Suicidal Thread
Discussion
GT03ROB said:
Society & the media play their part. The man in his 40s should almost be the PH sterotype...
.... successful in their career, with a 6 figure salary, beautiful wife, perfect family, nice big house, new cars, skiing in the winter, Mediterranean in the summer, works 9-5, well built, handsome, fit, spend time with the family, always smiling, etc., etc..
The reality for most is the complete opposite. Struggling financially (huge debts trying to live the sterotype), wife whose gone to seed (or if she hasn't is having an affair), grotty little kids, can barely afford a cheap holiday in Spain, balding, fat, working 12hrs a day in a dead end job paying 35k...all that & nothing to look forward to except 20 further years of the same until he can retire on peanuts.
In the 40s the gap between the dream & reality hits home.
This. It's the age where "potential" has either been reached or missed. In your 20s and 30s there is still room for big ambitions etc. by the 40s, many feel if they haven't "made it" ( whatever that means to them) they never will..... successful in their career, with a 6 figure salary, beautiful wife, perfect family, nice big house, new cars, skiing in the winter, Mediterranean in the summer, works 9-5, well built, handsome, fit, spend time with the family, always smiling, etc., etc..
The reality for most is the complete opposite. Struggling financially (huge debts trying to live the sterotype), wife whose gone to seed (or if she hasn't is having an affair), grotty little kids, can barely afford a cheap holiday in Spain, balding, fat, working 12hrs a day in a dead end job paying 35k...all that & nothing to look forward to except 20 further years of the same until he can retire on peanuts.
In the 40s the gap between the dream & reality hits home.
It is, of course, b
ks. Except for certain fields, you can reset and do anything you want if you want it enough. This is good reading for me.
I've just turned 40, have a wife, average income, mortgage will be paid off in a year or two, so I know I'm doing OK and have a lot to be thankful for, however I've been thinking about suicide for a few years now but more so over the last few months now. Its the dread of being in a job working shifts for the rest of my life that does it. I've only recently begun paying into a pension scheme so I'll never be in a position to retire, I feel a failure and I feel genuinely unhappy and unfulfilled. It feels like a black cloud over me. I'm socially awkward and drink because of it, I keep getting myself into scrapes when drunk and feel like st for it. I have terrible trouble sleeping and feel tired all the time, and I just can't seem to retain information anymore. If I'm asked questions in work, stuff I should know the answer too its like a fog arrives in my head and I can't think. I'll know the answer in a few minutes time after someone else has given it, and because of this I feel useless. I feel like I'm forever in a state of tiredness, my legs feel tired walking up stairs, my feet hurt constantly in work (12 hour shifts), and I'm always on the edge with worry, that I'll be asked to do something in work that I won't know how to do or another question with which I'll not know the answer. Its weird, all these things individually may seem stupid, but together it just feels so heavy and draining. When I think about death I think about peace and happiness and an end to my worries.
I think it all comes down to the pressure of being a man and having this expectancy to provide and be successful as others have touched on. I always saw myself retiring at 60, with a small place somewhere, living modestly but happily, but in this day an age it all just seems to be a pipe dream.
I've just turned 40, have a wife, average income, mortgage will be paid off in a year or two, so I know I'm doing OK and have a lot to be thankful for, however I've been thinking about suicide for a few years now but more so over the last few months now. Its the dread of being in a job working shifts for the rest of my life that does it. I've only recently begun paying into a pension scheme so I'll never be in a position to retire, I feel a failure and I feel genuinely unhappy and unfulfilled. It feels like a black cloud over me. I'm socially awkward and drink because of it, I keep getting myself into scrapes when drunk and feel like s
t for it. I have terrible trouble sleeping and feel tired all the time, and I just can't seem to retain information anymore. If I'm asked questions in work, stuff I should know the answer too its like a fog arrives in my head and I can't think. I'll know the answer in a few minutes time after someone else has given it, and because of this I feel useless. I feel like I'm forever in a state of tiredness, my legs feel tired walking up stairs, my feet hurt constantly in work (12 hour shifts), and I'm always on the edge with worry, that I'll be asked to do something in work that I won't know how to do or another question with which I'll not know the answer. Its weird, all these things individually may seem stupid, but together it just feels so heavy and draining. When I think about death I think about peace and happiness and an end to my worries. I think it all comes down to the pressure of being a man and having this expectancy to provide and be successful as others have touched on. I always saw myself retiring at 60, with a small place somewhere, living modestly but happily, but in this day an age it all just seems to be a pipe dream.
Big Fat Fatty said:
LocoCoco said:
Pentoman said:
To all those members that are reading this thread, feeling some familiarity, but too afraid to write a post: All the best to you.
+1Impasse said:
J4CKO said:
We need the ability to say fk it and walk away from negative things, be it work or other people, and realise you are going to pop off eventually anyway, may as well stick it out and see what happens.
Sometimes it isn't possible to walk away from negative things as they're all encompassing and influence every waking moment. You can't walk away from a feeling or the memories of a historical event but the repercussions could well last a lifetime. k it and walk away from negative things, be it work or other people, and realise you are going to pop off eventually anyway, may as well stick it out and see what happens.The ability to shorten that agony should be an option available to anyone who wants it.
RowntreesCabana said:
... symptoms of depression ...
I really hope this thread has encouraged you to consider seeking help as an option. There's been some really good advice. It might be that CBT or pills or the other suggestions don't work for you, but it's gotta be worth a try?
Edit: what I just said seems a bit glib when I re-read it. It wasn't meant that way. You're in a really tough place right now, and I feel for you. I don't for one moment think it's easy to seek help. As blokes, it's not in our nature.
Something that helped me a while back, when I was planning a 'way out', was the decision to try something else, on the basis that suicide always remain an option in the future. That sounds bizarre, I know. That was a few years ago, and I have seriously considered since. I guess it's a case of trying alternative solutions to the current crisis , and postpone the future to later date.
Edited by SpudLink on Wednesday 15th April 00:07
RowntreesCabana said:
This is good reading for me.
I've just turned 40, have a wife, average income, mortgage will be paid off in a year or two, so I know I'm doing OK and have a lot to be thankful for, however I've been thinking about suicide for a few years now but more so over the last few months now. Its the dread of being in a job working shifts for the rest of my life that does it. I've only recently begun paying into a pension scheme so I'll never be in a position to retire, I feel a failure and I feel genuinely unhappy and unfulfilled. It feels like a black cloud over me. I'm socially awkward and drink because of it, I keep getting myself into scrapes when drunk and feel like st for it. I have terrible trouble sleeping and feel tired all the time, and I just can't seem to retain information anymore. If I'm asked questions in work, stuff I should know the answer too its like a fog arrives in my head and I can't think. I'll know the answer in a few minutes time after someone else has given it, and because of this I feel useless. I feel like I'm forever in a state of tiredness, my legs feel tired walking up stairs, my feet hurt constantly in work (12 hour shifts), and I'm always on the edge with worry, that I'll be asked to do something in work that I won't know how to do or another question with which I'll not know the answer. Its weird, all these things individually may seem stupid, but together it just feels so heavy and draining. When I think about death I think about peace and happiness and an end to my worries.
I think it all comes down to the pressure of being a man and having this expectancy to provide and be successful as others have touched on. I always saw myself retiring at 60, with a small place somewhere, living modestly but happily, but in this day an age it all just seems to be a pipe dream.
Is it possible to change your job? Or get away for a decent break? I know that monotony can lead to being in a bad place if it feels like you don't do anything else or have any effect.I've just turned 40, have a wife, average income, mortgage will be paid off in a year or two, so I know I'm doing OK and have a lot to be thankful for, however I've been thinking about suicide for a few years now but more so over the last few months now. Its the dread of being in a job working shifts for the rest of my life that does it. I've only recently begun paying into a pension scheme so I'll never be in a position to retire, I feel a failure and I feel genuinely unhappy and unfulfilled. It feels like a black cloud over me. I'm socially awkward and drink because of it, I keep getting myself into scrapes when drunk and feel like s
t for it. I have terrible trouble sleeping and feel tired all the time, and I just can't seem to retain information anymore. If I'm asked questions in work, stuff I should know the answer too its like a fog arrives in my head and I can't think. I'll know the answer in a few minutes time after someone else has given it, and because of this I feel useless. I feel like I'm forever in a state of tiredness, my legs feel tired walking up stairs, my feet hurt constantly in work (12 hour shifts), and I'm always on the edge with worry, that I'll be asked to do something in work that I won't know how to do or another question with which I'll not know the answer. Its weird, all these things individually may seem stupid, but together it just feels so heavy and draining. When I think about death I think about peace and happiness and an end to my worries. I think it all comes down to the pressure of being a man and having this expectancy to provide and be successful as others have touched on. I always saw myself retiring at 60, with a small place somewhere, living modestly but happily, but in this day an age it all just seems to be a pipe dream.
