Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[K12beano]

^^^ Just like the belt you put it on, it comes round and round. Did you not realise how it works?

[glenrobbo]

mickk said:

I've checked back two pages glenrobbo

First one of the 10 was posted at 07:53 yesterday ( Saturday)

mickk said:

I really want to buy one of those supermarket checkout dividers, but the lady behind the till keeps putting it back.

And that ^^^^ is a double repost as well. First posted yesterday at tennish.( 09:00 hrs GMT to be precise ) It was one of Vaud's corkers.

ETA And now I've fallen into the trap and reposted it. Damn!!!

Edited by glenrobbo on Sunday 4th December 21:49

[mickk]

Tough audience tonight.

[glenrobbo]

Not really. It's only meeee!

[anonymous-user]

I was here earlier

[glenrobbo]

And now you're back? Good!
Please pray for my mother-in-law.....

[anonymous-user]

What's she done?

[glenrobbo]

Haven't you heard???

[glenrobbo]

Is that a spade you're hiding behind your back?

[mickk]

I know a good joke about a spade and a mother-in-law.

[Skyedriver]

Can you dig it?

[glenrobbo]

Skyedriver said:

Can you dig it?

Yep.

[Vipers]

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for two years. We haven't quarreled. I just don't like to interrupt her.

[Skyrat]

CanAm said:

Skyrat said:

On the bosom of young Abigail
Was written the price of her tale
And upon her behind
For the use of the blind
Was the same information in Braille

credit goes to Roy Williamson of The Corries

Unless she was a budding novelist, I think you mean "tail".

I'm not so sure. It's an old Limerick which, I would imagine, predates the rather crude use of tail. Whatever

[B'stard Child]

Vipers said:

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for two years. We haven't quarreled. I just don't like to interrupt her.

Substitute mother in law for Mrs BC - she doesn't like silence so fills the space

Then says you never talk!!!

[MartG]

[Halmyre]

I answered a knock at the door the other day. There was a woman standing with a collecting tin. "Good morning, Dr Barnado's Home" she said. "Oh, I didn't know he'd been away", I replied, closing the door.

[CanAm]

Skyrat said:

I'm not so sure. It's an old Limerick which, I would imagine, predates the rather crude use of tail. Whatever

Probably just my mucky mind then.

[Vipers]

B'stard Child said:

Vipers said:

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for two years. We haven't quarreled. I just don't like to interrupt her.

Substitute mother in law for Mrs BC - she doesn't like silence so fills the space

Then says you never talk!!!

Same here, and God forbid I mention something I read on PH's, she's goes into melt down.............

[Kenty]

3 men die on Christmas eve, to get into heaven St Peter says "You must have something on you that represents Xmas" the Englishman flicks on his lighter and says "it's a candle", St Peter lets him pass, the Welsh man jingles his keys and says "they're sleigh bells", St Peter lets him pass, the Irish man pulls out a G String and bra, St Peter says "How do they represent Xmas?"... Paddy says "They're Carols"