Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

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Jesus

14,696 posts

189 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
Paul McCartneys new album has an odd title


melhookv12

958 posts

174 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
He's from Waltham Cross, I don't think I can even go there.

MartG

20,675 posts

204 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a plain pink envelope containing $1000.
It happened again the next week.
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed.
"Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession,"
the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."

McAndy

12,444 posts

177 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
melhookv12 said:
People often ask me how i smuggle food into the cinema?

Well.. I have a few Twix up my sleeve!
hehe

schmunk

4,399 posts

125 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
melhookv12 said:
He's from Waltham Cross, I don't think I can even go there.
"Have you ever been to Waltham Cross?"

"No, I'm always in a good mood..."

anonymous-user

54 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
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Have you ever been to Armagh?

Bless you!

anonymous-user

54 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
My wife went to the West Indies

Jamaica?

No she went of her own accord

anonymous-user

54 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
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My wife went to Indonesia

Jakarta?

No she drove herself

mickk

28,857 posts

242 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
My Wife's gone to Central Asia.
Tibet?

Well, she might visit the occasional casino...

Cotty

39,537 posts

284 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
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My wife bought a hat in Central America
Panama?
No, it was a trilby


My wife’s band went on tour in South East Asia
Singapore?
Yes, and the bassist’s rubbish too


My wife sent me for a sex change operation in Montevideo
Uruguay?
Not any more


My wife’s gone to Jordan
Amman?
No, she’s just got big hands, but you’re not the first to ask







anonymous-user

54 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
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My wife has gone to Spain with Doris

Andora?

No just the two of them

mickk

28,857 posts

242 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
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Where's your wife going on holiday?.

Alaska.

No it's alright, I'll ask her myself.

anonymous-user

54 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
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My Wifes gone to Scandinavia

Norway?

Its true! She has.

mickk

28,857 posts

242 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
hehe

I give up!

Vipers

32,880 posts

228 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
My wife's gone on holiday to the West Indies.

Jamaica

No it was her idea.




smile

Jesus

14,696 posts

189 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
My wife's gone on holiday to the West Indies.

Jamaica

No it was her idea.




smile

Cotty

39,537 posts

284 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
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Daddy, why are all the cars beeping their horns?

Because there’s a wedding going on.

But isn’t the horn a warning signal, daddy?

Exactly, son.

droopsnoot

11,927 posts

242 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
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My wife's from an Indian Ocean resort area.

Goa?

I'll say.

Mothersruin

8,573 posts

99 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
Jesus said:
My wife's gone on holiday to the West Indies.

Jamaica

No it was her idea.




smile
Jesus!

fatboy18

18,947 posts

211 months

Friday 2nd December 2016
quotequote all
Mothersruin said:
Jesus said:
My wife's gone on holiday to the West Indies.

Jamaica

No it was her idea.




smile
Jesus!
Is he there too?

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