Suicidal Thread
Discussion
I can see how this happens.
Got to 44, realise you are never going to get much more promotion and join the big earners, watched complete idiots getting the promotions.
Read PH and discover you should have been paying about 30% of your salary into a 'pension pot' from about 20 years old.
Realise you would now need to pay about 60% of your salary into non-existent pot to catch up.
Wife wants a new bathroom and kitchen but you are already drowning in debt.
Will be 60 years old in 16 years time and time is running out, wonder how exactly you are going to pay for your typical PH 'retirement'.
So, basically it's reading PH that's the problem.
Got to 44, realise you are never going to get much more promotion and join the big earners, watched complete idiots getting the promotions.
Read PH and discover you should have been paying about 30% of your salary into a 'pension pot' from about 20 years old.
Realise you would now need to pay about 60% of your salary into non-existent pot to catch up.
Wife wants a new bathroom and kitchen but you are already drowning in debt.
Will be 60 years old in 16 years time and time is running out, wonder how exactly you are going to pay for your typical PH 'retirement'.
So, basically it's reading PH that's the problem.
This thread seems quite topical to me at the moment, although not totally directly.
I'm not feeling suicidal currently, but after dealing with some health issues at the start of the year (all on the mend now), I've found myself behaving less like a 'man' should act. Very emotional to everything (lashing out, tearing up..) - effecting my work and personal life, rash because of it and with an almost complete loss of confidence.
I've never been like that before, quite the opposite. I was never emotionally cut off, but could always control them perfectly and only express them where they needed. I'm 26 with a reasonable job, some good friends and physically in good shape .. why wouldn't I be confident / happy?
I finally made the jump to the GP last week and he thinks it's basically down to downplaying my health issues as less serious than they were, then the associated mental fallout with them messing me up because I don't think it was serious. I'm not sure how to proceed to be honest, maybe it is society but it makes me feel utterly weak and far less of a man that I'm unable to deal with it properly. People get ill all the time, they don't turn into wimps about it so why am I?
How can a real man not just deal with it and move on?
I'm not feeling suicidal currently, but after dealing with some health issues at the start of the year (all on the mend now), I've found myself behaving less like a 'man' should act. Very emotional to everything (lashing out, tearing up..) - effecting my work and personal life, rash because of it and with an almost complete loss of confidence.
I've never been like that before, quite the opposite. I was never emotionally cut off, but could always control them perfectly and only express them where they needed. I'm 26 with a reasonable job, some good friends and physically in good shape .. why wouldn't I be confident / happy?
I finally made the jump to the GP last week and he thinks it's basically down to downplaying my health issues as less serious than they were, then the associated mental fallout with them messing me up because I don't think it was serious. I'm not sure how to proceed to be honest, maybe it is society but it makes me feel utterly weak and far less of a man that I'm unable to deal with it properly. People get ill all the time, they don't turn into wimps about it so why am I?
How can a real man not just deal with it and move on?
CuckooInMyNest said:
Got to 44, realise you are never going to get much more promotion and join the big earners, watched complete idiots getting the promotions.
Read PH and discover you should have been paying about 30% of your salary into a 'pension pot' from about 20 years old.
Then realise they change the rules so instead of retiring at 50 in 6 years you now have to work to 57 in 14 years.Read PH and discover you should have been paying about 30% of your salary into a 'pension pot' from about 20 years old.
It's bordering on the freaky, but 3 years ago, it turns out to the exact day, maybe there's something about this time of year, I saved this message on 14/04/12 as I didn't have the balls to post it.
Nowadays, I'm ok. Life's ok, had lots of experiences I wouldn't have, had things taken a different turn.
pinotnoir 3 years ago nearly said:
Ray Luxury-Yacht said:
there's not much that should cause us to be unhappy.
Except depression.
