Suicidal Thread
Discussion
JuniorD said:
It's a quick and effective fix to problems that are otherwise considered either too hard or pointless trying to remedy. I don't know an awful lot about it but I think men are more likely to bail out of life than women, women having more willpower, experience and motivation to battle the pain and anguish life can bring.
That, and they dont have to deal with women on the same basis as we do.Impasse said:
Here's the article to go with tonight's programme: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-32231774
I'm not sure if this stat from the text is meaningful or not: "We think that most people who die by suicide have a mental illness but less than 5% of people with a mental illness take their own lives."
The problem with that statement is that mental illness is massively under diagnosed. Men are often (but not totally) poor at getting medical help and I would expect this applies equally to mental and physical conditions. It is not seen as manly to rack up at the doctor and admit you can't cope with the whole wife / kids / mortgage situation and the other expectations of society. I'm not sure if this stat from the text is meaningful or not: "We think that most people who die by suicide have a mental illness but less than 5% of people with a mental illness take their own lives."
I await the program with interest but will watch it alone.
This thread has appeared at a good time and I'll be reading on intently.
I'm 30, single, and have a well paid job for my age. I've been single for 6 years, mostly through choice, however as of late the unrelenting cycle of working and going out and getting pissed at weekends is really grinding me down. Like others on here, I find solace in exercising and keeping fit, but this doesn't really detract from the feelings of loneliness and discontentment which seem to be growing. I have actually just booked a holiday with my dad as I haven't had a chilled out break for the time I've been single and couldn't bring myself go away on my own, possibly due to social stigma attached.
As I write this I realise that my situation is not really bad at all, especially when compared to people with complex family / marital issues. Despite this, I'm finding it hard to escape the constant clouded mind, lethargy and negative thoughts which are symptomatic of depression. I could certainly imagine how someone in a more advanced state would be driven to having serious suicidal thoughts.
I'm 30, single, and have a well paid job for my age. I've been single for 6 years, mostly through choice, however as of late the unrelenting cycle of working and going out and getting pissed at weekends is really grinding me down. Like others on here, I find solace in exercising and keeping fit, but this doesn't really detract from the feelings of loneliness and discontentment which seem to be growing. I have actually just booked a holiday with my dad as I haven't had a chilled out break for the time I've been single and couldn't bring myself go away on my own, possibly due to social stigma attached.
As I write this I realise that my situation is not really bad at all, especially when compared to people with complex family / marital issues. Despite this, I'm finding it hard to escape the constant clouded mind, lethargy and negative thoughts which are symptomatic of depression. I could certainly imagine how someone in a more advanced state would be driven to having serious suicidal thoughts.
My girlfriend of 5 years is calling me later and I'm 99% sure we are over. I feel ashamed to admit the temptation to do something is overwhelming. I'm 23 just finishing uni and hdve my whole life ahead of me. I feel completely helpless.
I just keep thinking 'permanent solution to temporary problem'
I just keep thinking 'permanent solution to temporary problem'
Jamie VTS said:
My girlfriend of 5 years is calling me later and I'm 99% sure we are over. I feel ashamed to admit the temptation to do something is overwhelming. I'm 23 just finishing uni and hdve my whole life ahead of me. I feel completely helpless.
I just keep thinking 'permanent solution to temporary problem'
Sorry that you feel that way. Have you spoken to anyone, other than via this post?I just keep thinking 'permanent solution to temporary problem'
Different things work for different people, so this may not chime with you, but whenever I find myself thinking in a particular way (and personally not that extreme), I try and think back to setbacks earlier in life and how little they matter now, years on, or how disruption has often been a positive force in my life, or how at that time I couldn't see the great moments that were still to come and what I would have missed.
As for the broader topic...
As a 30 year old male, this and the few years leading up to it is around the time that life has some major changes socially. Most of your friends settle down, start families etc and you have to be very proactive to either maintain those relationships or create new ones. After living freely in your 20s, you're probably forced to think seriously about where you're at in life for the first time, starkly benchmarked amongst your peers who have kids and mortgages and whatever.
