Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the morning.
His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.
"Is that so?" asked the first old guy. "Did he do a good job?"
The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the testicles."
The first old guy was confused and asked, "What the hell does that have to do with your dentures?"
"It was the first time my teeth didn't hurt....."
His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.
"Is that so?" asked the first old guy. "Did he do a good job?"
The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the testicles."
The first old guy was confused and asked, "What the hell does that have to do with your dentures?"
"It was the first time my teeth didn't hurt....."
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".
"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f
king fault!!!
"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f
king fault!!!Vipers said:
A man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
“You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of f##king nowhere"
He must have married my ex ,I called it her totty radar .
“You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of f##king nowhere"
He must have married my ex ,I called it her totty radar .
grumpy52 said:
Vipers said:
A man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
“You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of f##king nowhere"
He must have married my ex ,I called it her totty radar .“You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of f##king nowhere"
My mate's wife had an incurable illness so he followed her wishes and accompanied her to Switzerland, to the Dignitas clinic.
"They're real bds at that place." He told me.
"I found out when they gave her breakfast."
"Oh, why?" I asked, "What did they give her?"
"Cheerios. "
"They're real b
ds at that place." He told me."I found out when they gave her breakfast."
"Oh, why?" I asked, "What did they give her?"
"Cheerios. "
Edited by davhill on Thursday 26th May 20:14
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two girls and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of ‘Here I come again!
ONE, TWO, THREE …. UGH!’ Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE…. UGH!’ … ALL NIGHT LONG.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, ‘How did it go?’ The first mutters, ‘It was embarrassing.. I just couldn’t get an erection.’
The second dwarf shook his head. ‘You think that’s embarrassing? I couldn’t get on the bed.’
PLEASE HELP Isle of Mann TT.....
Hi Everyone, a very good friend of mine has bought tickets to fly to the Isle of Man to watch the senior race on Friday the 10th of June. The problem is, that he completely forgot that Friday is in fact, his wedding day.
This is because he bought the tickets months ago, before agreeing to the wedding date.
Now, he's asked me to post on his behalf, to see if anyone out there, is interested in getting married ?
Hi Everyone, a very good friend of mine has bought tickets to fly to the Isle of Man to watch the senior race on Friday the 10th of June. The problem is, that he completely forgot that Friday is in fact, his wedding day.
This is because he bought the tickets months ago, before agreeing to the wedding date.
Now, he's asked me to post on his behalf, to see if anyone out there, is interested in getting married ?
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