Should I Shun My Mates Wedding? Would You?

[HarryW]

Still trying to work out the relevence of spending £300 at this stag do and what it has to do with your percieved right to be invited to the wedding?

If you have not been invited, which it seems you have not, tough thats life. Weddings tend to be for family first, not mates that went to the stag do.

If you have been invited, great, then enjoy the day. You have laid the cards on the table wrt to her activities, he still intends to marry her. Be a good mate and be happy for him, its not your life.

[HarryW]

doogz said:

HarryW said:

Still trying to work out the relevence of spending £300 at this stag do and what it has to do with your percieved right to be invited to the wedding?

If you have not been invited, which it seems you have not, tough thats life. Weddings tend to be for family first, not mates that went to the stag do.

If you have been invited, great, then enjoy the day. You have laid the cards on the table wrt to her activities, he still intends to marry her. Be a good mate and be happy for him, its not your life.

Really?

If they're a good enough friend to come to the stag do, they should be at the wedding. All my mates did.

Yes. Traditionally weddings are firstly a family affair; you should marry into a family, not drive a wedge into it. If there is space once the family has been accommodated then friends come, which tbf in most cases happens without incident or knowledge of the guests, nothing new in that.
I realise that in some walks of life the modern way allows for friends to take precedence over family or there is a very small family in the first instance, in which case no friends are left out, unless there are other circumstances, which seems to be the case here.


Still do not see the relevance of £300 though ...........

[BarbaricAvatar]

HarryW said:

Still trying to work out the relevence of spending £300 at this stag do and what it has to do with your percieved right to be invited to the wedding?

If you have not been invited, which it seems you have not, tough thats life. Weddings tend to be for family first, not mates that went to the stag do.

If you have been invited, great, then enjoy the day. You have laid the cards on the table wrt to her activities, he still intends to marry her. Be a good mate and be happy for him, its not your life.

Agreed on all fronts. I've got some weird mates who would be a laugh at a Stag evening but i wouldn't want to meet my (or my gf's) family on my wedding day. It's quite normal.

As for the interference; you've said your bit and that's all you can do. He's chosen to ignore your recommendation now it's up to you to stand by his decision (as a good friend) or fk off. If he wants to fool himself into thinking everything's fine because of his deep fear of being alone or settling for a less-hot gf then that's his problem, not yours.
Just don't be one of the guys she'll inevitably sleep with in the future.

[Axionknight]

I think you should go - he's a friend, right? You've said your bit and he's ignored your advice, he's a grown up and he's free to make his own choices, which may or not be a mistake, but if you're a good mate you should stand by him no matter what, he'll appreciate you being there on the day, I'd imagine.

I don't agree with a long standing friend such as yourself not being invited to the ceremony, though, surely they can fit you in - this talk of a big family, what is it, thirty brothers and sisters, or is it just the hangers on that are seen at such occasions, but seldom, if at all, at any other time? If they've made room for them, but not for you, it's a poor show, IMO.

[andy-xr]

Leptons said:

andy-xr said:

So you're not actually invited to the wedding?

I find the thing about inviting more people later a bit weird to be honest, you're better off inviting them to the actual ceremony because it doesnt cost anything and you dont have to feed them.

Anyway, you're not his mate as much as he is yours, I'd probably ease off on the announcements and sticking of noses into stuff

It's at a hotel so I'm guessing it goes ceremony, photos, sit down meal, speaches, night do. We're invited to the night do. Anyway it's a mute point.

I don't really understand the rest of your post. No ones making any announcements.

You said you cant do the whole stand up thing as you wont be there.

But anyway, it sounds pretty much like you're not actually invited anyway, with the forgotten paper invite and a Facebook calendar event instead. What I'm saying is, you think he's your mate but it's my opinion that he doesnt think you're his mate. So, 'shunning' his wedding that you're not actually invited to is kind of a non issue anyway. Or are you just going to turn up and stand in the corner because you dont want to/cant say anything to him?

I think I'd be otherwise engaged that day if I was in your shoes. Mission Critical Ironing or something

[Rude-boy]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

This all day every day.

I have a very good mate who I think is on the road to a car crash of a relationship. I could write tombs about it but the one thing i have been 100% clear on with my mate is that he is the only one in a position to make the call on it other than her. It matters not what his mates think of her - we aren't the ones who have to go home to her every night and spend most of our lives with her. Only he is in that position and so it is what he feels and thinks that matters to us. So long as she makes him happy then all is fine, and we will be polite and engaging with her so long as she is about, be it another 10 days, months, years or the rest of his life.

Christ help her if she fks him over though. Forget about the feelings of his 'original' friends - most of them can put on their best st eating grin for her. No. It's the partners of his mates she needs to be wary of - not one single one can stand her and all would be more than happy to stick a size 12 in given half the chance.

[Animala]

It's very simple OP, you need to find out what the fiances siren song is & play it to her backwards, that's how you send her back to hell.

[kiseca]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

These aren't two opposite concepts. Supporting your mates doesn't mean not telling him when you think he's making a bad decision. It means being around to help him pick up the pieces when it does all blow up in his face.

That's what friends do. If they turn their back and walk away when you're marrying someone they think will ruin you, they aren't and never were your friend.

[Rude-boy]

iphonedyou said:

They have a kid?

Absolutely not your place to say a single thing. Much as being invited to the evening do only, after going to the stag, is very poor form.

Actually speaking to a number of people about this recently (not enough in the kitty to invite all that the couple would have liked) most said that their prefered invite would be Stag Do and Evening Do - avoiding the legal/churchy bit and the always poor catering at the Wedding Breakfast.

As for the idea that all of her friends and family can come to the wedding but only a few of his, sorry that would be a deal breaker there, she'd be straight into touch. But then I would hope never to even get as far as asking suchj a woman for her hand - I'm far too selfish myself to let anyone else be