Who's 30+ and has no kids through choice?
Discussion
R8VXF said:
Please chaps, the title of the thread is not "Who had children over the age of 30 and wants to preach about the joys of it". Seems to sum up my feeling that parents always want to talk about their kids...
Point taken, but my spidey senses tell me that the OP requires some self-justification, otherwise he wouldn't be posing the question, he'd just be comfortable with his position. Society (wrongly) generalises that you are in some way a bit 'not normal' if you don't want 'em, I couldn't disagree more. I was the OP for 20yrs, just offering a perspective on it. If you met me at a party, you wouldn't catch me banging on about how great kids are, I'd be telling you how I'm f*cking off to Glastonbury with my mates next month. I save all that s
t for the blokes I met through NCT classes, we're all in the same boat there. We had no kids at 35, had no plans to have them and at the time we married 8 years ago we had absolutely no plans to have children either. Both of us just getting into stride with careers and just getting ahead financially., with plans of exotic holidays and TVRs A post partum breakdown, an adoption of one baby niece, death of S-I-L & another niece moving in, later and we'll be a two kid family of 8 & 11, with two hand me down cars. Explaining how a niece can be a sister of our daughter does get a bit stupid, along with the "Awe that's a nice thing to do".
Life could have been a whole lot different, but it has a way of throwing you a curveball when you make plans. :-). Humans are pretty adaptable, although I find it expensive and very tiring.
Life could have been a whole lot different, but it has a way of throwing you a curveball when you make plans. :-). Humans are pretty adaptable, although I find it expensive and very tiring.
It wasn't on the first date, but not long after, that we touched on the subject of kids (we were early 30's at the time). Thankfully both of us were of the same mind and don't want them.
I think that's a good thing, in as much as it avoids difficulties later on in the relationship where the subject hasn't been discussed, then one party wants kids whilst the other doesn't.
I think that's a good thing, in as much as it avoids difficulties later on in the relationship where the subject hasn't been discussed, then one party wants kids whilst the other doesn't.
Just turned 31 with and with no kids. Can't ever imagine wanting one of our own, but adoption has been touched upon (something we both feel is a better thing to do - for us at least). Not going to happen in the foreseeable future. My other half does make comments about becoming too old to have them (she's 33), so I get the impression sometimes that she is hiding the fact that she is a little bit broody. Won't be happening on my watch. I'm a primary school teacher and get more than enough of the little sts at work.
The "You'll change as you get older" line really winds me up. I normally get it from the S-I-L who had a kid in her early 20's, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I am 9 years older that she was when she had her first.
I like kids - hence my line of work - but just don't see any appeal in having any of my own. Gives more time to look after lots of animals, which I find more appealing in every way.
A very close couple of friends recently announced they were having their first. Very surprising as they don't, and never have, seemed even remotely paternal. But it wasn't an accident and they seem excited. It did make me pause for thought about the situation, but I'm not coming close to developing the paternal instinct myself.
ts at work.The "You'll change as you get older" line really winds me up. I normally get it from the S-I-L who had a kid in her early 20's, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I am 9 years older that she was when she had her first.
I like kids - hence my line of work - but just don't see any appeal in having any of my own. Gives more time to look after lots of animals, which I find more appealing in every way.
A very close couple of friends recently announced they were having their first. Very surprising as they don't, and never have, seemed even remotely paternal. But it wasn't an accident and they seem excited. It did make me pause for thought about the situation, but I'm not coming close to developing the paternal instinct myself.
I'm 48 and never wanted them, never wanted the responsibility or the worry really. My wife feels the same.
A very good mate with a younger other half is going through IVF at the moment, good luck to him, but would you really want to be looking after/bringing up a 16 year old at 64/65?
A very good mate with a younger other half is going through IVF at the moment, good luck to him, but would you really want to be looking after/bringing up a 16 year old at 64/65?
vixen1700 said:
I'm 48 and never wanted them, never wanted the responsibility or the worry really. My wife feels the same.
A very good mate with a younger other half is going through IVF at the moment, good luck to him, but would you really want to be looking after/bringing up a 16 year old at 64/65?
That's one thing going through my mind at the mo. (I'm 43.) On the plus side, I've got the energy/fitness of 20-somethings that I play sports with.A very good mate with a younger other half is going through IVF at the moment, good luck to him, but would you really want to be looking after/bringing up a 16 year old at 64/65?
hman said:
I have 2 kids ( which immediately disqualifies me for this thread I think?) and enough cash and spare time to really enjoy being with them. So I count myself lucky for all that plus the opportunity to experience it.
Life as a TWINKY gave me more spare time - but I still spent just as much on, on cars, bikes, guns, holidays, clothes, nights out, weekends away etc. Basically all the same material stuff I had done as a 20 year old.
As you get older and your friends have kids they will find less and less time for you, because their priorities have changed to looking after their children rather than looking after only themselves.
I work away in various countries around the world for multiple weeks at a time - so I sill get to do the "no kids" thing from time to time, and its nice for a few days but a family is a strong bond so its always nice to come home to screams of "DADDYS BACK!" and them letting me know that I mean the world to them. On the flip side of that is if I didn't have children then I probably would be far more nomadic.
Anyway, if you are really serious about it, have the snip now as then your Mrs wont be forever on birth control and you massively reduce the chances of having any "surprises".
This for me too. I'm nearly 42, I have a 21 year old and a rather smashing 15month old and number three is being worked on.Life as a TWINKY gave me more spare time - but I still spent just as much on, on cars, bikes, guns, holidays, clothes, nights out, weekends away etc. Basically all the same material stuff I had done as a 20 year old.
As you get older and your friends have kids they will find less and less time for you, because their priorities have changed to looking after their children rather than looking after only themselves.
I work away in various countries around the world for multiple weeks at a time - so I sill get to do the "no kids" thing from time to time, and its nice for a few days but a family is a strong bond so its always nice to come home to screams of "DADDYS BACK!" and them letting me know that I mean the world to them. On the flip side of that is if I didn't have children then I probably would be far more nomadic.
Anyway, if you are really serious about it, have the snip now as then your Mrs wont be forever on birth control and you massively reduce the chances of having any "surprises".
Obviously I got divorced and married again between the two and always knew she was a mother in waiting.
It's so lovely being a dad again wouldn't swap it for the world. Saying that I am used to travel with work so it would be very rare for me to have more than 10 days at home in any one stretch. Currently on a short trip to Switzerland and very much looking forward to seeing my daughter tomorrow morning.
I'm 54 married nearly 25 years and no kids.
Neither of us wanted any, and the rest of the Perkins tribe had loads.
I enjoy the money and total freedom to down tools and bugger off when we want.
The world is bursting at the seams anyway and it would be wise long term for us all to have less sprogs.
Neither of us wanted any, and the rest of the Perkins tribe had loads.
I enjoy the money and total freedom to down tools and bugger off when we want.
The world is bursting at the seams anyway and it would be wise long term for us all to have less sprogs.
There's certainly no obligation to have kids, it's a personal choice. Part of that choice is accepting that some will view you as "selfish" or "strange" for not fitting into the societal norms. I tend not to agree with people who think everyone should fit into the same homogenous lifestyle.
The wife did a bit of part time nannying for a brother and sister of a married couple a few years ago; they were very much a career driven couple, they freely admitted that they had kids because "that is what you do isn't it?!" they were clearly not natural with their children and most weekends the kids were sent off to the grandparents or other relatives so that the mum and dad could pursue their leisure time activities; separately of course.
All odd; hardly saw each other and the kids during the week; due to work and the same at weekends, but due to wanting to do their own thing.
The kids weren't disciplined, were a bit odd and they wore the most awful hand me downs, even though the parents could clearly afford decent clothes for them.
Clearly parents who didn't really want kids, but felt that they should have kids.
All odd; hardly saw each other and the kids during the week; due to work and the same at weekends, but due to wanting to do their own thing.
The kids weren't disciplined, were a bit odd and they wore the most awful hand me downs, even though the parents could clearly afford decent clothes for them.
Clearly parents who didn't really want kids, but felt that they should have kids.
I'm 38, and got married last year. We're thinking about kids, the wife's 10 years younger than me, so her clock isnt ticking just yet, but ideally I wouldnt want a kid in their teens with a 65 year old Dad. If that happens then that's the way it is.
I think kids are life farts. You dont mind your own, but other people's arent nice.
I spent my 20s and early 30s working, completely focussed on my job, I moved around a lot and followed jobs that would give me more money/promotion prospects which led to more shiny things. I bought a house when I was 27 and sold it at 34 for no profit. At the time, I thought I was going to emigrate to the US, so didnt really care. I got cold feet on the whole thing, took another job which didnt work out, burned through savings to the point where I had nowt left.
Age 35 I met my now wife through work, it's kind of a fresh start and all the crap I've thought previously about how life should be is proved irrelevent. It's kind of assumed that a Perfect Life should be that you marry in your 20's, settle down, get a mortgage, have a family. The reality of normal life is very different, some people dont want kids, some people dont want marriage, some people dont want big jobs. It's whatever's right for you and the one you're with, it's that that decides what's normal, right and acceptable.
I think kids are life farts. You dont mind your own, but other people's arent nice.
I spent my 20s and early 30s working, completely focussed on my job, I moved around a lot and followed jobs that would give me more money/promotion prospects which led to more shiny things. I bought a house when I was 27 and sold it at 34 for no profit. At the time, I thought I was going to emigrate to the US, so didnt really care. I got cold feet on the whole thing, took another job which didnt work out, burned through savings to the point where I had nowt left.
Age 35 I met my now wife through work, it's kind of a fresh start and all the crap I've thought previously about how life should be is proved irrelevent. It's kind of assumed that a Perfect Life should be that you marry in your 20's, settle down, get a mortgage, have a family. The reality of normal life is very different, some people dont want kids, some people dont want marriage, some people dont want big jobs. It's whatever's right for you and the one you're with, it's that that decides what's normal, right and acceptable.
I'm 34, my wife is 35, and we have no plans on the horizon for any ankle biters (thankfully). Interesting to see a thread covering this topic from this angle for a change 
To all the breeders who feel the need to post up saying "you're selfish", please stop for a minute and consider your own situation. You chose to bring another human into the world, when you could've adopted a baby needing love and attention.
Hypocrite, much?
To all the breeders who feel the need to post up saying "you're selfish", please stop for a minute and consider your own situation. You chose to bring another human into the world, when you could've adopted a baby needing love and attention.
Hypocrite, much?
I'm not even close to the big 30, can I chip in? fk it I will anyway.
I'm 22, the other half 20. Both of us dead set against having kids, neither of us really like kids either. I've got mates and workmates who have got kids and honestly I feel sorry for the buggers, it's like a ball and chain wrapped around your legs. Everything you do has to include them, or revolve around them in some form or another. It's not for us, but fair play if it's your kind of thing.
Both of our mothers are constantly saying "oh you'll change your mind", "oh but I want to be a grandmother" etc. and to be quite frank it is very annoying to hear. Mine seems to have accepted it more recently, but the OHs Mum is a pain in the arse, but maybe it's a Brazilian thing?
k it I will anyway.I'm 22, the other half 20. Both of us dead set against having kids, neither of us really like kids either. I've got mates and workmates who have got kids and honestly I feel sorry for the buggers, it's like a ball and chain wrapped around your legs. Everything you do has to include them, or revolve around them in some form or another. It's not for us, but fair play if it's your kind of thing.
Both of our mothers are constantly saying "oh you'll change your mind", "oh but I want to be a grandmother" etc. and to be quite frank it is very annoying to hear. Mine seems to have accepted it more recently, but the OHs Mum is a pain in the arse, but maybe it's a Brazilian thing?
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