If you're not proactive in this respect, then life looks a bit lonely & empty, and that can be a corrosive, vicious circle kind of idea. To me personally, outside of only a few major UK cities and probably still therein to a large extent, the latter seems very difficult with only retirement seeming to improve the outlook, and looks to me like it's getting more difficult over time for those arriving at that point.
In these times, the internet helps - we're here talking about it, after all - but it has a couple of things about it that mean it's not a great substitute. One is it's an arms-length, impersonal resource, and the other is that it's often displaced real life social stuff that simply no longer exists. People form and cement their social groups online and IMO it's harder to break into those when meeting new people than it would have been when everything was offline.
None of that really answers the question of 'why men', and I think the answer is partly about conditioning. Whilst women are subjected to a barrage of stuff about appearance and body and gender and behaviour, men get their messages in the form of status, wealth, materialism and some vague idea of life progress. Both are repellent and I don't want to dismiss the crap that women get, but IMO some of what's directed at men is a more toxic idea, as you can go on a diet and change your image but you can't start your life over from the beginning.
Of course it's b
ks, as el stovey points out, but even if you're self-aware enough to be conscious of this, it still gets under the skin to some degree.
What can do you do? Well you can take a step back & distil life down to what matters - has buying a load of st to keep pace with your mates or a glossy magazine idea of living made your life proportionally better? Not really? So stop valuing it so highly then, and chase after whatever you really give a st about, with or without everyone else. Are the people you aim to be like actually happy, or is it a bit shallow? Challenge your own ideas. And if you feel stuck, and can't change it - like you have kids - then look for the positives & opportunities, as well as the fact that you're not the only one in that position.
As as for a decaying social life, all you can do is be proactive - initiate things and get stuck in, rather than letting a social life just happen to you thanks to existing inertia. Maybe a lot of it won't work or like you say just be uncomfortable, but some of it might pay off. I'm not very good at this either but I do know what I need to do.
As a 30 year old male, this and the few years leading up to it is around the time that life has some major changes socially. Most of your friends settle down, start families etc and you have to be very proactive to either maintain those relationships or create new ones. After living freely in your 20s, you're probably forced to think seriously about where you're at in life for the first time, starkly benchmarked amongst your peers who have kids and mortgages and whatever.
If you're not proactive in this respect, then life looks a bit lonely & empty, and that can be a corrosive, vicious circle kind of idea. To me personally, outside of only a few major UK cities and probably still therein to a large extent, the latter seems very difficult with only retirement seeming to improve the outlook, and looks to me like it's getting more difficult over time for those arriving at that point.
In these times, the internet helps - we're here talking about it, after all - but it has a couple of things about it that mean it's not a great substitute. One is it's an arms-length, impersonal resource, and the other is that it's often displaced real life social stuff that simply no longer exists. People form and cement their social groups online and IMO it's harder to break into those when meeting new people than it would have been when everything was offline.
None of that really answers the question of 'why men', and I think the answer is partly about conditioning. Whilst women are subjected to a barrage of stuff about appearance and body and gender and behaviour, men get their messages in the form of status, wealth, materialism and some vague idea of life progress. Both are repellent and I don't want to dismiss the crap that women get, but IMO some of what's directed at men is a more toxic idea, as you can go on a diet and change your image but you can't start your life over from the beginning.
Of course it's b
ks, as el stovey points out, but even if you're self-aware enough to be conscious of this, it still gets under the skin to some degree.What can do you do? Well you can take a step back & distil life down to what matters - has buying a load of s
t to keep pace with your mates or a glossy magazine idea of living made your life proportionally better? Not really? So stop valuing it so highly then, and chase after whatever you really give a st about, with or without everyone else. Are the people you aim to be like actually happy, or is it a bit shallow? Challenge your own ideas. And if you feel stuck, and can't change it - like you have kids - then look for the positives & opportunities, as well as the fact that you're not the only one in that position.As as for a decaying social life, all you can do is be proactive - initiate things and get stuck in, rather than letting a social life just happen to you thanks to existing inertia. Maybe a lot of it won't work or like you say just be uncomfortable, but some of it might pay off. I'm not very good at this either but I do know what I need to do.