I typed this out some time back due to Lounge posting restrictions and under an alternative login for obvious reasons, sorry mods. It's quite amazing how the mind changes; I've gone from this to not being able to relate to any of it, to thinking it's too long term thinking.Except depression.
pinotnoir said:
I first started having bouts of depression in my mid-late teens as is quite common. I found the medication helped substantially, would get me back on my feet, and I would even go so far as to say I was glad that I went through those times. As with a lot of things, looking back to the past you forget the details and how horrible they were and just view it as a period of time. I honestly couldn’t tell you now what the issues were that were going through my mind and as a result actually felt somewhat glad that I’d experienced it. Everything is relative, enjoyment of life included, so with the cloud lifted I really felt alive and a better person for the introspection, insight and philosophy that depression can bring.
These bouts occurred many times again through my twenties, sometimes damaging relationships, other times just giving me longish periods of having a crap life, but they’d come and go. Suicide a fairly regular thought but not often on the agenda.
My most recent bouts have been a bit worse, though I seem to accept them more readily. I had one a couple of years back which really hit hard, but I think it was magnified massively by changing of medication, (which you really really need to be careful of). That saw me off work for a couple of weeks and I never expected to return. Also made me firm in my standpoint that no matter how bad things get, I will not medicate for it. Not because I don’t want to take medication or I see it as weak, more that the side-effects for me are simply not worth it. Having come through that bout I promised myself I’m not going through that again. If it raises its head I will try to deal on a day to day basis but in all likelihood I see the exit as an inevitability one day. It might not happen for decades, I just don’t know, but I am resigned to the acceptance that I choose when I’ve had enough, when the negatives too much out way the positives. Nothing scares me more than the thought of being in a position where I do not have the option to choose to live or not. I gain a great deal of comfort from this, or at least I think I do. Once I accept that death is the worst thing that can happen, and that it’s not that bad a thing, a certain relief comes. Whilst I’m largely fine at the moment this does affect things in that I’m somewhat cautious of getting involved in a serious relationship and I’m certainly not going to have kids because it will just make the whole thing harder, in effect removing that option for me, and increasing the number and the extent to which others might be affected by it. I’ve no aspirations to purchase property or have investments because I don’t expect to get the end benefits.
I guess I’m just weary of it. I think about death to some degree a lot of the time, but I wouldn’t say I’m suicidal, it’s just my default thought as I start to see my life getting s
ttier. And as I get older life does seem to get generally sttier. A friend of mine once spoke of the concept of suicide through boredom and whilst that’s treating it a little lightly I know what he meant.
In another thread dmn made a point that really made me think. Russell, your attitude and insight into these things is incredible, hope my edit of your post doesn’t alter its intent, and if so please correct me:
That took away the comfort factor somewhat and made me think that this might be a path I could end up edging down.
In many cases I do not see such tragedy in suicide. I know that my problems are not even close to what many people have to deal with, in the scheme of things mine is very minor and if they choose to relieve their pain in this way then who am I to judge. I view it in a similar way to EXIT International’s approach to euthanasia but without the restrictions of having to have a terminal physically debilitating condition.
Without wishing to sound callous, I don’t think it’s that big a deal. People die all the time, we all have to go sometime and there’s something much sadder about the end of a life that is wanted than one that isn't.
I read this a couple of months back and it seemed like insanity, I've read it recently and it sounds too reasonable. The mind changes so much and so often that I don't even know what the reality is anymore.
What's my point? Self pity most likely, but moreover how the brain and attitudes can change, not within months, but within hours or less. 'Aaaarrgghh' will likely be gone as quickly as it arrived, but make all efforts to keep a distance from it. Such a crap post compared to Ray's I'm sorry.
These bouts occurred many times again through my twenties, sometimes damaging relationships, other times just giving me longish periods of having a crap life, but they’d come and go. Suicide a fairly regular thought but not often on the agenda.
