Marriage, How much is she worth?

[Jimmy Recard]

voyds9 said:

It does very much seem in a relationship a woman can think about herself whereas a man has to think about the couple.

That's not quite how it works with children though, is it?

[jonah35]

C.A.R. said:

So there have been a few developments for me over the last week.

Firstly; I got the new job.
Secondly; I got an unexpected performance bonus from my current employer to the tune of about £1100. Sweet!

And finally, just this evening in fact, I had "the talk" with the not-yet-Mrs.
I highlighted that we had options open to us now-
A. Clear the debt using the difference between my new and current salary - debt clear in 11 months using the performance bonus money as a downpayment too.
B. Make the downpayment but then transfer the balance to an interest free C/C and set up a smaller direct debit to clear the lot within 2 years. Simultaneously, I could save £5k to put towards our big day.

Then she goes and drops a clanger.

Currently she draws in around £600 a month in maternity pay. Come February she'll only be returning to one of the two part time jobs she had and will be down by around £300 a month. So all the extra money I'd be bringing into the family would be totally absorbed by this shortfall.

I don't think she can realistically expect to have a wedding on top of this scenario. The cold hard truth has hit home this evening and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife! I'm not going to say any more until she's had a chance to think on it...

Get used to it.

Just have your salary paid into her account to stop beating about the bush. And sign over all assets now.

[voyds9]

Jimmy Recard said:

That's not quite how it works with children though, is it?

OP has just been told that his girlfriend isn't going back to work like before the baby, no consultation, no discussing it just a unilateral decision so I'll stick with my original thought, that it is exactly how it works.
She may well dress it up that it is the best for the child and may indeed believe it but it still sounds very selfish.

Does that mean a woman who doesn't leave work is guilty of child cruelty/neglect.

[anonymous-user]

A stay at home mum is better for the kids, but it's not always finacially possible.

OP - give her your honest opinion like you did on the bus driver thread and you'll be fine
.

[AyBee]

craig_m67 said:

She's had a chance to think about it?

Pardon my bluntness, but you appear to be equating marriage with capital outlay and cashflow as opposed to love and commitment. I expect that when there is enough income for the party you think she wants, she'll be gone (or at least dead inside).

Spend a dollar on a registry wedding or engagement, plan a budget based on appropriate reasonable incomes and spending (she doesn't want to work two jobs and be away from the kids.. I mean really, how dare she, she can spend that time with them as babies later right?). Save for the debt and a brilliant honeymoon in Barbados (outer space, place of her choosing) and get on with it.

Otherwise I predict you will be a lonely man in a bedsit with even slimmer career prospects due to depression faster than you can say.. Why doesn't she understand it's all about the money....

I think the problem is that she is equating the marriage/wedding to a big party that doesn't cost £££, but ££££ and maybe £££££, I'm fairly sure that's not where the OP is coming from though.

[C.A.R.]

Aye, I am reading the comments just not having the most opportunity to respond!

I know reading some of it must come across like I'm letting her walk all over me, but this isn't entirely the case!

I'm just going through the motions with her really, going to attend a few wedding fares and reflect on the more enjoyable weddings we have been invited to. I think I'm winning in that we are now looking at less extravagent venues and with buffet food instead of this ridiculous £110-a-head minimum of 80 guests bullsh*t which is being rammed down our throats by all of the online sources. Like you say, it should be an intimate occasion with close friends and family and not some stupid statement of wealth (which we don't have!)

The other thing being that I much prefer to stuff my face at a buffet rather than having a set menu and having to get guests to decide months prior. I think guests will feel more comfortable with this too, if they're anything as greedy as I am.

Now, where can I hire a convertible E-Type to take me from the Church?! Haha

[Ari]

C.A.R. said:

Aye, I am reading the comments just not having the most opportunity to respond!

I know reading some of it must come across like I'm letting her walk all over me, but this isn't entirely the case!

I'm just going through the motions with her really, going to attend a few wedding fares and reflect on the more enjoyable weddings we have been invited to. I think I'm winning in that we are now looking at less extravagent venues and with buffet food instead of this ridiculous £110-a-head minimum of 80 guests bullsh*t which is being rammed down our throats by all of the online sources. Like you say, it should be an intimate occasion with close friends and family and not some stupid statement of wealth (which we don't have!)

The other thing being that I much prefer to stuff my face at a buffet rather than having a set menu and having to get guests to decide months prior. I think guests will feel more comfortable with this too, if they're anything as greedy as I am.

Now, where can I hire a convertible E-Type to take me from the Church?! Haha

And how does she feel about setting a budget of £500?

Or is it all about The Wedding, not about being married?

[Fattyfat]

Ari said:

And how does she feel about setting a budget of £500?

Or is it all about The Wedding, not about being married?

As someone once told me, 'when you're getting shot, it doesn't matter who pulls the trigger...'

[Ari]

Fattyfat said:

As someone once told me, 'when you're getting shot, it doesn't matter who pulls the trigger...'