Danger in the woods

[soad]

Alvin Hall Ostrich Attack:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8QHw9lrMao#t=37

[BoRED S2upid]

soad said:

Ray Mears would catch it.

And eat his cock on toast.

[750turbo]

mybrainhurts said:

soad said:

Or play dead.

Yeah, that's a good idea...lie face down in front of something that wants to shag you.

Jeesus fekkin Christ nurts...

I have never laughed so much at a thread.

Brilliant work!

[Shaw Tarse]

mybrainhurts said:

Whoever designed these things, what the hell was he thinking of?

Somebody asked for a tall bird with long legs?

[dudleybloke]

If it attacks just whank it off......... Hand rhea'd.

[Willy Nilly]

Might meet its match if it bumps into Council Baby

[jbudgie]

Jasandjules said:

Are these not the feckers that have massive claws and can seriously damage you with a kick?

Cassowary.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOPVVdg8noc

[ZOLLAR]

Willy Nilly said:

Might meet its match if it bumps into Council Baby

To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if the ostrich was him dressed up

[Pesty]

That's some drumstick .

Anybody for bbq

[rhinochopig]

So you're staying in Sheffield MBH. Where do you normally live when you're not hiking between Shef and Worksop?

[Scousefella]

And there was I thinking that birds with 12 inch cocks were from Thailand.

[Loaghtan Target]

A 6ft Bird with a 12inch cock... De ja vue...

[Ayahuasca]

mybrainhurts said:

Radio Sheffield interviewed an expert on these things. He warns that the bird has species recognition problems and, if it sees you, it might try to shag you.

Anything that moves or breathes is fair game, it seems.

Now, this thing is 6 feet tall and has a todger that's 12 inches long and shaped like a corkscrew.

If you see it, you can't outrun it, so it might be an idea to brace yourself, shut your eyes and ponder where you might buy some ointment and eye drops.

BBC News reports that a brave volunteer has come forward to track it down.

[IroningMan]

mybrainhurts said:

RobinBanks said:

It seems that this happens reasonably often in the UK

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2906697/Rh...

"But when officers arrived they could do little but sit and watch as the bird, which can reach speeds of 40mph, raced past."

They need a Stinger....

Meep meep!

[Monkeylegend]

If that rhea actually knobbled you, you could kop a Knopfler and end up in dire straits. Mark my words good people,stay clear.

[HarryFlatters]

dudleybloke said:

If it attacks just whank it off......... Hand rhea'd.

Deserving of a

[Puggit]

I rode an Ostrich once, in South Africa. Just me and a large bird. They covered it's head with a sack, and brought the bird to the edge of a fenced off area. I climbed up the fence, and then crossed my legs around the chest and held on to the wings (IIRC).

The guides then lifted the sack from the head, and off we went!!! When we reached the corner of the field I was able to slide off the back of the bird and return to our group - Mrs Puggit was wetting herself too much to record the event for posterity

[Moonhawk]

mybrainhurts said:

soad said:

Or play dead.

Yeah, that's a good idea...lie face down in front of something that wants to shag you.

What could possibly go wrong...?

[Dan_1981]

rhinochopig said:

So you're staying in Sheffield MBH. Where do you normally live when you're not hiking between Shef and Worksop?

Rotherham I understand

[fathomfive]

BoRED S2upid said:

soad said:

Ray Mears would catch it.

And eat his cock on toast.

Before or after Bear Grylls has drunk its piss?