My most recent bouts have been a bit worse, though I seem to accept them more readily. I had one a couple of years back which really hit hard, but I think it was magnified massively by changing of medication, (which you really really need to be careful of). That saw me off work for a couple of weeks and I never expected to return. Also made me firm in my standpoint that no matter how bad things get, I will not medicate for it. Not because I don’t want to take medication or I see it as weak, more that the side-effects for me are simply not worth it. Having come through that bout I promised myself I’m not going through that again. If it raises its head I will try to deal on a day to day basis but in all likelihood I see the exit as an inevitability one day. It might not happen for decades, I just don’t know, but I am resigned to the acceptance that I choose when I’ve had enough, when the negatives too much out way the positives. Nothing scares me more than the thought of being in a position where I do not have the option to choose to live or not. I gain a great deal of comfort from this, or at least I think I do. Once I accept that death is the worst thing that can happen, and that it’s not that bad a thing, a certain relief comes. Whilst I’m largely fine at the moment this does affect things in that I’m somewhat cautious of getting involved in a serious relationship and I’m certainly not going to have kids because it will just make the whole thing harder, in effect removing that option for me, and increasing the number and the extent to which others might be affected by it. I’ve no aspirations to purchase property or have investments because I don’t expect to get the end benefits.
I guess I’m just weary of it. I think about death to some degree a lot of the time, but I wouldn’t say I’m suicidal, it’s just my default thought as I start to see my life getting s
ttier. And as I get older life does seem to get generally sttier. A friend of mine once spoke of the concept of suicide through boredom and whilst that’s treating it a little lightly I know what he meant.In another thread dmn made a point that really made me think. Russell, your attitude and insight into these things is incredible, hope my edit of your post doesn’t alter its intent, and if so please correct me:
drivin_me_nuts said:
But the one thing you are running out of is time. The longer you leave this, the more reasons your brain will find for not making a choice. The more you stonewall, the greater will become the overload and the point of no return where the brain say in effect, enough, there is no way out than a terminal one.
You can't have it both ways - the mind abhors stasis and cannot tolerate for long circular thinking without doing real damage. You need to think about what is you want to do - and 'escape' is just a distraction activity to stop you doing it.
You can't have it both ways - the mind abhors stasis and cannot tolerate for long circular thinking without doing real damage. You need to think about what is you want to do - and 'escape' is just a distraction activity to stop you doing it.
That took away the comfort factor somewhat and made me think that this might be a path I could end up edging down.
In many cases I do not see such tragedy in suicide. I know that my problems are not even close to what many people have to deal with, in the scheme of things mine is very minor and if they choose to relieve their pain in this way then who am I to judge. I view it in a similar way to EXIT International’s approach to euthanasia but without the restrictions of having to have a terminal physically debilitating condition.
Without wishing to sound callous, I don’t think it’s that big a deal. People die all the time, we all have to go sometime and there’s something much sadder about the end of a life that is wanted than one that isn't.
I read this a couple of months back and it seemed like insanity, I've read it recently and it sounds too reasonable. The mind changes so much and so often that I don't even know what the reality is anymore.
What's my point? Self pity most likely, but moreover how the brain and attitudes can change, not within months, but within hours or less. 'Aaaarrgghh' will likely be gone as quickly as it arrived, but make all efforts to keep a distance from it. Such a crap post compared to Ray's I'm sorry.
Calza said:
I'm not sure how to proceed to be honest, maybe it is society but it makes me feel utterly weak and far less of a man that I'm unable to deal with it properly. People get ill all the time, they don't turn into wimps about it so why am I?
How can a real man not just deal with it and move on?
This sort of logic is where CBT comes in, challenging some of your ideas.How can a real man not just deal with it and move on?
Most of all, what does it matter if you conform less with someone else's idea of what "being a man" is? What is a "real man" and why do you care so much about it that it's bringing you down? What would the other people close to you in your life think about that?
And as for your line about other people who get ill not behaving like that, are you sure? Health anxiety, illness-related depression, and so on are common issues - but even if you met those people, how would you know whether they were internally dealing with their own health well or not? And if outwardly they mask it all like your real man would, but later suppressing it all builds to the point where they kill themselves, was that worth it?
It sounds like your aim is to brush it away and forget about it, which might be the right objective, but also might not be realistic.
Big Fat Fatty said:
LocoCoco said:
Pentoman said:
To all those members that are reading this thread, feeling some familiarity, but too afraid to write a post: All the best to you.
+1...I'm not suicidal, (I don't think so at least), but maybe I should think about picking up the phone...
All- great thread by the way!
Without going into too much detail, I have experienced mental health 'issues' for nearly 15 years. I went through a very dark 3 or 4 months in my mid 20's and withdrew entirely from everything. Fortunately, the moment I started thinking about ending everything was the trigger for me going to see the doctor. As a 'bloke', I was shocked to be diagnosed with clinical depression, but the doctor sold my issues to me as a chemical inbalance within my brain, allowing me to take a more pragmatic understanding of what was wrong with me. Hey-presto, the medication worked, but I was ashamed to admit my diagnosis to anybody other than my girlfriend- not even to my closest friends or family as i saw it as a stigma. For the next 15 years, I bumbled on with life as 'Good Old Dave', happy, successful (ish), jolly, outgoing etc... In short I was living as I always had, being the person that I felt I ought to be and others around me expected me to be- the meds were controlling my previous thoughts. Every now and then I would feel really good- take myself off the pills - but inevitably be back at the doctor for a reassessment after a few months and be back on the meds... So ran the course of my life for the next few years in which time I got married, did well at work, started a family & from the outside my life looked brilliant. Everybody thinks I am extrovert because of how I have portrayed myself- but this time last year I had a dawning that has resulted in me experiencing the most challenging, though ultimately liberating 12 months of my life.
The 'dawning' was incredibly personal and I will not share the detail on here (but no- in case you are wondering, I did not realise I was gay or 'owt like that!!!)- perhaps best summarised that I met somebody who I connected with (who happened to be female), got to know and we soon established that we are very alike in background, approach- but most importantly at how we lived our lives- with an element of 'facade'. For the first time ever, I had met somebody that I could openly talk to about how I really feel about everything- love, life, friendships, self-perception- absolutely everything. I started to feel comfortable being the 'real me' in her company, to understand who I really am- but most importantly, I actually started to like that person. Unfortunately, our 'friendship' could have been considered inappropriate so we hid it from those around us and we built up an incredible emotional intimacy- but managed to stop ourselves from taking it any further. Eventually we were 'found out'with dramatic repercussions- and were forced to cut all ties with immediate effect. This resulted in the closest I have come to a proper 'break down', my marriage nearly failed, my physical health suffered, I nearly quit my job and I literally started to question everything- it was horrible. To save our marriage, we signed up to counselling and that really helped... Most significantly, the counsellor suggested that I go through counselling on my own, and that is by far and away the best thing I have ever done- I am now talking about how I really think and feel with a professional who does not & will not judge me. We talk in an appropriate & totally open environment and she is able to offer perspective, support, encouragement, allow myself to understand what is really important, to be 'true to myself' and most importantly to have hope .
The reason I am writing this rather long 'story' is because I was offered counselling when first diagnosed 15 years ago. I declined due to my own 'macho stigma' perception and shame at how I would be perceived for having a mental illness- what was the point given that the meds worked??? That was probably one of the biggest mistakes of my life as I simply swept my 'issues' under the carpet for the next 14 years as I tried to be the person that I felt society expected me to be. Unfortunately, once circumstance kicked in, I soon realised(to keep it on a PH theme), that life has no reverse gear. But those last 14 years have not been wasted- least of all because I now have a beautiful 3 year old girl. However, in the last 12 months, I have learned SO much about myself, how I operate and mostly about what really matters. Perhaps the most liberating experience has been opening up to my real friends and family... The response has been quite the opposite to what I had expected... Many were admittedly surprised as they had been drawn in by my 'front'... However, the overwhelming response has been supportive. I still have a long way to go- but at least I am now honest with myself and approaching life rationally and realistically... My biggest regret is being drawn into the whole stigma when first diagnosed... Life carried on, the meds helped me feel in control- but ultimately I wasn't me with the end result 14 years later that I really hurt my wife and others close to me- as well as losing one of the most important friendships that I have ever experienced.
