Keeping cold callers on the line for as long as possible...
Discussion
...it's a sport I'm getting quite proficient at. Yesterday:
Ring ring
Hello
Hi is that srebbe?
Yep that's me
Good news, you're eligible to claim up to £7800 for your recent injury
Wow, great, I never expected that because I thought it was my own fault really
What was your own fault?
The accident, I'm delighted I'm gonna get money for it though. Where do I pick it up?
Well tell me more about your accident
Okay I applied for a job and I didn't fill in the application correctly
What job?
Elephant rider for a circus
Okaaaaay
I said I had experience but it turns out my experience was Indian elephants not African
Riiiiight
You know Elmo the patchwork elephant it was exactly like him but entirely grey
Hmmmmm
Anyway, nice talking and I look forward hearing from you again shortly, bye
Ring ring
Hello
Hi is that srebbe?
Yep that's me
Good news, you're eligible to claim up to £7800 for your recent injury
Wow, great, I never expected that because I thought it was my own fault really
What was your own fault?
The accident, I'm delighted I'm gonna get money for it though. Where do I pick it up?
Well tell me more about your accident
Okay I applied for a job and I didn't fill in the application correctly
What job?
Elephant rider for a circus
Okaaaaay
I said I had experience but it turns out my experience was Indian elephants not African
Riiiiight
You know Elmo the patchwork elephant it was exactly like him but entirely grey
Hmmmmm
Anyway, nice talking and I look forward hearing from you again shortly, bye
NOT a joke but a real telephone conversation I've had within the last hour.
We are being plagued at the moment by Witheld numbers who hang up upon answering but this one was an Indian lady asking me about the accident I'd had in the last 3 years. Now I bloody hate ambulance chasers having worked in insurance for 30 odd years.
So I reply that I indeed had, had an accident. When was it - First of January. Was it your fault, no I was hit in the rear. I'm being told I'll definitely qualify for at least £4000 with no medical evidence. She asks me to hold on and puts me onto an Indian bloke with an even thicker accent, I'm constantly asking them to repeat themselves as I can't understand them.
Anyway he thinks he's got a hot lead and is quite excited and proceeds to ask again about the circumstances and how many people were in the car (me and the wife) and reiterates that we will get at least £4000 each within 60 days. At this point I say I'd hope that I'd get a lot more than that as I'd suffered quite a significant injury. Again he is sounding excited and asks what sort of injury I'd sustained, so I hesitate quite a lot and mumble that I'd lost the top of my penis. He exclaims Oh my God then asks what about my wife's injuries. So I tell him she had sustained damage to her teeth.
He asks how so I said she was giving me a blow job at the time! There was silence for a few seconds and then he hung up. I was hysterical with laughter more so because my son had walked into the room just as I said the final line.
Absolutely true I promise.
We are being plagued at the moment by Witheld numbers who hang up upon answering but this one was an Indian lady asking me about the accident I'd had in the last 3 years. Now I bloody hate ambulance chasers having worked in insurance for 30 odd years.
So I reply that I indeed had, had an accident. When was it - First of January. Was it your fault, no I was hit in the rear. I'm being told I'll definitely qualify for at least £4000 with no medical evidence. She asks me to hold on and puts me onto an Indian bloke with an even thicker accent, I'm constantly asking them to repeat themselves as I can't understand them.
Anyway he thinks he's got a hot lead and is quite excited and proceeds to ask again about the circumstances and how many people were in the car (me and the wife) and reiterates that we will get at least £4000 each within 60 days. At this point I say I'd hope that I'd get a lot more than that as I'd suffered quite a significant injury. Again he is sounding excited and asks what sort of injury I'd sustained, so I hesitate quite a lot and mumble that I'd lost the top of my penis. He exclaims Oh my God then asks what about my wife's injuries. So I tell him she had sustained damage to her teeth.
He asks how so I said she was giving me a blow job at the time! There was silence for a few seconds and then he hung up. I was hysterical with laughter more so because my son had walked into the room just as I said the final line.
Absolutely true I promise.
elanfan said:
NOT a joke but a real telephone conversation I've had within the last hour.
We are being plagued at the moment by Witheld numbers who hang up upon answering but this one was an Indian lady asking me about the accident I'd had in the last 3 years. Now I bloody hate ambulance chasers having worked in insurance for 30 odd years.
So I reply that I indeed had, had an accident. When was it - First of January. Was it your fault, no I was hit in the rear. I'm being told I'll definitely qualify for at least £4000 with no medical evidence. She asks me to hold on and puts me onto an Indian bloke with an even thicker accent, I'm constantly asking them to repeat themselves as I can't understand them.
Anyway he thinks he's got a hot lead and is quite excited and proceeds to ask again about the circumstances and how many people were in the car (me and the wife) and reiterates that we will get at least £4000 each within 60 days. At this point I say I'd hope that I'd get a lot more than that as I'd suffered quite a significant injury. Again he is sounding excited and asks what sort of injury I'd sustained, so I hesitate quite a lot and mumble that I'd lost the top of my penis. He exclaims Oh my God then asks what about my wife's injuries. So I tell him she had sustained damage to her teeth.
He asks how so I said she was giving me a blow job at the time! There was silence for a few seconds and then he hung up. I was hysterical with laughter more so because my son had walked into the room just as I said the final line.
Absolutely true I promise.
Nicely done! We are being plagued at the moment by Witheld numbers who hang up upon answering but this one was an Indian lady asking me about the accident I'd had in the last 3 years. Now I bloody hate ambulance chasers having worked in insurance for 30 odd years.
So I reply that I indeed had, had an accident. When was it - First of January. Was it your fault, no I was hit in the rear. I'm being told I'll definitely qualify for at least £4000 with no medical evidence. She asks me to hold on and puts me onto an Indian bloke with an even thicker accent, I'm constantly asking them to repeat themselves as I can't understand them.
Anyway he thinks he's got a hot lead and is quite excited and proceeds to ask again about the circumstances and how many people were in the car (me and the wife) and reiterates that we will get at least £4000 each within 60 days. At this point I say I'd hope that I'd get a lot more than that as I'd suffered quite a significant injury. Again he is sounding excited and asks what sort of injury I'd sustained, so I hesitate quite a lot and mumble that I'd lost the top of my penis. He exclaims Oh my God then asks what about my wife's injuries. So I tell him she had sustained damage to her teeth.
He asks how so I said she was giving me a blow job at the time! There was silence for a few seconds and then he hung up. I was hysterical with laughter more so because my son had walked into the room just as I said the final line.
Absolutely true I promise.
Only done it once I usually just hang up. Kept getting a call asking for somebody, not my name.
Calls were coming in once a day. The last time I said no it's no me but he's here I'll go get him and put the phone on the side.
I thought they would just go very quickly and forgot about it, some time a bit later must have easily been 10 possibly 15 minutes I shouted the other half and heard a strange voice saying hello.
Calls were coming in once a day. The last time I said no it's no me but he's here I'll go get him and put the phone on the side.
I thought they would just go very quickly and forgot about it, some time a bit later must have easily been 10 possibly 15 minutes I shouted the other half and heard a strange voice saying hello.
Everyone should do to cold callers what we do.
[them] "Hello, Is this the gentleman of the house?" (etc)
[us] "One second, I'll go and get him".
Leave the phone on and turn the TV on and watch some for an hour or so.... leaving them to hang up when they eventually get bored and give up. If enough people do this, it will end cold calling. Each time you do this you save half a dozen others from getting a call!
[them] "Hello, Is this the gentleman of the house?" (etc)
[us] "One second, I'll go and get him".
Leave the phone on and turn the TV on and watch some for an hour or so.... leaving them to hang up when they eventually get bored and give up. If enough people do this, it will end cold calling. Each time you do this you save half a dozen others from getting a call!
I routinely have to ring patients from work for follow up appointments and it's quite frustrating to have 99% of people answer with such a miserable tone as they already have me marked down as a cold calling 
.
They then cheer up tremendously when they realise I'm not a cold calling.
I used to start a conversation with "Hello, is that Mr X....." "What do you want...."
I know start "I'm calling from the NHS X Service - is that Mr X".....it gets a much nicer initial response.
I hate these fkers with a passion, It's unfathomable to me that enough people exist to give them the time of day, never mind their money. Idiots.
.They then cheer up tremendously when they realise I'm not a cold calling
.I used to start a conversation with "Hello, is that Mr X....." "What do you want...."
I know start "I'm calling from the NHS X Service - is that Mr X".....it gets a much nicer initial response.
