Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Don1 said:
Evangelion said:
glenrobbo said:
havoc said:
Laurel Green said:
"No, she's left handed."
Thank god Vipers didn't post that one!
k off, you couldn't handle the wooden one'A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink.
"Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!"
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know, .. a little peace and quiet?"
"Yeah. But today is the last day!"
"Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!"
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know, .. a little peace and quiet?"
"Yeah. But today is the last day!"
It's missing a small addendum or footnote after the punchline.One with a punch line,
A young Plymouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea but, just before she could throw herself from the hoe , a handsome young man stopped her in her tracks.
"You have so much to live for" said the man. "I'm a Royal Navy sailor and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship and I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia, the woman accepted.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the paint store. From then on, every night, he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and then go on to make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later, she was discovered by the Captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here ?" asked the Captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors" she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Australia."
"I see" says the Captain.
Her conscience then gets the better of her and she adds "Plus, he's screwing me big time."
"He certainly is!" replied the Captain..."This is the Torpoint ferry"
A young Plymouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea but, just before she could throw herself from the hoe , a handsome young man stopped her in her tracks.
"You have so much to live for" said the man. "I'm a Royal Navy sailor and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship and I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia, the woman accepted.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the paint store. From then on, every night, he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and then go on to make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later, she was discovered by the Captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here ?" asked the Captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors" she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Australia."
"I see" says the Captain.
Her conscience then gets the better of her and she adds "Plus, he's screwing me big time."
"He certainly is!" replied the Captain..."This is the Torpoint ferry"
schmunk said:
Jonboy_t said:
"I've been a very bad girl", she said, biting her bottom lip, "I deserve to be punished".
"fair enough", I said, so i installed windows 10 onto her laptop.
That was funny when it was Vista; Windows 10 is good software, as long you're not a tinfoil wearer."fair enough", I said, so i installed windows 10 onto her laptop.
One for the military men amongs is.
A drunken sailor is sitting in a graveyard when a skeleton walks past.
He says "Where are you going"
The skeleton says "I am going ashore"
The skeleton walks back, and returns with his gravestone on his shoulder.
The Sailor says "What are you doing now"
The skeleton says "I forgot my ID card"
A drunken sailor is sitting in a graveyard when a skeleton walks past.
He says "Where are you going"
The skeleton says "I am going ashore"
The skeleton walks back, and returns with his gravestone on his shoulder.
The Sailor says "What are you doing now"
The skeleton says "I forgot my ID card"
schmunk said:
That was funny when it was Vista; Windows 10 is good software, as long you're not a tinfoil wearer.
7 was "good", 10, again, is a massive pain the ass.Spent an hour this morning trying to make windows 10 connect to a wifi printer (which was working a few days earlier), in the end i gave up and went for USB.
Reminded me why i run linux myself
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