Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Its a repost but made me laugh today so I will post it again!
One afternoon at Penwith College, a group of sixth formers were attending one of their first psychology classes. The topic was emotional extremes.
"Let's begin by discussing some contrasts" said the tutor. He pointed to a student, Bob, in the front row, and asked, "what is the opposite of joy?"
Bob thought about it briefly, and answered "sadness".
The tutor asked another student, Jack, "what is the opposite of depression?"
Jack paused and then said "elation?"
"And you" the tutor said to Denzil sitting at the back. "What is the opposite of woe?"
Denzil thought about it for a moment and then replied, "erm, I believe that might be giddy-up".
One afternoon at Penwith College, a group of sixth formers were attending one of their first psychology classes. The topic was emotional extremes.
"Let's begin by discussing some contrasts" said the tutor. He pointed to a student, Bob, in the front row, and asked, "what is the opposite of joy?"
Bob thought about it briefly, and answered "sadness".
The tutor asked another student, Jack, "what is the opposite of depression?"
Jack paused and then said "elation?"
"And you" the tutor said to Denzil sitting at the back. "What is the opposite of woe?"
Denzil thought about it for a moment and then replied, "erm, I believe that might be giddy-up".
Vitorio said:
7 was "good", 10, again, is a massive pain the ass.
Spent an hour this morning trying to make windows 10 connect to a wifi printer (which was working a few days earlier), in the end i gave up and went for USB.
Reminded me why i run linux myself
That's the funniest joke posted this week.Spent an hour this morning trying to make windows 10 connect to a wifi printer (which was working a few days earlier), in the end i gave up and went for USB.
Reminded me why i run linux myself
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”
A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me £500 cash to do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on £1,000 a year!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on £1,000 a year!"
Monkeylegend said:
Vitorio said:
7 was "good", 10, again, is a massive pain the ass.
Spent an hour this morning trying to make windows 10 connect to a wifi printer (which was working a few days earlier), in the end i gave up and went for USB.
Reminded me why i run linux myself
That's the funniest joke posted this week.Spent an hour this morning trying to make windows 10 connect to a wifi printer (which was working a few days earlier), in the end i gave up and went for USB.
Reminded me why i run linux myself
driverrob said:
Vipers said:
One with a punch line,
....
"He certainly is!" replied the Captain..."This is the Torpoint ferry"
That joke worked much better with a cross-channel ferry.....
"He certainly is!" replied the Captain..."This is the Torpoint ferry"
If you've ever been on the Torpoint ferry you'll know why.
Laurel Green said:
A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me £500 cash to do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on £1,000 a year!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on £1,000 a year!"
very good
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-he...
Ironically the police stopped him the second time as he was on the way to Curry's.....
boom boom.
Gandahar said:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-he...
Ironically the police stopped him the second time as he was on the way to Curry's.....
boom boom.
With all that rice I'm not surprised he ended up in hot water.Ironically the police stopped him the second time as he was on the way to Curry's.....
boom boom.
The other day I went over to a nearby Pharmacy.
When I got there, I went straight to the back of the Store to where the
Pharmacists' Counter is located.
I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them
Both onto the counter.
The Pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.
I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"
Being I'm a Senior Citizen...I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me.
He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue
And swilled it around.
Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the
Floor and began coughing.
When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked,
"Now, does that taste sweet to you?"
The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in
His eyes yelled, "HELL NO!!!"
So I said, "Oh thank God!
That's such a relief! My Doctor told me to get a Pharmacist to test my
Urine for sugar!"
When I got there, I went straight to the back of the Store to where the
Pharmacists' Counter is located.
I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them
Both onto the counter.
The Pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.
I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"
Being I'm a Senior Citizen...I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me.
He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue
And swilled it around.
Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the
Floor and began coughing.
When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked,
"Now, does that taste sweet to you?"
The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in
His eyes yelled, "HELL NO!!!"
So I said, "Oh thank God!
That's such a relief! My Doctor told me to get a Pharmacist to test my
Urine for sugar!"
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