Marriage, How much is she worth?
Discussion
craig_m67 said:
So then why aren't you dating, shagging, playing in the same economic pool?
Or is it perhaps that you don't (emotionally) measure up for them
^above is meant tongue in cheek/light hearted. I don't know you from a bag of sand obviously and my own life choices have in retrospect been dreadful.
Because there are no successful, self made, dateable, millionaire late 20's women available for me here Or is it perhaps that you don't (emotionally) measure up for them
^above is meant tongue in cheek/light hearted. I don't know you from a bag of sand obviously and my own life choices have in retrospect been dreadful.
Plus yeah you're right, they wouldn't want me anyway My small busness see's me dealing with a lot of wealthy people - mostly blokes (because its a car related business) and I can say this - a very large proportion tell the same story.
They have got a lot of money, a few tasty cars, maybe a house abroad and divorced. They all say that they were away working hard whilst their wife and family grew up. Every single one wishes they had spent more time and put in more effort at home.
They thought they were out earning money for the future of the family, but in reality that future is the day after, and the day after that etc - my point is that by the time they felt they had made it they had missed the most important years.
Its a sad, sad story.
They have got a lot of money, a few tasty cars, maybe a house abroad and divorced. They all say that they were away working hard whilst their wife and family grew up. Every single one wishes they had spent more time and put in more effort at home.
They thought they were out earning money for the future of the family, but in reality that future is the day after, and the day after that etc - my point is that by the time they felt they had made it they had missed the most important years.
Its a sad, sad story.
KFC said:
Axionknight said:
What a bitter man you are - are all your relationship and friendship decisions based on cold hard cash?
Its not like we're talking a 1 in a thousand chance of it going wrong, is it?nearly 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce.... NONE of these blokes would have thought it would have happened to them.... yet for half of them it did.
Call me bitter if you like, but I'd far rather protect my brothers/nephews future than gamble it on a 42% of failure.
k, tbh 
The value of a long term relationship is simple. Measure it the days , weeks and months after your loved one has died.measure it in the thoughts you have when every fibre of your being would take every material thing you owned and trade it for a few more heartbeats of the person you lost.
Today I do it for a second time. In life you take your chances at finding happiness when you can. You make measured choices and take considered decisions. You balance head and heart and try to walk the tightrope between hope and cynicism and the past, present and future.
But in all of it, live the life that matters to you , that you want to live , because it passes in the blink of an eye. But do t become embittered by it, or ground down by it, or read with fear the life stories of others. Eyes wide open; always, but keep some of that child life hope and dream throughout life. no matter what. Because when the truly hard things happen, it is that part of you that will get you through it, whether that be divorce or bereavement or worse.
Today I do it for a second time. In life you take your chances at finding happiness when you can. You make measured choices and take considered decisions. You balance head and heart and try to walk the tightrope between hope and cynicism and the past, present and future.
But in all of it, live the life that matters to you , that you want to live , because it passes in the blink of an eye. But do t become embittered by it, or ground down by it, or read with fear the life stories of others. Eyes wide open; always, but keep some of that child life hope and dream throughout life. no matter what. Because when the truly hard things happen, it is that part of you that will get you through it, whether that be divorce or bereavement or worse.
drivin_me_nuts said:
The value of a long term relationship is simple. Measure it the days , weeks and months after your loved one has died.measure it in the thoughts you have when every fibre of your being would take every material thing you owned and trade it for a few more heartbeats of the person you lost.
Today I do it for a second time. In life you take your chances at finding happiness when you can. You make measured choices and take considered decisions. You balance head and heart and try to walk the tightrope between hope and cynicism and the past, present and future.
But in all of it, live the life that matters to you , that you want to live , because it passes in the blink of an eye. But do t become embittered by it, or ground down by it, or read with fear the life stories of others. Eyes wide open; always, but keep some of that child life hope and dream throughout life. no matter what. Because when the truly hard things happen, it is that part of you that will get you through it, whether that be divorce or bereavement or worse.
Thanks for the post; I can put myself in that position and have a lot of empathy.Today I do it for a second time. In life you take your chances at finding happiness when you can. You make measured choices and take considered decisions. You balance head and heart and try to walk the tightrope between hope and cynicism and the past, present and future.
