Who's 30+ and has no kids through choice?
Discussion
hman said:
excellent - if you want to have grass in your garden then dont buy a b
h child as their wee destroys the lawn.
My lawn looks like a tank range/motocross track due to children hooning bikes round it and the bh child pissing on it.
Pre kids I had a very well manicured lawn which you could mistake for a bowling green...
h child as their wee destroys the lawn.My lawn looks like a tank range/motocross track due to children hooning bikes round it and the b
h child pissing on it.Pre kids I had a very well manicured lawn which you could mistake for a bowling green...
49 never wanted kids but never ruled it out just that it had to be a conscious decision. My wife(and ex) where both the same and I think subconsciously I was not attracted to women who wanted children. I did wonder if as I got older I would regret it but so far I haven't. I enjoy the time we have together but also the amount of free time I have to do my own thing, Doesn't feel like anything is missing.
35 years old both me and the wife. Been with each other since 18 and married for 11 years with absolutely not thoughts of kids, honestly i just dont like them they seem a chore.
Only problem os as you start to get older you start to realise that unlike your parents you wont have anyone to assist you when old and it is for this reason we plan on moving into a city apartment as everything will be close by.
I dont feel our life is missing anything and indeed we seem closer than most couples we know as we get to spend so much quality time with each other.
Im sure its not right for everyone but it suits us and so far no regrets. You do think about starting to tell people you cant have them to stop others thinking your weird but i think that would be cruel to those who really would like them but cant.
Only problem os as you start to get older you start to realise that unlike your parents you wont have anyone to assist you when old and it is for this reason we plan on moving into a city apartment as everything will be close by.
I dont feel our life is missing anything and indeed we seem closer than most couples we know as we get to spend so much quality time with each other.
Im sure its not right for everyone but it suits us and so far no regrets. You do think about starting to tell people you cant have them to stop others thinking your weird but i think that would be cruel to those who really would like them but cant.
I had mine at 37. My wife was 28.
I look at it this way: I had 20 years of serious fun, holidays, cars, adventures etc
Relatively speaking im ok financially meaning I can bring the two girls up well.
I have knowledge , experience and a mature head. I'm not 20 years old dragging them up.
There is no reason to have kids if you don't want them. However I couldn't imagine being truly happy without my girls.
They make me and my life complete.
I look at it this way: I had 20 years of serious fun, holidays, cars, adventures etc
Relatively speaking im ok financially meaning I can bring the two girls up well.
I have knowledge , experience and a mature head. I'm not 20 years old dragging them up.
There is no reason to have kids if you don't want them. However I couldn't imagine being truly happy without my girls.
They make me and my life complete.
I can completely see both sides of argument here. I have friends who have who have no plan to have children and are perfectly happy with that choice and love the freedom...i also have many who are in the 'can't imagine life without them' camp.
I, myself, have 2.5 year old twins aged nearly 40 and I sometimes wonder if I'd had children at 20 would i be better/worse off. It's different for everyone and I personally think I was better off waiting until in 30's...and then I split up and met my partner and all clicked etc. If you don't want kids...you don't want them, simple...no amount of badgering from friends about how amazing it is going to change that.
Anyone who has kids and says you're going to be lonely and feel worthless is being unfair, personally, now I have them...I will cherish that journey but I completely understand the freedom and relief that friends have who have made the choice to be 'selfish'.
Ben
I, myself, have 2.5 year old twins aged nearly 40 and I sometimes wonder if I'd had children at 20 would i be better/worse off. It's different for everyone and I personally think I was better off waiting until in 30's...and then I split up and met my partner and all clicked etc. If you don't want kids...you don't want them, simple...no amount of badgering from friends about how amazing it is going to change that.
Anyone who has kids and says you're going to be lonely and feel worthless is being unfair, personally, now I have them...I will cherish that journey but I completely understand the freedom and relief that friends have who have made the choice to be 'selfish'.
Ben
36 here, single, no kids. Love it.