Jamie VTS said:
My girlfriend of 5 years is calling me later and I'm 99% sure we are over. I feel ashamed to admit the temptation to do something is overwhelming. I'm 23 just finishing uni and hdve my whole life ahead of me. I feel completely helpless.
I just keep thinking 'permanent solution to temporary problem'
That's terrible news. It's awful when you split up with someone but it will get better. After a couple of months you'll be trying out some new girls and doing great stuff and wondering what you were sad about. Honestly. I just keep thinking 'permanent solution to temporary problem'
Jamie VTS said:
Appreciate the kind words, apologies for hijacking the thread. I rang the Samaritans, it helped. Still feel st but hey it's not an easy thing. Thanks again to the chaps who replied. I've been in a pretty dark place for a few months
I would stress as other posters have, to seek support, whether friends, family or your local barkeep - if the Samaritans don't work for you thats fine, but don't give up!t but hey it's not an easy thing. Thanks again to the chaps who replied. I've been in a pretty dark place for a few monthsWhatever issues you think you have now are not insurmountable. Life will get better, it always does. I know that's easy for me to type and hard for you to believe right now, but I promise you in a couple of years, you'll look back and not understand how you felt like you do now.
Don't do anything rash, talk on here if you like, text a friend, call your family, hell you can even PM me if you like - but you will get through it and feel better and stronger as a result.
If you really can't cope, or none of the above works, go and see your Doc, even if it's as a favour to a random (me) on the internet.
Jamie VTS said:
Appreciate the kind words, apologies for hijacking the thread. I rang the Samaritans, it helped. Still feel st but hey it's not an easy thing. Thanks again to the chaps who replied. I've been in a pretty dark place for a few months
If this is a persistent feeling, you could do worse than to raise it with your GP. I'm not going to say that access to therapy is necessarily easy or perfect, because it's dependent on lots of things like where you are, whether your GP has a clue, and what service you would fit into. Nonetheless it is possible to get very good therapy & counselling that genuinely changes your way of thinking about things - my O/H is a cognitive behavioural therapist and deals with suicidal patients regularly, and I know what difference it can make.t but hey it's not an easy thing. Thanks again to the chaps who replied. I've been in a pretty dark place for a few monthsIf you are in Berks, then something like this may be a good start: http://www.berkshirehealthcare.nhs.uk/ServiceCatIn...
Timmy40 said:
Partly conjecture, without time to do proper research it's hard to say. I did find one study from a Hospital in Oxford that shows female incidences of self harm ( attempted suicide ) to be running at roughly 1.3 times that of Men, but the number of male fatalities runs 4 times higher than for females. Which would seem to imply that 1) overall fewer men are attempting suicide, but 2) when they do they are far more 'successful' in achieving their aim.
Is it possible that the reason for the higher success rate among men is the method that they choose? If remember correctly women are said toolike to leave a nice tidy death scene so tend to go down the route of tablets or hanging etc.whereas men don't have the same qualms about making a mess so take a more sure fire approach such as firearms,in front of a train or jumping from a building.So women give themselves a way back if they change their mind or can screw it up but there's no way back from a Remington tonsilectemy.
Thanks again everyone. I know to many the idea of a break up is probably laughable. I think its a mixture of not eating, sleeping and being unable to think of anything else has just consumed me. I have thought about doing something stupid over and over but as soon as I admit to thinking those thoughts to anyone I feel massively ashamed, weak and embarassed. The biggest problem is the one person I could talk to about this is the source of the problem.
Jamie VTS said:
Thanks again everyone. I know to many the idea of a break up is probably laughable. I think its a mixture of not eating, sleeping and being unable to think of anything else has just consumed me. I have thought about doing something stupid over and over but as soon as I admit to thinking those thoughts to anyone I feel massively ashamed, weak and embarassed. The biggest problem is the one person I could talk to about this is the source of the problem.
