I'm in turmoil over my brothers wedding !
Discussion
Thankyou4calling said:
It's his second marriage and they already live together so they've decided, rather than have gifts, that people who go to the wedding should give them cash to spend as they wish.
It should be up to the guests to decide what they give as a present, and in this case it would be karma if they got nothing.Edited by Thankyou4calling on Sunday 2nd August 23:59
Monkeylegend said:
It should be up to the guests to decide what they give as a present, and in this case it would be karma if they got nothing.
It is quite common to say please don't buy us a gift but if you wanted to give something, please donate to our holiday fund etc. For reference, I gave £500 for my sisters wedding (and they seemed very shocked at the amount.) I think I gave £50-100 for other weddings (cousins/friends etc).
The Spruce goose said:
familyish - £100
friendish - £50
get a gift card is a option.
500 quid is obscene
This is kind of where I am, however for a brother I'd be best manning for I think I'd go to £250.friendish - £50
get a gift card is a option.
500 quid is obscene
Agree with the comment that they should be dressing it up as a honeymoon fund though.
Kateg28 said:
Rather than give them cash, why not pay for a night in a hotel somewhere. Doesn't matter how many times you have been married, you can always use one of those. 
Or pay for a day spa or cooking day or something like that?
Why? Why get them something they don't want over something you know they do?Or pay for a day spa or cooking day or something like that?
That sounds insane to me.
blindswelledrat said:
Why? Why get them something they don't want over something you know they do?
That sounds insane to me.
Well I would love it and I will be in this situation in a couple of years (getting married, no need for gifts but would hate people to give me money) so I can only recommend what I would like.That sounds insane to me.
Purpose of these discussions, no?
hornetrider said:
This is kind of where I am, however for a brother I'd be best manning for I think I'd go to £250.
Agree with the comment that they should be dressing it up as a honeymoon fund though.
Was best man at my brothers wedding in April, gave him £250. Agree with the comment that they should be dressing it up as a honeymoon fund though.
However if he was getting married again, would be a token amount no where near what I gave him the first time.
h0b0 said:
Not unusual in the U.S. Typically, you estimate how much they are paying for you to be there and give that in cash.
Have to be careful there! Last week we went to an "American" wedding here in the UK. 80 guests flown in from the USA, accommodated at 5*+ locations, luxury coaches to move them around places etc Then add in the wedding itself, stunning location, superb food, multiple bars all paid for.Wouldn't have wanted to give them the cash for that one!
surveyor said:
We got married recently, after being together for 10 years. We would not have dreamed of asking for cash - nor presents really....
And that's the point, according to the OP they have decided their guests should give them cash, and not left it to the discretion of their guests. Very presumptious.We have a tradition in our family that everyone gives cash to you at the receiving line. Usually small sums as we give presents as well, but often people just give cash in lieu of a present. At my wedding We had heaps of presents and I walked away with about £4k in cash in my pocket :-)
The problem with this is that unless its an abnormally large amount you quickly forget who has given what - which I am told is the point, it means poor relations can hand over a £5 , rich ones a few hundred and no one feels bad.
The problem with this is that unless its an abnormally large amount you quickly forget who has given what - which I am told is the point, it means poor relations can hand over a £5 , rich ones a few hundred and no one feels bad.
2 n' 6 and an old knife.
Failing that, it's hard to say because it's just such an open ended question - are you broke, loaded, comfortable or somewhere in between? You surely can't give more than you can afford, but you could give less, obviously.
For my sisters wedding, I paid for the flowers, which was quite expensive in cash terms (as everything to do with the dreaded W word is). I regret it too, mainly because I hate the b
h and I didn't want to go in the first place and had a crap day, I could have been at Download Festival watching Iron Maiden (believed at the time to be their only 2013 UK gig), but no, I had to go to my st house sisters fkin' wedding.
Sorry, got mad for a moment there.
Can you give him £250? Give him that, it's not obscene, it's not paltry, it's just an alright amount to contribute to furniture, a holiday/spends etc. If you can afford it maybe chuck a nice bottle of wine in there as well, something for them to enjoy together.
Failing that, it's hard to say because it's just such an open ended question - are you broke, loaded, comfortable or somewhere in between? You surely can't give more than you can afford, but you could give less, obviously.
For my sisters wedding, I paid for the flowers, which was quite expensive in cash terms (as everything to do with the dreaded W word is). I regret it too, mainly because I hate the b
h and I didn't want to go in the first place and had a crap day, I could have been at Download Festival watching Iron Maiden (believed at the time to be their only 2013 UK gig), but no, I had to go to my st house sisters fkin' wedding.Sorry, got mad for a moment there.
Can you give him £250? Give him that, it's not obscene, it's not paltry, it's just an alright amount to contribute to furniture, a holiday/spends etc. If you can afford it maybe chuck a nice bottle of wine in there as well, something for them to enjoy together.
Kateg28 said:
Well I would love it and I will be in this situation in a couple of years (getting married, no need for gifts but would hate people to give me money) so I can only recommend what I would like.
Purpose of these discussions, no?
Im just surprised at your thought process, that's all.Purpose of these discussions, no?
I would love a new fishing reel, for example, but I wouldn't consider buying it for a couple for a wedding present when they had asked for money. It doesn't make any sense to me.
I'd be stunned!Cash with our family and friends circle is pretty normal:
However if it is someone closer to me i prefer giving John lewis vouchers instead. that way they normally get something that they need for the house and gets used regularly...
Obviously the following depends on you financial postion but the following seems to be the averages that we see:
Going rates:
Friend / Collegue: £50
Close friend : £100
Cousin : £200 - 400
Best freind: £ 200 - 500
Brother / Sister / Niece / Nephew: £500 - £3000
ETA: When yopu give your brother or sister 3K for a wedding in reality it is more of a loan than a present. As weddings are expensive at that particular time its very helpful to give them a hand. When it comes to your turn to get married they normally do the same - may evenbadjust the figures for inflation
In reality if I give 3k or 5K now to my brother / sister / niece / newphew as a 'present' i know the 'present' will be recicrocated when it comes to my turn or my childrens turn.
However if it is someone closer to me i prefer giving John lewis vouchers instead. that way they normally get something that they need for the house and gets used regularly...
Obviously the following depends on you financial postion but the following seems to be the averages that we see:
Going rates:
Friend / Collegue: £50
Close friend : £100
Cousin : £200 - 400
Best freind: £ 200 - 500
Brother / Sister / Niece / Nephew: £500 - £3000
ETA: When yopu give your brother or sister 3K for a wedding in reality it is more of a loan than a present. As weddings are expensive at that particular time its very helpful to give them a hand. When it comes to your turn to get married they normally do the same - may evenbadjust the figures for inflation
In reality if I give 3k or 5K now to my brother / sister / niece / newphew as a 'present' i know the 'present' will be recicrocated when it comes to my turn or my childrens turn.Edited by fizz47 on Monday 3rd August 10:01
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