Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

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Vipers

32,799 posts

227 months

Friday 1st July 2016
quotequote all
An oldie springs to mind.

Price Charles walking around a factory in Japan where women were busy soldering components to a PCB.

He noticed a young pretty girl busily soldering away.

He walked up to her work station and asked "What do you use for flux"

Without batting an eyelid, she said "Plix"




smile

MartG

20,622 posts

203 months

Friday 1st July 2016
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JustinF

6,795 posts

202 months

Friday 1st July 2016
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I've reluctantly sold off my Vacuum cleaner.



After all it was just gathering dust


getmecoat

mickk

28,772 posts

241 months

Friday 1st July 2016
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Chinese takeaway - £9
Delivery charge - £1
Realising the idiots have forgot one of your containers











- Riceless.

Ayahuasca

27,427 posts

278 months

Friday 1st July 2016
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I am going to steal the design of the most successful Italian restaurant and then launch it as a nationwide franchise. I am calling it Copy and Pasta.


MartG

20,622 posts

203 months

Friday 1st July 2016
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Vipers

32,799 posts

227 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
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So I finally landed a job as a Wal-Mart greeter, which is a good find for many retirees, unfortunately I lasted less than a day.

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. Per my greeter training manual I said pleasantly, “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.” “Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopp...ed yelling long enough to say, “Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one is 9, and the other one is 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”

So I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, madam. I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.




smile

cookmysock

843 posts

200 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
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Vipers said:
added an extra unnecessary line at the end of the joke that annoys everyone even though he has been told to stop it many times
shootsmashragepunchredcard

Evangelion

7,641 posts

177 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
quotequote all
So was that when the fight started?

schmunk

4,399 posts

124 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
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cookmysock said:
Vipers said:
added an extra unnecessary line at the end of the joke that annoys everyone even though he has been told to stop it many times
shootsmashragepunchredcard
There were TWO unnecessary lines on that one.

shootsmashragepunchredcard

Monkeylegend

26,226 posts

230 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
quotequote all
Vipers said:
An oldie springs to mind.

Price Charles walking around a factory in Japan where women were busy soldering components to a PCB.

He noticed a young pretty girl busily soldering away.

He walked up to her work station and asked "What do you use for flux"

Without batting an eyelid, she said "Plix"




smile
You've forgotten the post punchline wink

cookmysock

843 posts

200 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
quotequote all
schmunk said:
cookmysock said:
Vipers said:
added an extra unnecessary line at the end of the joke that annoys everyone even though he has been told to stop it many times
shootsmashragepunchredcard
There were TWO unnecessary lines on that one.

shootsmashragepunchredcard
oh bugger...

Vipers

32,799 posts

227 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
quotequote all
Only five comments, thanks guys, I must be getting better biggrin



smile

Monkeylegend

26,226 posts

230 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
quotequote all
Vipers said:
Only five comments, thanks guys, I must be getting better biggrin



smile
I don't mind the extra line, keep them coming.

Vaud

50,289 posts

154 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
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Monkeylegend said:
I don't mind the extra line, keep them coming.
I like the extra line.

deeen

6,079 posts

244 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
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Vaud said:
Monkeylegend said:
I don't mind the extra line, keep them coming.
I like the extra line.
Just don't get caught.

noell35

3,170 posts

147 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
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"What first attracted you to millionaire magician Paul Daniels?"
One of the greatest comedy lines ever.
Strange that both have gone in the same year.
RIP Mrs. Merton

ApOrbital

9,942 posts

117 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
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frown

vixen1700

22,669 posts

269 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
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Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome.

The first few chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it.




I accidentally downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar app...it keeps draining my battery!!





Our band's got a Polish roadie.

And a Czech one too. A Czech one too. Czech one too.



Our dog keeps chasing people on bikes. My Missus asked me what we could do about it.
I suggested we confiscate his bike.






Skyedriver

17,661 posts

281 months

Saturday 2nd July 2016
quotequote all
Vaud said:
I like the extra line.
As the coke addict said
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