Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Vaud said:
StevieBee said:
I may be a West Ham fan but have to feel sorry for those on the bus... living in Ilford!
To quote Miles Jupp (referring to Zac Goldsmith seeing a bus as a child), "ooh look mummy a big tin of tired people"(I think)
Spike Milligan said:
A baby sardine saw his first submarine,
He was scared so looked through a peephole.
“Oh come, come, come”, said the sardine’s mum,
“It’s only a tin full of people”!
He was scared so looked through a peephole.
“Oh come, come, come”, said the sardine’s mum,
“It’s only a tin full of people”!
A wine merchant’s taster retired so the director advertised for a replacement.
A scruffy-looking drunk arrived to apply for the position. The director decided to get rid of him.
So he gave him a glass. The drunk tried it and said:
“It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a northern slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but just acceptable.”
“That’s correct,” said the amazed director. “Try this one.”
“A cabernet sauvignon, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels matured at 8 degrees. Requires another three years before it's at its best.”
“Completely correct – try another.”
“This is a superior chardonnay champagne, high grade and exclusive,” said the drunk calmly.
The director was astonished. He went over to his secretary and whispered something to her. She left the room, weed in a glass and brought it back. The drunk tasted it, paused then said:
“Blonde, aged 26 years and pregnant. And if I don’t get the job - I’ll name the father.”
A scruffy-looking drunk arrived to apply for the position. The director decided to get rid of him.
So he gave him a glass. The drunk tried it and said:
“It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a northern slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but just acceptable.”
“That’s correct,” said the amazed director. “Try this one.”
“A cabernet sauvignon, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels matured at 8 degrees. Requires another three years before it's at its best.”
“Completely correct – try another.”
“This is a superior chardonnay champagne, high grade and exclusive,” said the drunk calmly.
The director was astonished. He went over to his secretary and whispered something to her. She left the room, weed in a glass and brought it back. The drunk tasted it, paused then said:
“Blonde, aged 26 years and pregnant. And if I don’t get the job - I’ll name the father.”
Evangelion said:
A wine merchant’s taster retired so the director advertised for a replacement.
A scruffy-looking drunk arrived to apply for the position. The director decided to get rid of him.
So he gave him a glass. The drunk tried it and said:
“It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a northern slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but just acceptable.”
“That’s correct,” said the amazed director. “Try this one.”
“A cabernet sauvignon, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels matured at 8 degrees. Requires another three years before it's at its best.”
“Completely correct – try another.”
“This is a superior chardonnay champagne, high grade and exclusive,” said the drunk calmly.
The director was astonished. He went over to his secretary and whispered something to her. She left the room, weed in a glass and brought it back. The drunk tasted it, paused then said:
“Blonde, aged 26 years and pregnant. And if I don’t get the job - I’ll name the father.”
For some reason reminds me of the guy who claimed he could identify a car by having its door key jammed up his backside.A scruffy-looking drunk arrived to apply for the position. The director decided to get rid of him.
So he gave him a glass. The drunk tried it and said:
“It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a northern slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but just acceptable.”
“That’s correct,” said the amazed director. “Try this one.”
“A cabernet sauvignon, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels matured at 8 degrees. Requires another three years before it's at its best.”
“Completely correct – try another.”
“This is a superior chardonnay champagne, high grade and exclusive,” said the drunk calmly.
The director was astonished. He went over to his secretary and whispered something to her. She left the room, weed in a glass and brought it back. The drunk tasted it, paused then said:
“Blonde, aged 26 years and pregnant. And if I don’t get the job - I’ll name the father.”
His mate tried with a key from a Cortina, "Thats nice, must be a Ford"
Then he tried a key from a Cavalier, "That's nice as well, a Vauxhall"
Next was one from an old Corniche, "Hmmm that's awfully nice, must be a Rolls Royce"
His mate thought got to catch him out, so he shoved a spark plug up his back side.
He went "Ohhhh f
king champian"
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