Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Kaj91 said:
This thread, like all of the "jokes", is well passed its sell by date. Could one of the mods do the decent thing and put it out of its misery.
RIP The Sean Connery Joke Thread.
Rather than complaining about it, have you ever thought about actually contributing something positive to the thread ?RIP The Sean Connery Joke Thread.
Laurel Green said:
In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) that protocol decreed, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympic boxing. I have researched the history of....."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file.
Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to f
k off."k off as it was racist. 
Jesus! Colonials being cursed by vengeful witch-doctors was up there with Daily Mail cartoons of Africans with bones through their noses I was told.
:facepalm:
Edited by vixen1700 on Sunday 7th February 16:42
The Queen is inspecting 3 armed forces personnel, 1 from each of her fighting forces.
She asks each one what they would do if they woke up and found a camel spider in their tent on operations?
The squaddie says, “I’d reach over, grab my bayonet and stab it to death!”
The matelot says, “I’d reach over, grab my boot and batter it to death !”
The airman says, “I’d reach over, pick up my phone, call reception and ask……..
“Who the fk has put a tent up in my hotel room?”
She asks each one what they would do if they woke up and found a camel spider in their tent on operations?
The squaddie says, “I’d reach over, grab my bayonet and stab it to death!”
The matelot says, “I’d reach over, grab my boot and batter it to death !”
The airman says, “I’d reach over, pick up my phone, call reception and ask……..
“Who the f
k has put a tent up in my hotel room?”MartG said:
Kaj91 said:
This thread, like all of the "jokes", is well passed its sell by date. Could one of the mods do the decent thing and put it out of its misery.
RIP The Sean Connery Joke Thread.
Rather than complaining about it, have you ever thought about actually contributing something positive to the thread ?RIP The Sean Connery Joke Thread.
We can all see that you are getting the hang of copy and paste, it's just a pity you couldn't do it with something that is either new or more importantly funny.
Kaj91 said:
MartG said:
Kaj91 said:
This thread, like all of the "jokes", is well passed its sell by date. Could one of the mods do the decent thing and put it out of its misery.
RIP The Sean Connery Joke Thread.
Rather than complaining about it, have you ever thought about actually contributing something positive to the thread ?RIP The Sean Connery Joke Thread.
We can all see that you are getting the hang of copy and paste, it's just a pity you couldn't do it with something that is either new or more importantly funny.
Kaj91 said:
Have you?
We can all see that you are getting the hang of copy and paste, it's just a pity you couldn't do it with something that is either new or more importantly funny.
Like many things, humour is subjective. What you find funny,I may not etc. If I find something funny, I copy and paste it here for the benefit of others who may also find it funny. In return, someone else on the other side of my internet does the same thing - it's a beautiful, humorous circle. We can all see that you are getting the hang of copy and paste, it's just a pity you couldn't do it with something that is either new or more importantly funny.
We can't all be comedians and make up hilarious and fresh jokes everyday to keep the likes of you entertained, so a lot (all?) of those who actually contribute something to this thread do so by copying and pasting jokes that they found funny elsewhere. Yeah, there will be some people who don't find it funny, there will also be some that have been posted before, but most normal people would bypass those jokes and keep scrolling until they find one that they do like.
In other words, petal, f
k off unless you want to make me laugh.
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