Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Redneck Family planning:
After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that enough is enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.The doctor told him there was a procedure called 'vasectomy' that would fix the problem, but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10 on his fingers.
The husband said to the doctor,"I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem?"
"Trust me it will do the job," said the doctor"
So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. With one hand he held the can up to his ear and began to count with his fingers: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that enough is enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.The doctor told him there was a procedure called 'vasectomy' that would fix the problem, but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10 on his fingers.
The husband said to the doctor,"I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem?"
"Trust me it will do the job," said the doctor"
So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. With one hand he held the can up to his ear and began to count with his fingers: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
Sorry, please can somebody kindly explain this to me? 
Thank you Vaud.
I must have completely misjudged the perspective, I thought the arc of the swing was a good metre or so in front of the tree, allowing ample clearance for the young hoglet to enjoy playing on the swing without encountering interference from the branches.
In the interests of health and safety, I think the tree stump should be removed. It has obviously been dead for some time. And whoever erected the swing should have known better than to position it too close to a potential hazard. Finally, where is the rubber matting or bark chippings safety layer that should be there under the swing? It's just inexcuseable!
It's definitely no joking matter.
I must have completely misjudged the perspective, I thought the arc of the swing was a good metre or so in front of the tree, allowing ample clearance for the young hoglet to enjoy playing on the swing without encountering interference from the branches.
In the interests of health and safety, I think the tree stump should be removed. It has obviously been dead for some time. And whoever erected the swing should have known better than to position it too close to a potential hazard. Finally, where is the rubber matting or bark chippings safety layer that should be there under the swing? It's just inexcuseable!
It's definitely no joking matter.
glenrobbo said:
Thank you Vaud.
I must have completely misjudged the perspective, I thought the arc of the swing was a good metre or so in front of the tree, allowing ample clearance for the young hoglet to enjoy playing on the swing without encountering interference from the branches.
In the interests of health and safety, I think the tree stump should be removed. It has obviously been dead for some time. And whoever erected the swing should have known better than to position it too close to a potential hazard. Finally, where is the rubber matting or bark chippings safety layer that should be there under the swing? It's just inexcuseable!
It's definitely no joking matter.
Any sensible hedgehog would have hung the swing from one of the branches of the tree, thus preventing any such prickly incident.I must have completely misjudged the perspective, I thought the arc of the swing was a good metre or so in front of the tree, allowing ample clearance for the young hoglet to enjoy playing on the swing without encountering interference from the branches.
In the interests of health and safety, I think the tree stump should be removed. It has obviously been dead for some time. And whoever erected the swing should have known better than to position it too close to a potential hazard. Finally, where is the rubber matting or bark chippings safety layer that should be there under the swing? It's just inexcuseable!
It's definitely no joking matter.
Monkeylegend said:
glenrobbo said:
Thank you Vaud.
I must have completely misjudged the perspective, I thought the arc of the swing was a good metre or so in front of the tree, allowing ample clearance for the young hoglet to enjoy playing on the swing without encountering interference from the branches.
In the interests of health and safety, I think the tree stump should be removed. It has obviously been dead for some time. And whoever erected the swing should have known better than to position it too close to a potential hazard. Finally, where is the rubber matting or bark chippings safety layer that should be there under the swing? It's just inexcuseable!
It's definitely no joking matter.
Any sensible hedgehog would have hung the swing from one of the branches of the tree, thus preventing any such prickly incident.I must have completely misjudged the perspective, I thought the arc of the swing was a good metre or so in front of the tree, allowing ample clearance for the young hoglet to enjoy playing on the swing without encountering interference from the branches.
In the interests of health and safety, I think the tree stump should be removed. It has obviously been dead for some time. And whoever erected the swing should have known better than to position it too close to a potential hazard. Finally, where is the rubber matting or bark chippings safety layer that should be there under the swing? It's just inexcuseable!
It's definitely no joking matter.
havoc said:
Monkeylegend said:
glenrobbo said:
Thank you Vaud.
I must have completely misjudged the perspective, I thought the arc of the swing was a good metre or so in front of the tree, allowing ample clearance for the young hoglet to enjoy playing on the swing without encountering interference from the branches.
In the interests of health and safety, I think the tree stump should be removed. It has obviously been dead for some time. And whoever erected the swing should have known better than to position it too close to a potential hazard. Finally, where is the rubber matting or bark chippings safety layer that should be there under the swing? It's just inexcuseable!
It's definitely no joking matter.
Any sensible hedgehog would have hung the swing from one of the branches of the tree, thus preventing any such prickly incident.I must have completely misjudged the perspective, I thought the arc of the swing was a good metre or so in front of the tree, allowing ample clearance for the young hoglet to enjoy playing on the swing without encountering interference from the branches.
In the interests of health and safety, I think the tree stump should be removed. It has obviously been dead for some time. And whoever erected the swing should have known better than to position it too close to a potential hazard. Finally, where is the rubber matting or bark chippings safety layer that should be there under the swing? It's just inexcuseable!
It's definitely no joking matter.
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