Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[McAndy]

mickk said:

DaveWesty said:

Just bought a new Sat nav.
It's a U2 model, it's rubbish

The streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for……

I'd find the destination, with or without you.

And it advises you of Elevation changes.

[Chevykevv]

McAndy said:

mickk said:

DaveWesty said:

Just bought a new Sat nav.
It's a U2 model, it's rubbish

The streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for……

I'd find the destination, with or without you.

And it advises you of Elevation changes.

Did it take you to the city of Blinding Lights?

[Dr Interceptor]

Definition of a gay man?

A bloke who enlarges the circle of his friends.

[mickk]

Has someone deleted a joke?

[K12beano]

mickk said:

Has someone deleted a joke?

Shirley one would have to have posted first?

[mickk]

K12beano said:

Shirley one would have to have posted first?

True.

[Jonboy_t]

House do you make a cat go 'woof'?

Dip it in petrol and throw it in a fire.

[MartG]

Quote of the day

"It's not a big fart till you dislocate a hip"

[Fluffsri]

Fer said:

Fluffsri said:

wilfandrowlf said:

Very on topic at the moment.......

What's the difference between a cow and a tragedy?




A Scouser wouldn't know how to milk a cow!

I'll get me coat .............

Apparently, this is too soon.

After 27 years?

Maybe posing it to a Scouser was my mistake

[GAjon]

Chevykevv said:

McAndy said:

mickk said:

DaveWesty said:

Just bought a new Sat nav.
It's a U2 model, it's rubbish

The streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for……

I'd find the destination, with or without you.

And it advises you of Elevation changes.

Did it take you to the city of Blinding Lights?

I've got one.

[Evangelion]

GAjon said:

I've got one.

You too?

[mickk]

I didn't believe it when they accused my dad of stealing from the road work gangs, but when I went home the signs were all there.

[omgus]

mickk said:

K12beano said:

Shirley one would have to have posted first?

True.

[V8A*ndy]

Evangelion said:

GAjon said:

I've got one.

You too?

I nearly crashed my U2. There was No Line On The Horizon.

[Halmyre]

GAjon said:

Chevykevv said:

McAndy said:

mickk said:

DaveWesty said:

Just bought a new Sat nav.
It's a U2 model, it's rubbish

The streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for……

I'd find the destination, with or without you.

And it advises you of Elevation changes.

Did it take you to the city of Blinding Lights?

I've got one.

Well, you go ahead and I will follow.

[MartG]

[S6PNJ]

Jonboy_t said:

House do you make a cat go 'woof'?

Dip it in petrol and throw it in a fire.

What's got 4 legs and goes woof?

(too soon? It's only been 28 years!)

[davhill]

Jonboy_t said:

House do you make a cat go 'woof'?

Dip it in petrol and throw it in a fire.

What do you need to make a dog go 'Meeeow'?

Just two things...a freezer and a circular saw.

[MartG]

[Laurel Green]

A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit, came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "a quickie, please." This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."