I find planning for future things like bike trips is good because it gives me something to focus on that's fun and not work or house related.
Right now hobbies are probably quite low down the list of things you'd like to do but if you can send time outdoors doing something productive with an end result I find it helps as you can see a difference that you've made. If it tires you out even better. Even gardening would do!
I eventually sought help, was offered pills (that I can't take due to work) and spoke to someone. The speaking helped, and the act of admitting that there was a problem also helped. It was bloody hard to do though.
RowntreesCabana said:
This is good reading for me.
I've just turned 40, have a wife, average income, mortgage will be paid off in a year or two, so I know I'm doing OK and have a lot to be thankful for, however I've been thinking about suicide for a few years now but more so over the last few months now. Its the dread of being in a job working shifts for the rest of my life that does it. I've only recently begun paying into a pension scheme so I'll never be in a position to retire, I feel a failure and I feel genuinely unhappy and unfulfilled. It feels like a black cloud over me. I'm socially awkward and drink because of it, I keep getting myself into scrapes when drunk and feel like st for it. I have terrible trouble sleeping and feel tired all the time, and I just can't seem to retain information anymore. If I'm asked questions in work, stuff I should know the answer too its like a fog arrives in my head and I can't think. I'll know the answer in a few minutes time after someone else has given it, and because of this I feel useless. I feel like I'm forever in a state of tiredness, my legs feel tired walking up stairs, my feet hurt constantly in work (12 hour shifts), and I'm always on the edge with worry, that I'll be asked to do something in work that I won't know how to do or another question with which I'll not know the answer. Its weird, all these things individually may seem stupid, but together it just feels so heavy and draining. When I think about death I think about peace and happiness and an end to my worries.
I think it all comes down to the pressure of being a man and having this expectancy to provide and be successful as others have touched on. I always saw myself retiring at 60, with a small place somewhere, living modestly but happily, but in this day an age it all just seems to be a pipe dream.
I'm a couple of years younger than you and my circumstances are a little different, but quite a bit of this resonates with me. Two things that have helped me in the past couple of months are firstly not drinking (very difficult for someone who is in the habit of drinking socially!) and secondly trying always to get 7-8 hours quality sleep. The longer, warmer days help a lot too!I've just turned 40, have a wife, average income, mortgage will be paid off in a year or two, so I know I'm doing OK and have a lot to be thankful for, however I've been thinking about suicide for a few years now but more so over the last few months now. Its the dread of being in a job working shifts for the rest of my life that does it. I've only recently begun paying into a pension scheme so I'll never be in a position to retire, I feel a failure and I feel genuinely unhappy and unfulfilled. It feels like a black cloud over me. I'm socially awkward and drink because of it, I keep getting myself into scrapes when drunk and feel like s
t for it. I have terrible trouble sleeping and feel tired all the time, and I just can't seem to retain information anymore. If I'm asked questions in work, stuff I should know the answer too its like a fog arrives in my head and I can't think. I'll know the answer in a few minutes time after someone else has given it, and because of this I feel useless. I feel like I'm forever in a state of tiredness, my legs feel tired walking up stairs, my feet hurt constantly in work (12 hour shifts), and I'm always on the edge with worry, that I'll be asked to do something in work that I won't know how to do or another question with which I'll not know the answer. Its weird, all these things individually may seem stupid, but together it just feels so heavy and draining. When I think about death I think about peace and happiness and an end to my worries. I think it all comes down to the pressure of being a man and having this expectancy to provide and be successful as others have touched on. I always saw myself retiring at 60, with a small place somewhere, living modestly but happily, but in this day an age it all just seems to be a pipe dream.
RowntreesCabana said:
I've only recently begun paying into a pension scheme so I'll never be in a position to retire
Your paid off mortgage is your retirement to a large extent, and if everyone were forced to lay their cards on the table, it almost certainly would put you in a better position than many of your peers, as does any private pension at all. So, although it might not be ideal, don't feel too bad about it.Much of the rest of what you describe sounds like something you ought to talk to a GP about, and it'd be hard to try and second guess that. Parts of it, everyone feels like that, but the sum total isn't necessarily normal, and could be related to sleep, nutrition, exercise, mental health or anything else. It might be worth a discussion. Some of it sounds like a secondary anxiety borne of your more physical problems, and you could also get help with that, but possibly there's a root cause to it all.
