Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
K12beano said:
Why a Rickenbacker bass?
I don't care how many kittens suffer, just tell me why.
First image they got when Googling "pictures of guitars"? Thing is, the woman in the cartoon looks pretty fit anyway.I don't care how many kittens suffer, just tell me why.
Now, Rickenbacker players include Geddy Lee, Lemmy and Chris Squire. So, a pretty woman who can't get a man, turns into a bass guitar, which is irresistible to ugly men (sorry guys)....I'm not sure where I'm going with this, to be honest.
Halmyre said:
K12beano said:
Why a Rickenbacker bass?
I don't care how many kittens suffer, just tell me why.
First image they got when Googling "pictures of guitars"? Thing is, the woman in the cartoon looks pretty fit anyway.I don't care how many kittens suffer, just tell me why.
Now, Rickenbacker players include Geddy Lee, Lemmy and Chris Squire. So, a pretty woman who can't get a man, turns into a bass guitar, which is irresistible to ugly men (sorry guys)....I'm not sure where I'm going with this, to be honest.
Yes?
K12beano said:
Halmyre said:
K12beano said:
Why a Rickenbacker bass?
I don't care how many kittens suffer, just tell me why.
First image they got when Googling "pictures of guitars"? Thing is, the woman in the cartoon looks pretty fit anyway.I don't care how many kittens suffer, just tell me why.
Now, Rickenbacker players include Geddy Lee, Lemmy and Chris Squire. So, a pretty woman who can't get a man, turns into a bass guitar, which is irresistible to ugly men (sorry guys)....I'm not sure where I'm going with this, to be honest.
Yes?
Halmyre said:
K12beano said:
Halmyre said:
K12beano said:
Why a Rickenbacker bass?
I don't care how many kittens suffer, just tell me why.
First image they got when Googling "pictures of guitars"? Thing is, the woman in the cartoon looks pretty fit anyway.I don't care how many kittens suffer, just tell me why.
Now, Rickenbacker players include Geddy Lee, Lemmy and Chris Squire. So, a pretty woman who can't get a man, turns into a bass guitar, which is irresistible to ugly men (sorry guys)....I'm not sure where I'm going with this, to be honest.
Yes?
No need to criticize. Overkill if you ask me.
A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, “All that bull does is eat grass. Won’t even look at a cow.”
“Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested.
The next week, John is much happier. “The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal.
“Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbor’s cows! He’s like a machine!”
“What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend.
“I don’t know, but they’ve got a peppermint taste.”
An old one for a change. 
A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One transferred to another town. It wasn't the same without him.
A new woman joined their Club. She overheard the men talking about their golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team at university and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"
The three men looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early - at 6:30 a.m. He figured the early tee-time would discourage her.
The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and beat all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was fun and a pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they
congratulated her and invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed.
They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again, but each man harboured a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them.
The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge.
Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of drinks, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after university, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Just before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his manhood was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed."
The guys on the team thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up?"
She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One transferred to another town. It wasn't the same without him.
A new woman joined their Club. She overheard the men talking about their golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team at university and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"
The three men looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early - at 6:30 a.m. He figured the early tee-time would discourage her.
The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and beat all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was fun and a pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they
congratulated her and invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed.
They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again, but each man harboured a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them.
The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge.
Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of drinks, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after university, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Just before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his manhood was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed."
The guys on the team thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up?"
She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff