I'm in turmoil over my brothers wedding !

[Vincefox]

fk weddings.

[crankedup]

Go Greek, guests pin money onto the Brides dress during their 'first dance'.

[Trif]

fizz47 said:

Brother / Sister / Niece / Nephew: £500 - £3000


ETA: When yopu give your brother or sister 3K for a wedding in reality it is more of a loan than a present.

A £3k 'gift' puts a lot of pressure on the family when it is your 'turn' to get married. I certainly wouldn't expect to receive a £xxx let alone £xxxx value gift back when it is my turn.

[groundcontrol]

£100 will probably do it as a second wedding. I'd however only give cash at a wedding if it was at the Registry Office and done on a budget so I know the cash is actually needed for something like a honeymoon, rather than the couple just being st at managing their finances.

[OzzyR1]

CubanPete said:

Give them a gift, but something personal rather than a toaster..

You could go for this, two birds, one stone etc:

https://delivermethis.co.uk/product/1130/selfie-to...


Stick your own mugshot on there and they'll be forced to look at your face every time they have some toast

[TheJimi]

Disastrous said:

Kateg28 said:

blindswelledrat said:

Kateg28 said:

Well I would love it and I will be in this situation in a couple of years (getting married, no need for gifts but would hate people to give me money) so I can only recommend what I would like.

Purpose of these discussions, no?

Im just surprised at your thought process, that's all.
I would love a new fishing reel, for example, but I wouldn't consider buying it for a couple for a wedding present when they had asked for money. It doesn't make any sense to me.

I am suggesting things I might like when I get married for the second time in a few years.

I also want a set of wheels for my little MR2 but wouldn't put them on a wedding list as don't think they are appropriate and would be a bit surprised to receive them..
I personally would not like to receive cash for my wedding present, it makes me uncomfortable and I prefer not to give it if possible. That is just me and my thought process.

But if you had asked for cash, and specifically not presents, would you not be a bit surprised if you were given a Mongolian throat singing lesson or a spa day or something random?

and I'm in agreement with BSR too !

Seriously though Kate, think about what you're saying.

If a wedding invited requested cash in lieu of gifts, it's a *bit* mental to ignore that request and buy 'em something that YOU would like!

Edited by TheJimi on Tuesday 4th August 10:05

[Kateg28]

I still can't bear the thought of giving cash. My OH does it all the time, he even gave me £100 in an envelope for my birthday once so I could buy something. I was so upset, I would have rather have had a box of my favourite chocolates as that would show thought.

The OP is talking about his brother here, so I would assume he would know what they would like.

I still cannot change how I feel I would hate to give cash unless it was a contribution to something otherwise I would feel I am helping pay a gas bill or something else mundane. A wedding is special.

Anyhow, it was just a suggestion, I shall shut up now as it is obviously an unpopular one.

[crossle]

Pints said:

Thankyou4calling said:

I like this payment structure but would be concerned at a Norfolk wedding as to what to give bearing in mind there may well be people who cover a few bases.

A Norfolk wedding, you say?

How much are six-finger gloves these days?

Mittens work best for this, and for webbed fingers too.

[Djtemeka]

The Spruce goose said:

familyish - £100

friendish - £50

get a gift card is a option.

500 quid is obscene

This is 100%

We are getting married in 2 weeks time and we have also asked for money towards our honeymoon. We are both 35 and lived together for 3 years. We are poor but want for nothing. We have no money for a honeymoon. we do but its in my pot of "fk, st just happened" and don't want to dip into it)
We cant rub 2 pennies together and I'm dipping into the pot as I was taken off my bike last week by a dosy driver who pulled out on me. I'm self employed so I'm now not earning anything 2 weeks before the big day and now cant contribute to the honeymoon pot.

We are tremendously lucky that we planned and saved to our wedding is paid for by ourselves. We could not save enough for the honeymoon unfortunately

[blindswelledrat]

Kateg28 said:

I still can't bear the thought of giving cash. My OH does it all the time, he even gave me £100 in an envelope for my birthday once so I could buy something. I was so upset, I would have rather have had a box of my favourite chocolates as that would show thought.

That's different. I can completely understand you getting upset that your partner doesn't care enough to buy you an actual present when you want one.

Kate said:

The OP is talking about his brother here, so I would assume he would know what they would like.

I still cannot change how I feel I would hate to give cash unless it was a contribution to something otherwise I would feel I am helping pay a gas bill or something else mundane. A wedding is special.

