When i am King/Demigod/lord of all

[mini me]

MLM's will be hung in cages in the central reservation for all to see their shame, let the crows pick their bones. Their cars, crushed.

Poor/ no use of indicators. remove hands. try turning and indicating at the same time now!Their cars, crushed.

Tailgating individuals will be strapped to the front of HGVs with face no more than 2" from the tarmac and driven around for a week. their cars, crushed.

People who say "can I get" in restaurants and coffee shops will be made to actually get whatever it is themselves, and be made to do the washing up.

benefits scroungers with more than 12 months on the dole enlisted into national service, no more free rides.

Journalists forced to do some actual training in journalism.

Trainers allowed in all clubs and bars.

Also three day weekends, movable dependent upon the weather forecast.

Id quite like a castle too.

[T o m]

1. Unnecessary use of fog lights - Roadside execution.

2. Driving in reduced visibility for any reason without dipped beams on - Roadside execution.

[deckster]

All laws scrapped and replaced with the single crime of 'being a nob', which would carry a mandatory sentence of Transportation to Basildon. Basildon itself would be secured by a 300ft-high wall with no doors or windows, which is no more than it deserves.

[red_slr]

With you on the OAP and Saturday supermarket. My mother (late 60s) sits at home all week yet on Saturday morning at 10am off she goes to Asda.
Could go any other time.
Mental.

[marshalla]

citizensm1th said:

1. OAP's who food shop at the weekends first offence to be placed in the stocks until they mend their ways second offence shot.

2. Parents who take their children shopping in supermarkets hung drawn and quartered.

Anyone who can't punctuate or who doesn't know the correct past tense form of "hang", when used as a method of execution, will be publicly ridiculed on a motoring forum.

[mr_spock]

jingars said:

citizensm1th said:

1. OAP's who food shop at the weekends first offence to be placed in the stocks until they mend their ways second offence shot.

So what would the penalty be for the offences of use of a grocer's apostrophe, and poor sentence construction?

The same as for use of the Oxford Comma; death.

[neelyp]

Pensioners and indeed anybody not working Monday to Friday to be placed under house arrest between 1130 and 1330 to allow those of us with half hour lunch breaks to actually get things done.

[Pixel Pusher]

citizensm1th said:

1. OAP's who food shop at the weekends first offence to be placed in the stocks until they mend their ways second offence shot.

2. Parents who take their children shopping in supermarkets hung drawn and quartered.

3. lawyers to have a finger removed for every proven case of ineptitude and or ambulance chasing

4. Unsolicited cold call marketing phone calls outlawed on pain of the ducking stool.

So you get voted in as King / Demi God / Lord of all.......and this is all you can come up with?

Didn't fancy global peace? Ending famine or poverty?

Mind you, I quite like point 4.

[TurboHatchback]

Burglars would be shot
Muggers would be shot
Litterers would be placed in the stocks for a week for the first two offences then shot for the third
Crash for cash scammers would be hung, drawn and quartered
Religion would be banned

The clothing act would be introduced: Certain items only available in sizes 10 and under, certain items only available in sizes 12 and over. Contravening the act to be punished by confiscation of contraband clothing and being made to run on a treadmill for 8 hours.

[Adenauer]

Any man with a penis larger than mine would have it chopped off.

Not sure what I'd do on the second day though.

[drivin_me_nuts]

Mine are rather simple,

Those wearing low slung jeans will be made to wear their jeans from the inside out.
Anyone who utters the words 'init bruv' will be made to suffer in a prison cell listing to the audio book life story of Tony Blair( the sincere and uncut version), Charlotte Church( with full valleys dialect turned up to 11) and that useless dollop from the X factor, on repeat 24/7.
Anyone doing both the above gets to spend an extra year in chokey leaning how to enunciate their bowels properly.

As for world peace and all the love stuff...

Well it's simple. All world stress is caused by those who own fluffywuffy soddin cats. They all have a screw or three loose. So, bans cats.

[cirian75]

Any MP who can not answer a question with in 15 seconds, will executed by non standard methods suggested by the public, chosen out of a hat.

Any MP who can answer a question with in 15 seconds, will executed by non standard methods suggested by the public, chosen out of a hat.

Any MP found lying in their answer a question with in 15 seconds executed by non standard methods suggested by the public, chosen out of a hat.


Any MP who can answer a question honestly with in 15 seconds, will executed by non standard method suggested by them selves, and will get a final request (excluding not being executed)

Anyone expressing a desire to become an MP will deported................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ to the moon, with out a spacesuit.

[bristolracer]

You lot would clearly welcome the Isis style of shahira law.

It would be the answer to most of the above....

[Sushi]

I shall host lavish parties where all the anorexic models of today will be required to lie on tables, their concave bellies filled to the brim with warm fondue cheese. While the upper calsses mingle in the mandatory dress code of board shorts, sandles, and tuxedo tops with monocles pinned to them, discussing the days events, while dipping savoury meats into the delicious Swiss belly cheeses.

[DervVW]

cirian75 said:

Any MP who can not answer a question with in 15 seconds, will executed by non standard methods suggested by the public, chosen out of a hat.

Any MP who can answer a question with in 15 seconds, will executed by non standard methods suggested by the public, chosen out of a hat.

Any MP found lying in their answer a question with in 15 seconds executed by non standard methods suggested by the public, chosen out of a hat.


Any MP who can answer a question honestly with in 15 seconds, will executed by non standard method suggested by them selves, and will get a final request (excluding not being executed)

Anyone expressing a desire to become an MP will deported................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ to the moon, with out a spacesuit.

Spotting a theme...

[DervVW]

Cap a working week at 30 hours - no reduction in pay
Make sure those 30 hours a productive and not a waste of time, heavy penalties for not following.
Ensure everyone takes an active intrest in their health and wellbeing with education - and help!

Not sure what else for now

[SilverSixer]

Iva Barchetta said:

OP forgot to mention freedom for Tooting.

Under 30s won't get that.

And Fulham for the Cup.

(Under 40s, I'd wager.)

[shakotan]

marshalla said:

citizensm1th said:

1. OAP's who food shop at the weekends first offence to be placed in the stocks until they mend their ways second offence shot.

2. Parents who take their children shopping in supermarkets hung drawn and quartered.

Anyone who can't punctuate or who doesn't know the correct past tense form of "hang", when used as a method of execution, will be publicly ridiculed on a motoring forum.

To be fair, he did say they were to be 'hung in cages', he didn't say anything about killing them. For execution, why even bother putting them in a gage if they were to be hanged?

[marshalla]

shakotan said:

marshalla said:

citizensm1th said:

1. OAP's who food shop at the weekends first offence to be placed in the stocks until they mend their ways second offence shot.

2. Parents who take their children shopping in supermarkets hung drawn and quartered.

Anyone who can't punctuate or who doesn't know the correct past tense form of "hang", when used as a method of execution, will be publicly ridiculed on a motoring forum.

To be fair, he did say they were to be 'hung in cages', he didn't say anything about killing them. For execution, why even bother putting them in a gage if they were to be hanged?

People who don't read things properly...

[Adenauer]

SilverSixer said:

And Fulham for the Cup.

(Under 40s, I'd wager.)

Wolfie & Alf Garnet?