Suicidal Thread
Discussion
@JamieVTS, there's nothing I can say beyond what others have said. But talking is a start. Don't be afraid to lean on mates.
Get through tonight, and tomorrow. Emotional injury heals, just as much as physical injury. Maybe it hurts more and takes longer, but it will heal.
And you will find that the best years of your life are still to come, it's not just something people say they to make you feel better.
Get through tonight, and tomorrow. Emotional injury heals, just as much as physical injury. Maybe it hurts more and takes longer, but it will heal.
And you will find that the best years of your life are still to come, it's not just something people say they to make you feel better.
Jamie VTS said:
My girlfriend of 5 years is calling me later and I'm 99% sure we are over. I feel ashamed to admit the temptation to do something is overwhelming. I'm 23 just finishing uni and hdve my whole life ahead of me. I feel completely helpless.
I just keep thinking 'permanent solution to temporary problem'
I know you'll not believe me now, but just take it on trust for a while: sI just keep thinking 'permanent solution to temporary problem'
t gets better, five years sounds a lot because you're young but its really nothing, and all those feelings you have for her will seem like nothing compared to the one you eventually marry and have kids with.Chin up fella; you're just getting started and at 23, the best really is yet to come.
Besides, I'm fat, grey, forty, and last got blown around the same time as Roy Castles trumpet; where as you'll have ridiculous f
king hair, a flat belly, and once you've shagged your way round half of Thailand getting over her, you'll be fine.Jamie,
The first thing to recognise is that you are not the first person to go through this, there is a lot of professional knowledge out there to help someone understand and deal with depression, understand how prevalent it is, especially if they are experiencing it for the first time. Don't be afraid to talk to your GP about it. It's not all about medication either. If you are interested in the 'mechanics' of how our brains work you can also try CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Very simplistically, it teaches you that challenging your thoughts is the solution to how you feel. Once you accept a thought and lock it in, the physiological and emotional response is irreversible and uncontrollable, and you will feel terrible, and then it's too late to do anything about the effects of that thought. With each negative thought you need to have a 'punch up' in your head with it, ask yourself what is the worst that can happen but also what is most likely to happen, and maybe even throw in what's the best that can happen. If you can mentally reject the overly negative thoughts as irrational or unrealistic and lock in a more reasonable alternative one, you have done the hard work. I might sound like I'm just stating the blindingly obvious, but wallowing in negative thoughts and not attacking them straight away is quite destructive.
Good luck with it.
The first thing to recognise is that you are not the first person to go through this, there is a lot of professional knowledge out there to help someone understand and deal with depression, understand how prevalent it is, especially if they are experiencing it for the first time. Don't be afraid to talk to your GP about it. It's not all about medication either. If you are interested in the 'mechanics' of how our brains work you can also try CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Very simplistically, it teaches you that challenging your thoughts is the solution to how you feel. Once you accept a thought and lock it in, the physiological and emotional response is irreversible and uncontrollable, and you will feel terrible, and then it's too late to do anything about the effects of that thought. With each negative thought you need to have a 'punch up' in your head with it, ask yourself what is the worst that can happen but also what is most likely to happen, and maybe even throw in what's the best that can happen. If you can mentally reject the overly negative thoughts as irrational or unrealistic and lock in a more reasonable alternative one, you have done the hard work. I might sound like I'm just stating the blindingly obvious, but wallowing in negative thoughts and not attacking them straight away is quite destructive.
Good luck with it.
My ex wife very very nearly pushed me to killing myself.
It's a journey I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I got as far as being in my car, in the garage, with keys in the ignition.
I was in such a bad place the nearer I got to doing it, the better I felt.
I was also in a frame of mind where I started to think of the positives for my daughter if I did it.
That's seriously nearly there.
Anyone who imagines it's selfish hasn't really an understanding of the mindset that overwhelms you.
For several months, at least six, I would walk towards the 15 floor tower I work in, and would think I could step off that at any time, and the pain I was living through would be over.
Terrible times
I made it through the tunnel into the brightness of living life eventually.
But it was a massive journey that I underwent
Driven by a bitter hating spiteful person who did her utmost hurt me as much as hum manly possible.
Divorce is hard
Life isn't fair.
If you're going through this clinical depression, like I was, get help
See the GP
Get a friend to talk to
Post on wikivorce.com
Believe it, there is life after divorce
It's a journey I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I got as far as being in my car, in the garage, with keys in the ignition.
I was in such a bad place the nearer I got to doing it, the better I felt.
I was also in a frame of mind where I started to think of the positives for my daughter if I did it.
That's seriously nearly there.
Anyone who imagines it's selfish hasn't really an understanding of the mindset that overwhelms you.
For several months, at least six, I would walk towards the 15 floor tower I work in, and would think I could step off that at any time, and the pain I was living through would be over.
Terrible times
I made it through the tunnel into the brightness of living life eventually.
