Who's 30+ and has no kids through choice?
Discussion
41 last Sunday, no kids and none planned.
Plenty of friends have multiple kids and they seem happy but I also have other friends in the same situation as us and are just as happy and usually have more time/money/energy to spend on whatever they want, whenever they want to, other people's kids are great, you can say goodbye and go home to quiet at the end of the day.
Plenty of friends have multiple kids and they seem happy but I also have other friends in the same situation as us and are just as happy and usually have more time/money/energy to spend on whatever they want, whenever they want to, other people's kids are great, you can say goodbye and go home to quiet at the end of the day.
I'm 47 and have no kids. Other half doesn't want them either.
Never really felt slightly paternal and quite happy as we are thanks. We can go on holiday when we want, I don't need to drive an SUV (reason enough) and we can spend our money the way we want. Slightly selfish? Perhaps, but we enjoy our life.
Never really felt slightly paternal and quite happy as we are thanks. We can go on holiday when we want, I don't need to drive an SUV (reason enough) and we can spend our money the way we want. Slightly selfish? Perhaps, but we enjoy our life.
I'm 41,long term partner 34 (I feel a bit too old to say girlfriend). I've never really wanted them, I'm not anti kids so to speak, I've got nephews I adore, but about 20 mins does it and I'm either bored or annoyed.
All I saw when growing up from my teens was how some of my mates lives ground to a halt when they had kids, either through being henpecked or working all the hours god sends to pay for the basics. Yes I'm sure there's enjoyment from watching them grow and learn, but I got a good memory and remember growing up myself, it was alright but I've no interest in watching an offspring do it.
I get enjoyment from everything else in life pretty much,the simple things.
And I've had years of people telling me to do it that makes it worse. Why should I breed just because its expected?
I'm sure lots of other people feel similar but gave in, then ended up being resentful. I could never take that chance with another life.
All I saw when growing up from my teens was how some of my mates lives ground to a halt when they had kids, either through being henpecked or working all the hours god sends to pay for the basics. Yes I'm sure there's enjoyment from watching them grow and learn, but I got a good memory and remember growing up myself, it was alright but I've no interest in watching an offspring do it.
I get enjoyment from everything else in life pretty much,the simple things.
And I've had years of people telling me to do it that makes it worse. Why should I breed just because its expected?
I'm sure lots of other people feel similar but gave in, then ended up being resentful. I could never take that chance with another life.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
This is us; I'm 40, the wife is 41, we have two girls, the eldest is 22 and youngest is 16. Whilst at the time it wasn't ideal having a child at 17; now its fantastic, we can do our own thing with no kids in tow.
I see people my age who have toddlers and babies and I honestly couldn't think of anything worse and they will be mid fifties before they can start thinking about a life without planning around your kids.
I'm in my mid 40's and 'child free by choice' (I believe this is the current phrase).
I have always known I definitely didn't want to be a parent. I don't dislike children, but being a parent just isn't for me. Fortunately for both of us, my partner completely agrees.
When my friends have children, I'm genuinely pleased for them, but I still don't want one of my own. Who wants to be the same as everybody else?
I have always known I definitely didn't want to be a parent. I don't dislike children, but being a parent just isn't for me. Fortunately for both of us, my partner completely agrees.
When my friends have children, I'm genuinely pleased for them, but I still don't want one of my own. Who wants to be the same as everybody else?
crofty1984 said:
My other half and I aren't planning on any kids (she's REALLY against the idea and I'm not too fussed either way).
It seems that you hear a lot of "oh can't you have any?" or "you'll change your mind".
OP - Sounds like a very similar situation to me and the other half when we were first together, met in our late twenties and I wasn't fussed about kids at all and she was REALLY against the idea, didn't hate kids but didn't want any.It seems that you hear a lot of "oh can't you have any?" or "you'll change your mind".
All our friends said to her 'wait until you hit 30' - we didn't believe it!
Suffice to say the body clock kicked in at 31 and we had our first child when she was 33, another one 2 years later.
There are hard times (more earlier than later) but we have a fab family now and I wouldn't change it for the world (although more money to spend on cars and stuff would be nice!!)
I guess I'm just saying things can change at that time of life.
I didn't have kids until I was 33. The best thing I've done with my life was put off having them. I look back on my 20's and they were amazing times. That's something I really wouldn't swap for anything.
All my friends were having kids until there were few left without, slowly things became a little slower and less exciting. That's really my fault as I'm lazy when it comes to branching out and meeting new people but we got to the stage where we felt we were missing out, so had kids.
Completely changes life. Some for the positive and some just damn right awful. I'm not one of these parents who will tell you "having kids is the best thing you will ever do". No. No it's not. Some aspects are truly wonderful though, so it does have its positives. On the whole I'm happy with my choice. But I may aswel be a different person. Nothing about me is the same as it was 5 years ago.
I think my point is, live life either before kids or after they have grown up. Because whilst the kids are growing up your mind, time, worries, plans, money and home are revolving around your family and not you. Which is fine. But I do think it's healthy and ok to have a few years in life when your living for yourself.
All my friends were having kids until there were few left without, slowly things became a little slower and less exciting. That's really my fault as I'm lazy when it comes to branching out and meeting new people but we got to the stage where we felt we were missing out, so had kids.
Completely changes life. Some for the positive and some just damn right awful. I'm not one of these parents who will tell you "having kids is the best thing you will ever do". No. No it's not. Some aspects are truly wonderful though, so it does have its positives. On the whole I'm happy with my choice. But I may aswel be a different person. Nothing about me is the same as it was 5 years ago.
I think my point is, live life either before kids or after they have grown up. Because whilst the kids are growing up your mind, time, worries, plans, money and home are revolving around your family and not you. Which is fine. But I do think it's healthy and ok to have a few years in life when your living for yourself.
Edited by rufusgti on Monday 11th May 20:40
We too have heard the old 'wait 'til you are 30' line but it didn't happen and my GF is even more against having children than previously. All of the women in her office have had one or two and she just really doesn't like kids and the fact you have to effectively give up your life for them.
We are both 32 and have been together since 2005. We had the conversation early on and neither of us were/are keen on children. Even if we did magically change our minds, we could not afford them.
The only worry that I have (and this is possible the worst reason for having children) is that my GF will be on her own when I am dead!
We are both 32 and have been together since 2005. We had the conversation early on and neither of us were/are keen on children. Even if we did magically change our minds, we could not afford them.
The only worry that I have (and this is possible the worst reason for having children) is that my GF will be on her own when I am dead!
hman said:
Y'see thats a big influence - when your Mrs's friends and colleagues start having babies,tick tock tick tock!!
Not for mine. She told me after seeing what the mothers have to go through and how their lives were ruined (her words), she has absolutely no desire to have a child. She's a keeper. We'll get a dog (child) someday but first we need a house with a garden. I'm pretty much the opposite as the "Not fecking up my life with kids" lot of you.
Married in my early 20's, have been married 25 years and have a 22 year old and 19 year old (one of each).
There was a time, when the lack of a life, the need to provide, the absolute terror of being sole bread winner, was very stressful and there have been times when I've looked at the fence which appears to have greener grass the other side, and become quite despondent. Having kids is not always very easy, but I probably would have been despondent, if we couldn't have kids.
I work with a guy my age who has been married some 18 years, and he and his wife appear to live like big children. They have plenty of freedom, to do stuff, but most of it's trivial. I actually think they are missing out, in not experiencing both the good and the bad times.
Married in my early 20's, have been married 25 years and have a 22 year old and 19 year old (one of each).
There was a time, when the lack of a life, the need to provide, the absolute terror of being sole bread winner, was very stressful and there have been times when I've looked at the fence which appears to have greener grass the other side, and become quite despondent. Having kids is not always very easy, but I probably would have been despondent, if we couldn't have kids.
I work with a guy my age who has been married some 18 years, and he and his wife appear to live like big children. They have plenty of freedom, to do stuff, but most of it's trivial. I actually think they are missing out, in not experiencing both the good and the bad times.
Early forties, no kids, never wanted any, the freedom and spare cash is fantastic. There are far too many people on this planet already without me making it worse.
I think the biggest problem is finding a suitable partner who doesn't as 99% of women do.
This thread really reflects real life; someone requests people who don't have kids to chat about it and the people who do have them rock up and start talking about their offspring.
I think the biggest problem is finding a suitable partner who doesn't as 99% of women do.
This thread really reflects real life; someone requests people who don't have kids to chat about it and the people who do have them rock up and start talking about their offspring.
krallicious said:
hman said:
Y'see thats a big influence - when your Mrs's friends and colleagues start having babies,tick tock tick tock!!
Not for mine. She told me after seeing what the mothers have to go through and how their lives were ruined (her words), she has absolutely no desire to have a child. She's a keeper. We'll get a dog (child) someday but first we need a house with a garden. 
h child as their wee destroys the lawn.My lawn looks like a tank range/motocross track due to children hooning bikes round it and the b
h child pissing on it.Pre kids I had a very well manicured lawn which you could mistake for a bowling green...
31, and the wife is 27.
Both no intention of having kids and enjoying life doing what we want, when we want it (work permitting).
We also constantly get colleagues telling us we'll change our minds, and a few of her colleagues (all mums) seem to struggle with the idea she really doesn't want any.
We got 4 cats though, does that count...
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff