Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Jonboy_t said:
koenig d said:
What's thr difference between a camera and sock?
You can only get photos in a camera
Only really works in a northern accent to me! My old man is a northerner and used to tell that one to me every sodding week (felt like that anyway!). Another one...You can only get photos in a camera
How does a blind man tell the difference between bing Crosby and Walt Disney??
Bing sings and Walt Disney.
What do Bing Crosby and Adolf Hitler have in common ??
Both died in a bunker !!
Transit van turns with fishing rod type Aries turns over after colliding with a roundabout,
The van then carriers through the pedestrian barrier,
A man walking on the footpath gets hit between the legs by the transits antena.
Emergency services arrive at the RTA
Paramedics diagnose the pedestrian as the worse case of vanaireal disease ever recorded
The van then carriers through the pedestrian barrier,
A man walking on the footpath gets hit between the legs by the transits antena.
Emergency services arrive at the RTA
Paramedics diagnose the pedestrian as the worse case of vanaireal disease ever recorded
koenig d said:
Transit van turns with fishing rod type Aries turns over after colliding with a roundabout,
The van then carriers through the pedestrian barrier,
A man walking on the footpath gets hit between the legs by the transits antena.
Emergency services arrive at the RTA
Paramedics diagnose the pedestrian as the worse case of vanaireal disease ever recorded
I think he meant this:The van then carriers through the pedestrian barrier,
A man walking on the footpath gets hit between the legs by the transits antena.
Emergency services arrive at the RTA
Paramedics diagnose the pedestrian as the worse case of vanaireal disease ever recorded
A transit van turns with a fishing rod type aerial turns over after colliding with a roundabout,
The van then careered through the pedestrian barrier,
A man walking on the footpath was hit between the legs by the transits aerial.
Emergency services arrive at the accident
Paramedics diagnose the pedestrian as the worse case of vanaerial disease ever recorded
Vaud said:
I think he meant this:
A transit van turns with a fishing rod type aerial turns over after colliding with a roundabout,
The van then careered through the pedestrian barrier,
A man walking on the footpath was hit between the legs by the transits aerial.
Emergency services arrive at the accident
Paramedics diagnose the pedestrian as the worse case of vanaerial disease ever recorded
But it's an accident, not a disease! (Pass the kitten scalpel)A transit van turns with a fishing rod type aerial turns over after colliding with a roundabout,
The van then careered through the pedestrian barrier,
A man walking on the footpath was hit between the legs by the transits aerial.
Emergency services arrive at the accident
Paramedics diagnose the pedestrian as the worse case of vanaerial disease ever recorded
Little Johnny is my talented five-year-old nephew. He's very curious and always asking questions - we hope he'll grow up to be some clever scientist.
Anyway, I went over the other day with my girlfriend and in our new sports car.
"Wow!" He says on seeing us. He seems almost speechless - at the same time I do feel a bit smug.
"Fast?" He enquires.
"Yes", I say, "very!!"
"How come?" He asks, giving me one of his typical curious looks.
"Well", I say "it's on the simple principle of ....
Suck
Squeeze
Bang
Blow
....and that's just repeated over and over"
He looks at me, rolls his eyes , and very slowly says: "DUH!!! I'm. Not. Talking. About. Your. fking. we."
Anyway, I went over the other day with my girlfriend and in our new sports car.
"Wow!" He says on seeing us. He seems almost speechless - at the same time I do feel a bit smug.
"Fast?" He enquires.
"Yes", I say, "very!!"
"How come?" He asks, giving me one of his typical curious looks.
"Well", I say "it's on the simple principle of ....
Suck
Squeeze
Bang
Blow
....and that's just repeated over and over"
He looks at me, rolls his eyes , and very slowly says: "DUH!!! I'm. Not. Talking. About. Your. fking. we."
Halmyre said:
A newly ordained priest is walking through a rough part of town in his new parish and meets a young girl leaning against a wall. "Hello father, fancy a quickie, only ten quid?" says he. "No, thank you" says the slightly confused young priest. A few yards further on, another comely young lady leaning on a lamppost. "Hello father, fancy a quickie, only ten quid?" says he. "No, thank you" says he. He ends up back at the pastoral house, where the local Mother Superior is paying a visit. "Mother Superior, what's a quickie" says he, puzzled.
"Ten quid, same as in town".
"Ten quid, same as in town".
Genuinely new (to me) joke.
A texan couple were having trouble concieving, she had been checked out by a gynocologists and was fine, so she booked her husband in to see the doctor.
He came home wearing a brand new 10 gallon hat, brand spanking leather boots, and leather waistcoat, and diamond studded boot lace tie.
His wife said what "Wow, what happened, what did the doctor tell you"
He said "The doctor told me me I was impotent, and by golly if I am impotent, I will look impotent"
Yes I know its an oldie
He came home wearing a brand new 10 gallon hat, brand spanking leather boots, and leather waistcoat, and diamond studded boot lace tie.
His wife said what "Wow, what happened, what did the doctor tell you"
He said "The doctor told me me I was impotent, and by golly if I am impotent, I will look impotent"
Yes I know its an oldie
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