girlfriends annoying child scratched my car
Discussion
PurpleTurtle said:
monamimate said:
Dear OP
I wonder whether some of the posters here have even had a (successful) relationship with a woman that will always put her kid before you!
Fixed that for you. I wonder whether some of the posters here have even had a (successful) relationship with a woman that will always put her kid before you!
a) any normal woman will put her child before you (run a mile if she doesn't)
b) referring to some of the posters here, I think we can broaden that to ANY woman...
cwis said:
monamimate said:
I guess some people just give up.
Maybe you just got lucky?Sample of one - means nothing in the great scheme of things.
I was criticising someone else for generalising on a sample of one!
In fact, my sample of one against his sample of one proves that, at the very least, he was wrong 50% of the time.
The fact that you think I got lucky makes me very sad for you. Really.
ClaphamGT3 said:
OP; until you can reconcile in your mind the fact that you, as a man, will always come second in your partner's priorities to her children - be they yours or someone else's - don't have a relationship with a woman with children
Naturally that is the case.......doesn't mean you have to take a load of s
t with it though.There has to be a reasonable compromise between setting boundaries and controlling unacceptable behaviour in the child and the realisation that the mother will (in most cases) naturally prioritise the needs of her children over that of her new partner.
monamimate said:
PurpleTurtle said:
monamimate said:
Dear OP
I wonder whether some of the posters here have even had a (successful) relationship with a woman that will always put her kid before you!
Fixed that for you. I wonder whether some of the posters here have even had a (successful) relationship with a woman that will always put her kid before you!
a) any normal woman will put her child before you (run a mile if she doesn't)
b) referring to some of the posters here, I think we can broaden that to ANY woman...
wjwren said:
My girlfriend went mad at her and told her she would be paying for the damage. I was fine with it and thought it would teach her a lesson. Few days later and now my girlfriend says it's only a small scratch and that it will polish out (it hasnt as ive tried). Im more annoyed at her (gf) for going back on her word.
monamimate said:
As I said above - my wife's 2 girls started out giving me one hell of a tough time, but working together patiently, we turned the situation around completely, where an outsider would have no idea at all that they weren't my own girls.
It's not easy. Bloody pleased I stuck it out.
I guess some people just give up.
Totally totally different situation. You and your partner worked on the issue together. The OP's partner isn't interested and would rather brush it under the table and carry on trying to be the child's friend rather than parenting (hence the child's utter lack of respect for her).It's not easy. Bloody pleased I stuck it out.
I guess some people just give up.
All too familiar and if the parent won't parent then the step parent has NO chance and the situation will continue to get worse.
monamimate said:
Not sure if being funny?
a) any normal woman will put her child before you (run a mile if she doesn't)
b) referring to some of the posters here, I think we can broaden that to ANY woman...
Correct, but that doesn't stop the mother from creating a united front with her partner to ensure that bad behaviour is recognised and acted appropriately on. a) any normal woman will put her child before you (run a mile if she doesn't)
b) referring to some of the posters here, I think we can broaden that to ANY woman...
Without that, forget it.
I was in the odd position that my mother would threaten my much younger sister with a punishment and then wouldn't enforce it later on.
Therefore whenever I was looking after my sister I would enforce the punishment because she invariably deserved it and usually much worse.
I can't say that I would do this in your position as it could very badly affect your relationship with her. Is there a reasonable way to make your girlfriend see that the car isn't "just a lump of metal"?
Therefore whenever I was looking after my sister I would enforce the punishment because she invariably deserved it and usually much worse.
I can't say that I would do this in your position as it could very badly affect your relationship with her. Is there a reasonable way to make your girlfriend see that the car isn't "just a lump of metal"?
Ari said:
wjwren said:
My girlfriend went mad at her and told her she would be paying for the damage. I was fine with it and thought it would teach her a lesson. Few days later and now my girlfriend says it's only a small scratch and that it will polish out (it hasnt as ive tried). Im more annoyed at her (gf) for going back on her word.
monamimate said:
As I said above - my wife's 2 girls started out giving me one hell of a tough time, but working together patiently, we turned the situation around completely, where an outsider would have no idea at all that they weren't my own girls.
It's not easy. Bloody pleased I stuck it out.
I guess some people just give up.
Totally totally different situation. You and your partner worked on the issue together. The OP's partner isn't interested and would rather brush it under the table and carry on trying to be the child's friend rather than parenting (hence the child's utter lack of respect for her).It's not easy. Bloody pleased I stuck it out.
I guess some people just give up.
All too familiar and if the parent won't parent then the step parent has NO chance and the situation will continue to get worse.
Ari said:
monamimate said:
Not sure if being funny?
a) any normal woman will put her child before you (run a mile if she doesn't)
b) referring to some of the posters here, I think we can broaden that to ANY woman...
Correct, but that doesn't stop the mother from creating a united front with her partner to ensure that bad behaviour is recognised and acted appropriately on. a) any normal woman will put her child before you (run a mile if she doesn't)
b) referring to some of the posters here, I think we can broaden that to ANY woman...
