Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[Turquoise]

I don't get it.

[MartG]

Piersman2 said:

Why do mice have small balls?

Because not many of them can dance.

Never mind Eunuch's Balls.....

[Monkeylegend]

antspants said:

Vipers said:

"What's brown and sounds like a bell.......... dung"

Love jokes like this, funny but short and simple. It's the only way I can remember them

Think I have posted this one before,

"What's brown and comes out of cows backwards?"

"The Isle of Wight ferry"

[Monkeythree]

Just found out about a prostitute who apparently gives the most amazing blow jobs.

She doesn't advertise or anything, just word of mouth.

[Spydaman]

Monkeylegend said:

Think I have posted this one before,

"What's brown and comes out of cows backwards?"

"The Isle of Wight ferry"

But the Isle of Wight ferry isn't brown it's white. How about what comes out of cows (Cowes) steaming?

[schmunk]

I've never been to the IoW, but could the ferry terminal perhaps be described as the arse end of Cowes?

[Vipers]

Spydaman said:

Monkeylegend said:

Think I have posted this one before,

"What's brown and comes out of cows backwards?"

"The Isle of Wight ferry"

But the Isle of Wight ferry isn't brown it's white. How about what comes out of cows (Cowes) steaming?

Good joke. Probably over half of our readers and indeed the UK population has absolutely no idea what colour it is, or even where the Isle of Wight is.

[mickk]

My Dad gave me some advice years ago;

"If you get into a fight in the pub, put a snooker ball in your sock"







Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk!

[oscmax]

Vipers said:

Spydaman said:

Monkeylegend said:

Think I have posted this one before,

"What's brown and comes out of cows backwards?"

"The Isle of Wight ferry"

But the Isle of Wight ferry isn't brown it's white. How about what comes out of cows (Cowes) steaming?

Good joke. Probably over half of our readers and indeed the UK population has absolutely no idea what colour it is, or even where the Isle of Wight is.

Or any idea that the (red and white) ferry doesn't come in or out of Cowes at all...but that's probably enough island based pedantry for one day.

[MartG]

World's oldest person dies at 116, after seeing WW1, WW2, the lightbulb and space flight, but not the Chilcot Report

[MartG]

World's oldest person dies at 116, after seeing WW1, WW2, the lightbulb and space flight, but not the Chilcot Report

[Einion Yrth]

26 minutes? That's one hell of an echo.

[ThunderSpook]

oscmax said:

Vipers said:

Spydaman said:

Monkeylegend said:

Think I have posted this one before,

"What's brown and comes out of cows backwards?"

"The Isle of Wight ferry"

But the Isle of Wight ferry isn't brown it's white. How about what comes out of cows (Cowes) steaming?

Good joke. Probably over half of our readers and indeed the UK population has absolutely no idea what colour it is, or even where the Isle of Wight is.

Or any idea that the (red and white) ferry doesn't come in or out of Cowes at all...but that's probably enough island based pedantry for one day.

It used to be brown.

[Monkeylegend]

ThunderSpook said:

oscmax said:

Vipers said:

Spydaman said:

Monkeylegend said:

Think I have posted this one before,

"What's brown and comes out of cows backwards?"

"The Isle of Wight ferry"

But the Isle of Wight ferry isn't brown it's white. How about what comes out of cows (Cowes) steaming?

Good joke. Probably over half of our readers and indeed the UK population has absolutely no idea what colour it is, or even where the Isle of Wight is.

Or any idea that the (red and white) ferry doesn't come in or out of Cowes at all...but that's probably enough island based pedantry for one day.

It used to be brown.

Ha, what have you got to say about that now all you pedants

[Monkeylegend]

A woman was driving rather quickly to work and passed under a bridge. As she did so a policeman jumped out from behind it and stopped her.

"In a hurry Madam" he said with a smirk on his face.
"Yes officer, I am late for work"
"What do you do?" asked the policeman
"I am a rectum stretcher" she replied
"A what?" the policeman asked
"A rectum stretcher" she replied
"And what does this entail?" he asked

"Well" she said, "I start by inserting one finger in a rectum, and slowly work it around inside until I can get two, then three, then four fingers, then when I can get my whole hand in, I work it side to side until I can get both hands in, then I slowly stretch it until it is about 6 foot wide"

"What on earth do you do with a 6 foot asrehole?" asks the policeman.

"Well you give him a radar gun and stand him behind a bridge" replies the woman.

[Monkeylegend]

"What do we want?"

"A cure for tourettes"

"When do we want it?"

"C***s"

[K12beano]

"What do we want?"

"A cure for apathy"

"When do we want it?"

"......meh......"

[Monkeylegend]

"What do we want?"

"A cure for Alzheimers"

"When do we want it?"

"Want what?"

[mickk]

Spent some time at the wife's grave earlier...





Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond!

[K12beano]

"What do we want?"

"An end to the Speaking Clock"

"When do we want it?"

"On the third stroke......."