Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Kenty said:
Only England can leave Europe twice in one week.
Beaten by friggin iceland even! (im allowed to snigger at that, us dutchies didnt even manage to qualify for the tournament to begin with 
)The city close by here (Utrecht) even has a larger population then iceland, Sake England!
I bumped into Batman in Tescos this morning.
He said, "I've just arrested the Joker."
I said, "Blimey, how did you manage that?"
He said, "Well I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea when I saw him go past the window. So I sneaked up behind him and - TA-POW! - whacked him over the head with the milk jug."
I said, "Don't you mean KA-POW?"
He said, "No, I had china in my hand."
He said, "I've just arrested the Joker."
I said, "Blimey, how did you manage that?"
He said, "Well I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea when I saw him go past the window. So I sneaked up behind him and - TA-POW! - whacked him over the head with the milk jug."
I said, "Don't you mean KA-POW?"
He said, "No, I had china in my hand."
Evangelion said:
I bumped into Batman in Tescos this morning.
He said, "I've just arrested the Joker."
I said, "Blimey, how did you manage that?"
He said, "Well I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea when I saw him go past the window. So I sneaked up behind him and - TA-POW! - whacked him over the head with the milk jug."
I said, "Don't you mean KA-POW?"
He said, "No, I had china in my hand."
He said, "I've just arrested the Joker."
I said, "Blimey, how did you manage that?"
He said, "Well I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea when I saw him go past the window. So I sneaked up behind him and - TA-POW! - whacked him over the head with the milk jug."
I said, "Don't you mean KA-POW?"
He said, "No, I had china in my hand."
MartG said:
Evangelion said:
I bumped into Batman in Tescos this morning.
He said, "I've just arrested the Joker."
I said, "Blimey, how did you manage that?"
He said, "Well I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea when I saw him go past the window. So I sneaked up behind him and - TA-POW! - whacked him over the head with the milk jug."
I said, "Don't you mean KA-POW?"
He said, "No, I had china in my hand."
He said, "I've just arrested the Joker."
I said, "Blimey, how did you manage that?"
He said, "Well I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea when I saw him go past the window. So I sneaked up behind him and - TA-POW! - whacked him over the head with the milk jug."
I said, "Don't you mean KA-POW?"
He said, "No, I had china in my hand."
A few random thoughts:
If God created the sun on the fourth day, how had four days passed?
Dog food could say it's any flavour it wants, you're not going to test it.
Batman only fights crime at night because otherwise he would have weird and obvious tan lines.
What if a radio station said "Hey Siri, text my mom 'f*ck you'.......... Send"
Isn't it weird in movies sometimes when there's a fight on top of a truck yet all the cars behind them will be driving like normal like "this is real messed up but I'm not going to be late for work".
Why are wedding dresses bought and tuxedos rented? The utility of each is such that it should be the other way around.
I like to think money wouldn't change me; yet when I'm winning Monopoly I'm a terrible person.
We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavours and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
I've woken up over 10,000 times and I'm still not used to it.
I am a much better proofreader the moment after I post something than the moment before.
If Google Maps added 5 minutes to every time estimate on directions millions of people would be on time for things.
You think you're unique until you have to choose a username
What the hell does a golfer do when they retire? Most people retire then take up golf.
There's a big bag of deadly acid in the middle of my body and I'm supposed to be totally okay with that.
From a wookie's perspective, Chewbacca is the handsome rogue and Han is the dumb sidekick communicating in animal noises.
The last ten squares on the toilet roll should have "This is NOT enough for the next person!" printed on them
I'm flabbergasted at how our education system managed to find a way to turn something as fascinating as history into a boring slog.
People used the cigarette lighter socket to light cigarettes, but now they use it to charge cigarettes.
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say "hello", my first instinct when I see a human is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away
We live in an age where your last words may be an emoticon.
The person directly in front of you is also the person that is the farthest behind you.
If God created the sun on the fourth day, how had four days passed?
Dog food could say it's any flavour it wants, you're not going to test it.
Batman only fights crime at night because otherwise he would have weird and obvious tan lines.
What if a radio station said "Hey Siri, text my mom 'f*ck you'.......... Send"
Isn't it weird in movies sometimes when there's a fight on top of a truck yet all the cars behind them will be driving like normal like "this is real messed up but I'm not going to be late for work".
Why are wedding dresses bought and tuxedos rented? The utility of each is such that it should be the other way around.
I like to think money wouldn't change me; yet when I'm winning Monopoly I'm a terrible person.
We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavours and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
I've woken up over 10,000 times and I'm still not used to it.
I am a much better proofreader the moment after I post something than the moment before.
If Google Maps added 5 minutes to every time estimate on directions millions of people would be on time for things.
You think you're unique until you have to choose a username
What the hell does a golfer do when they retire? Most people retire then take up golf.
There's a big bag of deadly acid in the middle of my body and I'm supposed to be totally okay with that.
From a wookie's perspective, Chewbacca is the handsome rogue and Han is the dumb sidekick communicating in animal noises.
The last ten squares on the toilet roll should have "This is NOT enough for the next person!" printed on them
I'm flabbergasted at how our education system managed to find a way to turn something as fascinating as history into a boring slog.
People used the cigarette lighter socket to light cigarettes, but now they use it to charge cigarettes.
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say "hello", my first instinct when I see a human is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away
We live in an age where your last words may be an emoticon.
The person directly in front of you is also the person that is the farthest behind you.
Three women go for an interview for a barmaid job. All are asked the same question: 'a regular leaves £20 on the bar. What do you do?
First one: I'd put it away and give him it back next time he was in.
Second one: I'd put it in the charity tin.
Third one: I'd just pocket it.
Q: Who got the job?
A: The one with the biggest tits.
First one: I'd put it away and give him it back next time he was in.
Second one: I'd put it in the charity tin.
Third one: I'd just pocket it.
Q: Who got the job?
A: The one with the biggest tits.
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