girlfriends annoying child scratched my car
Discussion
surveyor said:
I'm afraid s
t happens around kids.
While the attitude is annoying, she's ten and that will change.
Certainly will, unfortunately not for the better!t happens around kids.While the attitude is annoying, she's ten and that will change.
Have had the misfortune of observing this scenario happening to a close family member. He met a single mum with an 7 year old daughter, spent (?wasted) the next 9 years of his life with them. To be fair the girl seemed OK at first, but over the years turned into a sulky/gobby/boneidle/manipulative/devious little waste of space. She's quite pretty, so huge sense of princess entitlement soon reinforced by lots of lads hanging round her and no doubt telling her she's wonderful.
Usual feeling guilty single mum scenario, wants to be daughter's best buddy rather than a parent, undermined everything her stepdad tried to do, constantly backsliding on agreed actions when she behaved badly, treating them both like dirt. Girl a real 'player', knew exactly how to play them off against each other, mum always making excuses for her, 'just a phase she's going through', 'all teenagers are like this' etc.
Final straw was when the girl played the 'you can't tell me what to do, you're not my dad' card, guy was heartbroken after 9 years of being a caring, supportive surrogate dad and left the next day.
So what did he learn from this painful experience? Well, not a lot apparently, as he's now with a single mum with four kids!!
I have a lot of sympathy for you as I've had two relationships with women who have had children already. Didn't really have any bad times, but at the end of the day, yr never their dad. However I did decide for certain, never ever again do I want to be involved in such a scenario.
roll forward some years, married, my own children, its a lot easier.
as a short tale, a work colleague has just had to deal with his step son (20 yrs) who moved in with grandma, due to falling out with him and his mum/wife.
he actually hit and knocked over his 80 yr old grandma when she told him to tidy his room, he mouthed off at her and it blew from there.
Dave- the step dad and an ex professional rugby league player, used all his resolve to not kill him for that incident.
roll forward some years, married, my own children, its a lot easier.
as a short tale, a work colleague has just had to deal with his step son (20 yrs) who moved in with grandma, due to falling out with him and his mum/wife.
he actually hit and knocked over his 80 yr old grandma when she told him to tidy his room, he mouthed off at her and it blew from there.
Dave- the step dad and an ex professional rugby league player, used all his resolve to not kill him for that incident.
Assuming your step-daughter is living under yours and her Mum's roof, she has to live by your rules too.
I've got a step-daughter, and luckily a very strict partner that doesn't care what "most teenagers are like".
She should at least be grounded, that's something that is effective and can't be stopped by nanny state.
Good luck.
I've got a step-daughter, and luckily a very strict partner that doesn't care what "most teenagers are like".
She should at least be grounded, that's something that is effective and can't be stopped by nanny state.
Good luck.
If it were me, I would be talking to your GF and telling her that she needs to be taught a lesson and her attitude needs to change, so I would be confiscating her Tablet (telling her it's being sold to fund the repairs to the car that she caused) and grounding her and taking away her phone/tv whatever and would get them back when she starts talking to you with a bit of respect.
Goes a week of being good and doing what's asked straight away, Phone comes back.
Day of acting like a brat, Phone gets taken away again.
Week of good, phone back, etc.. etc..
Then, once she starts to realise that lifes easier when she doesn't argue and does what's asked of her, she'll get her stuff back. Act up, it gets taken from her.
I'm not a parent, so this may be of no use to you whatsoever, but it's what I would do if I was in a position like yours.
Goes a week of being good and doing what's asked straight away, Phone comes back.
Day of acting like a brat, Phone gets taken away again.
Week of good, phone back, etc.. etc..
Then, once she starts to realise that lifes easier when she doesn't argue and does what's asked of her, she'll get her stuff back. Act up, it gets taken from her.
I'm not a parent, so this may be of no use to you whatsoever, but it's what I would do if I was in a position like yours.
R2T2 said:
If it were me, I would be talking to your GF and telling her that she needs to be taught a lesson and her attitude needs to change, so I would be confiscating her Tablet (telling her it's being sold to fund the repairs to the car that she caused) and grounding her and taking away her phone/tv whatever and would get them back when she starts talking to you with a bit of respect.
Goes a week of being good and doing what's asked straight away, Phone comes back.
Day of acting like a brat, Phone gets taken away again.
Week of good, phone back, etc.. etc..
Then, once she starts to realise that lifes easier when she doesn't argue and does what's asked of her, she'll get her stuff back. Act up, it gets taken from her.
I'm not a parent, so this may be of no use to you whatsoever, but it's what I would do if I was in a position like yours.
Agree 100% that bad behaviour should have a resulting 'cost' to the perpetrator. In an ideal world both parents will have an equal resolve to implement agreed actions, a united front. However, in all too many cases the 'brat' knows how to play the game, and has learnt by experience that a day of sad puppy face and monosyllabic responses soon has the 'soft' parent crumbling and relenting. It's a bit like appeasing a bully, they know it works next time round. Result, the parent with the backbone feels totally undermined, in the case I described the brat rubbed salt in the wound by giving her stepdad a triumphal smirk, she had 'won' and she knew it. Rinse and repeat ........... Goes a week of being good and doing what's asked straight away, Phone comes back.
Day of acting like a brat, Phone gets taken away again.
Week of good, phone back, etc.. etc..
Then, once she starts to realise that lifes easier when she doesn't argue and does what's asked of her, she'll get her stuff back. Act up, it gets taken from her.
I'm not a parent, so this may be of no use to you whatsoever, but it's what I would do if I was in a position like yours.
Vizsla said:
R2T2 said:
If it were me, I would be talking to your GF and telling her that she needs to be taught a lesson and her attitude needs to change, so I would be confiscating her Tablet (telling her it's being sold to fund the repairs to the car that she caused) and grounding her and taking away her phone/tv whatever and would get them back when she starts talking to you with a bit of respect.
Goes a week of being good and doing what's asked straight away, Phone comes back.
Day of acting like a brat, Phone gets taken away again.
Week of good, phone back, etc.. etc..
Then, once she starts to realise that lifes easier when she doesn't argue and does what's asked of her, she'll get her stuff back. Act up, it gets taken from her.
I'm not a parent, so this may be of no use to you whatsoever, but it's what I would do if I was in a position like yours.
Agree 100% that bad behaviour should have a resulting 'cost' to the perpetrator. In an ideal world both parents will have an equal resolve to implement agreed actions, a united front. However, in all too many cases the 'brat' knows how to play the game, and has learnt by experience that a day of sad puppy face and monosyllabic responses soon has the 'soft' parent crumbling and relenting. It's a bit like appeasing a bully, they know it works next time round. Result, the parent with the backbone feels totally undermined, in the case I described the brat rubbed salt in the wound by giving her stepdad a triumphal smirk, she had 'won' and she knew it. Rinse and repeat ........... Goes a week of being good and doing what's asked straight away, Phone comes back.
Day of acting like a brat, Phone gets taken away again.
Week of good, phone back, etc.. etc..
Then, once she starts to realise that lifes easier when she doesn't argue and does what's asked of her, she'll get her stuff back. Act up, it gets taken from her.
I'm not a parent, so this may be of no use to you whatsoever, but it's what I would do if I was in a position like yours.
There's only one self-obsessed little brat behaving unacceptably here and it isn't the ten year-old girl.....
Being a step dad is not always a horror story. Its success depends a huge amount on the mother and her mindset and on the love within the family unit.
Following a particularly nasty divorce I got a family package which included a particulary obstinate, intelligent and confident three and a half year old girl. This was 23 years ago.
I was the " intruder in the camp" and she didn't like me at first. She did make this plain. She had been used to 100% attention from her mother and she had to share the attention after I arrived. We made sure however that she kept her relationship with her father going via weekend visits every fourtnight until she was old enough to make her own decision.
I wasn't her dad, I was Tony.
At six she cut the arms off my favourite shirt. She couldn't explain why, but her mother made sure that pocket money went to a new shirt.
At about 15 years old the visits to her biological father petered out, neither, it seemed, thought them valuable enough to keep going. I thought him to be a complete idiot.
People used to ask was it difficult being a stepdad and I used to say
"I pay for her so she's mine"
She got her O levels ( her mother and I got exceedingly drunk) , and her A levels ( we were not quite so drunk) , I helped her buy her frst car and tried to teach her to drive, and she went to University and got her degree and I was there at her graduation.
She chose her career and started work and got her first flat, and then her second, and met a guy who both her mother and I like and a couple of days ago someone asked her about her "dad" and she said unbenownst to me
"I dont need him, I've got a real dad, Tony".
And today we, her mother and I, helped the two "youngsters" move into their first home together and as we were moving stuff in from the van my stepdaughter and her mother were having a conversation about their respective other halves, their idiocincracies and their loves and hates and I heard her mother say good humouredly
" Bloody hell , how did you end up with someone just like Tony?".
And so, "My work", as they say "is done."
Keep at it, if there is love there, its all worthwhile. If there's not, get out, you are shortchanging both yourself and the child.
Both deserve better.
Cheers,
Tony
Following a particularly nasty divorce I got a family package which included a particulary obstinate, intelligent and confident three and a half year old girl. This was 23 years ago.
I was the " intruder in the camp" and she didn't like me at first. She did make this plain. She had been used to 100% attention from her mother and she had to share the attention after I arrived. We made sure however that she kept her relationship with her father going via weekend visits every fourtnight until she was old enough to make her own decision.
I wasn't her dad, I was Tony.
At six she cut the arms off my favourite shirt. She couldn't explain why, but her mother made sure that pocket money went to a new shirt.
At about 15 years old the visits to her biological father petered out, neither, it seemed, thought them valuable enough to keep going. I thought him to be a complete idiot.
People used to ask was it difficult being a stepdad and I used to say
"I pay for her so she's mine"
She got her O levels ( her mother and I got exceedingly drunk) , and her A levels ( we were not quite so drunk) , I helped her buy her frst car and tried to teach her to drive, and she went to University and got her degree and I was there at her graduation.
She chose her career and started work and got her first flat, and then her second, and met a guy who both her mother and I like and a couple of days ago someone asked her about her "dad" and she said unbenownst to me
"I dont need him, I've got a real dad, Tony".
And today we, her mother and I, helped the two "youngsters" move into their first home together and as we were moving stuff in from the van my stepdaughter and her mother were having a conversation about their respective other halves, their idiocincracies and their loves and hates and I heard her mother say good humouredly
" Bloody hell , how did you end up with someone just like Tony?".
And so, "My work", as they say "is done."
Keep at it, if there is love there, its all worthwhile. If there's not, get out, you are shortchanging both yourself and the child.
Both deserve better.
Cheers,
Tony
KFC said:
I can't decide whether taking the tablet to sell to pay for the repair would be worth doing to teach her the value of money/consequences of her actions would be a good idea, or if in the bigger picture of trying to get her on your side its going to be a bit of an own goal.
Get a sharp rock and scratch the tablet on the screen, make sure the kid knows you did it, and react just like she did to you. Yes, childish I know, but it may wake her up to the 'possessions and value' concept.
Tony427 said:
Being a step dad is not always a horror story. Its success depends a huge amount on the mother and her mindset and on the love within the family unit.
Following a particularly nasty divorce I got a family package which included a particulary obstinate, intelligent and confident three and a half year old girl. This was 23 years ago.
I was the " intruder in the camp" and she didn't like me at first. She did make this plain. She had been used to 100% attention from her mother and she had to share the attention after I arrived. We made sure however that she kept her relationship with her father going via weekend visits every fourtnight until she was old enough to make her own decision.
I wasn't her dad, I was Tony.
