anything really.
Are there any sociable jobs that appeal to you? apparently barbers are the happiest people statisticly.

JJ55

649 posts

114 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
Theres some good advice from other posters here op.

My advice would be i always find you get out what you put in with life. Some people are like social magnets & the rest of us just have to put a bit more effort in. Stop caring what others think & just be yourself

zarjaz1991

3,471 posts

122 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
JJ55 said:
Stop caring what others think & just be yourself
This. a thousand times.


northwest monkey

6,370 posts

188 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
Parklife.

slevin911

646 posts

175 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all

r1flyguy1

1,567 posts

175 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
slevin911 said:
Good spot wink

Dan_1981

17,352 posts

198 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
MichaelKnight said:
I don't know why I'm starting this thread really- I guess I literally have no one to talk to. Funny the things you can openly admit on the net, anonymously. How can I ever admit this to anyone in 'real life'?

I moved from abroad aged 18- I have dual nationality, British/ Belgium. I had always wanted to move to the UK- my mum is from Manchester , dad from brussels, I was born in manchester but we moved abroad when I was 2.
I never really got on with my dad and aged 18 moved to the UK. Everything was great at first, I went to college, made friends, life was great. I also met my girlfriend aged 18 and we've been together ever since.

I fell 'ill' aged 21, at university. I was told panic attack. Me being me- I didn't believe in mental illness and continued with my life but struggled. For the first time in my life, I felt ill. Left university and to cut a long story short lost all my confidence and did nothing until aged 30. Why 30? Well I guess that life was so horrid that the big 30 pushed me into doing something- which I did. I started my own business. Which failed.

I have since had 2 jobs. One in motoring, which I lasted 6 months in. You imagine having done NOTHING for 10 years of life does to you- and that you have to hide it from everyone. What have you got to say to people? Nothing. Which doesn't help with your confidence. I am the sort of person that has an opinion on everything, loves to travel and meet people but I feel that because I was robbed of those 10 years I have nothing to say. I blush constantly which I never used to do and now I have been doing this current job for 3 months I'd like to quit.

Why? Just because I don't 'fit' in. I've ever been told that I was boring, which by now is probably a fair point.

The other half is another issue. We've been together so long that I feel nether of us have had time to have a laugh in our 20s and perhaps have different partners. I feel we love each other the way you love a comfy pair of slippers- it just fits now and you can't see yourself without but is it love? I know I guess only I can answer that.

So you see- it's not rosy. I just feel like leaving and starting afresh somewhere nice, in a nicer climate, eventually finding some mates. Having no mates is such an isolating experience, I cannot even tell you, it hurts every single day- when people ask me what I've done I even had to make up going out with friends. What other choice would I have? Can't tell them that I never see anyone else than my gf in my spare time can I?

I guess my question is- what are your thoughts so far? What goes through your mind when you read the above? And please be brutal if you must- it's only the internet!
Just in case eh? wink


And just for good measure....

http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...




Edited by Dan_1981 on Wednesday 1st April 18:56

TLandCruiser

2,788 posts

197 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
You think your not happy with your partner because your not happy with yourself, you have to be happy before someone else can make you happy.

Tonto

2,983 posts

247 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
Dusty964 said:
To be fair, you always were a lone crusader.
He always has KITT to talk to.



Dolf Stoppard

1,318 posts

121 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
Dusty964 said:
To be fair, you always were a lone crusader.
Nice.

TLandCruiser

2,788 posts

197 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
You think your not happy with your partner because your not happy with yourself, you have to be happy before someone else can make you happy.

TEKNOPUG

18,844 posts

204 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
Dolf Stoppard said:
Dusty964 said:
To be fair, you always were a lone crusader.
Nice.
Knight Rider, a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist. Michael Knight, a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless, in a world of criminals who operate above the law. yes

Move to Germany, I reckon you'll be very popular there.

MichaelKnight

Original Poster:

8 posts

110 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
slevin911 said:
It's not- I was looking for something different then- and still am... Lost... as I said...

Tonto

2,983 posts

247 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
Dusty964 said:
To be fair, you always were a lone crusader.
He always has KITT to talk to.



IanMorewood

4,309 posts

247 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
Join a club, take up a sport or hobby, find something you want want to do, even if it's only an hour or two a week it broadens your social circle and gives you something to talk about at work. Don't quit your job unless you have one lined up to walk into. Don't quit on your other half until such time as you have your head in the right place and have had a real conversation about life in general with her, it sounds like she is the best thing in your life right now.

mattknight1984

157 posts

114 months

Wednesday 1st April 2015
quotequote all
Why have you created a thread recently about finding a partner when you already have one?

If this isn't a joke/wind up I'd suggest sitting down with your girlfriend and explaining how you feel - it's not fair to string her along if you aren't interested in her in that way anymore.