Who's 30+ and has no kids through choice?

[PurpleTurtle]

csd19 said:

Carry on saying "no" and I risk losing my wife

Genuinely surprised that people don't discuss this before getting married? ETA: (actually reads thread) it seems you did, but your missus is now possibly expecting you to have changed your mind. Gotcha - ouch.

My missus, then girlfriend, in a Barcelona hotel room on her birthday, somewhat miffed that my 'long-weekend treat in the sun' had been bigged up by her mates as 'he's definitely going to propose' had a few tears as to the absence of any diamonds/down on one knee action.

Me: "Err, well I'd like to, and TBH I have been thinking about it, but we've not discussed stuff like sprogs yet. Don't you think we should?"

I worked with a couple once, lived together for 8 years, got married. On honeymoon she says "we can start trying for a family now", he goes, "Hmmm, don't think so, never planned on having any" .... cue messy expensive divorce within 8 months.

Edited by PurpleTurtle on Friday 22 May 15:17

[csd19]

PurpleTurtle said:

csd19 said:

Carry on saying "no" and I risk losing my wife

I worked with a couple once, lived together for 8 years, got married. On honeymoon she says "we can start trying for a family now", he goes, "Hmmm, don't think so, never planned on having any" .... cue messy expensive divorce within 8 months.

Edited by PurpleTurtle on Friday 22 May 15:17

Mega ouch! Really really don't want to go down that road at all!

It's not a particularly fair set of choices. Keep t'wife happy and end up with a sprog I'm not interested in for the next 18 years min (not to mention the cost ), or stick to my guns and make t'wife unhappy.

bks!

[Timmy40]

csd19 said:

PurpleTurtle said:

csd19 said:

Carry on saying "no" and I risk losing my wife

I worked with a couple once, lived together for 8 years, got married. On honeymoon she says "we can start trying for a family now", he goes, "Hmmm, don't think so, never planned on having any" .... cue messy expensive divorce within 8 months.

Edited by PurpleTurtle on Friday 22 May 15:17

Mega ouch! Really really don't want to go down that road at all!

It's not a particularly fair set of choices. Keep t'wife happy and end up with a sprog I'm not interested in for the next 18 years min (not to mention the cost ), or stick to my guns and make t'wife unhappy.

bks!

You may find ( as I did ) that when that little ball of muck emerges from your wifes front passage there's a sort of emotional switch you never knew you have that goes off and suddenly you love that baby more deeply than you ever imagined, I had to feign interest all through my wifes first pregnancy. I had no feelings what so ever for the baby, until the second it was born. It was like an emotional bomb going off.

[Vacumatic]

The Moose said:

Male or female?

Male.

[pork911]

Timmy40 said:

You may find ( as I did ) that when that little ball of muck emerges from your wifes front passage there's a sort of emotional switch you never knew you have that goes off and suddenly you love that baby more deeply than you ever imagined, I had to feign interest all through my wifes first pregnancy. I had no feelings what so ever for the baby, until the second it was born. It was like an emotional bomb going off.

or he may not find that

[csd19]

pork911 said:

Timmy40 said:

You may find ( as I did ) that when that little ball of muck emerges from your wifes front passage there's a sort of emotional switch you never knew you have that goes off and suddenly you love that baby more deeply than you ever imagined, I had to feign interest all through my wifes first pregnancy. I had no feelings what so ever for the baby, until the second it was born. It was like an emotional bomb going off.

or he may not find that

Then I'm seriously fked.

[PurpleTurtle]

csd19 said:

pork911 said:

Timmy40 said:

You may find ( as I did ) that when that little ball of muck emerges from your wifes front passage there's a sort of emotional switch you never knew you have that goes off and suddenly you love that baby more deeply than you ever imagined, I had to feign interest all through my wifes first pregnancy. I had no feelings what so ever for the baby, until the second it was born. It was like an emotional bomb going off.

or he may not find that

Then I'm seriously fked.

I have to say that, as someone who long-held the same views as you csd19, when my little blighter popped into the world 13wks ago screaming his head off (as one would, having been shoved down a drainpipe for 18hrs, only for someone to slice open the sunroof and drag him out by the ankles) then I was a blubbering emotional mess, in a good way.

Even when he's going apest mental for no apparent reason, I feel an unconditional love for him. People told me I would, but I heard it and thought "yeah, yeah, namby pamby new parent bks". Seems they were right though.

I think the key is to make sure you do all (or most of) the things you can't do when you've got a kid before you have one, so you don't regret/resent it. There's a big element of FOMO - fear of missing out - I was certainly like that, I wasn't 'ready' to have one until I was 41, which most would consider old to be a first time dad.

[MGJohn]

PurpleTurtle said:

I wasn't 'ready' to have one until I was 41, which most would consider old to be a first time dad.

I wasn't ready ever until I was 42! Even then I was reluctant to become a parent. Big changes certainly but, my boys ( now men ) keep me young at heart and in limb. That's a bonus.

Do I feel I missed out on stuff as a result of becoming a parent late in life.... not much and the negatives far outweighed by the positives. Despite the huge age gap, my sons are more like mates than sons....

[Asterix]

As said - tried, lots of IVF, resigned to it and now looking forward to early retirement - however, this breaks my heart...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3091348/So...

[Cotty]

Petrol Only said:

Just turned 30.

Perhaps you need to grow up a bit before you make any decisions.