Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[boobles]

I hear that Caroline Ahern has applied for the England job alongside Ricky Tomlinson! Oh wait a minute........

[mybrainhurts]

Holmes, why are we up to our knees in silt?

Sedimentary, my dear Watson, sedimentary...

[PoleDriver]

"Holmes, why do you think it's referring to the stomach."
"Alimentary, my dear Watson, alimentary!"

[mattdaniels]

"Holmes, why are you shoving a citrus fruit up my bottom?"

"It's a lemon entry my dear Watson"

[Monkeylegend]

"Watson why am I constipated?"

"No st Sherlock"

[Hugh Jarse]

Monkeylegend said:

Vipers said:

Only five comments, thanks guys, I must be getting better

I don't mind the extra line, keep them coming.

Hej Vipers, please ignore the self-appointed-tinterweb-police expressing their unhappiness in life through criticism. Who incidently rarely post a joke themselves.

Warning offensive...
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

Say what you want about pedophiles but they do drive slower through school zones.

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

[RJO]

Hugh Jarse said:

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

That's right, it doesn't matter how much butter you use, children don't like it.

[Vipers]

Hugh Jarse said:

Monkeylegend said:

Vipers said:

Only five comments, thanks guys, I must be getting better

I don't mind the extra line, keep them coming.

Hej Vipers, please ignore the self-appointed-tinterweb-police expressing their unhappiness in life through criticism. Who incidently rarely post a joke themselves.

liked your jokes, hadnt heard any of them before.

[Vipers]

My aunt used to say "What you can't see, can't hurt you"

Well, she died of radiation poisoning.

(Harry Hill).

[Usget]

Hugh Jarse said:

Warning offensive...
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

Say what you want about pedophiles but they do drive slower through school zones.

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

Four from four. Excellent stuff.

[Fluffsri]

RJO said:

Hugh Jarse said:

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

That's right, it doesn't matter how much butter you use, children don't like it.

[The Angry Gopher]

vixen1700 said:

Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome.

The first few chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it.

I read the same book. I was captivated from the very start.

[MartG]

The Angry Gopher said:

vixen1700 said:

Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome.

The first few chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it.

I read the same book. I was captivated from the very start.

How does it end - the police broke in and confiscated my copy

[MartG]

Not sure if this one belongs in the Geek Joke thread or here....

[ThunderSpook]

But Data is not Borg...

[Vaud]

ThunderSpook said:

But Data is not Borg...

The joke is, "do androids dream of robot sheep"

[marshalla]

Vaud said:

ThunderSpook said:

But Data is not Borg...

The joke is, "do androids dream of robot sheep"

Electric sheep. Yup - it belongs in the geek joke thread.

[noell35]

Vaud said:

ThunderSpook said:

But Data is not Borg...

The joke is, "do androids dream of robot sheep"

If you have to explain it..........

[kowalski655]

You would need to be batty to laugh at that

[marshalla]

noell35 said:

If you have to explain it..........

You need to run a blade through it.