Marriage, How much is she worth?
Discussion
julian64 said:
Going into a marriage where one partner owns all the money and all the assets and the other partner just brings their charm is simply a parent child dependancy relationship. If with that knowledge the two parties still decide its love than they should still be regarded as equal partners in the assets once married.
Perhaps a more extreme example, but I'm in my 30's and doing what could be described as reasonable well financially I suppose. I own my homes and cars outright, and my earning potential over the next 10 years looks strong. My girlfriend is a few years younger than me. She works a minimum wage job, no assets of note at all. If we were to get married I'm really struggling to see how she should be due anything that I earned. She contributed zero to assets I had before we met. Realistically she's contributing nothing to my income now either. Sure she keeps the house clean but thats a 5 euro an hour job... in the grand scheme of things its nothing.
Show me a single rich bloke that has ever went into a marriage expecting it to fail (or at least a guy like that who didn't have a watertight pre-nup in place
) This guy doesn't exist. Yet 42% of marriages end in divorce. Should I be expected to bet half my Lambo and one of my houses on a gamble with no real upside, and a 42% chance of losing? Because that really isn't looking a sane (or fair) bet, no matter how I look at it.
edit - obviously the above refers to no kids... if I married her and we had a kid then split up I'd fully expect to be in for a painful time financially. Thats absolutely fine, I've no problems with that.
KFC said:
Perhaps a more extreme example, but I'm in my 30's and doing what could be described as reasonable well financially I suppose. I own my homes and cars outright, and my earning potential over the next 10 years looks strong. My girlfriend is a few years younger than me. She works a minimum wage job, no assets of note at all.
If we were to get married I'm really struggling to see how she should be due anything that I earned. She contributed zero to assets I had before we met. Realistically she's contributing nothing to my income now either. Sure she keeps the house clean but thats a 5 euro an hour job... in the grand scheme of things its nothing.
Show me a single rich bloke that has ever went into a marriage expecting it to fail (or at least a guy like that who didn't have a watertight pre-nup in place ) This guy doesn't exist. Yet 42% of marriages end in divorce.
Should I be expected to bet half my Lambo and one of my houses on a gamble with no real upside, and a 42% chance of losing? Because that really isn't looking a sane (or fair) bet, no matter how I look at it.
edit - obviously the above refers to no kids... if I married her and we had a kid then split up I'd fully expect to be in for a painful time financially. Thats absolutely fine, I've no problems with that.
Nail. Head. Hit. If we were to get married I'm really struggling to see how she should be due anything that I earned. She contributed zero to assets I had before we met. Realistically she's contributing nothing to my income now either. Sure she keeps the house clean but thats a 5 euro an hour job... in the grand scheme of things its nothing.
Show me a single rich bloke that has ever went into a marriage expecting it to fail (or at least a guy like that who didn't have a watertight pre-nup in place
) This guy doesn't exist. Yet 42% of marriages end in divorce. Should I be expected to bet half my Lambo and one of my houses on a gamble with no real upside, and a 42% chance of losing? Because that really isn't looking a sane (or fair) bet, no matter how I look at it.
edit - obviously the above refers to no kids... if I married her and we had a kid then split up I'd fully expect to be in for a painful time financially. Thats absolutely fine, I've no problems with that.
It's really hard to understand how someone with nothing marrying someone with everything suddenly becomes worth half of it.
I totally get the situation where a couple meet, marry, start a life, he earns, she looks after the home and majority of childcare, they get wealthy and then split and she's due half of that. She may not have physically gone out and earned it in cash, but she was part of that union, pulled her weight, and is due her fair share.
But situations like the post above - if he married and then she left a year later, whoever's fault it was, I just don't get how she's suddenly due a huge chunk of what was already there.
It should be based on what happened during the marriage, anything prior should be set aside (and this should work both ways obviously, if a man with nothing marries a wealthy woman the same should apply).
