Meaningless company slogans
Discussion
Johnnytheboy said:
There's a series of vans that I see around here that I keep thinking are a landscaping company like my firm. The van has a picture of a tree on it, and the slogan is something like "where people flourish". Ah here we are:
As far as I can tell they provide building maintenance services, but all their vans are covered in these daft slogans about how lovely they are to their staff, rather than offer any clue on what they actually do.
Yep, that's what happens when someone employs a wet behind the ears advertising guru.As far as I can tell they provide building maintenance services, but all their vans are covered in these daft slogans about how lovely they are to their staff, rather than offer any clue on what they actually do.
Probably got them a twitter account too, but forget that no one would associate their company with a role, so it doesn't advertise anything.
schmunk said:
Asterix said:
Could be worse - the could provide 'turnkey solutions'.
Please fk off over there and when you get there, fk off a bit more!
..and I'm in marketing! It's my life long aim to cut out all this bks.
How about Turkey Solutions...?Please fk off over there and when you get there, fk off a bit more!
..and I'm in marketing! It's my life long aim to cut out all this bks.
LordGrover said:
Are they referring to pre or post Wall Berlin?8Ace said:
TheEnd said:
I see a lot of "providing solutions" which should be reserved for chemical companies.
Oh god, this. anything that has the word solutions in the slogan or company name. Just awful meaningless dribble.Unless, as above, it is a purveyor of dilute chemicals in solvent.
8Ace said:
Oh god, this. anything that has the word solutions in the slogan or company name. Just awful meaningless dribble.
Unless, as above, it is a purveyor of dilute chemicals in solvent.
Private Eye used to have a "Solutions" corner for this sort of guff. My favourite is www.pirtek.co.uk fluid transfer solutions, or hoses, as normal people call them.Unless, as above, it is a purveyor of dilute chemicals in solvent.
This makes me think of TNT with their slogan of ‘Sure we can’. With my experience of TNT (at work, I'd never use them personally), it is said with a sarcastic tone…
Can you deliver this package to Cardiff, this one to Nottingham and this one to Newcastle? (All clearly addressed, signed paperwork etc)
'Suuuure, we can'
The Cardiff Package ends up in Newcastle, The Nottingham one in Newcastle and the Newcastle ends up being returned to us… because they thought it was from Newcastle being delivered to us.
Can you deliver these lab samples which are fragile and contain hazardous substances? (All placed in specialist crates, designed to be virtually indestructable; all covered in the necessary hazardous, fragile and keep upright labelling.)
‘Suuuure, we can'
Only 4 of the 5 crates get delivered; the ones that are delivered look like they’ve been hit by an RPG; 2 of the delivered crates appeared to be covered in the contents of the missing 5th crate...
Useless Fers!!
Corporate slogans, Corporate buzzwords (e.g. Stakeholder Engagement, KPI's, Information Silo's etc), Corporate Strategies... all make my blood boil. All BS invented by worthless scrotes to try and make themselves sound important and intelligent; and the really galling fact is that they're earning a huge pay packet for it...
Can you deliver this package to Cardiff, this one to Nottingham and this one to Newcastle? (All clearly addressed, signed paperwork etc)
'Suuuure, we can'
The Cardiff Package ends up in Newcastle, The Nottingham one in Newcastle and the Newcastle ends up being returned to us… because they thought it was from Newcastle being delivered to us.
Can you deliver these lab samples which are fragile and contain hazardous substances? (All placed in specialist crates, designed to be virtually indestructable; all covered in the necessary hazardous, fragile and keep upright labelling.)
‘Suuuure, we can'
Only 4 of the 5 crates get delivered; the ones that are delivered look like they’ve been hit by an RPG; 2 of the delivered crates appeared to be covered in the contents of the missing 5th crate...
Useless Fers!!
Corporate slogans, Corporate buzzwords (e.g. Stakeholder Engagement, KPI's, Information Silo's etc), Corporate Strategies... all make my blood boil. All BS invented by worthless scrotes to try and make themselves sound important and intelligent; and the really galling fact is that they're earning a huge pay packet for it...
Rude-boy said:
My best bet is that they are very involved in property maintenance for a Housing Association or similar.
A few people I know have started to take the p out of stupid job titles recently. They have decided to take on their own and now we have the following:-
Head of Values
Head of Better
Head of Diversity, Improvement, Collaboration and Kindness (work it out )
Head of Visions
We are working on a few others...
My ex-neighbour's job title when he worked for a company that supplied power stations with conveyor belts for coal was "Head of Power". Just the best job title.A few people I know have started to take the p out of stupid job titles recently. They have decided to take on their own and now we have the following:-
Head of Values
Head of Better
Head of Diversity, Improvement, Collaboration and Kindness (work it out )
Head of Visions
We are working on a few others...
Quartz Ninja said:
.
Can you deliver these lab samples which are fragile and contain hazardous substances? (All placed in specialist crates, designed to be virtually indestructable; all covered in the necessary hazardous, fragile and keep upright labelling.)
‘Suuuure, we can'
Only 4 of the 5 crates get delivered; the ones that are delivered look like they’ve been hit by an RPG; 2 of the delivered crates appeared to be covered in the contents of the missing 5th crate...
Useless Fers!!
Perhaps, but with such specific needs and delicate cargo who made the shortsighted decision to use a hub/spoke courier rather than an independent who would take it direct to the consignee?Can you deliver these lab samples which are fragile and contain hazardous substances? (All placed in specialist crates, designed to be virtually indestructable; all covered in the necessary hazardous, fragile and keep upright labelling.)
‘Suuuure, we can'
Only 4 of the 5 crates get delivered; the ones that are delivered look like they’ve been hit by an RPG; 2 of the delivered crates appeared to be covered in the contents of the missing 5th crate...
Useless Fers!!
The thread brings to mind an anecdote from Billy Connolly; workers at the Armitage Shanks works in Barrhead were asked to help management come up with a corporate mission statement. The inevitable reply was 'Wur mission is to mak lavvies'.
Rickyy said:
Double whammy!
His company slogan is plastered on his vans in large letters: "Get the image your looking for".
It makes me incandescent every time I see it. I've explained the issue to him on several occasions but he doesn't understand the difference between your and you're in the slightest.
A signwriter of all people. I dispair.
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