The minute you admit to thinking those thoughts to anyone is the minute you take a step towards turning your life around. Discuss it on here and you get plenty of positive support,phone the Samaritans you'll get the same even talk tool your gp about it. There's nothing to be ashamed about. You are not the first person to feel that way and you won't be the last.
Jamie VTS said:
Thanks again everyone. I know to many the idea of a break up is probably laughable. I think its a mixture of not eating, sleeping and being unable to think of anything else has just consumed me. I have thought about doing something stupid over and over but as soon as I admit to thinking those thoughts to anyone I feel massively ashamed, weak and embarassed. The biggest problem is the one person I could talk to about this is the source of the problem.
Some 7 years ago now I split up with a longterm girlfriend, took 10 valium, raided the madicine cabinet, consumed the contents like I was Pacman and slashed a wrist. I woke up three days later in hospital with no recollection of any of it.When looking back on that I realise just how ridiculous that was. It was just... stupid. And so pointless. She certainly wasn't worth it, that's for sure. Unfortunately it takes some time afterwards when you can review the situation with a clear mind to realise that.
Soon after I met someone else. We have a beautiful 13month old boy now. We have our ups and downs and I still have issues now and then, mostly financial after some silly life decisions made during that period with the ex, but no matter how down I feel I like to think I would never try to end it again. Because as s
t as things can get, life is still a pretty great thing to be living. Besides which, you know that the moment you end it is the week your numbers will come up
trashbat said:
Both are repellent and I don't want to dismiss the crap that women get, but IMO some of what's directed at men is a more toxic idea, as you can go on a diet and change your image but you can't start your life over from the beginning....
The male 'career' is quite often an insidious pipe-dream. You can't just be good at your job, assuming you even have one, but one must also Exceed (note capitals). And not just Exceed this year but Exceed every year ad infinitum in order to climb the greasy pole. Sorry if you're just merely decent, or god forbit ever have personal problems, perhaps you're just not cut out for a career.AndyDefault said:
This thread has appeared at a good time and I'll be reading on intently.
I'm 30, single, and have a well paid job for my age. I've been single for 6 years, mostly through choice, however as of late the unrelenting cycle of working and going out and getting pissed at weekends is really grinding me down. Like others on here, I find solace in exercising and keeping fit, but this doesn't really detract from the feelings of loneliness and discontentment which seem to be growing. I have actually just booked a holiday with my dad as I haven't had a chilled out break for the time I've been single and couldn't bring myself go away on my own, possibly due to social stigma attached.
As I write this I realise that my situation is not really bad at all, especially when compared to people with complex family / marital issues. Despite this, I'm finding it hard to escape the constant clouded mind, lethargy and negative thoughts which are symptomatic of depression. I could certainly imagine how someone in a more advanced state would be driven to having serious suicidal thoughts.
I am basically pretty happy but had the clouded mind, lethargy type thing, turned out to be an under active Thyroid, a pill once a day and back to normal and no side effects, my kind of medication. Dont always assume depression, just see a doctor, it is amazing the difference they can make given half a chance.
I'm 30, single, and have a well paid job for my age. I've been single for 6 years, mostly through choice, however as of late the unrelenting cycle of working and going out and getting pissed at weekends is really grinding me down. Like others on here, I find solace in exercising and keeping fit, but this doesn't really detract from the feelings of loneliness and discontentment which seem to be growing. I have actually just booked a holiday with my dad as I haven't had a chilled out break for the time I've been single and couldn't bring myself go away on my own, possibly due to social stigma attached.
As I write this I realise that my situation is not really bad at all, especially when compared to people with complex family / marital issues. Despite this, I'm finding it hard to escape the constant clouded mind, lethargy and negative thoughts which are symptomatic of depression. I could certainly imagine how someone in a more advanced state would be driven to having serious suicidal thoughts.
I am basically pretty happy but had the clouded mind, lethargy type thing, turned out to be an under active Thyroid, a pill once a day and back to normal and no side effects, my kind of medication. Dont always assume depression, just see a doctor, it is amazing the difference they can make given half a chance.
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