Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
I'm bloody raging right now, I had d to leave the house to run to the shops to pick up a few things.
I get my stuff and I go back to my house. There are 4 police cars and 6 police officers in my home. The front door had been knocked off the hinges, stuff everywhere, and apparently they were looking for something. So I'm stuck outside with this police officer and they are inside searching through everything, even my washing.
They checked inside my cupboards under my mattress. They tore my things apart. So, as you can imagine, I'm getting upset, and I'm trying figure out what's going on.
I asked if they had a search warrant, and if I could see it. The Policeman in my bedroom yells, "Where did you hide it at? We know it's here! We are searching."
Then I yell back, "If I had an idea of what you're looking for, maybe I could help!" He shoots me the "you wanna go to prison" look, so I shut up and watch one of the other police officers look down at his phone.
Then he shouts, "Guys Stop! Hold on. We're in the wrong house! The Pokémon is next door!"
I get my stuff and I go back to my house. There are 4 police cars and 6 police officers in my home. The front door had been knocked off the hinges, stuff everywhere, and apparently they were looking for something. So I'm stuck outside with this police officer and they are inside searching through everything, even my washing.
They checked inside my cupboards under my mattress. They tore my things apart. So, as you can imagine, I'm getting upset, and I'm trying figure out what's going on.
I asked if they had a search warrant, and if I could see it. The Policeman in my bedroom yells, "Where did you hide it at? We know it's here! We are searching."
Then I yell back, "If I had an idea of what you're looking for, maybe I could help!" He shoots me the "you wanna go to prison" look, so I shut up and watch one of the other police officers look down at his phone.
Then he shouts, "Guys Stop! Hold on. We're in the wrong house! The Pokémon is next door!"
silverfoxcc said:
A joke from the 70's
The Rev Ian Paisley was caught shagging Bernadette Devlin
He was charged with having an offensive person on his weapon
He was also caught at a party giving a Nun a piggy back whilst doing the Conga......The Rev Ian Paisley was caught shagging Bernadette Devlin
He was charged with having an offensive person on his weapon
The headline of the Belfast Telegraph read "virgin on the ridiculous"
Einion Yrth said:
Monkeylegend said:
So I said he spelt it wrong because he was going too fast for the "u" in squeak which was why he spelt it sqeak.
Everybody now thinks I am going on a fast 4 Halmyre.
I need a sit down.
You need spelling lessons.Everybody now thinks I am going on a fast 4 Halmyre.
I need a sit down.
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. The couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers raise concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills." Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment. "Our nanny is a certified expert in paediatric care, welfare, and diet." The social workers are finally satisfied. Then they ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon."
"It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon."
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