Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[Monkeylegend]

mybrainhurts said:

David Beckham nearly got killed on a horse last night.

He's never ridden a horse and the bloody thing went galloping off, then he fell, held its neck for a second, then fell with his foot caught in the stirrup...

Luckily the Tesco security bloke rushed out and unplugged the horse.

Apparently they interviewed the security guy afterwards and Mr Everie Little said he was pleased to help.

[Muntu]

Congratulations, Whitney Houston.
Four years drug-free.

[Einion Yrth]

Muntu said:

Congratulations, Whitney Houston.
Four years drug-free.

In just under a month, it'll be five.

[48k]

Monkeylegend said:

mybrainhurts said:

David Beckham nearly got killed on a horse last night.

He's never ridden a horse and the bloody thing went galloping off, then he fell, held its neck for a second, then fell with his foot caught in the stirrup...

Luckily the Tesco security bloke rushed out and unplugged the horse.

Apparently they interviewed the security guy afterwards and Mr Everie Little said he was pleased to help.

Some poor old lady slipped on the ice infront of Tescos this morning. I know she was poor cos she only had 79p in her purse.

[General Price]

Unexpected sex in the morning puts a skip in your step for the whole day.


Unless you are in prison.

[Blackfeather]

Always nice to hear 'Jesus loves you'.

Unless you are in a Mexican jail.

[vixen1700]

At breakfast this morning my wife said shevwas going to leave me because of the amount of time I spent fking about on Twitter.

I nearly choked in my #brown.

[iwantagta]

Archeologists have found a new tomb in Egypt.
Upon opening the sarcophagus they found traces of nuts and chocolate on the mummy.
They think they may have found the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher.

[Evangelion]

In the supermarket this morning, some silly old twit wasn't looking where he was going and pushed his trolley full-pelt into mine. It was only with the assistance of the checkout girl that I was able to prise the two apart.

So I was grateful to see Tess co-operate.

[Halmyre]

Evangelion said:

In the supermarket this morning, some silly old twit wasn't looking where he was going and pushed his trolley full-pelt into mine. It was only with the assistance of the checkout girl that I was able to prise the two apart.

So I was grateful to see Tess co-operate.

(c) Peter Gabriel, 1973

[Evangelion]

Halmyre said:

(c) Peter Gabriel, 1973

Guilty as charged.

You are a fine, fair chap.

[McAndy]

Evangelion said:

We're certainly in for a bad spell of whether.

[JustinF]

[PoleDriver]

Not a lot of people know this but I was the 3rd Everly brother.
There was Don Everly,
Phil Everly
Then me..drinks Everly.

[Evangelion]

What about Smokes Everly?

[Pints]

Have you heard about that Italian chef that died?

He pasta way.

[john2443]

PoleDriver said:

Not a lot of people know this but I was the 3rd Everly brother.
There was Don Everly,
Phil Everly
Then me..drinks Everly.

The third and fourth Milliband brothers...Glenn and Steve.

[Blatter]

john2443 said:

PoleDriver said:

Not a lot of people know this but I was the 3rd Everly brother.
There was Don Everly,
Phil Everly
Then me..drinks Everly.

The third and fourth Milliband brothers...Glenn and Steve.

The reply was better than the original

[PoleDriver]

In an attempt not to end this in a Viperistic manner...
I went out shopping the other day and SWMBO gave me £50 and told me to spend it on something to make her look sexy!
It's amazing how drunk you can get on £50!

[Laurel Green]

PoleDriver said:

In an attempt not to end this in a Viperistic manner...
I went out shopping the other day and SWMBO gave me £50 and told me to spend it on something to make her look sexy!
It's amazing how drunk you can get on £50!