Sometimes I see my mates' kids and all the good stuff, other days they confide they'd give anything to trade places with me. I just don't feel that drive to procreate coupled with the fact I don't think I'd make a very good dad.
Maybe one day I'll meet someone but until then I do my own thing and enjoy answering to no-one. I see the st mates put up with an it'd drive me mental!
Sometimes I see my mates' kids and all the good stuff, other days they confide they'd give anything to trade places with me. I just don't feel that drive to procreate coupled with the fact I don't think I'd make a very good dad.
Maybe one day I'll meet someone but until then I do my own thing and enjoy answering to no-one. I see the s
t mates put up with an it'd drive me mental!North West Tom said:
It must feel quiet lonely growing old without children. People are willing to end generations of their families because they don't want a 'messy house' or because they can go on more holidays? That I don't get.
Not too bothered about ending the family line and I know plenty of old people with kids who never see them so I guess having kids isnt a guarantee you won't be lonely. I think far too many people start families without any real thought. I've never wanted children, why do something so life changing if I've never had the desire?R8VXF said:
Can all the sanctimonious tts with children please fk off. Did you not read the thread title? Us lot without children sometimes need some respite from those with children.
I think most posting on here would agree that if you don't want kids, don't....quite straight forward. If the only reason to procreate is pressure from someone else then at best, it'll be 'ok'...at worst, massive mistake. I felt I was ready and wanted some offspring but fully understand others that have no interest.ts with children please fk off. Did you not read the thread title? Us lot without children sometimes need some respite from those with children. I haven't done the sums yet but in 2.5 years, I think the twins would have just paid for a F355. (Ok, we have a 996 conv that we all go out in so it's not all doom and gloom eh?)
Ben
turboslippers said:
I think most posting on here would agree that if you don't want kids, don't....quite straight forward. If the only reason to procreate is pressure from someone else then at best, it'll be 'ok'...at worst, massive mistake. I felt I was ready and wanted some offspring but fully understand others that have no interest.
I haven't done the sums yet but in 2.5 years, I think the twins would have just paid for a F355. (Ok, we have a 996 conv that we all go out in so it's not all doom and gloom eh?)
Ben
Yours was quite a good post tbf, it is sI haven't done the sums yet but in 2.5 years, I think the twins would have just paid for a F355. (Ok, we have a 996 conv that we all go out in so it's not all doom and gloom eh?)
Ben
t like this that really gets my goat...North West Tom said:
It must feel quiet lonely growing old without children. People are willing to end generations of their families because they don't want a 'messy house' or because they can go on more holidays? That I don't get.
All my belongings will go to either my nieces and nephews, of which I have plenty, or to animal rescue charities of which I have a greater affinity with than having children of my own. Please do not impose your lifestyle on those who wish for something different.R8VXF said:
All my belongings will go to either my nieces and nephews, of which I have plenty, or to animal rescue charities of which I have a greater affinity with than having children of my own. Please do not impose your lifestyle on those who wish for something different.
I didn't say it's wrong, just that I don't really agree. It's your life, you can do whatever the hell you want with it.North West Tom said:
I didn't say it's wrong, just that I don't really agree. It's your life, you can do whatever the hell you want with it.
So why did you bother to post in this thread then. It is people like you who seriously piss me off by making out that those who do not want children are in some way dysfunctional. Why post in this thread in the first place?42, with an 11wk old son.
I spent all of my 20's and 30's actively avoiding parenthood, as far as I was concerned it would've been the worst thing ever. This led to me breaking up with two long-term girlfriends that I lived with, both wanted to "settle down and start a family", I definitely didn't.
I met my now wife at 38, it was clear from the off that she wanted a family, and by this point most of my close mates had got kids in the ages 5-10, and it hadn't ruined their lives. I took the view of "well, I could continue to avoid it for the rest of my life and never know what it's like, or take a punt because it might just be the best thing ever and I shouldn't deny her, or me, the experience"
11 wks in, all good, save some crushing tiredness. We've taken the pragmatic view that our boy has to fit into our existing life, as far as is reasonable. He's already been to two 40th parties, a daytime music festival, a beer festival, and we have a week in the sun in Spain planned end of May.