So- to all you chaps going through dark phases, no matter how severe- do not be afraid to seek help, medically initially- but also to understand why you are in this position. In my experience, this can only be achieved through talking:- to professionals, and/or those that really care about you... You will find yourself rather surprised by the complete lack of judgement. Just reading the response to this thread on one of the most testosterone fuelled forums out there simply highlights that theory. I am no professional on these things and certainly in no position to advise as everybody is different. But hopefully my sharing what worked for me may help you make the call to deal with things sooner rather than later...
Stay strong & keep smiling chaps- life does get better! If diagnosed with depression, take heart that us 'mentallists' can actually lead pretty normal lives after all!
Without going into too much detail, I have experienced mental health 'issues' for nearly 15 years. I went through a very dark 3 or 4 months in my mid 20's and withdrew entirely from everything. Fortunately, the moment I started thinking about ending everything was the trigger for me going to see the doctor. As a 'bloke', I was shocked to be diagnosed with clinical depression, but the doctor sold my issues to me as a chemical inbalance within my brain, allowing me to take a more pragmatic understanding of what was wrong with me. Hey-presto, the medication worked, but I was ashamed to admit my diagnosis to anybody other than my girlfriend- not even to my closest friends or family as i saw it as a stigma. For the next 15 years, I bumbled on with life as 'Good Old Dave', happy, successful (ish), jolly, outgoing etc... In short I was living as I always had, being the person that I felt I ought to be and others around me expected me to be- the meds were controlling my previous thoughts. Every now and then I would feel really good- take myself off the pills - but inevitably be back at the doctor for a reassessment after a few months and be back on the meds... So ran the course of my life for the next few years in which time I got married, did well at work, started a family & from the outside my life looked brilliant. Everybody thinks I am extrovert because of how I have portrayed myself- but this time last year I had a dawning that has resulted in me experiencing the most challenging, though ultimately liberating 12 months of my life.
The 'dawning' was incredibly personal and I will not share the detail on here (but no- in case you are wondering, I did not realise I was gay or 'owt like that!!!)- perhaps best summarised that I met somebody who I connected with (who happened to be female), got to know and we soon established that we are very alike in background, approach- but most importantly at how we lived our lives- with an element of 'facade'. For the first time ever, I had met somebody that I could openly talk to about how I really feel about everything- love, life, friendships, self-perception- absolutely everything. I started to feel comfortable being the 'real me' in her company, to understand who I really am- but most importantly, I actually started to like that person. Unfortunately, our 'friendship' could have been considered inappropriate so we hid it from those around us and we built up an incredible emotional intimacy- but managed to stop ourselves from taking it any further. Eventually we were 'found out'with dramatic repercussions- and were forced to cut all ties with immediate effect. This resulted in the closest I have come to a proper 'break down', my marriage nearly failed, my physical health suffered, I nearly quit my job and I literally started to question everything- it was horrible. To save our marriage, we signed up to counselling and that really helped... Most significantly, the counsellor suggested that I go through counselling on my own, and that is by far and away the best thing I have ever done- I am now talking about how I really think and feel with a professional who does not & will not judge me. We talk in an appropriate & totally open environment and she is able to offer perspective, support, encouragement, allow myself to understand what is really important, to be 'true to myself' and most importantly to have hope .
The reason I am writing this rather long 'story' is because I was offered counselling when first diagnosed 15 years ago. I declined due to my own 'macho stigma' perception and shame at how I would be perceived for having a mental illness- what was the point given that the meds worked??? That was probably one of the biggest mistakes of my life as I simply swept my 'issues' under the carpet for the next 14 years as I tried to be the person that I felt society expected me to be. Unfortunately, once circumstance kicked in, I soon realised(to keep it on a PH theme), that life has no reverse gear. But those last 14 years have not been wasted- least of all because I now have a beautiful 3 year old girl. However, in the last 12 months, I have learned SO much about myself, how I operate and mostly about what really matters. Perhaps the most liberating experience has been opening up to my real friends and family... The response has been quite the opposite to what I had expected... Many were admittedly surprised as they had been drawn in by my 'front'... However, the overwhelming response has been supportive. I still have a long way to go- but at least I am now honest with myself and approaching life rationally and realistically... My biggest regret is being drawn into the whole stigma when first diagnosed... Life carried on, the meds helped me feel in control- but ultimately I wasn't me with the end result 14 years later that I really hurt my wife and others close to me- as well as losing one of the most important friendships that I have ever experienced.
So- to all you chaps going through dark phases, no matter how severe- do not be afraid to seek help, medically initially- but also to understand why you are in this position. In my experience, this can only be achieved through talking:- to professionals, and/or those that really care about you... You will find yourself rather surprised by the complete lack of judgement. Just reading the response to this thread on one of the most testosterone fuelled forums out there simply highlights that theory. I am no professional on these things and certainly in no position to advise as everybody is different. But hopefully my sharing what worked for me may help you make the call to deal with things sooner rather than later...
Stay strong & keep smiling chaps- life does get better! If diagnosed with depression, take heart that us 'mentallists' can actually lead pretty normal lives after all!
trashbat said:
Calza said:
I'm not sure how to proceed to be honest, maybe it is society but it makes me feel utterly weak and far less of a man that I'm unable to deal with it properly. People get ill all the time, they don't turn into wimps about it so why am I?
How can a real man not just deal with it and move on?
This sort of logic is where CBT comes in, challenging some of your ideas.How can a real man not just deal with it and move on?
Most of all, what does it matter if you conform less with someone else's idea of what "being a man" is? What is a "real man" and why do you care so much about it that it's bringing you down? What would the other people close to you in your life think about that?
And as for your line about other people who get ill not behaving like that, are you sure? Health anxiety, illness-related depression, and so on are common issues - but even if you met those people, how would you know whether they were internally dealing with their own health well or not? And if outwardly they mask it all like your real man would, but later suppressing it all builds to the point where they kill themselves, was that worth it?
It sounds like your aim is to brush it away and forget about it, which might be the right objective, but also might not be realistic.
In all honesty if I am offered some form of counselling or CBT I'll probably take it, because I'll do anything to get back to how I was .. but I don't think I could bring myself to tell friends or family. Some stigma's are too hard to shake, right or wrong.
Calza said:
Valid points.
In all honesty if I am offered some form of counselling or CBT I'll probably take it, because I'll do anything to get back to how I was .. but I don't think I could bring myself to tell friends or family. Some stigma's are too hard to shake, right or wrong.
You'll need to work with your GP to get access to it, a referral can take a few weeks to get to an appointment for assessment, then another few weeks to get to sitting down and doing something. The NHS version isnt as good as some private versions, in some cases because the NHS sadly dont (but really should) have the resource or funding available to really get a proper hold of patient needs. First and second hand experience. A private counsellor can work quicker and is more nimble, but obviously you're paying for it yourself. Somewhere in the region of £30-£50 per hour, 2-4 hours a month, 3-6/12 months. First hand experience. In all honesty if I am offered some form of counselling or CBT I'll probably take it, because I'll do anything to get back to how I was .. but I don't think I could bring myself to tell friends or family. Some stigma's are too hard to shake, right or wrong.
It's common that people go to self help books, audiobooks or group sessions/workshops, if you're bothered about how to explain them away and dont feel you can come forward, they're often just after work, so you can always be 'working late'. But really, if someone's bothered about where you are and you're bothered about what to tell them, you've probably got a good chance of being able to be open with them without being judged. Otherwise the answer's 'none of your business'
I preferred ACT and psycho dynamic therapy over CBT, which I found a bit vague and didnt really pinpoint anything for me, but that was based on what was best for me, you'll be different no doubt.
mikefacel said:
A lot of these suicides are due to emotional abuse by women. Never gets mentioned though.
What a lot of bullste. 90% of suicides are related to psychiatric disorders and mental health issues. No entirely sane and rational person kills themselves.
Whilst relationship issues (regardless of male/female) can have an impact on mental health - to say that suicides are caused by female induced mental abuse is both massively broad brushing and incorrect.
If society started treating mental health the same way it treats physical health then it wouldn't be such a taboo to discuss, it wouldn't have the same stigma's attached and perhaps people who need assistance could receive treatment before their health issues spiral to the point of no return.
Edited by Herbie58 on Tuesday 14th April 16:34
andy-xr said:
You'll need to work with your GP to get access to it, a referral can take a few weeks to get to an appointment for assessment, then another few weeks to get to sitting down and doing something.
Not necessarily on any count - some services (e.g. Portsmouth) are self-referral, which makes sense since it has to be the patient that opts in. Other services are as you describe where it has to go via a GP.I also don't necessarily agree that the NHS service is any worse than private - but it depends on area. IAPT services seem to be very good. Of course, I'm somewhat biased.
Insanity Magnet said:
LucreLout said:
That IS manning up.
Indeed! I was really referring to the stiff upper lip / I'm a rufty-tufty-man so will ignore it approach that often leads to self destruction.In short boozing seems to be about as much help as pouring paraffin on a firer to put it out.
Calza said:
Valid points.
In all honesty if I am offered some form of counselling or CBT I'll probably take it, because I'll do anything to get back to how I was .. but I don't think I could bring myself to tell friends or family. Some stigma's are too hard to shake, right or wrong.
Understandable - and regardless of that, plenty of sense in wanting to talk to an objective stranger rather than those around you. Try and be proactive about it too though - if you need CBT or whatever else, seek it out, because that's how it works best.In all honesty if I am offered some form of counselling or CBT I'll probably take it, because I'll do anything to get back to how I was .. but I don't think I could bring myself to tell friends or family. Some stigma's are too hard to shake, right or wrong.
The whole man thing - well, here's a blunt way of looking at it. In the last 60 years or so, most of us have moved on from ideas like 'a woman belongs in the kitchen', and so if a female friend told you she was thinking about not taking a job she wanted because who would look after the house etc, you would probably tell her what nonsense that was & to do what was right for herself. Probably much the same applies if she was obsessing about not looking like a photoshopped magazine model or about every pound of weight. Yet there is still today - and by no means limited to you - this idea about what you ought to be doing as a man. I say it's just as out of date. Do what you need to do & what you really believe in when it all gets boiled down.
If something's making you miserable - in this case, suppressing how you feel - and there's no decent reward in return, you should think about changing it.
Whatever you do, good luck
and there's always someone who will spare you the time, even if they're random impersonal strangers on the internet.Edited by trashbat on Tuesday 14th April 17:38
Insanity Magnet said:
LucreLout said:
That IS manning up.
Indeed! I was really referring to the stiff upper lip / I'm a rufty-tufty-man so will ignore it approach that often leads to self destruction.Sometimes, to go forwards, you need to go backwards a little and the start of sorting any problem out is admitting you have it.
We need the ability to say f
k it and walk away from negative things, be it work or other people, and realise you are going to pop off eventually anyway, may as well stick it out and see what happens.J4CKO said:
We need the ability to say fk it and walk away from negative things, be it work or other people, and realise you are going to pop off eventually anyway, may as well stick it out and see what happens.
Sometimes it isn't possible to walk away from negative things as they're all encompassing and influence every waking moment. You can't walk away from a feeling or the memories of a historical event but the repercussions could well last a lifetime. k it and walk away from negative things, be it work or other people, and realise you are going to pop off eventually anyway, may as well stick it out and see what happens.The ability to shorten that agony should be an option available to anyone who wants it.
To everyone reading this. Go to your GP and ask for help.
Four years ago I did just that, told him how long I'd been suffering and told him I wouldn't take pills. Three weeks later I'm seeing a CBT therapist.
12 weeks after that I was a changed man. All those preoccupying thoughts that used to cycle round my head are gone and i'm happier, healthier and more successful as a result.
I cannot convey how much it's helped me. I am a massive advocate of CBT. If anyone wants to PM me to discuss, feel free.
Sam
Four years ago I did just that, told him how long I'd been suffering and told him I wouldn't take pills. Three weeks later I'm seeing a CBT therapist.
12 weeks after that I was a changed man. All those preoccupying thoughts that used to cycle round my head are gone and i'm happier, healthier and more successful as a result.
I cannot convey how much it's helped me. I am a massive advocate of CBT. If anyone wants to PM me to discuss, feel free.
Sam
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