Herbie58 said:
mikefacel said:
A lot of these suicides are due to emotional abuse by women. Never gets mentioned though.
What a lot of bullste. 90% of suicides are related to psychiatric disorders and mental health issues. No entirely sane and rational person kills themselves.
Whilst relationship issues (regardless of male/female) can have an impact on mental health - to say that suicides are caused by female induced mental abuse is both massively broad brushing and incorrect.
If society started treating mental health the same way it treats physical health then it wouldn't be such a taboo to discuss, it wouldn't have the same stigma's attached and perhaps people who need assistance could receive treatment before their health issues spiral to the point of no return.
Edited by Herbie58 on Tuesday 14th April 16:34
You're talking out of your A Hole.
Right out of it.
Totally sane and rational blah blah blaaah.
Thanks for all the replies.
I'm going to attempt a bit of self help, read a few books on the subject, start running and try and knock the booze on the head. I don't feel like I can walk in to see a Dr just now, I'd just feel that I'd be viewed as wasting their time, but if things don't change mentally, then in a few months I'll have to do it.
I think the sleep and booze thing may help, as its an endless cycle which must be having a knock on affect both physically and mentally. If I can cut out the drink, add more exercise and hopefully sleep better, it should have a positive effect.
One step at a time.
Thanks again.
I'm going to attempt a bit of self help, read a few books on the subject, start running and try and knock the booze on the head. I don't feel like I can walk in to see a Dr just now, I'd just feel that I'd be viewed as wasting their time, but if things don't change mentally, then in a few months I'll have to do it.
I think the sleep and booze thing may help, as its an endless cycle which must be having a knock on affect both physically and mentally. If I can cut out the drink, add more exercise and hopefully sleep better, it should have a positive effect.
One step at a time.
Thanks again.
This book changed my views on life: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Your-Mind-Into-Life/dp...
I got it as an audiobook because I had a 90 minute commute each way every day so wanted to use that time to take in a few things. I must have listnened to it on repeat for the best part of a month, it's quite lengthy, but it really hits at a few things to do with perception and beliefs. It may not work for you, you might want to go down a different road, but wanted to share it as something that had a really positive effect on me
I got it as an audiobook because I had a 90 minute commute each way every day so wanted to use that time to take in a few things. I must have listnened to it on repeat for the best part of a month, it's quite lengthy, but it really hits at a few things to do with perception and beliefs. It may not work for you, you might want to go down a different road, but wanted to share it as something that had a really positive effect on me
RowntreesCabana said:
Thanks for all the replies.
I'm going to attempt a bit of self help, read a few books on the subject, start running and try and knock the booze on the head. I don't feel like I can walk in to see a Dr just now, I'd just feel that I'd be viewed as wasting their time, but if things don't change mentally, then in a few months I'll have to do it.
I think the sleep and booze thing may help, as its an endless cycle which must be having a knock on affect both physically and mentally. If I can cut out the drink, add more exercise and hopefully sleep better, it should have a positive effect.
One step at a time.
Thanks again.
Dont try and second guess Doctors, they train for years and should be the judge of what is and isn't a problem, we are not the best to judge what is and isn't a serious problem, things that are no big deal to a doctor can seem like a massive problem to us, and vice versa.I'm going to attempt a bit of self help, read a few books on the subject, start running and try and knock the booze on the head. I don't feel like I can walk in to see a Dr just now, I'd just feel that I'd be viewed as wasting their time, but if things don't change mentally, then in a few months I'll have to do it.
I think the sleep and booze thing may help, as its an endless cycle which must be having a knock on affect both physically and mentally. If I can cut out the drink, add more exercise and hopefully sleep better, it should have a positive effect.
One step at a time.
Thanks again.
You pay vast amounts of tax to have one available when you need one, make use of it, there are so many people that go for colds and all manner of stuff, those who book and don't turn up and all manner of time wasting, to me, you sound like you need to speak to someone, it cant do any harm.
I say this as knowing someone who suffered for ages and eventually was convinced to go and really wished they had gone sooner and missed out on all the anguish.