I hate these f
kers with a passion, It's unfathomable to me that enough people exist to give them the time of day, never mind their money. Idiots.Had one of those ambulance chaser type calls from an Indian chap a few weeks ago and decided I should mess them around a bit. After a couple of initial questions it appeared that I qualified so he went into a spiel about what I could get back cash wise etc.
Him: I need some details first, I need the car registration.
Me: OK, it was a hire car does that make any difference.
Him: No that's fine, just the registration.
Me: OK I will have to look out the hire car documents I still have them somewhere can you hold on?
Him: Yes no problem.
I put the phone down and carried on with my work as quietly as I could on the computer, the line was still open so could hear his end of the line.
Him: Hello?
Me: Yes hang on still looking for the right paperwork, won't be long.
Phone back down back to work again.
Him: Hello?
Me: Yes think I have it, hold on a sec.
Phone back down back to work again. I knew I could keep this up all day so I came up with a nice way to round things off. I waited for him to say hello again.
Him: hello?
Me: Hi yes I have the paperwork, what was it you wanted again? Oh yes the registration wasn't it?
Him: Yes
Me Ok, it was a Ford Focus, metallic blue, does that make any difference?
Him No just the registration (I could sense the frustration coming through in his voice)
Me OK it's U - R
Him reading it back to me 'U - R'
Me A
Him A
Me T - W - A - T
Him T - W - A - T, U R A tt. Penny dropped. He then went ballistic calling me every name under the sun, I was then actually thinking someone has taught you really well, those are some top quality swearwords there, and they were too, top drawer stuff, calling me a M-F, dropping the c-word in several times, I was quite impressed with his knowledge of the profanisaurus. While this tirade was ongoing I was howling with laughter down the phone and in between laughs I managed to ask him 'did you like that, I made you wait ten minutes for that' after which I was creased up again and he set off another round of verbal abuse until he hung up.
I looked at the phone and it showed duration of call 11 mins 11 seconds. Something to aim for the next time.
Him: I need some details first, I need the car registration.
Me: OK, it was a hire car does that make any difference.
Him: No that's fine, just the registration.
Me: OK I will have to look out the hire car documents I still have them somewhere can you hold on?
Him: Yes no problem.
I put the phone down and carried on with my work as quietly as I could on the computer, the line was still open so could hear his end of the line.
Him: Hello?
Me: Yes hang on still looking for the right paperwork, won't be long.
Phone back down back to work again.
Him: Hello?
Me: Yes think I have it, hold on a sec.
Phone back down back to work again. I knew I could keep this up all day so I came up with a nice way to round things off. I waited for him to say hello again.
Him: hello?
Me: Hi yes I have the paperwork, what was it you wanted again? Oh yes the registration wasn't it?
Him: Yes
Me Ok, it was a Ford Focus, metallic blue, does that make any difference?
Him No just the registration (I could sense the frustration coming through in his voice)
Me OK it's U - R
Him reading it back to me 'U - R'
Me A
Him A
Me T - W - A - T
Him T - W - A - T, U R A t
t. Penny dropped. He then went ballistic calling me every name under the sun, I was then actually thinking someone has taught you really well, those are some top quality swearwords there, and they were too, top drawer stuff, calling me a M-F, dropping the c-word in several times, I was quite impressed with his knowledge of the profanisaurus. While this tirade was ongoing I was howling with laughter down the phone and in between laughs I managed to ask him 'did you like that, I made you wait ten minutes for that' after which I was creased up again and he set off another round of verbal abuse until he hung up.I looked at the phone and it showed duration of call 11 mins 11 seconds. Something to aim for the next time.
The best I've managed is with an Asian gent who kindly phoned to tell me that my PC had a virus. I assume that they get the victim to allow remote desktop access - with potentially serious consequences
Anyway, I pretended to be very grateful, and asked him to hold on while the machine booted up. After about 10 minutes I said "okay, now what?".
"Click on 'Start'" the chap said, and after 5 more minutes I'd convinced him there was no 'Start' button to be seen anywhere on the screen.
"So what is on the screen?" he says....
"Well, it says C:\>" says I...
Phone line goes dead
Anyway, I pretended to be very grateful, and asked him to hold on while the machine booted up. After about 10 minutes I said "okay, now what?".
"Click on 'Start'" the chap said, and after 5 more minutes I'd convinced him there was no 'Start' button to be seen anywhere on the screen.
"So what is on the screen?" he says....
"Well, it says C:\>" says I...
Phone line goes dead
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