Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
An man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"
The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."
The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."
Tony 1234 said:
fatboy18 said:
Rev Ian Paisley was cycling to a Church meeting when he got a puncture, Police stopped him and asked what he was doing.
He said he was holding a Raleigh.................
He said he was holding a Raleigh.................
So he wrote to the Bishop of Dublin. The letter got returned "Opened In Eire [Error]"
This wee boy is mad about tractors. He has little toy tractors, big toy tractors, posters of tractors all over his bedroom walls. At the age of 16 his dad takes him aside and says "there's more to life than tractors, when I was your age I had pictures of girls on my bedroom walls".
A week later all the tractors have gone from his room, and up on the walls are pictures of attractive female actors, models and singers. His dad is pleased.
So the son is walking home from school one day when he sees this warehouse completely engulfed by fire, but the fire brigade are all standing about watching it.
"What are you doing?" says the boy, "Shouldn't you be inside trying to put out the fire?"
He's told by one of the firies that there's too much hot gas and smoke inside, they can't get near it.
"Leave this to me" he says. He walks up, opens the door and inhales deeply. As he does that, he sucks out all the smoke and gases and blows them up into the air, allowing the firefighters into the building.
The senior officer comes up to him and says "That's amazing, I've never seen anything like it in my life. How did you do that?"
"Easy" says the boy.
"I'm an ex-tractor fan"
A week later all the tractors have gone from his room, and up on the walls are pictures of attractive female actors, models and singers. His dad is pleased.
So the son is walking home from school one day when he sees this warehouse completely engulfed by fire, but the fire brigade are all standing about watching it.
"What are you doing?" says the boy, "Shouldn't you be inside trying to put out the fire?"
He's told by one of the firies that there's too much hot gas and smoke inside, they can't get near it.
"Leave this to me" he says. He walks up, opens the door and inhales deeply. As he does that, he sucks out all the smoke and gases and blows them up into the air, allowing the firefighters into the building.
The senior officer comes up to him and says "That's amazing, I've never seen anything like it in my life. How did you do that?"
"Easy" says the boy.
"I'm an ex-tractor fan"
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