I'm in turmoil over my brothers wedding !
Discussion
Personally i think its a bit weird that we give random presents to newley weds. We much prefer to give money and hopefully people will have enough that it makes a positive difference (be it for a deposit, reduce cost of the honeymoon etc etc)
For a second marriage i wouldn't expect to receive or give anything beyond a token present!
For a second marriage i wouldn't expect to receive or give anything beyond a token present!
We are sorting out our wedding just now, and as we have lived together in our flat for 2 years already we dont need any furnishings or kitchenwares ets.
We are planning to ask if folk would give towards our house deposit in lieu of a gift as its the one thing we really want and are saving hard for but anything helps, however anything is welcome and if folk cant give anything (or dont want to tbf) thats fine.
We just dont want 50 odd things that we have one of already or the like.
Some have given us john lewis vouchers for our engagement which was a pleasant surprise but again, we are not even looking to do a gift list.
My mum and dad have offered to pay for the honeymoon (within reason) as their gift which blew us both away tbh.
We felt bad asking for cash for a deposit, but at the end of the day we dont need the usual stuff and this would help us get started, but if anyone gives gifts instead its not like we'd get in a huff.
I have seen a few wedding invites that basically demand money though!
We are planning to ask if folk would give towards our house deposit in lieu of a gift as its the one thing we really want and are saving hard for but anything helps, however anything is welcome and if folk cant give anything (or dont want to tbf) thats fine.
We just dont want 50 odd things that we have one of already or the like.
Some have given us john lewis vouchers for our engagement which was a pleasant surprise but again, we are not even looking to do a gift list.
My mum and dad have offered to pay for the honeymoon (within reason) as their gift which blew us both away tbh.
We felt bad asking for cash for a deposit, but at the end of the day we dont need the usual stuff and this would help us get started, but if anyone gives gifts instead its not like we'd get in a huff.
I have seen a few wedding invites that basically demand money though!
Rick_1138 said:
I have seen a few wedding invites that basically demand money though!
We got one recently where the demand for money was more prominent than the actual invitation. Then there was a list of terms & conditions and preferred payment methods. This from a couple who are both on their second marriages, and have a fully equipped home and four cars between them...crossle said:
I read somewhere that people asking for cash are rather expecting you to cough up the equivalent price of the hospitality the couple are offering you at the reception...
just no we asked for help with our honeymoon or presents, either worked well.
If someone gave a £5 that was great, we had a drink on them, if someone gave £500 even better. It in no way related to what we had spent on the wedding day. We paid out for the wedding day so that everyone could enjoy the day, not hoping we'd get some of it back.
I wouldn't stay friends for long with people who thought like that.
The Missus is Romanian, Romanian weddings actually usually generate a profit, by which the wedding gets fully paid for and there's some left over. To her the idea that you spend £15K+ on an event for your friends and a load of hangers on to come to for next to free while you end up with a hole in your pocket is completely weird. I'm somewhere in the middle, I give some money that I feel covers the cost of me being at the event as a minimum and then an extra "How much I like you" bonus.
MDMetal said:
The Missus is Romanian, Romanian weddings actually usually generate a profit, by which the wedding gets fully paid for and there's some left over. To her the idea that you spend £15K+ on an event for your friends and a load of hangers on to come to for next to free while you end up with a hole in your pocket is completely weird. I'm somewhere in the middle, I give some money that I feel covers the cost of me being at the event as a minimum and then an extra "How much I like you" bonus.
Bloody Hell I thought I wrote this post when I was drunk then I realised it wasn't me 
Studio117 said:
I find weddings f
king cringeworthy.
The guffawing sense of entitlement makes me vomit.
yep spend x thousands on wedding, on a self indulgent soiree, then ask people to pay to fund it..king cringeworthy.The guffawing sense of entitlement makes me vomit.
better to buy presents, like crystal horses and brass ornaments and forget receipts so they are stuck with them..
We asked for money at our wedding too, Crass? I don't care - I didn't force anyone to stump up, some did, some didn't I don't remember who fell into which camp really - we used a poem in the back of the invites which politely said that we had all the stuff we'd ever need, but we were saving for a mortgage deposit so cash would be more useful.
We are both in our 30's, we've lived together for 5 years, we lived apart from each other for at least 10 before that so we didn't need a pile of white goods to start our lives together.
My parents gave us £1000 which was lovely, my brothers and my close mates seemed to go £50 to £100, everyone else seemed to go for £20, except the odd wealthy people we know who gave £100 - that's probably far more clean-cut than it actually was, I made a point not to look too closely and just made a small pile and took it to the bank.
We are both in our 30's, we've lived together for 5 years, we lived apart from each other for at least 10 before that so we didn't need a pile of white goods to start our lives together.
My parents gave us £1000 which was lovely, my brothers and my close mates seemed to go £50 to £100, everyone else seemed to go for £20, except the odd wealthy people we know who gave £100 - that's probably far more clean-cut than it actually was, I made a point not to look too closely and just made a small pile and took it to the bank.
The Spruce goose said:
Studio117 said:
I find weddings fking cringeworthy.
The guffawing sense of entitlement makes me vomit.
yep spend x thousands on wedding, on a self indulgent soiree, then ask people to pay to fund it..king cringeworthy.The guffawing sense of entitlement makes me vomit.
better to buy presents, like crystal horses and brass ornaments and forget receipts so they are stuck with them..
Countdown said:
Why do you bother going?
you missed the point, weddings shouldn't be about paying for the honeymoon, it is a celebration first, not a fund raiser it has become. if people want to give gifts, money or nothing leave it to them, don't expect. To spend thousands on a wedding then qask for money just seems a bit wrong in my eyes,.
One of my friends on Facebook is pushing their wedding list, something about their new home isnt habitable yet til guests buy them stuff
The first few words were OK, but I had red mist when I read the whole thing. I'm not going to their wedding anyway, but it just came across as really handouty
We got married a few days before Christmas and were going away to NY for our honeymoon, coming back just before New Years. We said to everyone that because it was quite close to Christmas that we didnt want to put a burden on anyone, but if you wanted to give us something, we'd use dollars.
The first few words were OK, but I had red mist when I read the whole thing. I'm not going to their wedding anyway, but it just came across as really handouty
We got married a few days before Christmas and were going away to NY for our honeymoon, coming back just before New Years. We said to everyone that because it was quite close to Christmas that we didnt want to put a burden on anyone, but if you wanted to give us something, we'd use dollars.
The Spruce goose said:
you missed the point, weddings shouldn't be about paying for the honeymoon, it is a celebration first, not a fund raiser it has become. if people want to give gifts, money or nothing leave it to them, don't expect.
To spend thousands on a wedding then qask for money just seems a bit wrong in my eyes,.
Fund raiser? Have you seen the price of flowers these days? It's hardly a money-spinner. To spend thousands on a wedding then qask for money just seems a bit wrong in my eyes,.
I can't speak for everyone, but not long after we told people we were getting married, quite a few of our friends and family asked about gifts - no one wants 4 toasters and no one wants to be the person who gave the 4th toaster.
It's about being mature enough to say "if you'd like to give us a gift, this would be useful" and hoping your Guests take it as it was intended, not some kind of ransom note, or get upset because of some out-dated idea that everyone should live in ignorance because it's impolite to ask what to get or worse to ask for something useful.
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