RowntreesCabana said:
I don't feel like I can walk in to see a Dr just now, I'd just feel that I'd be viewed as wasting their time, but if things don't change mentally, then in a few months I'll have to do it.
Do go and see your Dr, and read him your original post.That is proper use of a doctor, not wasting time.
MHB said:
Read part of this thread, and can relate to many comments.
Currently separated from partner a few years ago and have daughters of 6 and 8. Ex has remarried (to ex husband, but that's a whole different discussion!), her life is sorted and children seem happy with their current position, but do get to see them alternate weekends. Have a good job, stressful at times but financially secure. Couple of failed relationships since breakup due to my general lack of interest, so currently single with no real interest in changing that.
Of the last eight months, weekends with children are spent doing stuff - though when don't have them typically won't leave house from Friday evening till Monday morning, and won't have any interactions with anyone. No current interest in doing any of the things I used to enjoy, so don't speak to anyone or do anything other than drink / watch tv when not at work.
Currently on mild antidepressants, but don't seem to make any difference. Struggling to see I make any meaningful contribution to anything, but guess I need to make doctors appointment pretty urgently.
More sooner than urgently, but please do. Help is out there, you just need to reach out and ask - you can't be helped if no one knows you need it!Currently separated from partner a few years ago and have daughters of 6 and 8. Ex has remarried (to ex husband, but that's a whole different discussion!), her life is sorted and children seem happy with their current position, but do get to see them alternate weekends. Have a good job, stressful at times but financially secure. Couple of failed relationships since breakup due to my general lack of interest, so currently single with no real interest in changing that.
Of the last eight months, weekends with children are spent doing stuff - though when don't have them typically won't leave house from Friday evening till Monday morning, and won't have any interactions with anyone. No current interest in doing any of the things I used to enjoy, so don't speak to anyone or do anything other than drink / watch tv when not at work.
Currently on mild antidepressants, but don't seem to make any difference. Struggling to see I make any meaningful contribution to anything, but guess I need to make doctors appointment pretty urgently.
MHB said:
Read part of this thread, and can relate to many comments.
Currently separated from partner a few years ago and have daughters of 6 and 8. Ex has remarried (to ex husband, but that's a whole different discussion!), her life is sorted and children seem happy with their current position, but do get to see them alternate weekends. Have a good job, stressful at times but financially secure. Couple of failed relationships since breakup due to my general lack of interest, so currently single with no real interest in changing that.
Of the last eight months, weekends with children are spent doing stuff - though when don't have them typically won't leave house from Friday evening till Monday morning, and won't have any interactions with anyone. No current interest in doing any of the things I used to enjoy, so don't speak to anyone or do anything other than drink / watch tv when not at work.
Currently on mild antidepressants, but don't seem to make any difference. Struggling to see I make any meaningful contribution to anything, but guess I need to make doctors appointment pretty urgently.
Depression is a terrible thing and locking your self away for days at a time sets a mind busy with negative thoughts on to a path that can be less than ideal. Currently separated from partner a few years ago and have daughters of 6 and 8. Ex has remarried (to ex husband, but that's a whole different discussion!), her life is sorted and children seem happy with their current position, but do get to see them alternate weekends. Have a good job, stressful at times but financially secure. Couple of failed relationships since breakup due to my general lack of interest, so currently single with no real interest in changing that.
Of the last eight months, weekends with children are spent doing stuff - though when don't have them typically won't leave house from Friday evening till Monday morning, and won't have any interactions with anyone. No current interest in doing any of the things I used to enjoy, so don't speak to anyone or do anything other than drink / watch tv when not at work.
Currently on mild antidepressants, but don't seem to make any difference. Struggling to see I make any meaningful contribution to anything, but guess I need to make doctors appointment pretty urgently.
In your words you describe the place that you are at very similar to that of grieving. If that is the case then address it accordingly. To get beyond where you are now is a challenge that is very tough and it will only happen when you start to re-engage with your life. You can only lick your wounds for so long before what once 'not quite right' becomes the norm. Your life is more about a brave face and busy weekends and to change the core of what lies within you have to address if from the core working out. See the doc, even talk to the Samaritans if that helps talking to a stranger. Talk to yourself even if you cannot bare talking to anyone else for now, but you need to start an open and honest dialogue about you and what is happening in your life and to your life, before your mind shuts down further and it becomes way harder than it already is.
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