But in all of it, live the life that matters to you , that you want to live , because it passes in the blink of an eye. But do t become embittered by it, or ground down by it, or read with fear the life stories of others. Eyes wide open; always, but keep some of that child life hope and dream throughout life. no matter what. Because when the truly hard things happen, it is that part of you that will get you through it, whether that be divorce or bereavement or worse.
I hope others can see the value of this contribution. Keep that spirit mate
drivin_me_nuts said:
The value of a long term relationship is simple. Measure it the days , weeks and months after your loved one has died.measure it in the thoughts you have when every fibre of your being would take every material thing you owned and trade it for a few more heartbeats of the person you lost.
Today I do it for a second time. In life you take your chances at finding happiness when you can. You make measured choices and take considered decisions. You balance head and heart and try to walk the tightrope between hope and cynicism and the past, present and future.
But in all of it, live the life that matters to you , that you want to live , because it passes in the blink of an eye. But do t become embittered by it, or ground down by it, or read with fear the life stories of others. Eyes wide open; always, but keep some of that child life hope and dream throughout life. no matter what. Because when the truly hard things happen, it is that part of you that will get you through it, whether that be divorce or bereavement or worse.
Today I do it for a second time. In life you take your chances at finding happiness when you can. You make measured choices and take considered decisions. You balance head and heart and try to walk the tightrope between hope and cynicism and the past, present and future.
But in all of it, live the life that matters to you , that you want to live , because it passes in the blink of an eye. But do t become embittered by it, or ground down by it, or read with fear the life stories of others. Eyes wide open; always, but keep some of that child life hope and dream throughout life. no matter what. Because when the truly hard things happen, it is that part of you that will get you through it, whether that be divorce or bereavement or worse.
lord trumpton said:
Your post above makes you sound a bit self centred, talking about your wealth and Lambo etc.
If anyone goes into marriage having a major concern about losing half their wealth when it goes wrong then you are simply not ready to marry the person in question. Either that or you don't 'get' the marriage thing.
I've been married for nearly 10 years and we own our own home, the land it stands on and the vehicles we drive. We got to that position by teamwork, helping eachother out and giving and taking. We have three children whom we love dearly. If I have to think about the prospect of divorce then it leaves me cold.
I simply could not live without my wife and children and that is what terrifies me. Material stuff is just, well stuff.
I'd say that anyone who is not 100% ready to share everything without exception are not ready to get married. If you are worried about cars and houses then the priorities at that time in your life are not the right ones. All IMHO of course
Interesting post.If anyone goes into marriage having a major concern about losing half their wealth when it goes wrong then you are simply not ready to marry the person in question. Either that or you don't 'get' the marriage thing.
I've been married for nearly 10 years and we own our own home, the land it stands on and the vehicles we drive. We got to that position by teamwork, helping eachother out and giving and taking. We have three children whom we love dearly. If I have to think about the prospect of divorce then it leaves me cold.
I simply could not live without my wife and children and that is what terrifies me. Material stuff is just, well stuff.
I'd say that anyone who is not 100% ready to share everything without exception are not ready to get married. If you are worried about cars and houses then the priorities at that time in your life are not the right ones. All IMHO of course
But you're talking about a very different situation where you and your wife have created your world together.
But let me paint you a picture, see what you think.
Lets say the unthinkable happens, and your wife is no longer with us. A few years later, still pretty grief stricken you meet someone nice. She's got nothing, lives in a bedsit and has a min wage job but she's pretty, funny, cares about you. You maybe don't intend it but things develop and you find a glimmer of happiness and one day you think to yourself 'hey, be nice to be married again, I liked it before' and you pop the question.
Six months later you're married, a year after that you discover the new wife was only after your money and is shagging the (younger, fitter, better looking) gardener.
So you confront her, there are tears, she loves the gardener, there's no future for you and her. She leaves, moves in with the gardener.
How do you feel about her having half the financial comfort that you and your previous wife built up together? How do you feel about the kids of you and your first wife losing half their birthright - half the money that their mother and you created? Maybe they're still at school and have to come out of the private school that they enjoy so much because the woman dad was married to for a year is entitled to x hundred thousand pounds and dad has to find that to buy her out of their home.