Anyhow, it was just a suggestion, I shall shut up now as it is obviously an unpopular one.

You don't need to cry or shut up. I do understand your sentiment completely - I think a few of us share the sentiment. What I don't understand at all is your wanting to completely ignore the couples wishes in favour of doing what you want.

[Gareth79]

h0b0 said:

Not unusual in the U.S. Typically, you estimate how much they are paying for you to be there and give that in cash.

Yes, I read that one a forum years ago and was surprised as it's one of the more notable differences in how they do things. The comment was along the lines of their sister got married and they were shocked/disgusted that the 'present pot' didn't even cover the wedding, let alone enough for the honeymoon.

[Asterix]

And there was I thinking people got married for love.

Muslims have it right then - four opportunities for profit.

[bingybongy]

I didn't get married to guilt trip friends and family into giving me money or gifts, my invitations said 'please no gifts or money'
A few people gave us some wine/champagne etc but on the whole our request was complied with.

[lxm]

I have gifted £50.00 cash to friends at weddings. If my sister got married I would think £250.00 ?

[blindswelledrat]

bingybongy said:

I didn't get married to guilt trip friends and family into giving me money or gifts, my invitations said 'please no gifts or money'
.

Have a medal.
I feel sad for you that you see wedding lists as a guilt-trip.
Most normal not-bitter people see them as an opportunity to give a helping hand to a couple of newlyweds embarking on their new life together, after they have just indebted themselves up to the eyeballs to pay for you to come and share their day with them.
Good for you though.

[StuTheGrouch]

blindswelledrat said:

Have a medal.
I feel sad for you that you see wedding lists as a guilt-trip.
Most normal not-bitter people see them as an opportunity to give a helping hand to a couple of newlyweds embarking on their new life together, after they have just indebted themselves up to the eyeballs to pay for you to come and share their day with them.
Good for you though.

Perhaps people shouldn't spend so much on weddings then if it's going to be a significant debt.

[h0b0]

Gareth79 said:

h0b0 said:

Not unusual in the U.S. Typically, you estimate how much they are paying for you to be there and give that in cash.

Yes, I read that one a forum years ago and was surprised as it's one of the more notable differences in how they do things. The comment was along the lines of their sister got married and they were shocked/disgusted that the 'present pot' didn't even cover the wedding, let alone enough for the honeymoon.

Most weddings will have a registry and the option to give money. Some cultures do try and pay for the wedding from the gifts they receive but their is a reciprocal expectation that if I give to your wedding that you will give to mine so the net result is that we are even. We told people we did not expect anything because almost everyone had traveled to be at our wedding and we appreciated that. This weekend I was at a wedding where we gave a what would amount to a nice night out at a restaurant as a gift. The groom had supplied his own whiskey for select guests so we sat down and consumed the bottle together and I am sure I got more than my money's worth.

Crap, just looked it up and it was a Macallan 25 year old. I think I owe the groom some more money as I drank nearly half the bottle with him.

[blindswelledrat]

StuTheGrouch said:

blindswelledrat said:

Have a medal.
I feel sad for you that you see wedding lists as a guilt-trip.
Most normal not-bitter people see them as an opportunity to give a helping hand to a couple of newlyweds embarking on their new life together, after they have just indebted themselves up to the eyeballs to pay for you to come and share their day with them.
Good for you though.

Perhaps people shouldn't spend so much on weddings then if it's going to be a significant debt.

Perhaps people who are getting married can do whatever they want to do for their wedding, rather than pander to people who get irrelevantly annoyed about nothing? That's what I'm going for. Im forever amazed at the number of peple on this site who thinks that everything anyone else does should be about them and their opinions.

[MrBarry123]

I don't see the issue with people asking for money as wedding presents - provided of course they don't do it in a way which makes people feel forced into donating - it's a wedding after all, not a fking PPV event.

When we finally get married, we'll do the same i.e. ask for a contribution towards a Porsche Cayman, however I wouldn't expect anyone to give anything.

[bingybongy]

blindswelledrat said:

Have a medal.
I feel sad for you that you see wedding lists as a guilt-trip.
Most normal not-bitter people see them as an opportunity to give a helping hand to a couple of newlyweds embarking on their new life together, after they have just indebted themselves up to the eyeballs to pay for you to come and share their day with them.
Good for you though.

Cheers, I'll put the medal with all the others I have for my selfish bitter acts.
My wedding, my rules, that's how I felt about it so that's how we did it.
If I ever get married again I'll do it differently because that's how it should be done.