When I was young and stupid (as opposed to current middle aged and stupid) I fell in love with an older woman. She was a divorcee and had her own house. We lived together for a few years, it didn't work out, I left. It never for one moment occurred to me that I was entitled to anything, and it would be the same if we had got married. It was her house, she had it before we were together. Sure, I contributed financially, but I would have if I were a lodger. I couldn't see how that entitled me to anything and I still don't.
KFC said:
julian64 said:
Going into a marriage where one partner owns all the money and all the assets and the other partner just brings their charm is simply a parent child dependancy relationship. If with that knowledge the two parties still decide its love than they should still be regarded as equal partners in the assets once married.
Perhaps a more extreme example, but I'm in my 30's and doing what could be described as reasonable well financially I suppose. I own my homes and cars outright, and my earning potential over the next 10 years looks strong. My girlfriend is a few years younger than me. She works a minimum wage job, no assets of note at all. If we were to get married I'm really struggling to see how she should be due anything that I earned. She contributed zero to assets I had before we met. Realistically she's contributing nothing to my income now either. Sure she keeps the house clean but thats a 5 euro an hour job... in the grand scheme of things its nothing.
Show me a single rich bloke that has ever went into a marriage expecting it to fail (or at least a guy like that who didn't have a watertight pre-nup in place
) This guy doesn't exist. Yet 42% of marriages end in divorce. Should I be expected to bet half my Lambo and one of my houses on a gamble with no real upside, and a 42% chance of losing? Because that really isn't looking a sane (or fair) bet, no matter how I look at it.
edit - obviously the above refers to no kids... if I married her and we had a kid then split up I'd fully expect to be in for a painful time financially. Thats absolutely fine, I've no problems with that.
If anyone goes into marriage having a major concern about losing half their wealth when it goes wrong then you are simply not ready to marry the person in question. Either that or you don't 'get' the marriage thing.
I've been married for nearly 10 years and we own our own home, the land it stands on and the vehicles we drive. We got to that position by teamwork, helping eachother out and giving and taking. We have three children whom we love dearly. If I have to think about the prospect of divorce then it leaves me cold.
I simply could not live without my wife and children and that is what terrifies me. Material stuff is just, well stuff.
I'd say that anyone who is not 100% ready to share everything without exception are not ready to get married. If you are worried about cars and houses then the priorities at that time in your life are not the right ones. All IMHO of course
Ari said:
It should be based on what happened during the marriage, anything prior should be set aside (and this should work both ways obviously, if a man with nothing marries a wealthy woman the same should apply).
Sometimes I don't even think it should go that far, I don't see that being fair for me.She was a gardener and cleaner before we married (talking sake, I haven't and won't do it
) She cheats on me with the big handsome portuguese guy that drives the gardening van, and we break up after say 4 years.Should she walk away from that marriage potentially a millionaire? I can't see how that would be fair at all. She contributes nothing financially, or in the form of any support whatsoever, currently. We're not talking about someone who's given up any chance of a high flying career to look after my house. She still works right now, and can continue to do it.
LordHaveMurci said:
boyse7en said:
I don't get why people get married at all.
Been with my partner 23 years, two kids, don't see any reason to get married.
17yrs here, 2 kids too. She wants to, I definitely don't, all the financial assets are mine & were before we got together.Been with my partner 23 years, two kids, don't see any reason to get married.
lord trumpton said:
Your post above makes you sound a bit self centred, talking about your wealth and Lambo etc.
When there is a 42% chance I'm going to get it horrifically wrong, why shouldn't I be self centred?Is it unreasonable that I want my hard earned money to go to my brothers (14 years old) to fund their education, first home or first car, or my single mother sister in her 30's, rather than fund the ongoing lifestyle of a cheating wife who I'd never speak to again anyway?
Edited by KFC on Friday 4th September 21:16
Axionknight said:
What a bitter man you are - are all your relationship and friendship decisions based on cold hard cash?
Its not like we're talking a 1 in a thousand chance of it going wrong, is it?nearly 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce.... NONE of these blokes would have thought it would have happened to them.... yet for half of them it did.
Call me bitter if you like, but I'd far rather protect my brothers/nephews future than gamble it on a 42% of failure.
KFC said:
lord trumpton said:
Your post above makes you sound a bit self centred, talking about your wealth and Lambo etc.
When there is a 42% chance I'm going to get it horrifically wrong, why shouldn't I be self centred?Is it unreasonable that I want my hard earned money to go to my brothers (14 years old) to fund their education, first home or first car, or my single mother sister in her 30's, rather than fund the ongoing lifestyle of a cheating wife who I'd never speak to again anyway?
Edited by KFC on Friday 4th September 21:16
Personally I think KFC is bang on the money (excuse the pun) with his outlook.
A happy and satisfying relationship is all well and good but come on, a few blow-jobs and some ego boosting pillow talk is not able to justify a large portion of your life's achievements.
Marriage is a huge commitment emotionally and financially.
Blimey, even the back-door is not compulsory no matter what the wealth situation.
A happy and satisfying relationship is all well and good but come on, a few blow-jobs and some ego boosting pillow talk is not able to justify a large portion of your life's achievements.
Marriage is a huge commitment emotionally and financially.
Blimey, even the back-door is not compulsory no matter what the wealth situation.
lord trumpton said:
Why do you think she will cheat on you?
I don't think she would actually. But my point is every other guy who had their wife cheat on them.... they thought that too.
I also think if we did split she wouldn't try a money grab... she's not particularly cash motivated at all.
But every other guy thought that too.... and a lot of those went horrifically wrong when their now ex's friends got in their ears and they went to see a solicitor for a free consultation.
Edited by KFC on Friday 4th September 21:29
I've battled this one out in my mind a lot, it's not a good time to be a man and get married or have kids, the cards are undoubtedly stacked against you, especially if you are the primary breadwinner. I hope the prenup laws in this country catch up to be relevant to the society we live in.
Right now the whole thing is a joke and there are many disgraceful cases, though I think the worst are by far the treatment of mothers vs fathers regarding post separation rights to the child. That to me is far worse than any court grabbing money from you. Though the whole thing is a mess.
Right now the whole thing is a joke and there are many disgraceful cases, though I think the worst are by far the treatment of mothers vs fathers regarding post separation rights to the child. That to me is far worse than any court grabbing money from you. Though the whole thing is a mess.
lord trumpton said:
Why do you think she will cheat on you?
VOE here - after thirteen years, completely out of the blue. Shocked me, our friends and her family.So if you think some schmultzy lovey dovey claptrap is ever going to make me not be protective of my financial assets then you're mistaken.
Can't trust 'em, can't shoot 'em. Don't want 'em.
The idea of staking my financial future and the roof over my head based on how someone who I have yet to meet feels about me is a bet I will never be willing to take.
I've enough experience of endings with nothing on the line, let alone everything, and seeing quite a few friends ending up destitute and broken to know that it's a place I never want to go. And yes I'm from multiple broken homes and have never witnessed a happy marriage.
Better to have loved and lost? Not losing absolutely everything, no.
I've enough experience of endings with nothing on the line, let alone everything, and seeing quite a few friends ending up destitute and broken to know that it's a place I never want to go. And yes I'm from multiple broken homes and have never witnessed a happy marriage.
Better to have loved and lost? Not losing absolutely everything, no.
KFC said:
Its not like we're talking a 1 in a thousand chance of it going wrong, is it?
nearly 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce.... NONE of these blokes would have thought it would have happened to them.... yet for half of them it did.
Call me bitter if you like, but I'd far rather protect my brothers/nephews future than gamble it on a 42% of failure.
So then why aren't you dating, shagging, playing in the same economic pool?nearly 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce.... NONE of these blokes would have thought it would have happened to them.... yet for half of them it did.
Call me bitter if you like, but I'd far rather protect my brothers/nephews future than gamble it on a 42% of failure.
Or is it perhaps that you don't (emotionally) measure up for them
^above is meant tongue in cheek/light hearted. I don't know you from a bag of sand obviously and my own life choices have in retrospect been dreadful.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff