Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
A student comes to a young professor's office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, " I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?" Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, " I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?" Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
Evangelion said:
Laurel Green said:
A woman arrived at a party. (etc) "What’s your name?” she asked.
He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."
1:30 - 1:50 (NSFW)He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMHhy-mGndI
I had always heard it as Charlie Beer
. Laurel Green said:
A student comes to a young professor's office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, " I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?" Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
Haven't seen 'The Eiger Sanction' recently by any chance? Although the author probably recycled it anyway.She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, " I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?" Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
There was a colony of vampire bats and one evening, one flew back, blood dripping from his mouth like Niagara Falls. The others all gathered around him eager to know where this fresh supply was
'Well' he said, 'See that tree out there on the right?'
They all looked outside and said 'Yea'
'Well, i fking didnt'
'Well' he said, 'See that tree out there on the right?'
They all looked outside and said 'Yea'
'Well, i f
king didnt' MartG said:
bit boring tbhTwo salesmen are traveling in the country when their car breaks down. The only house around for miles was a large mansion. They knock on the door and a beautiful widow answers the door. Since it is early evening and the garage will not be opened until morning, she offers to let them spend the night in the guest bedrooms.
In the morning they call the tow truck and leave.
About three months later salesman number one opens a letter and can't believe what he reads.
He goes to salesman number two and says:
"When we spent the night at the widow's mansion, did you sneak away into her bedroom in the middle of the night?"
"Why, yes I did."
"And did you use my name?"
"Why, yes how did you know?"
"Well, it seems she died and left me her 5 million dollar estate!"
In the morning they call the tow truck and leave.
About three months later salesman number one opens a letter and can't believe what he reads.
He goes to salesman number two and says:
"When we spent the night at the widow's mansion, did you sneak away into her bedroom in the middle of the night?"
"Why, yes I did."
"And did you use my name?"
"Why, yes how did you know?"
"Well, it seems she died and left me her 5 million dollar estate!"
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”
MartG said:
That's 11 minutes of my life I'd really like to have back.I suppose you had to be there.
Im afraid this one requires a few actions when being told
A man & woman met in a lift,he asks where she is going.She says "the blood bank,they pay £20 for each donation"."Oh",he says,"Im off to the sperm bank,they pay £100 for every donation there."
She walks out of the lift in a huff.
Next day they meet in the lift again."Where are you off to today" he asks.
(At this point you need to take a sip of milk you have on hand and dribble it as She says...)
"Sperm bank"
A man & woman met in a lift,he asks where she is going.She says "the blood bank,they pay £20 for each donation"."Oh",he says,"Im off to the sperm bank,they pay £100 for every donation there."
She walks out of the lift in a huff.
Next day they meet in the lift again."Where are you off to today" he asks.
(At this point you need to take a sip of milk you have on hand and dribble it as She says...)
"Sperm bank"
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