Would I do it younger? Difficult to say - I was having such a good (selfish) time that I may have regretted it, so I feel the time was right for me at 41 to start trying. That said, it took us 18 months of trying to get pregnant (wife then 40) - no getting away from it taking longer as you get older. What I would say is that the feeling of disappointment when you are trying and it's not working is crushing, a real test on your relationship, it is especially hard on the woman, especially if those around her are popping sprogs out left, right and centre as in our case.
Life has changed immeasurably since he arrived, but generally it is great. I'm looking forward to all the fun things I can do with my boy that I did with my Dad. I'll be brutally honest and say "thank God it was a boy", because I don't think I'd relate to a girl in the same way, but that's just me, some of my mates have daughters and have a great time with them.
When explaining my reticence to a pal with two kids I said, I just don't feel ready!. His reply, you're never ready. Simple advice, but wise words.
Have a read of this, a great blog: http://www.thereluctantfather.com/
ETA: if someone told me they never wanted kids, I'd totally understand and never criticise. Go spend your wedge on fast toys and cool holidays!
I spent all of my 20's and 30's actively avoiding parenthood, as far as I was concerned it would've been the worst thing ever. This led to me breaking up with two long-term girlfriends that I lived with, both wanted to "settle down and start a family", I definitely didn't.
I met my now wife at 38, it was clear from the off that she wanted a family, and by this point most of my close mates had got kids in the ages 5-10, and it hadn't ruined their lives. I took the view of "well, I could continue to avoid it for the rest of my life and never know what it's like, or take a punt because it might just be the best thing ever and I shouldn't deny her, or me, the experience"
11 wks in, all good, save some crushing tiredness. We've taken the pragmatic view that our boy has to fit into our existing life, as far as is reasonable. He's already been to two 40th parties, a daytime music festival, a beer festival, and we have a week in the sun in Spain planned end of May.
Would I do it younger? Difficult to say - I was having such a good (selfish) time that I may have regretted it, so I feel the time was right for me at 41 to start trying. That said, it took us 18 months of trying to get pregnant (wife then 40) - no getting away from it taking longer as you get older. What I would say is that the feeling of disappointment when you are trying and it's not working is crushing, a real test on your relationship, it is especially hard on the woman, especially if those around her are popping sprogs out left, right and centre as in our case.
Life has changed immeasurably since he arrived, but generally it is great. I'm looking forward to all the fun things I can do with my boy that I did with my Dad. I'll be brutally honest and say "thank God it was a boy", because I don't think I'd relate to a girl in the same way, but that's just me, some of my mates have daughters and have a great time with them.
When explaining my reticence to a pal with two kids I said, I just don't feel ready!. His reply, you're never ready. Simple advice, but wise words.
Have a read of this, a great blog: http://www.thereluctantfather.com/
ETA: if someone told me they never wanted kids, I'd totally understand and never criticise. Go spend your wedge on fast toys and cool holidays!
Edited by PurpleTurtle on Monday 11th May 23:39
I'm 42 and no kids and no partner.
Don't really want kids and after a few relationships in my younger years I realised I didn't really want a wife/marriage either. Well thats not strictly true, I did fancy a wife but my lifestyle doesn't really suit one. I much prefer having my own time and my own space and finding a partner compatible with that was going to be difficult.
On both sides of my parents family I have several older relatives who never married and/or never had kids, and of my 10 cousins only 2 have had kids. All are 30+, 3 are 40+. The single, no kids life seems to be in my genes.
Don't really want kids and after a few relationships in my younger years I realised I didn't really want a wife/marriage either. Well thats not strictly true, I did fancy a wife but my lifestyle doesn't really suit one. I much prefer having my own time and my own space and finding a partner compatible with that was going to be difficult.
On both sides of my parents family I have several older relatives who never married and/or never had kids, and of my 10 cousins only 2 have had kids. All are 30+, 3 are 40+. The single, no kids life seems to be in my genes.
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