At six she cut the arms off my favourite shirt. She couldn't explain why, but her mother made sure that pocket money went to a new shirt.
At about 15 years old the visits to her biological father petered out, neither, it seemed, thought them valuable enough to keep going. I thought him to be a complete idiot.
People used to ask was it difficult being a stepdad and I used to say
"I pay for her so she's mine"
She got her O levels ( her mother and I got exceedingly drunk) , and her A levels ( we were not quite so drunk) , I helped her buy her frst car and tried to teach her to drive, and she went to University and got her degree and I was there at her graduation.
She chose her career and started work and got her first flat, and then her second, and met a guy who both her mother and I like and a couple of days ago someone asked her about her "dad" and she said unbenownst to me
"I dont need him, I've got a real dad, Tony".
And today we, her mother and I, helped the two "youngsters" move into their first home together and as we were moving stuff in from the van my stepdaughter and her mother were having a conversation about their respective other halves, their idiocincracies and their loves and hates and I heard her mother say good humouredly
" Bloody hell , how did you end up with someone just like Tony?".
And so, "My work", as they say "is done."
Keep at it, if there is love there, its all worthwhile. If there's not, get out, you are shortchanging both yourself and the child.
Both deserve better.
Cheers,
Tony
Lovely story Tony.Following a particularly nasty divorce I got a family package which included a particulary obstinate, intelligent and confident three and a half year old girl. This was 23 years ago.
I was the " intruder in the camp" and she didn't like me at first. She did make this plain. She had been used to 100% attention from her mother and she had to share the attention after I arrived. We made sure however that she kept her relationship with her father going via weekend visits every fourtnight until she was old enough to make her own decision.
I wasn't her dad, I was Tony.
At six she cut the arms off my favourite shirt. She couldn't explain why, but her mother made sure that pocket money went to a new shirt.
At about 15 years old the visits to her biological father petered out, neither, it seemed, thought them valuable enough to keep going. I thought him to be a complete idiot.
People used to ask was it difficult being a stepdad and I used to say
"I pay for her so she's mine"
She got her O levels ( her mother and I got exceedingly drunk) , and her A levels ( we were not quite so drunk) , I helped her buy her frst car and tried to teach her to drive, and she went to University and got her degree and I was there at her graduation.
She chose her career and started work and got her first flat, and then her second, and met a guy who both her mother and I like and a couple of days ago someone asked her about her "dad" and she said unbenownst to me
"I dont need him, I've got a real dad, Tony".
And today we, her mother and I, helped the two "youngsters" move into their first home together and as we were moving stuff in from the van my stepdaughter and her mother were having a conversation about their respective other halves, their idiocincracies and their loves and hates and I heard her mother say good humouredly
" Bloody hell , how did you end up with someone just like Tony?".
And so, "My work", as they say "is done."
Keep at it, if there is love there, its all worthwhile. If there's not, get out, you are shortchanging both yourself and the child.
Both deserve better.
Cheers,
Tony
I am a step Dad of 3 boys and it's been hugely rewarding, I wouldn't change it for the world
King Herald said:
KFC said:
I can't decide whether taking the tablet to sell to pay for the repair would be worth doing to teach her the value of money/consequences of her actions would be a good idea, or if in the bigger picture of trying to get her on your side its going to be a bit of an own goal.
Get a sharp rock and scratch the tablet on the screen, make sure the kid knows you did it, and react just like she did to you. Yes, childish I know, but it may wake her up to the 'possessions and value' concept.
That is something you would actually do?
Really?
Tony427 said:
Being a step dad is not always a horror story. Its success depends a huge amount on the mother and her mindset and on the love within the family unit.
Following a particularly nasty divorce I got a family package which included a particulary obstinate, intelligent and confident three and a half year old girl. This was 23 years ago.
I was the " intruder in the camp" and she didn't like me at first. She did make this plain. She had been used to 100% attention from her mother and she had to share the attention after I arrived. We made sure however that she kept her relationship with her father going via weekend visits every fourtnight until she was old enough to make her own decision.