Without that, forget it.
(And the main reason why my relationship with my step-daughters works perfectly now)
Ari said:
RobinBanks said:
Is there a reasonable way to make your girlfriend see that the car isn't "just a lump of metal"?
It isn't about the car, it's about the girlfriend's inability to parent the child. Very very common these days. You came to Pistonheads - Netmums is where you should be......
Are you ready for advice on this one ? You did ask, so here it is - part company - leave - get your ass out of that relationship as its not. The daughter has no respect for you but yet is quite happy to ride in the car and take advantage of any other benefits that you bring along. Scratching a car ? 10 years old they know that is wrong, and doing it raises serious concerns, if she doesnt know she is wrong then that sadly is even scarier.
They say work at it invest and build bridges that is gets better - only sadly it doesnt you will always be the outsider the competition for her mothers attentions and a person who gets in the way. Please give this one some serious consideration - life is too short to be bothered with sheeeeite like this.
As for the mother, pffft its only a small scratch, it will polish out and backing out what would probably be a £50 repair... tells me all that I need to know - rejection of responsibility and a disregard for other peoples property. And yes taking you for a mug as well.
Man up and move on. Plenty more women out there that would appreciate a decent bloke....
What you have now wont get better - its a struggle with your own kids so with someone elses its even worse and there is no blood connection there. Believe me it gets harder the longer it goes on. If your GF wont support and carry through then thats just pisspoor parenting and slap happy and it wont bode wellYou dont get any prizes for putting up by the way....
Are you ready for advice on this one ? You did ask, so here it is - part company - leave - get your ass out of that relationship as its not. The daughter has no respect for you but yet is quite happy to ride in the car and take advantage of any other benefits that you bring along. Scratching a car ? 10 years old they know that is wrong, and doing it raises serious concerns, if she doesnt know she is wrong then that sadly is even scarier.
They say work at it invest and build bridges that is gets better - only sadly it doesnt you will always be the outsider the competition for her mothers attentions and a person who gets in the way. Please give this one some serious consideration - life is too short to be bothered with sheeeeite like this.
As for the mother, pffft its only a small scratch, it will polish out and backing out what would probably be a £50 repair... tells me all that I need to know - rejection of responsibility and a disregard for other peoples property. And yes taking you for a mug as well.
Man up and move on. Plenty more women out there that would appreciate a decent bloke....
What you have now wont get better - its a struggle with your own kids so with someone elses its even worse and there is no blood connection there. Believe me it gets harder the longer it goes on. If your GF wont support and carry through then thats just pisspoor parenting and slap happy and it wont bode wellYou dont get any prizes for putting up by the way....
Edited by ruggedscotty on Tuesday 7th July 15:52
wjwren said:
It isnt about the car - I was annoyed but not end of the world. More about the child's cant be arsed attitude of it's only a car whatever.
It isn't about the car and it isn't actually about the child's attitude, it's about the mother's parenting (which is why the child has that attitude, she knows she's untouchable - her mum won't ultimately do anything about it).Ask yourself two questions.
Can you see the mother's attitude to her daughter and to parenting changing?
And if no, can you live with it as it is now and when it gets worse (as it will).
If the answer to both is no then you need to be having a really serious think about your future.
Mastiff said:
Petrol Only said:
Keeping things childish go scratch her tablet screen. That will show her! 
This really appeals to the bd in me...I have a 'situation' with my partner's younger son, now nineteen going on nine.
A few years ago I asked him (after a bike ride) to get the garage key so we could all put the bikes away. This was wrong apparently, no one tells precious to go and do anything. Anyway, he did get the key (as he's far too passive aggressive to stand up to anyone) but then he went inside and in possibly the most pathetic display of rebellion I've ever seen he turned a few things (like my zipped up laptop bag that was on a chair) upside down whilst we were still outside and skulked off to his room.
I really really wanted to wait till he was out and go into his room and turn everything upside down! Even the bed! Not damage anything or move anything, just simply invert every last thing. Still makes me chuckle to think what his response would have been.
Anyway his mummy wouldn't let me as it would upset him and 'he's happy again now'.
Needless to say his attitude has got steadily worse to the point where I have as little to do with the unfortunate specimen as I possibly can, but I don't live there so it rarely affects me very much and he is never actually confrontational.
So yes, a childish vote here for scratching the tablet screen and when confronted shrugging and saying 'What? It'll polish out, just like my car scratch will'.
monamimate said:
huh?
I was criticising someone else for generalising on a sample of one!
In fact, my sample of one against his sample of one proves that, at the very least, he was wrong 50% of the time.
The fact that you think I got lucky makes me very sad for you. Really.
It didn't come across that way - it came across as an overly smug berk boasting that he's the best at relationships and everyone else gives up.I was criticising someone else for generalising on a sample of one!
In fact, my sample of one against his sample of one proves that, at the very least, he was wrong 50% of the time.
The fact that you think I got lucky makes me very sad for you. Really.
Good for you - you win.
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