But it was a massive journey that I underwent
Driven by a bitter hating spiteful person who did her utmost hurt me as much as hum manly possible.
Divorce is hard
Life isn't fair.
If you're going through this clinical depression, like I was, get help
See the GP
Get a friend to talk to
Post on wikivorce.com
Believe it, there is life after divorce
AndyDefault said:
This thread has appeared at a good time and I'll be reading on intently.
I'm 30, single, and have a well paid job for my age. I've been single for 6 years, mostly through choice, however as of late the unrelenting cycle of working and going out and getting pissed at weekends is really grinding me down. Like others on here, I find solace in exercising and keeping fit, but this doesn't really detract from the feelings of loneliness and discontentment which seem to be growing. I have actually just booked a holiday with my dad as I haven't had a chilled out break for the time I've been single and couldn't bring myself go away on my own, possibly due to social stigma attached.
As I write this I realise that my situation is not really bad at all, especially when compared to people with complex family / marital issues. Despite this, I'm finding it hard to escape the constant clouded mind, lethargy and negative thoughts which are symptomatic of depression. I could certainly imagine how someone in a more advanced state would be driven to having serious suicidal thoughts.
Sounds familiar. Also 30, earning well, house but single for too long. I've stopped going out drinking on weekends off and actually found that has helped. Exercise helps, oddly I prefer running alone in the hills. Also booked a holiday with my dad. I've now got a small garden and pottering about in that growing stuff gives a sense of achievement away from the rat race.I'm 30, single, and have a well paid job for my age. I've been single for 6 years, mostly through choice, however as of late the unrelenting cycle of working and going out and getting pissed at weekends is really grinding me down. Like others on here, I find solace in exercising and keeping fit, but this doesn't really detract from the feelings of loneliness and discontentment which seem to be growing. I have actually just booked a holiday with my dad as I haven't had a chilled out break for the time I've been single and couldn't bring myself go away on my own, possibly due to social stigma attached.
As I write this I realise that my situation is not really bad at all, especially when compared to people with complex family / marital issues. Despite this, I'm finding it hard to escape the constant clouded mind, lethargy and negative thoughts which are symptomatic of depression. I could certainly imagine how someone in a more advanced state would be driven to having serious suicidal thoughts.
But some big questions going through my mind - where will I be and what will I be doing in 5 years, 10 years?
GT119 said:
Jamie,
The first thing to recognise is that you are not the first person to go through this, there is a lot of professional knowledge out there to help someone understand and deal with depression, understand how prevalent it is, especially if they are experiencing it for the first time. Don't be afraid to talk to your GP about it. It's not all about medication either. If you are interested in the 'mechanics' of how our brains work you can also try CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Very simplistically, it teaches you that challenging your thoughts is the solution to how you feel. Once you accept a thought and lock it in, the physiological and emotional response is irreversible and uncontrollable, and you will feel terrible, and then it's too late to do anything about the effects of that thought. With each negative thought you need to have a 'punch up' in your head with it, ask yourself what is the worst that can happen but also what is most likely to happen, and maybe even throw in what's the best that can happen. If you can mentally reject the overly negative thoughts as irrational or unrealistic and lock in a more reasonable alternative one, you have done the hard work. I might sound like I'm just stating the blindingly obvious, but wallowing in negative thoughts and not attacking them straight away is quite destructive.
Good luck with it.
A vote for CBT from me. Was a huge help when I went through a couple of years of chronic anxiety attacks ( which I appreciate are not life threatening but it doesn't feel like that at the time). Dr Burns 'feeling good handbook' was what worked for me (hope it's ok to mention by name). The first thing to recognise is that you are not the first person to go through this, there is a lot of professional knowledge out there to help someone understand and deal with depression, understand how prevalent it is, especially if they are experiencing it for the first time. Don't be afraid to talk to your GP about it. It's not all about medication either. If you are interested in the 'mechanics' of how our brains work you can also try CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Very simplistically, it teaches you that challenging your thoughts is the solution to how you feel. Once you accept a thought and lock it in, the physiological and emotional response is irreversible and uncontrollable, and you will feel terrible, and then it's too late to do anything about the effects of that thought. With each negative thought you need to have a 'punch up' in your head with it, ask yourself what is the worst that can happen but also what is most likely to happen, and maybe even throw in what's the best that can happen. If you can mentally reject the overly negative thoughts as irrational or unrealistic and lock in a more reasonable alternative one, you have done the hard work. I might sound like I'm just stating the blindingly obvious, but wallowing in negative thoughts and not attacking them straight away is quite destructive.
Good luck with it.
The biggest thing for me was the acceptance paradox ie rather than thinking 'I shouldn't get anxiety attacks', a destructive thought that will only make them worse, I had to change my thinking to 'it's simply something I have in the way that every person has imperfections.' Away they went.. Obviously that's just an example for what I suffered but similar principles in CBT address all manner of things.
Jamie VTS said:
Thanks again everyone. I know to many the idea of a break up is probably laughable. I think its a mixture of not eating, sleeping and being unable to think of anything else has just consumed me. I have thought about doing something stupid over and over but as soon as I admit to thinking those thoughts to anyone I feel massively ashamed, weak and embarassed. The biggest problem is the one person I could talk to about this is the source of the problem.
I've got this thing, I learned it through ACT. It's called the saliva test. Saliva's great, it's in your mouth, helps you speak and swallow. It's a good thing to have. Now, imagine that you spit into a glass, and you keep doing that til it's half full. Would you drink it? What happens to me is the thought of drinking turns my stomach. The thought of it, I never even got a glass out of the cupboard. The mind can trick you into thinking things, then it's this big horrible thing, wtf was I even thinking, jessus, you must get away from at all costs, it's a disgusting thought ad I created it. When you can accept that it's a thought, and yep, created it and I'm OK with it being there, it's a bit less scary. It came from inside me and I'm bigger than it.
If you cant talk to your g/f, speak to SANE: 0845 767 8000
They're non judgemental and can probably spare you a bit more time than your GP, who probably needs to see you soon
Separated from my wife at the moment which is hard, separated from my daughter too, utter torture.
I'll not lie, at my lowest point I had some pretty dark thoughts a few weeks back.
Love that little lass more than I could ever put into words & for that very reason didn't go down that dark road.
You have to look at the positives to you being here, it's a must.
I'll not lie, at my lowest point I had some pretty dark thoughts a few weeks back.
Love that little lass more than I could ever put into words & for that very reason didn't go down that dark road.
You have to look at the positives to you being here, it's a must.
Jamie, Perspective - life's looong, you're still at the start; much more to come - some bad like now, some great and better than you've ever known yet. Time will heal. Rut - unless you change something, things remain the same; take your time now and go for a run, walk, fishing, footy...anything that helps change your life a little for the better. Future - your not at the mercy of memory, the future is yours to carve out and make the best of, be positive and look forward, not back.
Sincerely hope you find your feet again.
Sincerely hope you find your feet again.
Grant76 said:
Separated from my wife at the moment which is hard, separated from my daughter too, utter torture.
I'll not lie, at my lowest point I had some pretty dark thoughts a few weeks back.
Love that little lass more than I could ever put into words & for that very reason didn't go down that dark road.
You have to look at the positives to you being here, it's a must.
March 10th this year marked the fifth anniversary of when my daughter last spoke to me. I'll not lie, at my lowest point I had some pretty dark thoughts a few weeks back.
Love that little lass more than I could ever put into words & for that very reason didn't go down that dark road.
You have to look at the positives to you being here, it's a must.
Life's cruel
Life's hard.
But you've just got to get out there and do it
Otherwise it'll just pass you by
Life's too short
Too short by far.
mikefacel said:
No, men are more physically abusive, women more emotionally abusive.
In general, unless you encounter it as a child. The effects of that can last a decade or three. In my instance I was at the bottom of a chain of nasty situations and probably reminded my relative of the OH and was also the only 'viable' outlet.Have you ever seen a video of a troupe of monkeys where the alpha meets out some violence to a subordinate, who then dishes out the same to their subordinate, and so on until the lowest ranking animal gets a wallop for something completely beyond their comprehension? On reflection the situation was a bit like that but it takes years to be calm enough to appreciate it.
Admitting /disclosing a problem is still extremely difficult. From my point of view (male), despite our recent cultural willingness to discuss mental health matters there is still an utter lack of comprehension, or willingness to comprehend, in a large number of people, regardless of upbringing / social station / whatever. Admitting problems to some acquaintances is pretty much social suicide and woe betide you if your boss and place of work are unenlightened; I can't be alone in knowing of people that have been managed out of employment due to the business being unwilling to support the ill employee? This isn't at all helpful for those needing to alert others as to their situation and can't do anything other than perpetuate the presumed need to remain quiet and hold it all together.
As a slight aside, a psychiatrist once told me that the most effective treatment for depression related illnesses was talking therapy but it cost so much up front that they (NHS) were unable to fund it for most cases. The result? People are left to muddle on or are loaded up on meds to keep them somewhere near normality and bugger the long term health consequences.
Don't man up. Find someone to talk to, even if they're on the other end of a phone line.
LucreLout said:
Insanity Magnet said:
Don't man up. Find someone to talk to, even if they're on the other end of a phone line.
That IS manning up.The samaratins also have an online service that allows you to vent without actually needing to talk to someone, I found this to be more usefll as I had to think about what i was typing more than I would if I was talking.
It took me a long time to admit to anyone that I was having issues with depression, I'm in my 30s, have a loving wife and I'm in a good job and with all the material things I could want within reason. I still got to the point of having chosen a location, sourced the rope and decided on a time. None of my family or friends know how close I came.
But it's also (for me) a completely random thing. I'm currently going through a total s
tstorm with work and homelife but feel OK.
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