What is your view on maintenance? You have no children with this woman but her solicitor says that she has an 'expectation of lifestyle'. Never mind that she had nothing two years ago, a rented bedsit and beans on toast for dinner. She's been married to a successful wealthy man, lived in a five bedroom house, drove a brand new Audi. Judge agrees, you've made a promise, you now need to keep her in a lifestyle. Because you were married.
What are your views on pensions? You've been prudent, you've made investments over many years, a comfortable retirement beckons - a well deserved life of golf, holidays and maybe a small yacht on the south coast. Or it did - her solicitor says half of that is hers now. Happy with that are you?
Presumably you're happy with all of it - the massive chunk of the money the mother of your kids and you built up that you are now forced to gift her. The lost legacy for your kids, the state school they're now in, the much reduced pension.
Because you didn't have that 'major concern about losing half their wealth when it goes wrong'.
You simply were 'ready to marry the person in question'. You 'got' the marriage thing.
Axionknight said:
Sounds like the best thing to do in that case is have her murdered and be done with it, frankly, you old doom and gloomer you.
It's not an unrealistic scenario though is it? All this smug 'we worked together and built it up as a team over the years' and 'you just don't get marriage' is great, but he's commenting on a post about someone with nothing marrying someone with everything and suddenly being worth half of it (not to mention potential ongoing payments) in the event of a divorce (currently statistically a coin toss risk).So I'd like to hypothetically put him in that situation and see if he still thinks it's all dandy.
It's also worth considering that some of us (shock horror) aren't powerfully built company directors that can casually just make another few million. It's taken me all my adult life to build up my modest lot, which amounts to a small house, decent car and a few quid in the bank. Given my age, earning potential and current (insane) property values I genuinely couldn't do that again. So for people like me, marrying someone with nothing and risking losing half of that genuinely is an unthinkable scenario. Sad to say, but there it is.
Axionknight said:
Sounds like the best thing to do in that case is have her murdered and be done with it, frankly, you old doom and gloomer you.
It's a valid point though.If you go back a generation or two, people married very young, before they had made anything of themselves. So the normal life was to build up the family and the wealth from nothing as a team.
These days, with people marrying later, or marrying for a second time, there is a high probability that one party has already made their nest for the future when they get together.
Times have changed from that point of view and it's no surprise therefore that people will want to protect what they created if things go wrong.
Some people may say it's not romantic, but at the end of the day it's simply insurance in case the worst happens.
MrTurtle said:
That is a very sobering read (and should be compulsory reading for anyone considering marriage).I'm genuinely sorry to hear about your situation and I hope it works out as best it can for you.
Good luck.
Before my ex-partner was due to be given the heave ho, she had lived in my (no mortgage) house for 18 months. To say I was sensitive about any call she may have on the property etc… would be a major understament.
I decided to go and discuss the situation with a family law solicitor. This is a brief summary of what she said.
The longer the person lives in the house, the more call they have on the property. Anything under 3 years – forget it – zilch. It’s a bit of a sliding scale of variables though.
Even if they contribute to the mortgage for some time, again, zilch, because everyone has to pay to put a roof over their heads anyway.
Pre nups DO stand up in court, sort-of, unless one party can prove they signed the pre-nup under pressure/duress. A difficult one to prove…
Many relationships would finish a lot easier if both parties had been mature enough to discuss the what-ifs, and spend some time on legal side.
She also added
The law and guidelines are changing on this, as well as how pre-nups are seen by the court.
If any life changing events occur, its wipe the board clean and reassess. This includes:-
Massive injury – losing a limb, going blind.
Children – especially children, this is the game changer.
She has said she was discussing this with her partner herself, as they wanted to get married, but she earned a LOT more than he did- and there was the issue of children to contend with. I did think raising the point that maybe this has become an issue for legal discussion as now women are earning a lot more than they used to, and they stand to lose heavily in the divorce courts. I decided not to.
Whether any of the above is actually the case in reality, I hope not as I paid rather handsomely for my hour of advice. The best money I think I have ever spent.
I would urge everybody in a similar boat or who thinks they may be - to do the same.
I decided to go and discuss the situation with a family law solicitor. This is a brief summary of what she said.
The longer the person lives in the house, the more call they have on the property. Anything under 3 years – forget it – zilch. It’s a bit of a sliding scale of variables though.
Even if they contribute to the mortgage for some time, again, zilch, because everyone has to pay to put a roof over their heads anyway.
Pre nups DO stand up in court, sort-of, unless one party can prove they signed the pre-nup under pressure/duress. A difficult one to prove…
Many relationships would finish a lot easier if both parties had been mature enough to discuss the what-ifs, and spend some time on legal side.
She also added
The law and guidelines are changing on this, as well as how pre-nups are seen by the court.
If any life changing events occur, its wipe the board clean and reassess. This includes:-
Massive injury – losing a limb, going blind.
Children – especially children, this is the game changer.
She has said she was discussing this with her partner herself, as they wanted to get married, but she earned a LOT more than he did- and there was the issue of children to contend with. I did think raising the point that maybe this has become an issue for legal discussion as now women are earning a lot more than they used to, and they stand to lose heavily in the divorce courts. I decided not to.
Whether any of the above is actually the case in reality, I hope not as I paid rather handsomely for my hour of advice. The best money I think I have ever spent.
I would urge everybody in a similar boat or who thinks they may be - to do the same.
KFC said:
Perhaps a more extreme example, but I'm in my 30's and doing what could be described as reasonable well financially I suppose. I own my homes and cars outright, and my earning potential over the next 10 years looks strong. My girlfriend is a few years younger than me. She works a minimum wage job, no assets of note at all.
I
If we were to get married I'm really struggling to see how she should be due anything that I earned. She contributed zero to assets I had before we met. Realistically she's contributing nothing to my income now either. Sure she keeps the house clean but thats a 5 euro an hour job... in the grand scheme of things its nothing.
Show me a single rich bloke that has ever went into a marriage expecting it to fail (or at least a guy like that who didn't have a watertight pre-nup in place ) This guy doesn't exist. Yet 42% of marriages end in divorce.
Should I be expected to bet half my Lambo and one of my houses on a gamble with no real upside, and a 42% chance of losing? Because that really isn't looking a sane (or fair) bet, no matter how I look at it.
edit - obviously the above refers to no kids... if I married her and we had a kid then split up I'd fully expect to be in for a painful time financially. Thats absolutely fine, I've no problems with that.
Worst Ive got a Lambo in my 30s post ever!! I
If we were to get married I'm really struggling to see how she should be due anything that I earned. She contributed zero to assets I had before we met. Realistically she's contributing nothing to my income now either. Sure she keeps the house clean but thats a 5 euro an hour job... in the grand scheme of things its nothing.
Show me a single rich bloke that has ever went into a marriage expecting it to fail (or at least a guy like that who didn't have a watertight pre-nup in place
) This guy doesn't exist. Yet 42% of marriages end in divorce. Should I be expected to bet half my Lambo and one of my houses on a gamble with no real upside, and a 42% chance of losing? Because that really isn't looking a sane (or fair) bet, no matter how I look at it.
edit - obviously the above refers to no kids... if I married her and we had a kid then split up I'd fully expect to be in for a painful time financially. Thats absolutely fine, I've no problems with that.
Inertiatic said:
Some bitter blokes on PH!
Guy at work was bemoaning me getting married..."I've been married 3 times, they only want your money"...well there is one common denominator in those events!
I don't see that. I see realism over rose tinted 'it'll be different for me, everything will be perfect for ever and ever'. It's a very healthy attitude that doesn't preclude relationships, just balances the good stuff with a realistic overview of 'what if'? Guy at work was bemoaning me getting married..."I've been married 3 times, they only want your money"...well there is one common denominator in those events!
Otherwise the risk is ending up just like your mate - now that's bitter.
As a wise man once said Hope for the best, but plan for the worst'
Inertiatic said:
Some bitter blokes on PH!
I would have given that woman my last breath and after so long together you'd think an element of loyalty might have been a given. But no, apparently it's ok to toss aside thirteen years of someone's life without a thought of the consequences. Instead of facing up to her actions she decides to embark on a typical female route of involving the police and concoct a story of lies which got me into a heap of trouble which required the services of an expensive law firm to mitigate damage limitation. Still, I'm almost £600k in the hole so I suspect you feel I should be happy about having every aspect of my life turned upside down while paying for the privilege and most of all, I should be keen to do it all over again lest I receive the label of "bitter" from a person on the internet who believes reality is something that happens to others.
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