I wasn't her dad, I was Tony.
At six she cut the arms off my favourite shirt. She couldn't explain why, but her mother made sure that pocket money went to a new shirt.
At about 15 years old the visits to her biological father petered out, neither, it seemed, thought them valuable enough to keep going. I thought him to be a complete idiot.
People used to ask was it difficult being a stepdad and I used to say
"I pay for her so she's mine"
She got her O levels ( her mother and I got exceedingly drunk) , and her A levels ( we were not quite so drunk) , I helped her buy her frst car and tried to teach her to drive, and she went to University and got her degree and I was there at her graduation.
She chose her career and started work and got her first flat, and then her second, and met a guy who both her mother and I like and a couple of days ago someone asked her about her "dad" and she said unbenownst to me
"I dont need him, I've got a real dad, Tony".
And today we, her mother and I, helped the two "youngsters" move into their first home together and as we were moving stuff in from the van my stepdaughter and her mother were having a conversation about their respective other halves, their idiocincracies and their loves and hates and I heard her mother say good humouredly
" Bloody hell , how did you end up with someone just like Tony?".
And so, "My work", as they say "is done."
Keep at it, if there is love there, its all worthwhile. If there's not, get out, you are shortchanging both yourself and the child.
Both deserve better.
Cheers,
Tony
Nice story. Sometimes we do need to see things from their point of view.Following a particularly nasty divorce I got a family package which included a particulary obstinate, intelligent and confident three and a half year old girl. This was 23 years ago.
I was the " intruder in the camp" and she didn't like me at first. She did make this plain. She had been used to 100% attention from her mother and she had to share the attention after I arrived. We made sure however that she kept her relationship with her father going via weekend visits every fourtnight until she was old enough to make her own decision.
I wasn't her dad, I was Tony.
At six she cut the arms off my favourite shirt. She couldn't explain why, but her mother made sure that pocket money went to a new shirt.
At about 15 years old the visits to her biological father petered out, neither, it seemed, thought them valuable enough to keep going. I thought him to be a complete idiot.
People used to ask was it difficult being a stepdad and I used to say
"I pay for her so she's mine"
She got her O levels ( her mother and I got exceedingly drunk) , and her A levels ( we were not quite so drunk) , I helped her buy her frst car and tried to teach her to drive, and she went to University and got her degree and I was there at her graduation.
She chose her career and started work and got her first flat, and then her second, and met a guy who both her mother and I like and a couple of days ago someone asked her about her "dad" and she said unbenownst to me
"I dont need him, I've got a real dad, Tony".
And today we, her mother and I, helped the two "youngsters" move into their first home together and as we were moving stuff in from the van my stepdaughter and her mother were having a conversation about their respective other halves, their idiocincracies and their loves and hates and I heard her mother say good humouredly
" Bloody hell , how did you end up with someone just like Tony?".
And so, "My work", as they say "is done."
Keep at it, if there is love there, its all worthwhile. If there's not, get out, you are shortchanging both yourself and the child.
Both deserve better.
Cheers,
Tony
When I first arrived on the scene with my now wife, it was for her son like his little world had been blown apart. Totally shattered & destroyed. He really struggled & was a nightmare behavior wise. He was angry & it all came out the only way he knew how which was through destructive & "violent" behavior. This probably lasted for a few years. 7 years down the line & we now have a very good relationship. He accepts I may actually bring some benefits & actually I'm not that bad. Bribes by way of ipads, Apple computers in his room & good holidays probably help, but we now enjoy a healthy disrespect for each other & can gang up on his mum now rather than the other way round.
King Herald said:
Get a sharp rock and scratch the tablet on the screen, make sure the kid knows you did it, and react just like she did to you.
Yes, childish I know, but it may wake her up to the 'possessions and value' concept.
It absolutely will notYes, childish I know, but it may wake her up to the 'possessions and value' concept.
It will show that it's ok to behave this way, because an adult is doing it.
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